I'm sure that we've had something similar to this somewhere at some point probably but... I want some drunken!Edgeworth. I don't care if he's at a party, or at a bar or any other appropriate situation. He has one drink too many, and is all over Phoenix. This would be even more funny if he and Phoenix aren't in a relationship... yet. So, I guess it would be drunken!confession fic? Bonus points for sloppy drunken kisses and even sexytimes.
It was the Judge of Courtroom Three who decided to hold a get-together in his holiday house. It was Lana Skye who decided to make it mandatory for all the prosecutors to attend. It was Maya Fey who forced Phoenix Wright to go, insisting it would improve his credibility. Therefore, Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth considered it their fault that they were in this situation.
Phoenix was bored. Detective Gumshoe was talking to him about... Christ knows. It wasn't very interesting, whatever it was. He nodded and sipped at his bottle of beer whenever he felt he should be acknowledging him.
"Hey pal, are you listening?"
"Sorry, just a bit tired," he sighed, "Maya made me search all the local dvd stores for this special edition Steel Samurai Lost Episodes box set."
"It was called the Steel Samurai Lost Adventures! Duuuuuuuhhhh!" a drunken voice drawled from behind him.
Phoenix turned around to see Miles Edgeworth, leaning against the mantelpiece. Swaying slightly.
"You okay, Edgeworth?" Phoenix asked.
"I've been watching you..." he replied.
"Yeah?" he asked, slightly concerned.
"I've been watching you all night!"
"And all week!" he continued, trying to point his index finger at him and completely missing.
"Mr Edgeworth, sir, um... pal?" Gumshoe piped up nervously.
"No, Gumboot, I haven't been watching you!" Miles barked at him. He tried pointing but this time, he not only managed to point directly at him, he prodded him violently. "In fact, go away or... or... I'll... uh... cut your pay and... and... give a pay rise to... that badger."
Miles studied him for a moment.
"You are the blue badger!!!" he shouted angrily.
"Pal, the blue badger is..." Gumshoe started.
"Well, you're a dick!"
"No, pal, sir, my name is Dick..." he sighed.
"I want to talk to Phoenix! Because..." Miles announced, he tried whispering into Gumshoes' ear but in his drunken state, he couldn't really control his volume. "Because I want to... well... we were just talking about dicks... I'd like to touch his! And I want to kiss him... and hug him... And kiss him again! Then um... I hope I'm not being forward, but I would like... I would like him to ravish me. I think I'm a bit in love with him... Even his spiky hair... that might hurt if I tried to do him from behind... but... I guess I'll let him do me... unless... what if... his hair... down there... is that spiky too?"
Phoenix and Gumshoe stared in silence.
"You know what, I think I had to go talk to... um... Oh, Franziska, sir!" Gumshoe rambled, dashing off.
Phoenix continued staring.
Miles kind of realised what he'd been saying and whom he'd been saying it to.
"Well... I think I've... um... I... um... toilet... I'll be back... um... later... or never... um... Bye!" he muttered, attempting to run off. His plan was to climb out the restroom window.
"Edgeworth, we probably need to talk," Phoenix laughed with a blush.
"I've... I... I'll... I'm going to be sick!" And with that, he ran to the bathroom, hand covering his mouth. Phoenix followed after him.
Phoenix found the other man kneeling over the toilet bowl, vomiting quite impressively. He knelt down beside him and started pulling off pieces of toilet roll.
"Ohhh, Phoenix!!!" Miles cried, trying to lunge at him for an open-mouthed kiss.
"Um, Edgey," he cringed, pushing the drunk man away slightly, "You've got... you've got sick on your chin..."
"I had one or two drinks..." he replied, sounding a little remorseful.
"What were they?" he asked, concerned and a little curious.
"Just wine..." he answered, fluttering his eyelashes dramatically.
"One or two glasses?"
"N-no, not glasses..." he mumbled, "Bottles..." He was then sick again. Fortunately, he got more in the toilet bowl than on himself. "Oh..."
"Why did you drink all that?" Phoenix sighed.
"Because..." he replied, looking up at him pathetically, "I... I knew you'd be here..."
"And? We see each other in court quite often and we hang out now and then."
"N-n-no!!!" Miles protested, "I... That's different! Um... I... Didn't you hear what I said to... um... that guy... the scruffy one?"
"Gumshoe? Well, I just sort of... guessed that was drunken rambling."
"It's true! I love you and I want to have sex with you!"
Silence settled in like a thick fog.
"Whichever fool is hogging the bathroom, may they hurry up!!!" Franziska von Karma barked from outside.
"Come on, you..." Phoenix sighed, picking Miles up off the floor. He put an arm around his shoulders and guided him along.
As he opened the door, he observed Franziska's shocked expression. She looked at Miles for a moment. "So, little brother, you finally told him?"
"Shhhhhhhhhh!" the drunken man shushed, finger to pursed lips as Phoenix pulled him away into one of the house's guest bedrooms.
"Are you... are you going to have your way with me now?" Miles asked as Phoenix laid him out on the bed.
"As a lawyer, I'm pretty sure that would constitute as rape in your state," he sighed, wiping at the drunken man's face with the toilet tissue.
"But I'm a lawyer too so that makes it okay!"
"... That doesn't make sense."
"My feelings for you don't make sense..." he replied wistfully.
"Why are you being like this?"
"I... I've wanted to tell you how I feel... how you make me feel... but... I... couldn't. I assumed... I assumed being a little bit tipsy would make me more confident..."
"You're more than a little tipsy. I'd go so far as to say you're wasted!"
"I'm sorry..." he mumbled.
"It's okay... I'm gonna go get you a glass of water. Don't go anywhere, okay?" Phoenix smiled.
"I won't..." he replied tiredly.
When Phoenix returned, Miles had fallen asleep.
He smiled as he surveyed the sleeping man. He looked like an almost completely different person to the hardened prosecutor he saw in court and the drunken wreck he'd just been talking to. He looked so... "Soft" didn't seem like the most appropriate word but it was the only one that came to Phoenix. His dusky hair swept over his slightly pointed face, making him look much gentler. His lips looked quite plump, almost feminine. He wanted to kiss them but considering how much vomit he'd just seen escape them... well, it didn't seem that hygienic.
"Oh Edgey..." he laughed softly, "I'll tell you how you make me feel when you're sober and hopefully, you'll still feel the same!"