Woop woop! None of this is supposed to be in any way offensive. It's all for fun!!

Characters: Any shipping pairs I could think of, and Jaken.

Prompt: I actually got this idea from someone else. Permission to use said idea was granted.


The Inuyasha Shipper's Bible

The Commandments—

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The Gospel of Inuyasha and Kagome

Commandment I: Inuyasha never actually loved Kikyo, he twas really waiting for Kagome all along.

Commandment II: Kagome tis a constant damsel in constant distress. Inuyasha shall always come to save her no matter where he tis, what he tis doing, or how fast asleep he tis. Hallelujah.

Commandment III: If Kagome and Inuyasha cannot become joined in holy matrimony, for whatever reason, she shall become with his child – by any means necessary—and it shall force the two together. They shall enjoy it vastly.

Commandment IV: Kagome tis horribly insecure and only Inuyasha can save her from her own monsters.

Commandment V: Kikyo tis a psychotic zombie bitch who needs to actually stay dead this time.

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The Gospel of Miroku and Sango

Commandment I: Miroku shall suddenly and unquestioningly stop his lecherous tactics that he hast been practicing since his balls dropped just to be with Sango whom tis the only woman he shall ever truly love.

Commandment II: Sango hast loved Miroku since forever. The Sacred Jewel saith so… somewhere.

Commandment III: Miroku doth be a masochist.

Commandment IV: Sango knowsts far more about sex than any virgin ever should or shall.

Commandment V: Sango lives only to bring pleasure to Miroku.

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The Gospel of Sesshomaru and Kagura

Commandment I: Kagura shall put herself in any danger just to get close enough to sniff Sesshomaru.

Commandment II: Sesshomaru is God. Amen.

Commandment III: an OOC Sesshomaru tis a romantic Sesshomaru.

Commandment IV: Sesshomaru loves the wind because Kagura tis the wind. Duh-ith.

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The Gospel of Sesshomaru and Rin

Commandment I: Everything Sesshomaru hast ever said about his motives tis wrong. The only thing he cares about tis chasing underage teenagers and having sex with them. There tis no proof, though, because proof tis for the unenlightened.

Commandment II: Sesshomaru tis God. Amen.

Commandment III: He no longer cares that he hates all half-demons because he tis so infused with his love for her.

Commandment IV: Opposites attract, dammit.

Commandment V: The series of Inuyasha twas not, in fact, about Inuyasha. It twas about Sesshomaru and Rin's love for each other. We shall ignore the fact that she tis under the age of ten over half of it.

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The Gospel of Sesshomaru and Naraku

Commandment I: Sesshomaru tis evil and serious. Naraku tis evil and serious. They shalt have a blast together.

Commandment II: Anything containing this pair tis not to be written under NC-17

Commandment III: One of them tis actually a girl. I'm not going to say who.

Commandment IV: If they want to kill each other that must mean that they obviously love each other.

Commandment V: Sesshomaru tis God. Amen.

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The Gospel of Inuyasha and Kikyo

Commandment I: She came back for a reason.

Commandment II: Spending eternity in hell together is terribly romantic.

Commandment III: Kagome tis a whiney reincarnation bitch with big boobs.

Commandment IV: Being shot with arrow tis an easy thing to forgive and forget.

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The Gospel of Sesshomaru and Kagome

Commandment I: Everything Sesshomaru hast ever said about his motives tis wrong. The only thing he cares about tis chasing underage teenagers and having sex with them. There tis no proof, though, because proof tis for the unenlightened.

Commandment II: Inuyasha hast Kikyo, Rin hast Kohaku, Kagura hast Naraku, and Sesshomaru gets—er, I mean… hast Kagome.

Commandment III: She says she hates his guts. She tis lying.

Commandment IV: Sesshomaru hast found a way to transport himself to the future and tis suddenly at the mercy of Kagome. During this time, they shalt fall madly in love.

Commandment V: Sesshomaru tis God. Amen.

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The Gospel of Jaken

Commandment I: He hast no known sexual organs. This tis very boring.

Commandment II: He must love Sesshomaru.

Commandment III: He secretly loves Rin.

Commandment IV: When he's not loving Rin, he tis lusting after Kagome.

And thus, the holy wars raged!!


Amen.

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