Author's Note: This is just one of my short crack fics, inspired by "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix a Lot, taking place in the middle of the night.
How the Joker had gotten out of his cell the stunned (although a more accurate description might be the slang term "mentally scarred") Arkham orderlies would never know - but here he was, strutting down the hallway, twitching to some strange rhythm of which only he knew, clad solely in a wife-beater, green boxer shorts and his favorite, multicolored checkered socks.
And he was. . .singing.
"I. LIKE. BIG. BUTTS.
And I cannot lie
You otha brothas can't den-Y
That when a boy walks in
With a itty-bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get SPRUNG. . ."
Joker skipped a verse and continued, his voice rising to a high falsetto on the last three words -
"My home boys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes ME SO HORNY!"
Jonathan Crane's head snapped up from his thin arms, which he had folded atop his desk in a meager effort to make his surroundings a bit more comfortable and therefore hopefully induce sleep. He almost never returned to his apartment at night to "snooze" anymore, not when the most important man in the world to him was here at the Asylum, waiting for Jonathan to come to him at each sun's setting. . .
Crane got up from his chair, rapidly crossed the floor and stepped out into the hallway. He snapped his fingers and motioned to a pair of guards to take Joker back to his cell, unable to prevent himself from goggling at the Prince of Crime's hairy legs.
The clown suddenly looked back over his shoulder and winked at him.
Embarrassed, Jonathan retreated back into his office, quickly slammed the door behind himself and leaned his back up against it, cheekbones beet red and his heart and erection throbbing at figuratively one hundred miles an hour as he fiddled with his belt.
He had to give it to Joker - the clown certainly knew how to make a show of flirting in public. Crane would just have to respond to his advances later. . .
But for now Jonathan could masturbate in peace.
Jonathan DOES have a nice ass, though, does he not?