A Soldier's Worst Nightmare Part 3

A Soldier's Worst Nightmare Part 3

I do not own Gundam Wing.

Catherine wanted more than anything to believe her brother, so she sneaked into Julianne's bedroom. She wasn't there, thank goodness. "all right, Julianne, what are you hiding?" She started by looking underneath the mattress. Nothing, not even a dust bunny, "funny, that's where I hide my diary from Trowa." (Isn't that where everyone hides their diary?) she searched the closet. Nothing. The drawers. Nothing. She saw a bag that was set on the other side of her bed. "Why haven't I seen that before?" she went to open the zipper and reached her hand in. She found a calendar planner. She skimmed through it.

Then something caught her eye: September 9, 204 AC, 7:00 P.M Heero leaves earth with intent to commit suicide. 6:21 P.M self detonates. 6:40, tell others news and tell Hilde Schbeiker to come to Colony L2. 8:00 P.M Heero is found and saved by Milardo Peacecraft.

"Milardo Peacecraft??" Catherine gasped and then read on.

8:30 PM meet Hilde Schbeiker and Duo Maxwell. 9:30 return to Earth.

That was all that she had wrote in so far. She skimmed through it to find more and then went through the bag and found pictures of the gundam pilots and their gundams. Then she found a black notebook titled "Top Secret."

Catherine's eyes widened with excitement, "Hellooooo," she picked it up and began reading it.

S.U.A: Spy Undercover Agency

Code Name: Julianne Peterson, detective

Number: 008 (play the 007 music now…)

Real Name: Midii Une, spy

Mission: Find gundam pilots and learn why Heero tried to commit suicide. Get as much information on every gundam pilot and Vice Minister Dorlian as possible. Steal files on them if you have too. You will know what to do. If anyone interferes, kill them.

Milardo Peacecraft.

There was more about the mission and other missions Midii did. Apparently she did about 12 more missions since she met Trowa. She was supposed to blow up some bases and other buildings. There were some weapons in the bag. "Oh my god…Trowa was right…I need to show this to Trowa," Catherine whispered.

"What in the hell are you doing in my room?" Midii demanded with a shout.

Catherine turned around to see Julianne, or Midii standing with her arms crossed. She thought she should come up with a fake story, maybe tell her dinner was ready or if ask if she wanted to go to the mall, but she decided not to play games and came out. She held up the book, "well, well, well, Julianne Foster, or should I say Midii Une? You've got some explaining to do."

Midii dropped her arms, "Don't think so!" she lunged forward to Catherine and tackled her to the ground. She learned fighting techniques when she turned twelve. She was tougher than some people thought. She punched Catherine's face. "No one interferes with me!"

"Everyone will learn the truth about you!" Catherine cried out, trying to get Midii away. They twirled around on the floor, hands around each other's throats.

"That's why I'm here!" Midi shouted, breaking Catherine's hold on her throat and kneeing her in the stomach. "I'm here to learn the truth of all the gundam pilots and you can't stop me!"

"Oh yes I can!" Catherine grunted as she held her stomach.

"Forget it," she reached her hand behind her back and whipped out a gun, "you're dead. Too bad, Catherine, I was really starting to like you. But you're just like your brother, you don't have anything to worry about. I hate people like you! Your life is so carefree, well, now your life's over!" she began to pull the trigger when Catherine quickly reached in the bag, pulled out a knife and threw it at Midii, cutting her hand that held the gun. Midii yelped in surprise and applied pressure to her cut hand.

"Okay Midii, I know your talent. So you're really good at messing up people's lives," Catherine said as she picked up another knife, "and I'm a knife thrower in a circus and I never miss." She through the knife at Midii's sleeve, nicking her arm and sticking into the wall. She threw another one to trap Midii's other sleeve and then her pants. Midii couldn't move.

"Hey!" Midii snarled. "Let me go!"

Catherine got up and slapped Midii, "now listen, I want you to tell everyone the truth! You almost cost Trowa's life once and I won't let you do it again!"

"I never meant for him to get hurt," Midii groaned, "I was just doing my job!"

"Me too," she took the knives off of her clothes and pulled her away from the wall. Holding her wrists behind her back, Catherine took her to the lobby.


"Sally," Relena cried, running to the room, "Sally, Sally!"

"Whoa, what is it?" she took her arms and held them to her sides, "Relena, calm down."

"Heero's awake, but he can't remember anything!" she said quickly, her words running together, "what he doesn't get his memory back? You've got to do something!"

"Calm down, Relena," Sally said.

"What's the matter?" Quatre said when he heard the commotion.

"OH, Quatre!" she turned quickly into his arms. "Heero's got amnesia! He doesn't remember who I am!"

"At least he's awake," he said comfortingly. He remembered the time when Trowa lost his memory and didn't remember Quatre. It was so weird and sad for Quatre to finally find him and to see that he didn't even know who he was.

"Please do something!" Relena cried, "please!"

"I'll check on him," Sally said. "Calm down, okay. He's awake. Don't worry, these things usually happen." She left.

Quatre kept holding her as she cried and then heard yelling down the hall.

"Let go of me you little wench!" Midii cried.

"No way!" Catherine said, bringing her to her knees.

"Catherine, what's going on?" Quatre came out.

"Whoa," Duo and Hilde came out, "what's going on here?"

"Catherine, what's the matter?" Trowa came out and his eyes widened when he saw them, "oh my god…"

"Alright, Julianne, or should we say Midii?" Catherine began, "we want answers and we want them now!" she threw the book to Trowa, "Trowa, you were right!"

"I don't believe this," Trowa moaned as he looked at the book.

"You were using us just to get information?" Duo demanded as he looked over Trowa's shoulder.

"Tell us, Midii," Trowa said, "out with it. Tell us how and why you got involved with this and what exactly are you after?"

Midii was silent.

"Dammit, Midii," Trowa dropped the book and stormed over her to shake her, "Tell me!"

Midii pushed him away, "let me go, No-Name!"

"No-Name?" Duo raised an eyebrow, "so they do know each other! But what kind of name is 'No-Name?'"

"I never meant for this to happen!" Midii cried.

"Oh, didn't you?" Trowa moaned, "tell us the truth."

"Fine, I'll tell you. It was all a set up, okay? We tricked Heero into coming to outer space. We gave him a private mission. He wanted to know where he fit in with the world. That's why he was all dressed up, he was coming to the L2 colony for a meeting."

"I don't believe it," Relena gasped, "Heero could have died because of you!"

Quatre put his arms around her to steady her, "just let her talk."

"That doesn't explain the self detonation," Wufei said. "You said he wasn't fighting anyone?"

"Right. To tell you the truth, I'm not exactly sure why he self detonated really." Midii crossed her arms, "I thought you would know. Aren't you his friends? Perhaps he felt left out or unloved or maybe he thought if he'd self detonate because his Gundam was of no use anymore. Maybe he was of no use either."

"You bitch!" Hilde shouted, she ran to Midii and punched her across the face (don't German people get very mad very fast?). "How dare you say that! He was a gundam pilot for crying out loud! You tricked us! You tricked me!! How dare you! We've trusted you!" she began choking Midii and Duo pulled her away from her.

"Hilde stop!" Duo grunted as he pinned Hilde's arms to her sides as he tried pulling her off Midii. "Come on, settle down!"

Relena shook with sorrow and surprise at how Hilde was acting. She turned around because she couldn't bear to watch it. Burying he face into Quatre's shoulder, she could still hear Hilde shouting at Midii. "It's not true," she mumbled, "it's not true."

"You weren't going to stop at Heero, were you?" she snarled, raising her fists. Duo tightened his arms around her as she tried jumping toward Midii. "You were gonna kill us all off? Was Duo, next, huh? You knew he was coming for Heero, weren't you? Dammit, you're so damn low! How could you, how could you?" she began sobbing and Duo turned her to him.

"Come here," he whispered as he pulled her close. "Just let it out…" He looked up from Hilde's head and scowled at Midii, "so who's your partner anyway?"

"Millardo Peacecraft." She answered, "he's who found Heero."

"Millardo Peacecraft?" everyone cried in unison.

"My brother's…alive?" Relena mumbled.

Trowa joined in with Hilde's accusation, "you were going to kill me too, weren't you? When will you learn?" he turned to her and saw that she was crouched to her knees, holding her head down and holding her throat, rubbing it from where Hilde's hands tightened around it. "Answer me, Midii. Why did you come here? Was this your plan all a long? You were going to get close to me again and try to kill me again, weren't you?" he paused as he looked down at her, "what more do you have to say for yourself?"

Midii's shoulders began to shake and she put her hand to her face, "I-I am so sorry."

"Sorry?" Trowa grabbed her and pulled her up fiercely, "sorry? Sorry didn't bring back the captain, did it? Sorry didn't bring back all those innocent people you help kill or the people in my unit?"

"They betrayed you and you survived."

"It doesn't matter," Trowa groaned, "you've done all this and all you can say is you're sorry?" He shook her, "What's the matter with you?"

"Trowa, stop!" Quatre cried.

He turned Relena around and pushed her aside as Dorothy came in with a "what's going on" look on her face. Relena wiped away a few tears and looked at her as if to say, "don't ask."

Quatre came up to Trowa and pulled him back, "Can't you see she's crying? She said she was sorry!"

"I can't believe you had the mordacity to even show your face again!" Trowa cried, "I should have killed you when I had the chance!"

"You didn't have to save me, No-Name," she whimpered as tears went down her cheeks. "You could have just left me alone."

"Heero almost died because of you. He lost his memory," he said, "do you know what it is like to forget who your friends are?"

Midii shook her head.

"I lost my memory once before and I to get it back. Do you have any idea how frustrating it was for me? I forgot who I was, I forgot who my friends were!"

"Heero's not dead though."

"Yeah, thank goodness," Trowa said, "but you put all our lives in danger. You almost got my sister killed!" he nodded to Catherine, "she's the only thing that matters to me in this world and you almost got her killed! Midii, how could you? Why Midii, why?"

"Don't you understand?" she cried, "I just wanted to see you again!" she punched Trowa across the face, way harder than when Catherine punched him when he tried to self detonate and she pushed him back and ran off.

He fell into Catherine and he rubbed his face," Yeah, go ahead, run, run away like you always do!" Trowa shouted back.

"Trowa, go after her," Catherine urged, her hand on his arm.

"Are you nuts? She could've killed you!" he put his arms on hers.

"Just do it!" she cried, in the same tone when she told him to leave when she saw him and Quatre talking, "Get going!" she gave him a push.

"But sis--"

"She loves you," Catherine said, "go, before she runs away!"

Trowa sighed and ran after her, "Midii, hold up!"

"Leave me alone, No-Name!" Midii almost got to her shuttle when Trowa grabbed her and turned her around. Screaming and banging against his chest, she tried to get free, but Trowa held on to her tight. "I know how you feel about me! I knew this just wouldn't work the way I wanted it, but I had to see you again! Now, I'm sorry and I'm leaving okay? I was wrong, I shouldn't have gotten involved, but it was the only way!"

Trowa moaned and closed her eyes, "you came all the way here, you did all this, just to see me?"

She lowered her head down as she began her cry, "just let me go. I learned my lesson, okay? I learned my lesson!" she banged against his chest again and he pulled her close.

"Oh, Midii," he sighed.

"I just wanted to see you again. I knew it was wrong, but I tried not to think abut it." She mumbled, wrenching his shirt in her fingers, "I didn't care what I had to do. I only wanted to see you again."

Trowa didn't know what to say, he just held her as she talked.

"I'm just so sorry." She said over again.

"You said that already."

"I don't know what else to say. But I'm a spy and this is what I do. But I never meant to hurt you." She bit her lip, "Milardo Peacecraft isn't really my partner anyway. He just happened to find him." She sighed and stepped back, "I should go. I'm not welcome here."

"You can stay," he said, "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I don't know what got into me. I'm usually quiet."

"Yeah, I know," she said, giving him a weak smile. She wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Come on, it's getting chilly," he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and went inside.


Everyone besides Trowa and Midii was back in Heero's room and watched Sally check on him, "what was all that commotion about?" Sally asked, taking Heero's blood pressure.

"Trowa was right about Julianne," Catherine answered, "She's a spy."

"What?" Sally gasped.

"Huh?" Heero whispered.

"It's a long story, Heero," Relena said, taking his hand.

"They lured Heero out to space. It was all a set up!" Duo groaned. "They probably really know why he self detonated and they're not telling us."

"Self detonate?" Heero murmured. His voice was no longer low and gruff like it used to be. It was young, innocent and sweet, like a child's.

"Yeah, buddy," Duo said, "people lured you out to space and you tried to kill yourself."

"Why would I want to do a thing like that?"

Duo shrugged.

"How do you feel, Heero?" Quatre asked.

"Sore and tired."

"Can you feel your legs?" Sally said, giving them a push.

Heero shook his head. Relena gave a muffled cry and Quatre put his hand on her shoulder. Dorothy turned to face the wall and punched it. She put her head against it. Hilde covered her face and turned to Duo as Duo rubbed his head in confusion. Wufei looked at the ground and groaned. Trowa stepped in and saw everyone's expression. He sighed and shook his head. Catherine walked to him and wrapped her arms around him.

Sally took a straight pin and pulled the covers from Heero's feet, "let me know if you feel anything." She started pushing the pin on his toes and feet. Heero laid there, unable to feel anything.

"I'm going to run a few tests," Sally said, "maybe it's only temporary."

"God I hope so," Duo groaned, "I truly hope so." Everyone left the room and sat in the waiting room.

"Where's Midii?" Catherine asked.

"Resting," Trowa answered.

They sat in silence until Sally walked out, a clipboard in her hands, "Good news, everyone. His muscles seem to be fine. Something in his mind is preventing him from being able to feel or move his legs." (It's true, I saw it once on "Guiding Light!" A woman was shot and she couldn't walk, not because of her muscles or nerves, because it was all in her head.)

Everyone breathed a sigh of releif.

"But we don't know when he'll be able to walk," Sally said sadly. "He's resting now."

"Can we see him?" Relena asked, "just to see him?"

Sally nodded, "don't take too long."

They went to check on him for a few minutes. Relena kissed his forehead, followed by Dorothy. "Come back to me, Heero," Relena whispered, her lips slightly brushing his temple, "come back to me, my perfect soldier."

The other pilots didn't know what to say. Relena said it all for them.

That night, Heero had nightmares. Memories, painful, aggonizing, tormenting, memories came back to haunt him. From when he was a child and was learning how to pilot the Wing Gundam and how to hold a gun. He wasn't just trained, it was like he was programed. Trained to fight and kill. That was all he knew. He fougth without mercy. Didn't wait to feel for what he done. How many people had he killed? Heero woke up with a muffled scream.

"A dream," he whispered, "a dream…but it didn't make any sense." He sat on his bed for a while. There was a wheelchair next to him. He thre the covers over and tried to get into it. He got inside after a few struggles and began wheeling his way down the hall. Something told him to make a left, where the gundams were held. Heero made a short cry when he saw all the gundams and mobile suits standing around. He wheeled his way down and looked at them more.

He turned his head where the Wing Zero used to be and then more memories. Not just from his childhood, but from each mission he took. He was more than just a soldier, he was a killer. He never thought of it. "What I did was wrong," he groaned. "Why did I do that?" he remembered when he tried to kill Relena and the memory was so painful for him that he fell from the wheelchair. More and more painful memories poured through his mind. It got too much to handle and then Heero, once the perfect soldier, once the man who fought without a second thought, once the man who could do the impossible, now became a helpless child, a sorrowful being, now broke down and cried.


Relena sat straight up. She was having bad dreams of her own and ran out of her room and found Heero. "Is he…crying?" she walked up behind him and sat down behind him, "Heero, what's wrong?"

"I-I remember," he whimpered, "everything."

Relena put her arms around his neck and held her head on his shoulder, "you remember me?"

"Yes. I remember what I did. I tried to kill you. Just what kind of man am I?"

"Hey, you were only doing what you were trained to do," she said, understandingly.

"Programmed is more like it," he said. "Why did I become a gundam pilot? Why not a doctor or something? And how did I end up with Heero Yuy's name?" Heero said, disgusted, "I'm not as great as he is."

"You're right," she said.

Heero frowned.

"You're greater."

"How can that be? Relena, I did some terrible things in my past!"

"So leave it in the past," she said, "it's over. You're a wonderful person, Heero. So what if you didn't become just like the late Heero Yuy. He fought for peace his own way and you fought by yours. He was assassinated for it. You survived. That's why I think you're so great."

"When I was young, just maybe 6 years old, I learned how to pilot a gundam," he groaned, "do you know what that was like for me? I didn't even have a childhood! Kids like me went to school, they played. While I was off learning how to kill people!"

"Honey, listen to me," she said, "we need people like you to fight for us. If it weren't for you and your strength, Earth would be gone. I'd probably be dead if you haven't protected me all that time. Do you remember?"


"Just let it go," she whispered. "It's all over Heero." She tightened her arms around him. They rocked back and forth. She could feel Heero's sorrow.

"I can't. I wish I could, but I can't. I feel like I've let everyone down."

"You haven't, Heero," she looked into his eyes, "you haven't."

Heero reached his hands to her face, "you're so beautiful," he said. Why haven't I kissed her yet?

Relena smiled and held a hand to his, "you're so perfect," she sighed. Why hasn't he kissed me yet?

Heero closed his eyes and leaned forward to finally kiss Relena. It was short, innocent, sweet and pure. Relena's eyes fluttered open. Heero stroke Relena's cheek. "I've always wanted to do that."

"Oh, Heero," she murmured, "you're so wonderful. Don't forget that."

"She's right, Heero," Dorothy said behind her.

"Why are you up?" Relena asked.

"Couldn't sleep. I decided to get some water."

"Join the club."

"How are you feeling, Heero?" Dorothy asked, taking a step.


"He's got his memory back," Relena said.

"So what's wrong?" Dorothy raised an eyebrow.

Heero closed his eyes for a moment, "I really don't feel like talking about it."

Relena helped him back in the wheelchair, "you should be resting."

"Yeah, take me to my room."

"Goodnight, Heero," Dorthy said, giving him a quick kiss on his cheek, "wait, I want to tell you about something. Two men heard about you and said that young people like us don't know what's good for us and that you kiled your self on purpose. Well, you're a great person Heero, and that's all there is to it."

"Thanks, Dorothy," Heero murmured, he looked up at Relena, "could you stay with me?"

"Sure I will." She took him to his room and helped him into his bed. She sat next to him and watched him fall asleep and then she put her arms on his chest, followed by her head and fell asleep.

The next morning, Heero was feeling a bit better. He even had some feeling in his legs. He opened his eyes and pushed Relena off him.

"What is it?" she asked.

Not answering, Heero threw the covers off and swiveled his legs to the side of the bed.

"Heero, your legs…"

"Let me concentrate," he said. He left his legs on the floor for a while and slowly stood up. Relena stedided him with her arm


Heero took a step forward and dragged his other leg behind him. He wobbled but was able to move his legs.

"Everyone, come quick!"

"What's going on….oh my gosh!" Duo came rubbing his head. "Heero, you're walking! I knew you could do it!"

"It's a miracle!" Hilde cried.

"Was there ever any doubt?" Dorothy asked with crossed arms.

"He's the only man who could make the impossible possible," Sally said. "Amazing."

"And he's got his memory back!" Relena added.

"Hi Duo…Hi Hilde. Hi Dorothy. HI Trowa. Hi Catherine. Hi Quatre. Hi Wufei. Hi Sally," Heero welcomed them by name and then saw Midii. The smile fell from his face, "you!"

Midii froze, "uh-oh."

"I know who you are!" Heero said, hobbling to her, "you're the one who called me to outer space. This could've been the best mission of my life and you ruined it for me! You tricked me into self detonating."

"No I didn't."

"I would never do it on purpose," Heero said, "I made that mistake once and a soldier never makes the same mistake twice."

"It wasn't me," Midii said honestly, "I was in outer space."

"I tried to transform Wing Zero and when I pushed the button….everything went black," Heero said, "that's what happened. Someone tampered with my gundam!"

"I swear I didn't do it," Midii whispered, "I don't even know how to work a gundam. It had to be someone here."

"What about your partner?" Duo said, "Millardo Peacecraft."

Heero's eyes widened, "Zechs?!"

"Course not, why would he try to kill you and then save you?" Midii said, "he was in outer space too. He saved your life, Heero!"


"Yes he did," Midii said with a nod. "So it wasn't Millardo."

"Then who was it?" Quatre asked, "we let no one get close to our mobile suits except for the engineers."

"Uh, Heero," Howard said, over the intercom "I uh….made a mistake with your gundam…."

"Forget it, Howard," Heero said, "you're a bit too late. It's okay. I'm alright. You can't keep a good soldier down!"

Everyone laughed, "Hey, Duo?"

"Yeah Heero?"

Heero walked forward to the chess board. The pieces were still the same. He moved his rook and knocked out Duo's king, "Checkmate."

Duo folded his arms, "man….he beats me at everything!"

The End. Did you really think I would leave Heero to be a vegetable? I'm glad you liked it!!