Figured I should get another one done tonight. This is it for the night though. I'll do the other two chapters later.


The Air Screamers and Groaners were gone when they got back onto the streets. They'd been replaced with what looked like the Straight-Jacket monsters they'd seen earlier, except something was different about them. They were smaller and smoother looking, more like a water-logged raccoon corpse that fell into the ocean and had all its fur rubbed off as its body rubbed against the rocks with the waves, unlike the rough, leatheryness that the Straight-Jackets had. In fact, that's what they would now remember the Patient Demons as: waterlogged raccoon carcasses.

"Blackout, stop. I need a rest," Barricade said. He sat down on a car and started panting, his weight shattering all the glass windows and popping all the tires off like a toy Hot Wheels race car owned by careless child. Squeakums chirruped and lept up onto one of the tires, sitting down in imitation of him. She adjusted her wrapper bow tie when the sudden movement set it off center a little.

"We can't stop here! The dead raccoons will get you and melt your tires off!" Blackout pointed out.

"Then where can I rest?" he asked. He sighed deeply. Squeakums looked up at him and made a sighing sound similar to the one he'd just made.

"Good question...let's consult the Map of Silent Hill!" Blackout opened up his strategy guide and removed a map tucked into the pages.

"That book wouldn't by any chance tell us how to get out of here and get to our intended destination, would it?" Barricade asked.

"Nope. Sorry," he shook his head while he pieced together where they were. He noticed a big green triangle located on the Bradbury Street section of the map. "Oh, here we are!" he said with a smile. "Right here's a hotel." He pointed out a spot on the map that read "Lakeview Hotel".

"That's worth a shot I guess," Barricade shrugged. "Let's go!" He lept up from his spot, Squeakums doing the same exact thing a second later.

Along the way they met an annoying lady named Maria. At first they agreed to take her with them, but after a while they got sick of her whining and standing in their way whenever they tried to kill the waterlogged raccoons or pick up something important. Eventually they both decided to throw her in the lake and move on. They finally reached their destination and went inside the hotel.

Standing inside the hotel was the creepiest store mannequin they ever saw. It appeared to be made from two mannequins stuck together and was 100% legs with not a head to be found anywhere. "Okay, what the hell is this?" Blackout asked. He gave it a poke and watched it spring to life. The Mannequin seemed to be pissed that she'd been woken up from her sleep and started screeching at them.

"Eww, it's some kind of leg monster!" Barricade responded while they watched it go crazy. He scooped up Squeakums and held her out of harm's way as it continued kicking the air around it, as if an intangible shadow monster could actually be hurt by contact with solid objects.

"It looks more like the soulless embodiment of shallowness and sexual desire to me," Blackout shrugged.

"Neh. It's just another weird monster to me," Barricade shrugged. The Mannequin charged at him and began kicking his metal plating. "Is it trying to hurt me? Because that kind of tickles if it is..."

"You know...I strangely think it's kind of cute!" Blackout cooed. He grabbed it by one of the legs and picked it up, watching it thrash about as it dangled in the air. "Who's an adorable leg monster? Who's an adorable leg monster? You are!" he asked it, tickling its tummy. It made a strange kind of gurgling, kind of giggling noise. "I think I'll call you Leggy!"

"We are not taking that thing with us!" Barricade said angrily.

"Why not? You get to keep your shadow baby!" Blackout pointed out. He set Leggy down on the ground in front of him.

Barricade looked at the Larval Stalker in his arms. She squeaked at him in response. "That's different! Squeakums is adorable! That thing is just freaky!" Leggy angrily ran up to him and started kicking his shins again in retaliation for his insult. "Oh yeah...that totally hurts..." he said sarcastically.

"I just want something of my own is all," Blackout replied. "So I'm keeping the Mannequin." Leggy ran back over to him and started snuggling against his leg, making a contented chirping sound as she did so.

"Fine, we're taking it with us..." Barricade mumbled reluctantly. He took a few steps backwards and went flying over something. "Who the hell puts a table in the middle of the friggin' hallway?!" he snapped. He watched as the "table" stood up, made an angry growling sound at him for tripping over it, and walked away into the darker reaches of the hotel.

The two Decepticons stood in stunned silence as they watched it disappear into the darkness. "Did that table have two heads?" Blackout asked.

Barricade silently contemplated a moment. "This place is weird..." he mumbled. Squeakums squeaked and nodded.

Eventually they settled into a room upstairs. Blackout tucked Leggy and Squeakums into the bed while Barricade kicked the nearby table repeatedly to make sure it didn't have any extra heads. Blackout took notice to the VCR hooked up to the TV. "Hey, maybe we should watch something while we're here?" he suggested.

Barricade sniggered at the Stone Age technology that this room had. Who still used VCRs anymore? He'd be surprised to find anyone who even knew what a VHS tape was and what it did. "Do we have any tapes?" he asked.

Blackout opened up the cabinet. Judging by the labels on the homemade tapes, apparently the only shows in Silent Hill were a game show called "Trick or Treat" and "Pyramid Head's Most Terrifying Home Snuff Films". "Maybe we should test our luck with the one we found at the hotel desk," he suggested, suddenly remember that they had it for some reason.

"Aww, but this one sounds awesome!" Barricade replied, holding up a tape labeled "Bubblehead Nurses Gone Wild".

"Uh...no..." Blackout shook his head. He popped the tape into the VCR and sat back in the reclining chair. Barricade climbed up the side and sat in his lap. "Do you mind?" Blackout grumbled.

"Not really, but thanks for asking," Barricade replied.

The tape immediately started playing. There was nothing on the film but a ring of bright light. They stared at it, entranced, for several minutes. When Barricade realized what was happening, he picked up the remote and tried to turn it off, finding that it wasn't working. "Batteries must be dead or something..." he assumed.

They both jumped when the phone rang, waking up Squeakums and Leggy. Squeakums squeaked in irritation while Leggy shrieked in an all-out bitch rage. Blackout eventually reached over and picked it up. "Hello?" he said into the phone. He was quiet a moment. "Seven days for what?" There was more silence as he listened to the other side. "Happy birthday? Thank you!" he said excitedly.

"Blackout, it isn't even your birthday..." Barricade pointed out.

"Then why is he telling me it's my 31st birthday?" Blackout replied with confusion. The phone suddenly hung up. "Hello? Hello? Hel..." Blackout cut off when Barricade reached out and grabbed the phone cord, lifting it up to reveal that the cord wasn't even connected to anything. They stared at it a few moments in silence.

"Okay, that's just freaky..." Barricade stated before dropping the cord.

"Okay you two, time to go!" Blackout shouted to the two monsters in the bed. He grabbed Barricade and gave him a rough shove to the floor. There was a squeak and a gurgling sound from the pair and both of them got up and ran out into the hall, Blackout following after them.

"Guys, wait for me!" Barricade shouted after them. He got up off the floor and chased after them, crashing into Blackout in the hall. "Why'd you stop?" Barricade asked, shaking off in pain.

"Did...did the hotel look like this when we got here?" Blackout asked.

Everything was charred and drenched in water. Puddles collected on the burnt and soggy carpet and some areas were barred off with yellow caution tape. The spent sprinkler system dripped foul-smelling stagnant water onto their heads. Did the entire hotel except for the one room they happened to be in burn down while they were there and none of them knew about it somehow?

"Freaky..." Barricade said while they looked around.

"Wait a minute...this place was on fire...which means it's structurally unsound..." Blackout observed. "And we both weigh several tons, so..." No sooner had he said that (or perhaps simply because he'd said that) then the floors started creaking under their combined weight. It collapsed underneath them, dropping them into the flooded basement and on top of a pair of unfortunate dead raccoons.

After a few moments of silence from the group, Barricade finally asked, "Did anyone die?"

There was a squeak from nearby, a metallic screech from the opposite direction, and Blackout mumbling, "Yes...wait...damn, still alive."

"Ugh...how do we get out?" Barricade asked. "I guess we gotta solve some puzzles to get the light bulbs out of the tin can, and then..." There was a loud explosion, knocking out one of the walls. The pool of stagnant water from the basement poured out, taking Leggy and Squeakums and depositing them both safely in the grass outside. "Or we can just make a new door," Barricade shrugged.

Blackout lowered his rocket launcher. "Let's go, gang!" he said as he stood up off the Patient Demons.


Silent Hill monster guide: Monsters from Silent Hill 2

Patient Demon, or the Dead, Waterlogged Raccoons (official name is "Lying Figure", but I heard the name "Patient Demon" first somewhere and now that's the name I stick with): See the last chapter's Straight-Jacket entry.

Mannequin: Two lower halves of a department store mannequin stuck together. They stand completely still until you come too close and are one of the more sexualized monsters of the game. They're basically a representation of the game's main character's "issues".

Abstract Daddy (the "table"): The monster itself looks kind of strange, like the worst table design ever, until you piece together that it's a disturbing representation of rape and sexual abuse...and then the horror sets in. Obviously I decided to leave that aspect out of the fic since things like that really aren't all that funny.

Pyramid Head: Most people probably already know who he is, even most people who never played Silent Hill. He's an iconic antagonist from Silent Hill 2 with a red metal pyramid-shaped helmet concealing his face. He has appeared in many of the games since then, either as cameos or an ostensibly different monster that is basically just Pyramid Head with a different skin. He is the embodiment of guilt and punishment.

Bubblehead Nurse: Silent Hill 2's incarnation of the reoccurring nurse monsters and the most iconic one at that. Most of the nurses that appear in later games are an imitation of the Bubblehead. They look like a heavily sexualized nurse with a pulsating mass of inflamed tissue where their face should be, hence the name "Bubblehead".