Deidara trembled outside the door. Why had Sasori invited him over here? Better yet why had he come? He thought to just turn and leave more then once, to just go back to Kakashi's and never speak of this again. Even if Kakashi was off on some super mission.
He didn't want to go home. The ache in his chest was too large to leave. He spent nine years with the man inside this house, and a month without him almost ended his very life. Unknown to said man, being tortured by his mind games he hadn't realized he was playing.
He couldn't breath. He tried to tell himself so many times that Sasori would, could never love him. He thought he just wasn't good enough for Sasori. To him Sasori was a god. He was beautiful His hair, his body, his eyes. He was quiet and kind to strangers, and didn't judge anybody. On top of that he was a great artist. Even if their opinions differed. It drove Deidara farther and farther away from normalcy. It tore him in half.
He didn't want to cry anymore. He didn't want to wake up alone anymore. But the fact of the matter was, if the person he woke up to wasn't Sasori then what the hell was the point of waking up.
"What am I doing here?" Deidara whispered to himself. He looked at the cold hard cement of the front porch that his heart was turning to. "If I just come back…nothing will change…you can't force someone to love you…but I can't stop."
Deidara clenched his fist on his sides. He couldn't believe how much spending a month away from him hurt. Nothing was the same. Everything was silent and a shade of grey with out the redhead around. No matter what he put Deidara through.
He thought it made him weak, and he believed it so much so that it did. Sasori haunted him. He was sick of dreaming about love he couldn't have and he didn't want to pretend anymore. Pretending was a child's game now and the kinds of things he wished for and prayed for would never happen.
He had nothing left to offer. Sasori had already taken every part of him. His heart, his innocence, his life.
Deidara didn't hear the sound of foot steps but he heard the gasp that followed.
"I was almost certain you wouldn't come." Sasori whispered from behind Deidara.
"Yea, well I'm here." Deidara spoke, trying to sound firm and strong. He had to stay that way, if he let Sasori know how much he missed him, there was no doubt he would be easily convinced to come back.
"…Can we go inside please?" Sasori's voce was gentle, and swaying with newfound hesitancy. A hesitancy Deidara never knew Sasori had.
Deidara looked down again, slowly and nervously, he spun around. "You said you had something to tell me…we don't have to go inside to talk."
"Please Deidara…this is really important." Sasori stared down at Deidara. He watched as he tried to hide his trembling. To bad Sasori knew him better.
"I'll come inside, for five minutes." Deidara spoke again, not wanting to waver from his strong point.
"That's fine…" Sasori almost whispered. Slowly he gently lay a hand on Deidara's shoulder and pushed him to the side, Deidara moving out of the way willingly.
The redhead slowly unlocked the door and proceeded in.
All the lights were off but Deidara could see that it had been left in the same condition as always.
Before he noticed anything else it was the smell that almost forced him to break down. Perhaps he never noticed it before but now that he hadn't been home in a while, the smell of Sasori's expansive cologne mixed with the natural smell of a man made his throat clench. He had to hold back, and it took all his will power to do so.
Sasori cleaned regularly but he wasn't very organized. Even though you'd think he would be. In fact it was astounding to the blonde that he wasn't. It wasn't uncommon to find a garden gnome in the fridge for example. That had actually happened once.
It was a small house. Sasori was always carving sculptures into blocks of wood so it also naturally reeked of the resource. There was a hallway that lead from the door into the living room.
Deidara stepped inside the door and closed it then crossed his arms over his chest. "Five minutes." Deidara spoke again, as if mentally reassuring himself he had to leave.
"Okay." Sasori nodded. "I…have to go get something." And as quickly as he appeared he was gone.
Deidara looked around. The smell again intoxicated him. It was so good to be home. But this was probably the last time he was going to ever be here and it hurt so much knowing that. He bit his lip to hold back the tears.
When the other man returned Deidara tried to hide his happiness as he walked toward him. Sasori held an envelope in his hand and he looked almost flushed and nervous. Sasori never displayed the emotion of either. It confused Deidara. He had expected Sasori to be a real ass the whole time he was there and that the only reason he had come was to perhaps get the rest of his things.
"Sasori…are you alright?" Deidara asked, sounded more concerned then he intended to.
This response blew Deidara away. His eyes almost shot open and he couldn't think. He was frozen in place, feeling heavy with suddenly all the weight of the world. His heart even seemed to burdened to continue. "What's wrong…do you need help with something?" He tried his best not to concern himself with Sasori but he was madly in love with him and no one could deny that. Even if he didn't want to be.
"This…uh, well this is for you." Sasori held out the envelope to Deidara nervously and hesitantly, as if it contained anthrax.
The blonde reached out and took it. "I'm sorry, I forgot to change my mailing address to Kakashi's…this is kinda big isn't it? So you brought me here to give me my mail?"
"Please open it…I have to know…" Sasori started confidently then finished quieter.
Deidara studied over Sasori who carefully avoided eye contact. "Okay." He then looked down to the envelope and peeled the sealing off. It read Deidara Rogue on the front. He slowly cracked open the top and pulled out a stack of paper. His eyes shot open "What is this?!" He almost squealed.
"Yours…Deidara." Sasori replied, quieter then he was before.
"But…I don't understand what it is."
"The money I saved…I uh…spent it on that collage you wanted to go to…I think you got in…"
"You spent that 38 thousand on…" Deidara's lip quivered. His hands trembled and his stomach turned. "But you saved that for eleven years, you cant just go blow it on my collage, what about yours!" Deidara couldn't help it. His eyes flooded with all the emotion he was sick of holding back.
"I spent 37 thousand on it…and the rest on…" Sasori looked to the ground again. "I…have to ask you something, and even if it's a no I really want you to keep it ok, cause I just. Really want you to have it."
"Have what." Deidara cried, grasping the envelope.
"First…I have some things to tell you. I shouldn't have smacked you…I don't know why I got so angry and…I'm sorry."
Deidara could see the sincerity in his voice and eyes. Sasori was always blunt and straight forward. He never lied, not even to avoid hurting feelings like little lies. But he was actually…apologizing. Even when he was wrong he was smart enough to know and admit to it, but never, ever was there a sorry involved.
"Secondly…My life is miserable when you're not in it."
Deidara felt smacked in the face again. But this time it was a good feeling. His vision actually blurred. "I-I-I…"
"Deidara…it took some time apart before I realized this…"
The trembling man did understand what was being said and it didn't really sink in until he seen Sasori's knee hit the ground and a blue velvet box occupied in his hands.
"What are you doing?" Deidara asked his heart racing.
"Deidara, I love you and…I wanna marry you. So, will you marry me?"
"Hah, ah" Deidara almost started hysterically screaming, of course for sake of the story he controlled himself. "YES! YES!"
Sasori lit up and a huge smile spread across his face. He sprung to his feet and wrapped his arms around the trembling Deidara.
Deidara of course responded by squeezing Sasori's chest and neck as he was almost lifted from the ground.
Sasori leaned down to his ear and whispered. "Did you hear me baby…I love you."
A/N …this is meh page break…AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Oh, an this next bit is a liiiiiil questionable, but its not to bad.
On my third monster by the way xD mid nite writin
Sasori gently laid Deidara down on the bed. The sheets were everywhere and the pillows seemed in no particular order. One thing Deidara always remembered about Sasori was that he always kept his room tidy.
"You really did miss me."
"I love you." Sasori replied, climbing on the bed and laying down next to him.
After Sasori had slipped the ring on Deidara's finger they kissed again for the first time it seemed. Deidara soaked it up. Kisses and hugs were very rare from Sasori, now he was overwhelmed by them and for the first time in his life ever, he felt safe. It caused Deidara to fall into him and Sasori just held him there and kissed him while he cried. Then he carried him to the basement, in Sasori's room. Into their room.
"Sasori…I love you too." Deidara turned and rolled onto Sasori. Sasori instantly wrapped his arms around him. Deidara adjusted himself and lay his head a top of Sasori's chest.
The red haired man smiled, inhaling the smell of his again lover. He got his best friend back. He really did miss him. Having a body under him and warming him, loving him and trusting him gave him a feeling he never thought was real.
Sasori closed his eyes, smiling still. He ran his hands up and down the smaller mans back and to his shoulders, lightly pulling around Deidara's hair like he loved.
Deidara whimpered and shivered a little.
"Are you cold?" Sasori whispered just loud enough to be heard.
"Yes…"Deidara whispered back.
Sasori leisurely reached for a blanket and tried his best to cover Deidara. Once he had pretty much gotten it he ran his hands through Deidara's hair. "Never cut it." He whispered again.
Deidara simply smiled and nodded. He didn't want to move, and he didn't want to talk. That would interrupt him from listening to Sasori's heart beating. Out of all the songs he sang, music he listened to and sounds in general he had heard, none had even come close to this, not even the sound of destruction.
Sasori opened his eyes and looked down at Deidara. "Is…this real…or, am I still sleeping."
Deidara looked up at him. "You're awake…not for long though." Deidara smiled a little.
"If you're going to sleep, you're staying right here." Sasori squeezed him.
"You are too." Deidara stated.
"I'm not tired baby." Sasori spoke quietly. "Its okay if you want to though." Sasori stated to get up. "I'm going to turn the light off."
Deidara rolled back over and let Sasori get up. The other man climbed over the smaller and stood, walking toward the light, he shut it off and made his way back over in the dark.
"You are tooooo." Deidara repeated in a whiney voice as Sasori crawled on the bed.
"I'll probably fall asleep, but I'm not really tired." He stated again.
Deidara took a moment to smirk and giggle.
"What?" Sasori asked, almost afraid.
"You will be when I'm done with you."
A/N:::: OH SNAP!!! ^_-
The clothes pilled on the floor and too many kissed were exchanged to account for. Sasori hovered over Deidara, there eyes locked endlessly. Deidara's nimble hands wrapped around Sasori's back and shoulder, nails digging in as his eyes closed, bodies intertwined. Sighs, gasps and moans were traded before Sasori finally collapsed. Both of them panting and exhausted. And for the first time ever Deidara fell asleep not wondering if he would wake up alone.