Title: Poker Face

Subject: Batman

Genres: Drama/Romance

Subgenres: Action

Front Summary: ‹Threequel; Nolanverse; AU; Pairings Inside› Chelsie, the Joker and Jonathan/Scarecrow all find themselves in Arkham Asylum while in a twisted love triangle. Things can only become more complicated when their shared psychiatrist decides upon giving them group therapy together.

Summary: ‹Threequel; Nolanverse; AU; Pairings In Separate Section› Chelsie, the Joker and Jonathan/Scarecrow all find themselves in Arkham Asylum while in a twisted love triangle. Things can only become more complicated when their shared psychiatrist decides upon giving them group therapy together. For even more of a complication, said psychiatrist happens to be falling hard for the Clown Prince of Crime. What will become of the four in this continuation of As The Crow Flies and Queen Takes Pawn?



One-sided JokerxChelsie/Crow(OC)

One-sided Jonathan/ScarecrowxChelsie/Crow(OC)

One-sided JokerxHarleen/Harley Quinn

Joker Version Epilogue includes JokerxChelsie/Crow(OC).

Scarecrow Version Epilogue includes Jonathan/ScarecrowxChelsie/Crow(OC) and minor JokerxHarleen/Harley Quinn


(Note: That's as clear as I can make the pairings without becoming overly complicated with specifics.)

Notes: This story is a continuation of As The Crow Flies and Queen Takes Pawn. To understand this particular fic, you ought to read the first and second ones. It helps for you to understand who Chelsie and Crow (OCs) are.


Also, in this particular fic, Harleen/Harley's orgin story is changed just a little from the version where she sleeps her way into getting an internship as a psychologist at Arkham and meets the Joker, falling for him.

The main change is that she also takes on the cases of Jonathan/Scarecrow and Chelsie/Crow, finding them involed in a love triangle of twisted proportions with the Joker, thus ushering them into group therapy.

Also note that the part of Harley's origin where she met Jack before he became the Joker is not present in this AU. In this particular fic, it did not happen.


Disclaimer: Batman is owned by DC Comics and whoever else owns it. I in no way claim it as my own; I'm just borrowing. Any OCs are mine and the plot is also mine.

A/N: This is where Author's Notes will go from now on.

And welcome back to the fun! :D

One thing I gotta mention: I had to give Arkham some kind of schedule. The only experience I could base my schedule on was my time in a juvenile psychiatric ward.

(Yes, I went to a psych ward. No, it was not fun. Yes, I am crazy. Yes, I did see a straitjacket. If you have any other questions about that either pm me or review with them. I seriously get questions about it when I mention it.)

My time there was pretty full, so I decided I would utilize every minute of the day in Arkham to the fullest extent. If it's nothing like an asylum schedule, your complaints will fall on deaf ears. I've never been in an asylum (yet!), so you can't expect me to know what it's really like. Just deal with my interpretation.

Although Harleen explains the schedule in the prologue, I decided to make it easier on you and write it up in a better format in the A/N. In it, Crow's therapy sessions are inserted.

I just want you to know that I actually put some thought into the schedule.

And yes, some of it is based on what I remember of the schedule during my psych ward stint.

Here it is:

Six AM - Wake Up; Breakfast

Seven AM - Return to Cells

Eight AM - Mandatory Shower

Eight-thirty AM - End Mandatory Shower; Return to Cells

Eight-thirty-five AM - Crow's Group Therapy

Nine-thirty AM - End Crow's Group Therapy

Ten AM - Outside Time

Eleven-thirty AM - Return to Cells

Twelve PM - Lunch

One PM - Return to Cells

Two PM - Outside or Rec. Room Time or One-on-One Therapy

Three-thirty PM - Return to Cells

Four PM - Optional Shower

Four-thirty PM - End Optional Shower; Return to Cells

Six PM - Dinner

Seven PM - Return to Cells

Eight PM - Rec. Room Time

Nine-thirty PM - Return to Cells

Ten PM - Lights Out


A cram-packed schedule, if you ask me.

One more thing: To see a Gaia Online avatar version of Chelsie in her Arkham uniform, copy-paste the following into your browser:

http://i32 dot tinypic dot com/2u6ffc9 dot png

Now, replace the "dot" parts with "." (without the quotation marks) and eliminate the spaces between.

If you're too stupid to figure that out, go to my profile. I'll put up a link after I post this.

And now that you've done that and know the schedule (and knowing is half the battle. G.I. Joe! Oops, wrong fandom.), you can continue to the prologue.


Poker Face

by Syrenia

Prologue - Fun Times

I wanna hold 'em like they do in Texas Plays
Fold 'em, let 'em hit me, raise it, baby, stay with me (I love it)
LoveGame, intuition, play the cards with spades to start
And after he's been hooked, I'll play the one that's on his heart

I wanna roll with him; a hard pair we will be
A little gamblin' is fun when you're with me (I love it)
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And, baby, when it's love, if its not rough, it isn't fun, fun hard pair we will be

I won't tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you 'cause I'm bluffin'
With my muffin: I'm not lying,
I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning
Just like a chick in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand 'cause I'm marvelous

Can't read my, can't read my
No, he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No, he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)

~ Lady GaGa - Poker Face

Not even a day in and Chelsie/Crow was now wearing a pale blue Arkham jumpsuit.

Of course, by day one, Crow had improvised the top a little by ripping the neck low with a long nail to show off her white undershirt that barely covered her large chest. She had then pulled the bottom up and tied the ends into a tight knot, showing off some of her midriff.

With those changes made, she felt more comfortable.

And, obviously, the uniform bore the usual label of "Arkham Asylum" in black on the top on her right, her newly assigned number on the left and in black as well. Her number happened to be 913, two of her lucky numbers together - 9 and 13 - to her great amusement.

When she had been sent to her cell, it was fortuitous that both the Clown and Jonathan/Scarecrow had been absent from the hall. Of course, Chelsie/Crow didn't know the reason, but it was due to Harleen pulling them out for the group therapy she'd instigated between them.

This left the bird girl to get situated in her cell and to fix her new wardrobe before she would have to face her would-be-lovers once again.

Crow's cell, where she now sat on her bed with legs crossed and hands to the mattress, was small, a bed to the back of it that was smaller still and rather hard with only one pillow.

The singular pillow was the first thing that irked her. She needed two pillows to sleep well, but knew only good behavior in following days might grant her a second, so she resolved to behave for the most part in hopes of receiving another pillow.

The door to her cell was plexiglass, she realized, and she could see through it. It must have been a new renovation to the place as earlier stories she'd heard of Arkham had noted the doors as steel. (At least she knew the door could be opened both mechanically or by special keys - a useful tidbit of information.)

This was the second thing to irk her. A cell with a see-through door granted no privacy whatsoever from those who passed by, even as the cells were situated so patients could not look in on one another. This only earned her hatred because she was a woman who obviously desired sexual activity and would not deem servicing herself as too desperate. She saw nothing wrong with masturbation.

Thirdly, she noticed her room was blindingly white. It was the kind of white that shined in the light and tried to burn holes in your retinas. It actually reminded her of hospitals, which she consequently hated with a burning passion.

This was the third thing to irk the bird girl. She had nothing against white, really, as long as it came in small, not-so-blinding doses.

Currently, while reviewing these flaws in her mind, she wore a deep scowl.

Even as she did, her face twitched where her beak would normally reside. That, of course, had been confiscated along with the rest of her lovely, unique costume. And that was the fourth thing that irked the blackbird, also being the thing that irked her most of all.

'Arkham sure sucks, sweetheart,' the bird girl noted to her host, eyes shifting over their deplorable new conditions.

'No one said it would be a five-star resort, Crow,' returned Chelsie, inwardly crossing her arms and shaking her head.

Crow smirked at Chelsie's retort, then drawled within, 'What'll we say to our two favorite villainous boys when we see them, hm? I suspect they'll be thrilled to see us!'

'They'll probably think we're awesomely lame at villainy to have already been caught,' Chelsie told her, laughing at the thought.

Crow cackled aloud, then answered inwardly, 'True, sweetheart; we'd best explain that we wanted to be caught. We can regale them with the story of how we walked into Arkham, unnoticed and unannounced, and entered the employee lounge like it was nothin'.'

'Fun times,' muttered the host, rolling her eyes at Crow's antics.

The next event in the lives of Arkham's prisoners was to be the morning "outside time."

Chelsie/Crow had come to the asylum after breakfast, but before lunch, near nine o'clock in the morning. At the moment, it was ten o'clock in the AM.

Crow knew Jonny boy and his Scarecrow along with the Joker had returned to their cells only because the Clown occasionally cackled at nothing in his unmistakable, unnerving laugh.

They hadn't passed her cell, however, for which she was thankful. That also meant they had cells to her right near the front of the cell row as she had a room almost in the middle.

At the present time, inmates were filed up along the hall, all being led to the outside courtyard, but Crow remained in her cell.

After the other patients had left, both a big, burly guard with brown hair and green eyes and a little blonde woman with blue eyes appeared before Crow's plexiglass door.

"Hello, Miss Chelsie Crow," the blonde greeted from behind the door with a friendly smile lighting up her features. "My name is Harleen Quinzel. I'm going to be your psychiatrist."

Crow grinned, "It's not Chels right now, honey bunny. The name's Crow - just Crow."

The woman smiled wider, "Very well then, Crow. I'm sure I'll soon come to know you apart from your other persona, but for now, please forgive any mistakes."

The brunette crossed her arms, replying, "Sure thing, sweetie."

"Well, Crow," began the psychiatrist who checked her no doubt expensive watch before returning her blue eyes to Arkham's newest inmate, "it's still early into outside time."

She then questioned, "I'm sure you'd like to make your presence known to your... friends, so, would you like to join the others?"

"Ah, sure thing, sugarcube," answered Crow who stood from her seat on her bed. "But before I go, I'd like to know a few li'l things... Think you can answer me some questions, Doc?"

"Well, I will try to the best of my ability," the other woman replied, watching Crow expectantly.

Crow's hands fell to her hips, "First of all, how many female inmates does Arkham boast?"

"Oh, well, currently there are none save yourself, Crow," answered the blonde with a small smile before making a little joke. "It appears that mental illness predominantly runs amongst the male of the species in Gotham."

Crow laughed lightly at the joke, finding the news rather odd.

"I see. I see," the brunette then returned, clicking her tongue. "Second question, how many inmates does this place currently hold?"

Harleen looked over to the guard with her, "Would you happen to know the answer to that, Stevens?"

Stevens gave a nod, then looked to the bird girl, "Arkham's not so big these days what with rehabilitations. We used to have upward of two hundred inmates, but nows we boast about half as many. I'd say Arkham holds a little over one hundred patients in her walls."

"Thank you, sugar puff," the blackbird thanked him, to which he gave a small nod.

The brunette looked back to Harleen, "Third question, how does the schedule work around this joint?"

Quinzel smiled, answering easily and at length, "Mornings begin at six o'clock sharp at which time all patients are moved into the cafeteria for breakfast. Breakfast, as all mealtimes, lasts one hour. At ten o'clock in the morning, there's "outside time" from that point until eleven-thirty when patients are returned to their cells."

"Twelve noon is lunch time, lasting until one o'clock at which time patients return to their cells. At two o'clock, there's a choice of "outside time" or rec. room time until three-thirty on the dot when patients return to their cells," the little psychiatrist rambled on. "At six o'clock, dinner is served until seven o'clock when patients return to their cells once again."

Crow sighed inwardly, thinking her schedule would be oddly full for an insane inmate of Arkham.

"At eight o'clock, there's rec. room time until nine-thirty," continued the blonde, coming fast to her conclusion, "at which time patients return to their cells, and then it's "lights out" at ten o'clock on the dot."

The blackbird nodded, then questioned once more, "Fourth question, when do I get to bathe around this place? I like good hygiene, honey bunny."

"Well, Arkham does have a women's section for showers," Harleen replied thoughtfully. "You'll most likely be offered a shower twice a day, once being mandatory. The mandatory shower is in the morning at eight o'clock and lasting until eight-thirty."

"Thirty minutes for showers?" asked the bird incredulously. "Arkham sure is generous."

The guard and psychiatrist shared a laugh before Harleen continued, "The second, optional time to shower is four o'clock in the afternoon and lasts until four-thirty."

Crow nodded, "That's a pretty full schedule, sugarcube. When do I find time for therapy?"

"You'll attend group therapy in the mornings from eight-thirty-five to nine-thirty," answered the blonde. "On certain days, instead of outside or rec. room time at two PM, you'll be taken to a one-on-one therapy session with me, Crow. That would be every other day starting tomorrow. And after, you would return to your cell at three-thirty."

Harleen paused a moment with another of her smiles, then asked, "Any more questions, Crow?"

Crow grinned, "Just one more, sugarcube. Who happens to be the Joker's psychiatrist and who happens to be Jonathan Crane's psychiatrist?"

"Normally, we do not release that information," began Quinzel in her professional manner, "but I am privy to the knowledge that you are acquainted with both men as, you see, I happen to be their psychiatrist."

The bird girl inwardly celebrated; it would be so easy now to keep up with the two.

When the blackbird didn't reply, Harleen added, "I happen to see the two in joint sessions as you, Crow, seem to be a uniting factor between them... You happen to be spoken of quite often, you see, so I intend to eventually ease you into those sessions."

"Group therapy, then, huh?" asked the brunette bird with a quirked eyebrow.

"Yes," replied the little psychiatrist, smiling at her newest patient like she'd won the lotto.

Crow returned a smile with the same brilliance, thinking she'd pretty much hit the jackpot as well.

"Well, I'm ready to go now, shug, if that's hunky-dory with you, Doc," Crow said, clapping her hands together.

The bird girl was ready to face whatever would greet her between the two villainous boys.