A/N- Short. Ridiculous. Enjoy!
Once upon a time.....
Everyone sat silently in the locker room, too afraid to make eye contact or to even breathe. This could honestly be their worst nightmare. No one could think of anything that would...or could...be worse than this. One thing was definitely clear; Vince had lost his mind. No one had the nerve to speak up though. That is the reason they were all sitting there, listening, and cringing, at the man speaking.
"I will choose one of you, and immediately elevate you to super-stardom." Chris was giving one of his motivational speeches. Vince gave him the opportunity to choose anyone he wanted as a partner, and Chris let it go to his head.
"Of course there are qualifications that need to be met. You all need to listen carefully as I eliminate the following people from this once in a lifetime opportunity." Chris pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, and cleared his throat.
"You must not be gay. Cody, you're out."
"You must be taller than three feet. Rey, you're out."
"You must know how to wrestle. Cena, you're out."
"You must not bathe in baby oil. Randy, you're out."
"You must speak English. Vlad, Khali, you're out."
"You must not be an assclown. Hunter, you're out."
"You must not do pelvic thrusts in during your entrance. Jeff, you're out."
"You must not be a Canadian with an Italian accent. Santino, you're out."
"You must not be an ass kisser. Christian, you're out."
As Chris continued his speech about who would definitely not be his partner, Cody turned his head and faced Ted, who had remained silent thus far, listening intently to Chris's speech.
"You better not turn on me and align yourself with him." Cody threatened, jokingly. He knew Ted never would do that.
"Cody, if he chooses me, I must." Cody's mouth fell open. What the hell?
"There is a good chance he will, though. Would you really ditch me?"
"Yes." Cody didn't get a chance to respond, and Chris called him out for talking when he was. As soon as Cody shut up, Chris continued.
"And last but not least, you must not have priceless written on your ass." Ted scowled as Cody smirked.
"I will be making my final decision later in the week. I will be in contact with the lucky one soon. Until then, I am Chris Jericho, your current tag team champion, recent World Champion, and future Hall of Famer...in wrestling and rock and roll." There was a sigh of relief when Chris finished his long, drawn out speech. How this man came up with so much to talk about, no one would ever know.
"So, Chris, you basically eliminated the entire roster." Ted commented as the trio headed to their rental car.
"Don't worry Theodore, I have it all figured out."
"The only person that wasn't on your list was Big Show, and just last week you went on a long rant about how he doesn't deserve to be a wrestler and would never amount to the success you have endured in your nearly twenty year career and that it would be best for him to retire on a beach in Hawaii so he can join the rest of his whale family in the ocean." Ted finished, taking a deep breath. Talk about a run on sentence.
"I would never talk about someone like that!" Chris scoffed. How could Ted say that?
"You talk about Cody like that all the time!"
"Cody deserves it. How he got a job here I am still trying to figure out."
"Hey, keep talking. I can't hear you or anything." Cody commented from the backseat.
"Got a dick in your ear again?" Chris asked, causing Ted to swerve the car from laughing.
"So really, Christopher, who is your partner?" Ted asked again, focusing on the road.
"Only time will tell."
"You don't know yet, do you?"
"Hey assclown, no one is deserving enough to team with me. No matter who I choose they will fail me. Edge did!"
"Everyone you ask keeps saying no, don't they?"
"Big Show said yes."
"But you said..." Ted began.
"I know what the hell I said."
"Got it, boss."
And that is how The Big Show became Chris Jericho's partner.