A/N A really silly, short little one shot. I got this image in my head and couldn't resist. Think used car salesman for this!
"Aragorn, my uncle told me a strange thing. He said that you rode to war with Thengel, my grandfather. But he must be mistaken," Éowyn said to the quiet, reserved Man as she handed him a bowl of her infamous stew. "
Aragorn glanced up at the Shield Maiden of Rohan through stormy eyes. "Théoden has a good memory. He was only a small child at the time."
"Then you must be at least sixty?" Éowyn replied, kneeling down to look at him. At this Aragon gave her a grave look and shook his head slightly. "Seventy? You can not be eighty!" she persisted, her smooth brow creasing.
"Eighty-seven," Aragorn replied quietly, avoiding her eyes.
"Eighty-seven!" Éowyn gasped. "But, you look so young- it can not be!"
Aragorn smiled at her, then his eyes brightened and he stood, addressing the Rohan people who had gathered for this brief rest stop, stirring around Éowyn's unappetising stew.
"That's right! Ever wonder how I manage to stay looking so young and fit, without having the immortality of the Elves?" at this he pointed to Legolas who raised an eyebrow. "Or a certain One Ring of Power granting extraordinarily long life? Well, here's your answer ladies and gentlemen!" He announced as though advertising something. "I start my day with a deep cleansing face wash removing all grime and preparing my skin for the day ahead. I then apply a facial mask consisting of the finest mud and herbs collected from the banks of the Bruinen and Elrond's stores in Rivendell. This leaves my skin feeling fresh and soft, also opening pores and helping to cleanse and moisturize. You may think I always look grubby, but this is in fact the reason and so a small price to pay for skin so flawless! I like to complete my regime with a thorough hair treatment courtesy of the Ents' Draught. After one wash it leaves your hair lusciously glossy and long, giving a healthy sheen and is great for combating dandruff!
"Next, physical exercise is very important. I like to keep my body in tip-top condition, you never know when you could be called upon to embark on a death defying mission to Mordor! So by engaging in as much armed combat as possible, you too could hope to achieve this! Did you know for example, that slaying just one orc can burn up to 106 calories! That's right ladies and gentlemen, that's four times more than that of kissing your favourite Elven maiden! But for the less hardy and battle hardened of you, taking a brisk run over wide open plains can achieve the same thing.
"Of course, a healthy diet always helps too, I personally like to eat high protein, fat burning foods but of course there are times when you just don't have the time, like when you're engaged in a great big war on your mission to become King of Gondor. So, if you're on the go or looking for a quick fix short term diet plan, I suggest the Elven waybread- lembas, far more effective than cram as one bite will cure you of hunger for the whole day!
"So, ladies and gentlemen, if you're interested in also looking as fine as me at this age, give me a call on your horn (preferably not orc) and you too could learn such valuable secrets too along with an amazing diet and exercise plan that is guaranteed to keep you looking young and beautiful. And all this for a discount price- just help me become King of Gondor.
Aragorn flashed a pearly white smile and pointed at the crowd which had gathered and stood with rapt attention, wondering at the promises of the Man, and seriously wanting a piece of the magic for themselves!
"Terms and conditions apply. Offer excludes Elves (like they need it), orcs and Dwarves (they're a lost cause). Effects may vary if NOT a man of Númenor. Offer ends when I become King of Gondor," Aragon added quickly in an undertone.
Legolas, Gimli and Éowyn stood blinking dumbly in disbelief as the Rohan began gathering around Aragorn.
"Well, I didn't see that one coming!" Gimli muttered.
A/N Hehe, well, glad he cleared that one up for us! Like I said, very short, but reviews are much appreciated!