On My Own – by BandGeek99
Winry Rockbell. Talented automail technician. Pretty. Fun. Smart. She's got pretty much everything she could ever want. Save one thing: Edward Elric. Her thoughts as she visits Central, post Conqueror of Shamballa.
This song right now is my theme. It's "On My Own" from Les Miserables, the musical sensation.
Speaking of Les Mis, I've been thinking about doing a collection of FMA fics to this show, if not rewriting it to take place in Amestris during a fictional revolution to overtake the Fuhrer. (Long story short…) Mustang would be Valjean, Hughes would be Enjoiras, Edward would be Marius, etc. Please tell me if you think this would be worth it!
Winry Rockbell gently knocked on the door of a mechanics shop in downtown Central. "Hello?" she called quietly, poking her head inside.
The storekeeper sat up from his seat behind the counter. He'd been sleeping, that was obvious, but he didn't seem angry to be woken. "Evenin', missy. Kin I help you?"
Winry quietly approached the counter and laid a small package on top of it. "Brigadier General Mustang asked me to bring this to you."
"Ah, yeah!" he said, his face lighting up. "I bin waitin' for this package fer a while now." He rummaged through something under the counter and placed a 20 on the faux marble top. "There ya go, missy. Thanks a million!" He gave her a smile with several missing teeth and tipped his hat.
She waved goodbye and left the store, not really knowing what she would do now. The night was falling fast and she had no desire to go back to Sciezka's house. If she had her way, she'd be back in Risembool with the Elrics, curled up on the couch with a new wrench in hand and Edward's arms around her.
But, no. She was alone in Central City of Amestris, nobody she could hold, few people she could trust.
And now I'm all alone again, no where to go no one to turn to,
I did not want you money sir, I came out here cause I was told to,
Winry looked to the sky. It was almost dark fall and she could bring her charade back once more. Her façade, the pretend Edward that came to her every night.
And now the night is near,
And I can make believe he's here.
She'd taken to walking alone through the streets down by the river in the dead of night. Nobody would notice, nor would they care, that a girl was all alone, talking to a person who wasn't there, dancing with herself in the dark.
Winry closed her eyes for a moment and pictured him. Not much higher than 5'9'', thin but strong, long, golden hair tied back into a braid. When she opened them, he was standing beside her wearing a heavy black overcoat and a black cap, causing his bangs to fall in his eyes. He grinned at her and extended his arm. "Coming?"
Winry smiled and took it, feeling a feeling warmth tickle her from the pit of her stomach.
Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head.
Alone, she walked through Central down by the river, settling beside a bridge with her fantasy Edward as they talked.
She watched his face carefully and found that it was imperfect. It wasn't him. It would never really be him. She smiled wistfully and brought a hand to where his face should have been, finding that her fingers sank through his phantom skin. Tears welled up in her eyes and she made no effort to blink them away. He wasn't really there. It didn't matter, right?
Almost instinctively, her ghost Edward wrapped his arms around her. "Hey, don't cry," he said. "Come on…"
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone, I walk with him till morning
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me
Winry let herself be held by her dream before she opened her eyes and stood once more. "C-come on," she heard herself mutter and continued down the paved street.
A gentle rain had begun to drum on the street while she'd had her small breakdown, but it didn't bother Winry in the least. She had her dream.
The wet made her shiver, but she paid no mind to it. The streets shone like dazzling silver under the streetlights, and the same rays danced in the river. Through patches in the clouds, the dead branches on the scattered trees seemed to be full of stars, as though the wood was catching them in outstretched palms.
In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever
As she walked along, she could feel her dream start to slip from her grasp and her usual depression settle over her again.
Why couldn't she have said something when she had the chance? Just told him. It should have happened months ago, years, even! God forbid she do anything to help her cause.
Maybe he'll come back, she thought, then shook it out of her head. It was stupid to think that he would return. He was on the other side of the Gate now, that much he'd told her during his brief homecoming.
Mustang said the Gate had been destroyed, too, to the best of their abilities. The Fullmetal Alchemist was never coming back.
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us
The blackened sky began to slowly light up and the early birds were up and about. The bakers shop on Elm Street had turned on its lights and Winry could smell the baking breads and pastries from her spot by the river.
The night was ending, she realized with a start, and she desperately turned to the river, expecting to see the dancing fairy lights she'd grown to love. They had disappeared, as had the stars in the sky. The young blonde felt the cold of Amestris wash over her and she shivered, realizing that the trees no longer were full of light, but were bare, harsh, and dead.
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers
She sighed and turned towards the city. Sciezka was probably going to worry if she woke up and found Winry gone.
The dream that she had once held so dearly to, that Edward would love her in the same way she loved him, slipped a little further from her grasp. Nobody would ever possibly understand what she felt. Ever.
He would be happy on the other side, wouldn't he? He had Alphonse, surely he'd find a girl, fall in love, live a life of happiness and affection, something she knew she'd never truly have. She'd been pretending since he'd left that he'd come back for her, pretending he was only hiding his feelings, pretending that he couldn't bear to live without her.
I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known!
Winry Rockbell knew that she loved Edward Elric. She also knew that it was affection that would never come to fruitition. She was alone in the world, her world, at least.
She buried her face into the collar of her coat, willing the tears running down her face to disappear before she returned to her friend's home. She'd just have to suffer through.
On her own.
I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own.
Finished! Here are some other quotes from the same show that I think go nicely with this story:
"He was never mine to lose."
"One more day with him not caring."
"One more day all on my own."
"Why regret what never was?"
"Empty chairs at empty tables where my friends will drink no more."
But that's just me. Please tell me what you think—I only write to get better!