Title: Gimme Lace and Whiskey, Mama's Old Remedy
Pairing: Percy Weasley/Audrey
Rating: T
Word count: 1749
Prompt for chapter: "Write/submit a story of how a canon complient none golden trio couple first got together as a couple" for LJ community "themomms"
Beta: charminggilmoregirl
Warnings: None.
Summary: Percy and Audrey's story.
A/N: This was originally published back in 2009. I had the story in mind since then and I'm planning on finishing it as soon as I can. I'm currently editing the first two chapters that were written back then.
Disclaimer: Characters are property of JK Rowling. Title belongs to the lyrics of Alice Cooper's song "Lace and Whiskey"


Gimme Lace and Whiskey, Mama's Old Remedy

"Another one sir?"

"No, thank you. I have to look after my niece tomorrow and a hangover wouldn't be convenient," he answered, sliding his middle finger around the tip of the empty glass. The barman grunted, still cleaning the glasses with his not-so-clean tea-towel.

Percy usually didn't do this. At least not after that horrible year after the war and... his death. The fact that he still, after five years, couldn't bring himself to say his name even inside his head made Percy consider drinking another round of muggle whiskey. But if he was to take care of Vic tomorrow, it wouldn't be a sensible thing to do.

He dropped the muggle money for his drink over the counter and turned to pick his briefcase from the floor when the door of the bar opened, letting the wild wind from outside bring some autumn leaves into the place.

"Oi, lady! Close the door woul' ya?" yelled a customer from the corner opposite to where Percy was sitting.

With a huff of indignation, the beautiful brunette went to sit next to him on the counter. Percy couldn't help himself but stare at her all the way. Her striking grey eyes surrounded by the most built on, yet suitable, make-up he's ever seen. Her carmine lipstick perfectly combined with the scarlet silky blouse and the red leather low boots with high heels.

When she sat up in the high stool, he could catch a glimpse of more of her legs, which were covered in black stockings, since her pretty short black skirt had ridden up a little. Noticing this, she arranged her skirt before pulling out her heavy black coat and putting it over the stool on her right with her purse. She flopped her thick, wavy, light-brown hair over her shoulder and turned to look at him. Embarrassed by his obvious staring, Percy looked down trying to hide his obvious Weasley blush. He heard her soft giggle even through the growing noise in the place. Why he decided to go to a muggle bar on a Friday night he would never understand.

"Excuse me, could you hand me that?" Her sweet voice turned him out of his thoughts.

"Uh? Sorry... Yes, yes of course," he answered hastily, handing her the menu of alcoholic drinks. His blush increased second by second.

"No problem. Thanks," she said, laughing slightly at his reaction. "Weren't you leaving?"

"Excuse me?" Percy turned to look at her. He did act like an idiot, but could that bother her enough to not want him sitting innocently at her side?

"It's just that you're still with your briefcase and coat in your hand... I just thought...Never mind."

"Oh, right. No, I was about to leave but I just decided to have another drink. Would you care to join me?" What are you doing? Do you honestly believe she would say yes? Now you choose the time to show that Gryffin-

"I'd love to," she answered, flashing a smile that interrupted his thoughts.

"Really? Umm... Okay." Smooth, Weasley. "Exuse me, sir? Two..."

"Whiskey on the rocks."

"Coming right up."

He couldn't help but stare at her again. No woman he had met before drunk more than a beer or a fancy, fruity cocktail. However, she seemed to not have noticed his shocked face. She just streched out her hand with a small seductive smile on her face.

"I'm Audrey."

"Percy," he introduced himself, shaking her delicate small hand.

"Nice to meet you, Percy." She kept on smiling. "So... What brings you to this crappy bar to drink whiskey all by yourself on a Friday night?" Audrey asked casually, taking a sip of the drink the barman had just brought to them.

"Long and complicated week at work," Percy answered, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Hmm..." She nodded. "Me too. Where do you work?"

"Uhmm... For the government." He'd almost let it slip he worked for the Ministry of Magic in front of a muggle. Be careful, you prat! "You?"

"I sell books. My adoptive parents owned the shop before dying," she explained, taking a big gulp of whiskey.

"Oh, I'm sorry for your loss. If it helps... I... I know how you feel." Audrey's head turned quickly away from her glass to look at him. "My... my brother died five years ago."

Percy drunk the rest of his drink in one go and after wincing at the ball of fire in his throat, he signed the barman to bring them another round. Audrey, noticing his distress, started lightly rubbing his forearm with her hand. At the feel of her nails lightly grazing over his shirt Percy involuntarely clunched his muscles and supressed a growl. It's been so long since...

The night went on and all he can remember is drink after drink, laughs, small innocent touches, and kissi—

"Oh, Merlin!" Percy woke up in his bed. He sighed at the sight of his appartment, relieved at the thought that those 'memories' were just his imagination... his sex-less imagination.

He got out of bed, leaving the sheets aside while putting on his glasses. After stumbling a bit and feeling his horrible headache for the first time, he noticed he's naked and that red boots are scattered on his floor next to a black lace bra.

"Oh, no," he whispered to himself, slowly turning to look at the sleeping -naked- woman on his bed. Seeing she wasn't going to wake up any time soon, Percy left to the bathroom to pee after putting on his boxers.

He washed his swollen face and looked at himself in the mirror for a few seconds, taking in the pathetic image it gave. His red hair was all tangled and sticking out at odd angles. Just like Harry's... His eyes were red for lack of sleep and a small track of dry drool ran across his chin.

Then, a sudden noise signalized the arrival of Fleur and his niece via Floo Network. Percy had totally forgot about them. He rushed out of the bathroom but stopped dead at the sight of Audrey, dressed just in his sheets, and a shocked, open-mouthed Fleur. Vic's bright blue eyes were full of curiosity, matching with a small smile on her tiny lips.

"Is she your girlfriend Uncle Percy?" Fleur approached her daughter and told her to stay quiet.

"You're a wizard?" Audrey asked escandalized, staring at him.

"Wha-Yea-You're a witch?" She raised her eyebrows and Percy let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Oh, thank goodness."

"I'm so sorry, Percy, I didn't know. I'll take Victorie to Molly's" Fleur said, clearly uncomfortable with the situation, grabbing the three-year-old's hand.

"No, no, Fleur. You know she's not available today. It's all right. She can stay," said Percy, offering his sister-in-law a small, apologetic smile.

"Are you sure? I could check if Ginny or Hermione are-"

"Hermione hasn't come back from her honeymoon yet and Ginny's in Ireland for a Quidditch match," Percy recalled, eyeing out of the corner of his eye at Audrey, who was clearly wanting for the Earth to swallow her. "Vic can stay here as we've planned and you go to your doctor's appointment to check if I'm having a healthy niece or nephew, okay?"

Now out of his first shock, Percy approached Fleur and helped her take Vic's bag full of toys and books out of her shoulder.

"I'm sorry Fleur, I'll explain later. She's a friend," he whispered in her ear.

Hesitatingly, Fleur bent over to say goodbye to Vic.

"Au revoir, bébé. Papa will pick you up after lunch. Se comporter." Fleur got back up on her feet, with quite difficulty due to her six-month-pregnant belly, and looked shortly at Audrey, nodding once in her direction. After Audrey shyly returned the salute, Fleur went through the Floo Network to St. Mungo's.

With a sigh, Percy turned only to find the two remaining girls looking at him expectantly.

"Okay, little Vic. Would you be a good girl for your old uncle and stay here playing with your toys while I get change?" he asked while sitting the girl on the sofa with her bag at her side.

"Oki doki, Uncle Percy!" Vic exclaimed with a wide smile.

Percy quickly sent Audrey a discreet look and they both headed back to his bedroom. As soon as they got there, she started grabbing her scattered clothes, mumbling words he couldn't understand.

"Audrey... Audrey... Hey, Audrey! Wait a second!" He stopped her and threw the clothes she just grabbed over his bed.

"What?" She looked at him with small tears gathering in her grey eyes. "I have never been so embarrassed in my life! And I tend to make my presence known everywhere I go if you know what I mean, but this is too much... Your niece and her mother... You didn't even tell me you are a wizard!"

"And what did you expect? We met at a muggle bar. I'm not screaming my condition to all muggle London! I won't tell any woman I meet in some bar that I'm a wizard–"

Before he could continue with his little speech, Audrey burst into tears. When he finally came out of his clueless silence, Percy hugged her, putting her head under his chin.

"I'm sorry. Shh... please, don't cry, 'Drey," he soothed her, caressing her long, wavy hair.

"You-you think I'm a-... a... slut too?" she asked with a tad of bitterness in her voice.

"What? No! No, of course I don't think that," he said, looking into her eyes to show her that he really meant it.

Hiccupping, Audrey finally got her breathing to a normal pace. They were still looking at each other when a soft voice was heard through the door.

"Uncle Percy, I'm hungry..."

"Be right there, sweetie!" Percy said and quickly put on a pair of old jeans and a white shirt he found in the 'clean-laundry' pile of clothes. "Would you stay and have breakfast with us?"

Audrey bit her lower lipin hesitance when a pair of lips pressed against her own. Pulling out of the kiss, Percy smiled at her.

"Perfect. Get dressed. I'll make pancakes."

She stayed speechless as she watched him leave the room, sending her a wink. Audrey couldn't believe this was the nerdy "muggle" guy she met last night. What she still didn't know, was that the drunk one-night stand was going to change her life completely.


A/N: "Au revoir bébé. Papa will pick you up after lunch. Se comporter" means: "Bye baby. Dad will pick you up after lunch. Behave."

I edited this piece June 2012. I cannot believe all the mistakes and how terribly it was written. I hope I can improve that in the future!

Review please!