The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters has gone out to dinner. Just some more madness from my tiny little mind!
Dinner Etiquette For Supertroopers And Other Maniacs
"Hello boys and girls and thank you very much for coming to this little lesson on manners. Yes I know Darkstar made you come, but that is beside the point Noah."
"I think it's time that some of you children learn the finer points of dining in society. Some of you might need a refresher course. Little Zach I know you're bored but please try to pay attention will you?"
"Now let's take roll call shall we? Noah, Ryder, Dea, Mata, Hari, Little Zach, Billy and Jessica…Bubblehead? Who invited you? Never mind. Just try not to cause too much trouble if it is possible. Yes Ryder, I know it isn't possible but one can dream can't one?"
"Okay let's just review some of the basics of table manners shall we? First lesson on table manners, Bubblehead is that we do not call out 'Where's the grub?' in very loud voices. That is considered rude."
"It is also rude to throw rolls at people. I don't care if he started it Hari, a young lady simply does not behave like that. I am going to ignore that remark Little Zach and remind you that both your mother and Darkstar want a progress report about what happens in today's little lesson."
"Why are you here Billy? Because the three of you have picked up some of the Supertrooper kids' habits! That's why you're here! Oh really Little Zach? Then how do you explain that little contest you kids had at lunch the other day. I don't care if Goose taught you how to do that, it's still not right to have a fork throwing contest at the dinner table! See this is exactly what I am talking about!"
"Yes Dea, burping contests are also not considered civilized. I don't care how easy it was to beat the boys, you shouldn't be doing that at mealtime. Yes Jessica I know you won, but as I am trying to tell you the purpose of you three interacting with the Supertrooper kids is to try and teach them how to be more human! Not for them to teach you how to act like a maniac!"
"No Bubblehead, there are no nachos at the table. Because nachos are usually not considered appropriate cuisine in fine dining. I don't know why! They just aren't!"
"Let's start with some simple do's and don't shall we? You do unfold your napkin and use it for occasionally wiping your lips or fingers. You do not use it to blow your nose. You do drape the napkin gently across your lap. You do not use them to start napkin fights with each other! Ryder! Noah! Cut that out! You don't use napkins like that! This is not a locker room!"
"Yes Bubblehead I see you. No there are no nachos there. You know what, you can just stay under the napkin if you want. Anything to keep you quiet!"
"Next item, we never start eating before a signal from the host to do so. In this case I am the host. Well I am the one who is teaching this class Noah so I am the host. It is good manners to always serve the lady sitting right next to the host first. In this case it's you Dea. Ryder that is not a nice thing to say. No! Dea don't throw rolls at him even if he does deserve it! Put the roll down! Now! Good."
"As I was saying before first you serve the lady next to the host then all the other ladies in a clockwise direction and then the gentlemen. Because that is the way it is done in civilized society, Ryder. No it is not an example of how bossy females are and Mata please put down those knives! We do not use them for that purpose at the dinner table!"
"This is the correct way to use a knife and fork. Watch me children. Hold your knife and fork with the handles in the palm of your hand, forefinger on top and thumb underneath. Yes you cut gently with small simple strokes. You do not attack your meal like it was still alive and you must slash it to pieces before it bites you on the throat."
"Ryder please stop stabbing at your food like that. It's not funny. No Bubblehead, you are not going to get any knives! Just stay there under the napkin will you?'
"Here are some more helpful do nots: Do not eat too loudly and make noises while you eat! Bubblehead do not make noises while other people are eating! Do not use your bread to dip into the soup or pick up sauces especially if it is the soup bowl in the middle of the table Hari! Yes I know that bread does make an excellent agent for picking up extra drops of sauce but still…No Billy! I don't want you to use your tongue! And don't talk with your mouth full, Ryder! No one wants to see the food in your mouth or have it spitting all over everyone else! Yes Ryder, like that. This is another use for your napkin."
"Stop it! Stop it! Mata! Hari! We do not kick each other like soccer players under the dinner table! And Hari the only thing I want to see you bite is your food! Understand?"
"Noah did I not just explain to you to cut gently!? Don't use your knife so hard you break the plate! Let me get you another one so you can try again."
"Bubblehead don't use your wing to pick at your beak! There's nothing there anyway! No, I don't want to see!"
"Ryder stop sulking. If you don't like any food simply take a few small bites and and leave the rest at the side of the plate. Don't try to sneak it onto the floor when you think no one is watching! Dea don't reach across the table like a contortionist to grab his food! Ryder you don't want to eat that food anyway, why are you defending the food! Noah! No! Dea! Stop! We don't play tug of war with food on the plates!"
"And that is the reason why we don't do that! Mata! Stop it! No roll throwing! Billy the same goes for you! Bubblehead! Great there's soup all over the table! Hari stop dipping your bread in the soup spilled on the table! Ryder! Noah! No knife fights at the dinner table! Jessica you and Dea stop throwing rolls at the boys! Billy don't play with your food like that! No we don't sculpt mashed potatoes like it's modeling clay. AND WE CERTAINLY DON'T USE A CARROT LIKE THAT HARI!"
"Yes Zach Jr. I see the spoon on your nose. It does not go there! Or there Bubblehead! Bubblehead! Bubblehead stop it! No! Watch out for the candle! Where's the fire extinguisher? Someone tell me where the fire extinguisher…Oh…Well yes Jessica I suppose you can use the leftover soup and your water glasses to put out the flames. Good thinking."
"No Dea, we are not getting dessert. Not just because of your poor manners but because Bubblehead is sitting in the middle of the cake! Bubblehead! Don't throw cake! You're getting it all over the walls and on…my uniform. Well at least the cake stains match the soup and butter stains."
"Bubblehead remind me to never invite you to dinner unless it is with someone I really despise. Yes there will be nachos there."
"Yes Billy, I think feeding most of you from a trough might be easier in the long run. Noah I do not need a demonstration! You broke another plate?"
"This last rule only applies to the grownups at the table, children. It says for adults not to drink too much alcohol. Which is why I am excusing myself and going to a nearby bar for a few hours."