Chapter 1: The Angsting
Sonic was walking around town. Because every yaoi fanfic seems to begin with Sonic walking around town. For the sake of continuity, let's say he's walking through Inaba. The town in
Persona 4. Yes.
All of a sudden, he broke down and started crying. What's wrong, Sonic? And you who are always so cheerful and spunky and energetic and so on and so on.
"I really, really, really miss Shadow. We were dating for, like, a week and everything was nice and sexy but he broke up with me for unknown reasons yesterday and I've been having these angsty fits ever since. My life sucks. I hate everything." The cobalt hedgehog said to himself. Out loud.
Why, Sonic .You shouldn't angst like that. What would your mother say? Oh, right. It's time for the obligatory flashback.
Sonic and Shadow were hanging out at Shadow's apartment. Because he has an apartment. And because this is an angsty yaoi fanfic where everyone is hilariously out of character, it's a shiny, shiny penthouse.
They were sitting on the couch, watching a film. As I recall it was a horror film. Shadow was watching intensely as the monster crept up on the cast and he JIZZED. IN. HIS PANTS. I mean...
What film it was and what genre is not important. Yes.
As the movie reached its emotional highlight, what that highlight was is not important either, Sonic started crying. The onyx colored spiny rodent, being uncharacteristically kind-hearted and nice, hugged the Blue Blur. As if he were an anime girl in a romantic comedy, he started blushing.
"Shadow... but... why?" Sonic said, still blushing, with tears in his eyes.
"Because... I dunno." Shadow replied. This aroused Sonic greatly and they had lots and lots of wonderful sex on the couch. Yay!
The very next day, eeeeverything was hunky dory and they went outside, holding hands and skipping, and bought a record player. They then put some TWU LUV songs on it and started dancing to it in public. People gathered around them and applauded. How heartwarming!
A few days later, Sonic showed up at Shadow's sexy penthouse, smiling. The Dark One was frowning and crying and angsting and stuff!
"Shadow? What's wrong, luv-ur?" The blue Erinaceus Europaeus asked, worried.
"Sonic, I'm breaking up with you kthx gtfo." Shadow said, pushing Sonic into the elevator and sending him on the ground floor. Sonic cried all the way down. Poor Sonic. Poor, poor Sonic.
Oh, dear, oh, dear. That wasn't a very pleasant experience, was it, Sonic?
"Well, I'm gonna go over to Tails. He's such a nice friend who will surely help me get over Shadow." Sonic said to himself. He seems to really enjoy talking to himself. Oh, and the cast of Persona 4 were doing something in the background. Because I'm clever like that.
And so, Sonic went over to the twin-tailed boy wonder's house. Said twin-tailed boy wonder was playing Regular Smash Brothers Outburst on the Wii. As Sonic came in without ringing the doorbell or knocking, Tails smiled.
"Hai, Sonic! Wanna play RSBO with me?" Tails asked cheerfully, full of youthful, energetic spirits.
"No, Tails. I'm too depressed and angsty to be interested in candy-colored videogame mascots beating the living hell out of each other." Sonic said, lying down on the floor, crying.
"Oh, ye gods, Sonic. What would be the matter?" Tails said, extremely worried.
"You see, Shadow and I were, like, totally in love and we were dating for a week and everything was nice and sexy and really, really pretty but by some freakish coincidence or something like that he decided that it really wasn't nice and sexy and really, really pretty so he broke up with me and threw me out of his sexy penthouse and I was really sad and really, really lonely and really sad and all that stuff." Sonic blurted out.
Tails was so deeply moved by this unfortunate turn of events that he started crying.
"No worries, Sonic. I will help you through this. For I am your awesome and loyal and friendly friend who would do anything if it meant that you weren't an irritating ball of pure angst." Tails
said, with tears in his eyes.
"Thank you... Tails..." Sonic said, hugging the yellowish orange Vulpes Vulpes. How extremely touching.
Sonic decided to stay over at Tails' house that night, sleeping on the couch. He cried himself to sleep. Obviously.
The very next day, Sonic woke up super early and had pancakes with orange juice and toast. Because it really matters what the characters have for breakfast! By the way, Shadow had bacon and eggs, Knuckles had Special K with skim milk, and Rouge didn't have anything. Because she isn't in this story.
Tails walked into the kitchen, smiling weakly. "Good morning, Sonic. How are you on this sunny and lovely day?" Tails asked Sonic, while eating something.
"I'm extremely angsty and depressed. I think I'm gonna go cut myself after I've finished eating." Sonic said, joyfully. Wait, what?
Anyway, after eating and possibly cutting himself, Sonic went outside. He started walking around town again. He saw a store window displaying the same TWU LUV record he and Shadow bought and danced to in public. This woke up so many memories that he broke down and started crying tears of pain. Poor angsty Sonic.
While he was wailing and sobbing on the ground, as if calling to the people's attention, Shadow passed him. While Shadow was passing him, the world went into slow-motion greyscale for dramatic effect. When Shadow was out of sight, the world resumed its normal speed and colour.
Later that night, Knuckles was out shopping. He bought a lot of things. Sonic was also shopping in that very same store. He also bought a lot of things.
"Hey, Sonic!" Knuckles said to Sonic, who had been walking next to him for 15 minutes.
"Oh, hi, Knuckles." Sonic said in his angsty way of talking. For he was nothing but an empty shell of an anthropomorphic blue cartoon hedgehog.
"...Sonic? Is something wrong?" Knuckles asked, worried. Sonic told him everything. This led to them going back to Knuckles' house and they had lots and lots of sex. Because... well, why not?
To be continued?
Ooh... what an exciting cliffhanger! Or not. Whatever.