on the existence of Pie
A drabble in which two loveably stupid partners-in-crime get all philosophical. Or at least they think they do.
Note: Sugoi means awesome/amazing and is one of Miria's stock phrases to Isaac. Also, the population is an estimate from ca. 1930.
Slightly inspired by an exchange between me, my brother, and my small and amusing cousin.
(God I love these guys...they're like Bonnie and Clyde with brain damage)
"Do you like pie, Miria?" asked Isaac casually.
"Pie? You're so silly, Isaac! Of course you know I like pie!" pouted Miria indignantly.
"No you don't."
"E…eh?" Miria had to pause. Her look, now one of bewilderment, was priceless.
"Because pie doesn't exist right now." Isaac smirked knowingly.
"What? But Isaac, how do you know that?"
The blonde's attempts to hide her surprise didn't work very well. Isaac chuckled.
"Well, we're not eating it right now…so how can you know it exists?"
He had her now! Surely she'd have a flash of realization, understand that he was always right, and say "Sugoi, Isaac!" just like she always did!
Miria screwed up her face, thinking hard.
"But…but we've eaten it lots before! And there are other people in the world eating pie right now! Aren't there?"
Isaac was struck by her keen logic. The woman had a point! Still, he couldn't let on that he didn't know everything. That would ruin everything good they had between them, and that was bad!
"Is that so, Miria? Who? How many?" he asked smugly despite the trickle of sweat running past one of his sideburns.
"Um…about…" She looked up, estimating. "One-fourth of the world!"
She nodded decisively. Isaac sighed inwardly. How was his accomplice so gosh-darn cute?
Isaac chuckled. "Really now, Miria? Of the whole world's population? Why, you're saying—" He paused at length to do the math. If there were two billion people out there, then…hm. This was harder than he'd thought. A couple minutes later he continued. "—you're saying 500 million people are eating pie right now! Hah!" He pointed at her. "How do you plan to prove that?"
Miria was in full-on debate team mode. She crossed her arms. "Isaac…how do you plan to prove that pie doesn't exist? Besides, a lot of people like pie; that doesn't sound too unreasonable! Maybe there's a pie festival going on!"
"Uh…" Isaac, sensing his imminent defeat, chose to divert things before it was too late. "Bah, this is so silly, Miria," he scoffed. "Let's just go pull off another heist and we'll all be happy."
"Well, I say we go rob a pie store to prove that it does still exist…and to eat it!" Miria said excitedly.
"Fair enough. To the pie!"
They high-fived and started walking. "To the pie," Miria agreed.