So...it's been quite a while, yes?
I don't even know if I'll still have the same viewers of if this will have any views since I've taken soooo long, but I hope it does!
Just know that I do have serious reasons for not updating this.
But now I'm back, and hoping to certainly finish everything that I've started.
So please read, enjoy, and let me know if there's still hope for some love from you guys!
Ten Reasons Why I'm Scared for My Life:
A List by Zexion Heart
1. I was just led into a house that looks like someone threw up small apartments on top of it and used super glue to keep it in place. At odd moments the small apartments creek and sag accordingly.
2. The moment I entered into this questionably threatening and potentially dangerous house, I was bombarded with the sound of a monsoon that shook the very walls with its gale.
3. I'm seeing Larxene in her natural habitat –she randomly emits a growl that sounds animalistic.
4. Roxas has returned from his daily stroll with Axel in order to bake and decorate gingerbread houses. It wouldn't be so scary, but Roxas is smiling. Smiling. Smiling as though he had just cut someone's face into ribbons. I'm somewhat worried that a policeman will burst through the doors with his gun drawn as a SWAT team breaks in through the windows.
5. Cloud is also here with a scowl that could rival his own brother's on a bad day. I would ask Leon what he's done now, but I don't care that much about their love life.
6. Their father Luxord is attempting to create a betting pool on how long I will last before I collapse from stress and worry.
7. Everyone is betting under ten minutes.
8. After I supposedly collapse, I know that one of them will draw crude things on my face and videotape me as some sort of marionette that's doing odd and embarrassing things. Afterwards I'm sure the videotape will be posted on Youtube and I will never be able to leave my home again.
9. With all of this upon my shoulders, I'm supposed to meet Demyx's mother, a woman whose beauty is legend in Twilight Town, as well as her ability to fall asleep randomly for long periods of time. If her approval isn't gained in the duration of this meeting, Demyx will most likely break up with me.
10. I can't imagine not being with Demyx anymore. That is the scariest of all.
"So this is the front room, it's pretty awesome right? I think my mom does an awesome job of making it look so nice! She even painted it, do you like the color? I like it, and the way she did the stripes is all professional too, she watches that BBC America thing where they all talk in accents about home furnishing." Demyx prattled to himself as he motioned to different parts of the front room, smiling the entire time. Zexion looked at the tasteful decorations and nodded along to his words, but his thoughts were far more important things than the way that Demyx's mother arranged the flowers in the vase. No, he was more focused on what kind of woman this mother of Demyx's would be, and if she would approve of Demyx's significant other. If she didn't…Zexion knew that this whole thing would be over before he could even form the words to ask why.
You see, Demyx is a notorious "momma's boy". Major decisions in his life aren't carried out without the blessing of his mother, Aurora. They picked out clothes together, they baked food together, they made songs together, they even gossiped together over the delightful cookies and other goodies they made. It was like watching a lifetime movie, except –much to Zexion's disappointment –the mother did live through the end of it, and he still had to meet her to gain her approval.
She was the perfect Disney movie woman: she sang, she cooked, she cleaned, she made friends with animals, she could sew, she could knit, she could manage to put up with the rowdiest of children; she even managed to tolerate Luxord on his worst day, all the while smiling a faint, cheerful smile that signified that everything was right in the world, even if it wasn't.
Zexion was rightfully terrified.
"And then if you come in here, you'll see the kitchen! I like that it has a wraparound bar going on there, we would sit up there for breakfast and watch mom cook when we were younger, and she'd make those totally awesome Mickey Mouse pancakes! Can you make that kind of pancake, Zexion?" Demyx looked at him expectantly, and Zexion's mouth went dry. He could almost see it now: a dejected Zexion walking away from the horrendous blob that is "the burrow", a depressed Demyx standing in the doorway with a sad but resilient mother as she comforts him, with the fact that one day he'd meet someone who could make Mickey Mouse pancakes the way that she did.
His fear was almost to the point of hallucinations.
"Yes, of course I can," he lied without thinking. "I can even use small fruits in order to create a mouth, nose, and eyes. Can your mother do that?" Demyx's smile grew even larger at the thought, and he laughed delightedly.
"Yeah, yeah! And she makes the smile out of whipped cream and love!"
Zexion's forehead promptly met the bar top with a sickening thud.
"Zexion, are you okay?" Demyx cried worriedly, grabbing his shoulder and shaking it, panicked. Zexion knew that if he didn't respond, Demyx would probably dump a pail of water upon his head in order to rouse him from his self-induced coma, which of course would be the part where his dear mother would grace them with her presence, her face perfectly serene as she looked at Demyx and shook her head sadly.
At that point, Demyx would then break up with him, and he'd have to walk home.
Yes, dear readers, Zexion is in fact at his breaking point. This would be what happens when you fall in love.
You've been warned.
"Yes, I'm quite alright, Demyx." Zexion sighed, lifting his head up to study Demyx solemnly. If he was going to leave Zexion because of his mother, then so be it. Zexion knew that he could handle it. He was mentally capable of handling a breakup. He had the fortitude to watch a cup of water evaporate and not grow bored –why wouldn't he be able to handle a breakup? He wasn't like Leon, dammit, he could actually take rejection like a man and move on.
This of course entailed him burying himself in his studies, never to venture into the dating world ever, ever again.
That's right, Zexion. Take it like a man.
"You just seem…I don't know, really weird. Which is weird for me to see because, like, I'm usually the weird one, you're usually the stoic, 'my face is a mountain that will forever be unmoved' kind of person. What's up?" Demyx's eyes grew wide with surprise as he leaned in, poking Zexion's nose. "Are you scared?"
"Scared?" Zexion snapped, "scared of what?"
"Of the fact that Roxas is playing with Axel and smiling? Because I'll be honest, that scares me too, don't worry." Demyx looked over to the other side of the counter where Roxas was meticulously decorating a gingerbread man in pantaloons and a bra as Axel was busy eating an entire tube of icing. Slowly, he nodded solemnly and pulled Zexion away from the counter.
"I think he's possessed." He informed Zexion gravely.
"Demyx, if you don't shut up and leave me alone, I'm going to suffocate you in the gingerbread batter." Roxas replied in a monotone drawl, not even bothering to glance up to give Demyx a withering glare. Axel cracked up as he finished off the blue icing and licked his lips.
"Or we could tie him up and decorate his face in icing."
"That would cause Zexion to want to lick it off though."
"He's too much of a prude though; he'd just stare longingly and force himself to read a book."
"It is the ultimate form of torture." Roxas revealed with a smirk, finally looking up from the polka-dotted bra he had finished to look at Axel. Axel's lips curled up cruelly as he gave Zexion a snarky glance.
"You are so awesome, Roxas."
"I know," Roxas replied smugly.
"I mean, if you think about it, it's the best thing ever. It'd probably save him from the embarrassment that will ensue when your mom rejects him!" Axel cackled, and Zexion imagined him strangling a puppy as he laughed, the sound was so cruel. Then he saw the image of Demyx's mother turning him away, and his body turned to ice once more as he thought of it.
"Or she'll make him stay and interrogate him. She'll make him hopeful that she'll approve, but she'll crush his spirit as she sighs, shakes her head, and tells Demyx no." Roxas said slowly, watching Zexion with cruel eyes. "She's done that before. When Larxene showed interest in a guy."
"I thought Larxene was a lesbian?" Axel looked momentarily confused.
"No, she likes guys…she just doesn't date because when she does, we make the men run screaming from the house. They don't last long, here." Zexion's eyes bugged from his head, hardly able to imagine such cruelty stemming from a seemingly kind family. Of course…it was a ruse. There was no way a family that looked so kind could actually be kind. The entire lot of them were monsters.
Except for Demyx. He was somewhat of a god, in Zexion's mind.
"Roxas, stop scaring Zexion!" Demyx finally jumped to Zexion's defense and grabbed his hand tightly, squeezing it reassuringly.
"Thank you, Demyx." Zexion mumbled, scowling at them.
"I mean, it's not his fault my face already looks so delicious! The temptation must be almost too much to bear as it is! Icing would just be cruel."
It was at that moment that Zexion wished he were far, far away. Far enough away that Axel and Roxas wouldn't see his face turn a lovely shade of crimson as he attempted to cover it with his hair. Far enough away that Demyx wouldn't turn to him and gasp, realizing that he'd just thoroughly embarrassed his boyfriend. Far enough away so that he didn't have to hear,
"Oh honey, those kinds of games aren't really fun until you're older."
"Hey, mom! Meet my boyfriend, Zexion!"
It was at that moment that Zexion fainted.
"Is he alright?"
"I think so…I'm not a doctor though, so I can't really give a good diagnosis."
"Just slap him a lot, that's what they do in the movies."
"Don't hurt him!"
"He fell on my gingerbread house…someone's going to pay."
"Oh honey, it's not nice to hurt people that have fainted."
"You only say that because you tend to fall over and sleep for hours on end. If dad wasn't so nice, you'd have woken up with our signatures all over your face and your hand in a pan of water."
"I love you too, dear."
Zexion slowly opened his eyes, wincing at the bright light that hit him right in the face. As his eyes grew used to the light, he saw faces swimming around him, most of them looking somewhat concerned, a few of them looking bored.
"Zexion, are you okay?" Demyx's voice rang out, and as his face stopped spinning, the concern was easier to see. Beside him, Roxas' face looked amused, the mocking stare making Zexion's fists clench.
"Can you see? Or has the shock and fear made you blind?" Axel asked, his face far too close for comfort. "I saw that on a show once. Fear made the guy go blind until he faced his fear."
"That's stupid," Roxas replied, rolling his eyes.
"What would he have to be afraid of? We're all friends, here." A cheerful, light voice cut off their evil words, and Zexion focused on the face of what appeared to be an angel. Her eyes were a deep, soulful blue; her hair was spun gold. On top of her head a small tiara rested, a red gem in the center of it, matching the natural red lips that were parted in concern.
Zexion stealthily sized up the competition and realized he had no chance. The woman could most likely walk on water, turn water to wine, and let the blind see. And that was just a morning warm-up.
"He's not talking, mom…oh no, Zexion, did you hit your head so hard that you can't talk!?" Panicked, Demyx grabbed Zexion and lifted him up, shaking him by the shoulders. Zexion flailed for a moment before he was able to gain control of his limbs and he grabbed Demyx firmly, stopping the motion.
"I'm quite alright Demyx…please don't shake me."
"You broke my gingerbread house, you punk." Roxas snarled, shoving Demyx back as he grabbed Zexion by the collar and pointed towards the floor where the shattered remains of a gaudy, overdone gingerbread house lay. The peppermints were in shards, stabbing through a would be snowman whose face was smeared, the mouth miraculously twisted into a grimace of pain. The gum drops were squished into the floor, bits of gingerbread sticking to them as the rest lay in cracked and broken pieces across the linoleum.
Instead of feeling shame though, Zexion felt oddly pleased with himself. That would teach Roxas to not mess with his already jittery emotions.
"Roxas, please be calm…he's already a fragile person." Aurora's voice seemed to sooth Roxas' anger because he reluctantly let go of him and the snarling, menacing mouth seemed to soften a little.
"Besides, we can make another one…and buy more icing! I ate all of the green and blue anyway." Axel cheerfully pulled Roxas to his feet and steered him from the room, ignoring his protests that verged towards desperate.
"Can you stand?" Aurora asked sweetly once they were gone. Zexion, unwilling to admit that his legs felt like jelly, scowled and forced himself to stand up, the room swaying and spinning around him like a carnival ride that hadn't been screwed in just right. And Zexion could honestly say that he did know what that was like, readers.
You see, Twilight Town –being a very, very small town as I've mentioned before –couldn't afford to bring in expensive venues and activities. Once or twice a year they are able to scrounge up enough money to convince a very unstable carnie man by the name of "Mr. Mayor" to send his band of odd and somewhat frightening carnival freaks to their town in order to perform. Now these carnies are not the normal sort of carnies –the women with beards or the man that married a toad, for example. These carnies seemed to believe that Halloween was everyday of the year, and they proudly took that to the extreme. The children of the carnival would take delight in loosening the screws and bolts to their machines in order to have some sort of devilish fun, and one performer believed that he was a werewolf and would try to give a human sacrifice to the full moon. The vampires liked to break into houses and drain victims of their blood, all the while a woman somehow managed to randomly stitch herself up with an actual needle and thread, all for the sake of being called a ragdoll named Sally.
I won't even begin to explain how they managed to get a license saying they were safe for family entertainment.
Needless to say, he knew what it felt like for the room to lurch sickeningly.
"You really scared me, Zexion! I never saw someone faint so randomly! Well, except for you, mom." Demyx grinned and looked at Aurora, the woman who was smiling in an all-knowing way as she assessed the damage to Zexion's head. Zexion hated that even in fainting, he still couldn't really compare to her.
Was there no end to the inhumanity?
"I'm quite alright…I think the heat from the oven just got to me." He lied unthinkingly, moving away from Aurora's gentle touch.
"Oh, yeah! It was pretty stuffy in there, but at least it's all over now, right? Roxas and Axel left for awhile, so it's just you, me, and mom!" Demyx's smile seemed to grow to the point of being painful, and Zexion winced, watching it. Perhaps it would grow so large that it'd fall off of his face? Was that even humanly possible? If it did, Zexion was almost positive that Aurora would somehow magically be able to stick it right back where it was supposed to be, and the animals would poke their heads through the windows and sing their appreciation of her beauty, grace, and quick thinking.
The urge to throw up was suddenly back in his stomach with a vengeance that put Roxas' fury to shame.
"Honey, I think you're making Zexion nervous." Aurora's lips turned up in what looked like mockery in Zexion's mind, and his annoyance sparked.
"I'm not nervous. Who said I was nervous?" He snapped, his disdainful glare falling back into place. Demyx's eyes widened a little, and his smile faltered somewhat at the sharp tone, but Zexion didn't care at the moment. The pressure of impressing a woman who could sew mouths back onto faces was quickly making Zexion lose whatever small bit of patience he could sometimes muster for Demyx, and it was causing him to revert back to his old, introverted personality. Aurora watched him knowingly, and with a small glance to Demyx, she set a hand on Zexion's shoulder.
"How about you go and make some hot chocolate for the three of us, and we'll all sit by the fire?" She suggested to Demyx, squeezing Zexion's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. The eager smile once more plastered to his face, Demyx nodded brightly and took off to the kitchen, the sound of cupboards opening and closing echoing back to them. Aurora smiled briefly before steering Zexion to the front room, sitting down on the couch with him and daintily crossing her legs.
"He's really built me up to something untouchable, hasn't he?" She asked, turning the TV to ABC Family where the reindeer were busy making fun of Rudolf. Startled, Zexion glanced at her before studiously looking back at the TV, making a firm decision not to reply. He didn't know much about women, but he knew enough to know that anytime women asked a question that could reflect negatively on them, they wanted to hear the positive reply, even if it was a flat out lie.
Just like when he heard his mother ask his father if her butt looked big. Truth be told, it was about the size of the back of a minivan, but if Zexion's father had ever uttered those words, he'd be on the couch for a week. It's about survival of the fittest, and lying was surviving.
You can quote me on that.
"You don't have to lie to me, Zexion…he's done this before." Aurora sighed as if the fact pressed a weight on her shoulders the size of a rhinoceros. "He'd always brag about me like I'm some sort of goddess when honestly…I'm just like the rest of the people in the world. I have flaws, and imperfections, and I work daily to overcome them. Don't let Demyx's flawed perception of me ruin us becoming very good friends." She smiled kindly at him.
"You're not a woman." Zexion blurted out.
"That…would not be one of my trials to overcome. Good try though, dear." Aurora's smile looked somewhat forced.
"No woman would admit she has imperfections. That would be like Roxas having a secret desire for people to like him. It's a lie." Zexion spoke slowly, like he was trying to explain the revelation to a small child.
"Well, I guess that you're wrong. Demyx tells me you're right about everything…but I have to say I disagree. Thinking women are all the same is about as odd as thinking that I'm perfect." Aurora finally replied after a moment of silence. Zexion frowned slightly at the idea of being wrong, but as he thought about it, he begrudgingly had to agree. As much as he enjoyed Demyx claiming him to always be correct, the idea was absurd.
It was about as absurd as thinking Aurora was a female Jesus. There were far too many things wrong with that statement to be plausible.
"…I suppose I could say that you're right." He mumbled.
"I am," Aurora agreed with a soft smile. "Don't let Demyx make you paranoid. I think you're a very nice young man, and I think you two will do well together."
Zexion nearly fainted again.
"You do?" He asked quietly.
"I do, honey. Just…be patient. He is eccentric, but he's a good boy. And treat him nicely, or Roxas will have a joy doing what he does best." Her smile became somewhat vicious and cruel as she spoke, and a shiver ran unbidden down Zexion's back.
The cruelty must run on their mother's side of the family, then.
Sora paced in front of Riku's doorstep, counting in his head.
Okay, I'll knock on the door in four…three…two…one…
Sora promptly turned and continued pacing, biting his lip furiously.
After realizing that he was angrily biting his lip, he then swiftly pulled out his trusty Nivea chapstick and swiped it across his lips, making sure to go all the way around instead of applying it to the bottom and rubbing his lips together. The last time he'd done that, a passerby had viciously informed him that only girls did that. Sora, in dismay, had quickly explained that no, he was not a girl, but yes, every so often he did wonder what it'd be like to wear a dress and heels.
His reputation hadn't done so well, after that.
But you can't judge him. Any man that is reading this will have to grudgingly admit to themselves that they have once or twice imagined what a dress would feel like. And there may also be some that have been bold enough to try it!
Just know that even though your reputation may still be well off, Sora's had withered to dust and died that day.
"Okay, you can do this…you just have to knock. If he doesn't answer, then at least you tried! And trying is half of the battle, Sora; half of it is just getting the courage to make a fist and knock on that door." Sora turned and faced the door, twisting his newly hydrated lips into a truly fearsome snarl as he marched over and raised his fist.
"Unless he answers…oh dear God what do I do if he answers!?" Horrified, Sora backed away and shook his head, putting his newly made fist into his pocket for safe keeping. What would he say? How could he begin a speech that would forever end the relationship that he had expected to last forever? Sure, Naminé had coached him on how to successfully break up with someone, but there was practice…and then there was Riku.
It didn't help that Naminé had made a Riku plushie for Sora to speak to. Everytime he looked at those stunningly accurate aquamarine eyes his heart froze up and he forgot how to breathe.
It's alright though –Naminé would then use a very pointy stick and jab him in the rear end to jolt him back to reality. His lungs would become jolted into action, and his regular oxygen and carbon dioxide exchange would continue in full effect.
Gritting his teeth, Sora stared at that plainly painted midnight blue door and willed himself to focus. If he didn't break up with Riku, Riku would do one of three things: he'd continue to cheat, he'd slowly stop talking to Sora, or he'd break up with Sora first.
Sora's heart stopped.
Riku would break up with him first?
Oh hell no.
"You don't want to be the one to still cling to the relationship, Sora. People who do that…it just looks pathetic, honestly. Others watch, point, and whisper. They'll say, 'there goes Sora, the boy who let Riku cheat on him until he got tired of him'. Instead, you've got to be the boy that others point out and say, 'there goes Sora! Man, I heard that he got Riku good for doing what he did to him. Do you think maybe he'd ask me out?'"
Naminé's voice rang true in Sora's head, and he grinned in an almost feral way, withdrawing his fist from his pocket now that it was ready for use. Yes, maybe he'd ask that boy out that would say such things about him. Or maybe he'd just ask to be friends with that boy? Naminé also said that it may be a girl that asks, so he had to be prepared for that as well. That was okay too though; it hurt Sora to think about moving on and dating a random boy on the street.
It wasn't like he was Riku. Even though Riku could balance being a total player, Sora was nice. Sora wanted to take things slow and easy with the next guy. He was making himself forget the fact that it was hard to focus on the idea of the "next guy".
Steeling himself for the pain that was sure to follow, Sora marched up to the door and raised his fist, sending it crashing down to the wood with a force to be reckoned with. It was the kind of momentum that'd make a physics teacher create an equation for. It was the kind of momentum that'd make a man in a bar fight wince before impact.
It was the kind of impact that couldn't stop, even when aforementioned Riku opened the door in only his boxers, freshly showered with dripping wet hair.
"Watch out!" Sora cried, flailing and sending himself flying with the momentum of his swing, horrified. It was like time slowed down as he was sent careening into the aforementioned Riku that looked, might I add, positively devilish in his half naked glory, so even if Sora had the control to stop himself, the desire had fled entirely.
Riku didn't seem to agree though. With a momentary glimpse of surprise, immediately followed by recognition, Riku reached out and grabbed Sora, stopping his collapse before it had the full opportunity to develop into something truly disastrous.
Instead of time speeding up though, it continued to remain in some sort of a standstill. Sora was aware that his breathing was irregular and came out of his mouth in a short, choppy sort of way, and that even though his breath was short, Riku continued breathing in smooth, even breaths. Sora could feel his heart hammering a nail through his ribs painfully at the sight of his wayward boyfriend, but even as his heart seemed bent on smashing a nail through his bones, he noted that Riku didn't seem as excited or as staggered to see him. His enchanting, enthralling blue eyes sized Sora up, and dulled somewhat, as if finding something lacking.
Sora's heart deflated, at that.
And yet it also gave him courage. If Riku had seemed excited, it would have made things very difficult to do today. Sora would have scrounged up his thoughts and the realization of the impending breakup, taken one look at Riku, and fall apart completely. The dull eyes were a good sign. It gave him hope. He could do this. It was easy, after all. Sora was a professional and breaking up with people!
Lying to himself helps, trust me.
"Riku!" Sora squeaked and then cleared his throat, pursing his lips in concentration as he realized that his voice came out far squeakier than he had intended. "I didn't know you were home." There. Much better. His voice was low and smooth, blasé, in fact. He slowly retracted his body from Riku's hold and straightened up, adjusting his slightly askew shirt. He also endeavored to keep perfect eye contact with Riku's dull eyes and ignored the fact that his smooth, silky hair was dripping rivulets onto a perfectly sculpted body. No, if anything he forced himself to pretend that Riku's body was anything but sculpted.
Again, the lying was really doing wonders for his morale.
"Why are you pacing outside of my house, Sora?" Riku asked and folded his arms, frowning. His tone was dull also, Sora noted. That was a good sign, too. This wouldn't be hard! This would be a piece of cake! Riku was dull; he had dull eyes and a dull voice. He didn't want Sora, and Sora didn't want him!
I won't mention the lying thing again because I'm sure you understand by now the magnitude of its importance.
"You saw that?" Sora stared, shocked and a little embarrassed. Riku had witnessed it and did nothing?
"Yes, but what do you need?" He looked a little impatient, and the cool dismissal of Sora's nerves gave him another boost of courage.
"We need to talk," Sora stated, stuffing his hands into his pockets since he didn't know what to do with them.
"About what?" Riku's frown seemed to deepen, hearing the dark implications to the phrase, 'we need to talk'. That was the sort of phrase that meant business. It was the sort of phrase that held about twenty other phrases inside of it at the same time. It was the perfect sort of phrase, truly. It was so simple, but covered a wide array of topics.
Like the topic of break-ups, for example.
"Can I come in? It won't take long, I promise." Sora scuffed his shoe on the pavement, clenching his hands into fists in his pockets. Riku watched him, assessing him for a moment or two before sighing and opening his door for Sora to walk in.
"I have to be somewhere soon, so we'll need to make this quick." Riku glanced at Sora's pockets before looking back up to his face. Sora avoided his look though; he didn't want to see anything but the dull look on Riku's face. The dull look was perfect, he thought. It made things so much easier than he thought it would be. If he could just keep that image in his head, maybe it wouldn't burn so badly when he forced his rehearsed speech out? He glanced around the empty house, a little relieved that Kadaj and his scary counterparts were about to wreak havoc on him. The last time he'd been around, he'd woken up from a nap to find himself trapped in their chimney.
He'd avoided naps at Riku's house, after that.
"We'll just head to my room." Riku swerved around him, heading up the stairs two at a time and went around the corner to his room, the sound of some rock band playing on the radio. Sora swallowed and followed, keeping his hands clenched into his pockets. He could do this. He could do this. He could break up with Riku.
Mind over matter, of course.
Riku sat down on the bed as Sora walked in and he patted the spot beside him invitingly, still dripping those delicious drops of water over his body. Sora gulped and shook his head, looking up and away from him to distract himself. He wasn't going to think about that, he sternly reminded himself. Riku didn't have the body of a Roman God! He had the body of a roly poly!
"Sora, what is it that you need to talk about?" Riku sounded impatient, and Sora latched onto it hungrily, like a dying animal. Impatience. He could work with impatience.
"The thing is…Riku…"He stammered and scowled, pressing his nails into the meat of his hands to concentrate. Calmly, he tried again. "I've been thinking…about us, and our relationship." His voice caught on the word, and he looked back at Riku, gulping several times. Riku's eyes were still dull, and he stared into them to concentrate.
"And?" Riku pulled a small fuzz off of his askew comforter.
"And…well, I noticed that…well, you see, that it's not really…I mean, it used to be…but now it's not what it used to be. And I think that it should be. Really, I mean that…" Horror filled Sora's bloodstream as he struggled to make a point, watching as Riku's dull eyes sparked into confusion. He gulped several more times, plodding on.
"It's just that when I think of…of us, and of how it is, and not that it's not that it is, but it's the fact that it's not…what I mean, is…" Sora felt his face grow hot and he began pacing along the bed, counting his steps until he reached a desk and quickly turned back around, walking until he almost hit the night stand, turning sharply around and repeating the process. His hands were suddenly sweaty, and he kept gulping, hoping that somehow that would calm him enough to continue. He could do this! He could do this! It was just Riku, after all! It was just some silly boy that-
"Sora, this is getting a little annoying. What is it that you need?"
Some silly boy that didn't give a fat flying fuck about him.
"I'm trying to tell you something, God Riku!" Sora heard his voice pitch and crack in anger as he whirled around to face Riku. The dullness had faded to confusion and now his eyes sported annoyance. It made Sora's heart spike, and not in pain. Anger pumped along his veins and he could feel himself shifting in agitation. God, Riku couldn't even give him enough time to break up with him!
"Then what is it? Just say it." Riku let out a sigh, out of agitation or resignation Sora couldn't say. What he could say though, was that this was helping. Riku being an ass had to be the most helpful thing he could ever do.
"I've been trying to tell you but you won't let me!" Sora pointed a shaky but still accusing finger at him. "You just keep giving me that look like I'm stupid, but I'm trying to tell you something important to me and you won't let me get it out!" He let out an angry snort and flailed his arms at him. "How can I say it if you keep getting impatient with me? It's not helping any, Riku, not helping at all!"
There was a moment of silence as Riku took this all in, his eyes going back to dull and lifeless slowly.
"Alright Sora, I'm sorry. Please continue." He leaned back, his abs flexing naturally with the movement, and Sora balked. The last thing he wanted while breaking up with someone was the boy to be half naked and beautiful!
"Can you at least put some clothes on? Or are you just so used to me that being like this is nothing?!" He flailed a little more for emphasis, adrenaline coursing through his veins with enough extra energy to make it seem like that was a smart idea. Riku's eyes flashed to confused again.
"We've had sex, Sora…you've seen me totally naked." He shook his head slowly, the annoyance also filtering in. "You're acting out of your mind."
"No, no! Put some damn clothes on, Riku, this is seriously informal!" Sora marched over to the dresser and yanked out a ratty t-shirt that Riku used for yard work and tossed it to him.
"I don't see why we have to be formal, you just said that you needed to talk." Riku finally showed a little emotion and had the grace to scowl as he pulled his shirt on.
"Don't scowl at me! I'd just like for you to be dressed –is that such an awful thing?"
"It is when it's a stupid request." He retorted shortly, crossing his arms.
"It's not a stupid request! I'm trying to break up with you, you ass hole!" There was a stunned silence at that, and Riku's annoyed eyes had the decency to show surprise. He held completely still as he studied him and after a few heartbeats that felt particularly painful in Sora's chest, he set his hands into his lap.
"What?" He asked quietly.
"I'm breaking up with you. We're over." Sora forced the words from his throat and felt an immediate shift of the tension from his shoulders. It was like someone had managed to dislodge the knife that kept readjusting itself in his back. It was like he'd been starved and finally taken his first bite of veal. It was like he'd been drowning and he'd finally broken the surface of the ocean to take his first gulp of air.
Sora found that in moments of duress and stress, he waxed strong in similes.
"You're serious?" Riku asked, and the life that had filtered in and out of his eyes seemed to grow, as if he'd suddenly realized that this was indeed a serious conversation. Sora slowly nodded, and a heavy, choking silence descended into the room. It was the kind of silence that followed after someone was announced dead, and Sora kind of liked that. In a way, this was an announcement of death. He was announcing the death of their pathetic relationship, after all. If anything, Sora decided, it shouldn't be called a break-up. It should be called a declaration of death.
And then Riku started laughing.
It was the sort of laugh that made Sora blush in shame. It was a full, thick, heavy laugh that filled the entire room with mirth and caused Riku to tilt his head back, as if the noise was pushing him down. He fell back onto the bed and continued to laugh, even as Sora's ears began to burn with the blush that bled along his skin.
"Sora, you're sometimes too funny." Riku finally gasped enough words out to make a sentence.
"I'm…I'm not joking, Riku." Sora mumbled quietly. His confidence that'd had suddenly felt so wonderful was fast deflating, and he could almost see the floppy and saggy balloon that was once his ego lying dejectedly on the floor.
"What are you talking about? You can't break-up with me." Riku said, his grin still plastered on his face. Sora looked at him huffily, and stomped his foot for good measure.
"I just did, you ass hole!" He all but shrieked.
"Sora, just calm down and tell me what's going on." He stood up and all but sauntered over to him. Sora closed his eyes tightly to he didn't have to see it. It was hard to be serious when Riku was obviously not taking him seriously.
"I'm…trying to tell you what's going on, but for some reason you're not listening!" He managed to grind out slowly between clenched teeth. This white hot emotion was burning in the pit of his stomach, and it was like he could almost hear the laughter that had filled the room just moments before. Riku didn't believe him. He'd finally found the courage to break-up with him, and he didn't believe him.
Why was he dating this ass hole?
"Well, it's hard to think that you'd break-up with me. I mean…you couldn't break up with me. It's a joke, right?" And quite suddenly, almost like a bolt of lightning or a match, something lit the white hot pain in Sora's stomach and lit up an entire inferno.
It was quite terrifying, actually.
"You are such a dick, Riku! I can't stand this relationship, I can't stand how I know you're keeping secrets from me, I can't stand how you avoid me unless you suddenly feel the need to have someone to fuck around with, and I can't stand you! I am so sick and tired of you pushing me around and using me for whatever you want to use me for! I deserve better than you! And I won't stand around and let you hurt me anymore! I would be happy if I never had to see you again!" His voice grew with each word until his furious tone filled the room, much like the laughter had before.
"…You don't mean that, Sora." Riku's voice was low and anguished, but Sora didn't hear it. All of the shame and embarrassment that'd been brewing inside of him was pooling over, and with a snarl of pure anger he wound his fist back and punched Riku straight in the nose.
"I hate you! I don't ever want to see you again!" He roared before he shoved past him and tore down the stairs, angry hot tears welling up in his eyes. His knuckles throbbed in time with his hammering heart, but he could hardly feel it. The adrenaline coursing through his veins was like a drug, and he couldn't stop himself from running down the street as fast as he could.
He'd get over Riku.
He didn't need Riku.
What he needed was a very strong drink of something that burned on the way down.
Riku sat on the floor of his bedroom, holding his nose tightly. He could feel that it was broken, but he couldn't bring himself to move. Instead, he sat on the floor, stunned. Blood pooled in his hands and dripped onto his shirt, but still he didn't move. No, instead he stared at the spot that Sora had just been standing in, and his heart beat painfully in his throat. His lungs were twisted, constricted.
He'd just been broken up with.
The words swirled around his room, and he couldn't catch them. He couldn't catch hold of them because he didn't have to. He knew why Sora broke up with him. He wasn't an idiot. Sora had every right in the entire world to break-up with him.
He'd just hoped that Sora wouldn't.
"I'm an ass," he whispered softly to himself.
Five Reasons Why I Won't Go After Him:
A List By Riku Tatsu
1. I need to go to the doctor and have him fix my nose.
2. I need to give him time to cool down before I attempt to explain myself.
3. I need to wait until his brother stops his man-hunt.
4. I need to put on some decent clothing.
5. I don't deserve to. Not one bit.
Weeeeell, this was not edited. I literally just did this and BAM! It was born.
I have to still see if the betas are up for finishing my poor procrastinated story anyway!
Aww, poor Sora, right? And Riku. Except I don't feel bad for Riku.
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