Important Author's Note: Please let me start by saying that I hate writing these things. I really do not see myself as articulate as some of the truly loved authors. But I believe that you need to give credit where it is due. The few people that I have had pre-read this story for me have said that I was able to do Edward some real justice. But I need to say that the only reason I could do it at all is because I have read the stories of some incredibly talented writers. If it wasn't for the awesome stories by Alphie, whose 'The Lion and The Lamb' was the very first fanfic I ever read. ashel-13 and HaydenMCullen, whose stories together and apart make me wish things that should never be thought. BlueSea14, whose 'Sunrise' I say is the most wonderful Edward POV of Twilight EVER (I think I even like it better than Midnight Sun). MidnightWalkinking, whose 'Her Blood Sings' has made me cry every time I read it. MotherofaBella, whose 'Beginning of Forever' I reread everyday for a month, when I first found it I love it so much. My-Bella, whose awesome with both the vampire and human Edward aspects - I printed out LLC and OLM so that I can reread them whenever the mood strikes whether I have a computer handy or not. Ranma15771, whose 'Escaping Sol' has given me such an array of emotions that I can't wait for the next update. stupid shiny volvo driver, whose BW and DDOT I also have printed out and on my book shelf. Okay, so the point is that I am not as good as these wonderful ladies, and gentleman. But I strive to be as I read more of their wonderful work. If you have not read any of these stories, or worse yet, if you have never read anything by these awesome writers, you really need to. They tend to be tear jerkers though. As some of the best stories are. FYI: I wrote my list in alphabetical order so I wouldn't have to think of an order in which I actually like the stories as that would take a very long time. Also, there are tons of other stories I have read and am just now finding. I am sorry and please do not hate me if you are not on this list. These are the people that I have mostly been reading for the last three years that I have been reading fanfics. I know that if it wasn't for PrPurpleDragon and EstherMarie I would never get this out. I love you both and I know that I am very self deprecating so I thank you for pushing me to get this out and not letting the self sabotage set in. Just so everyone is aware I have actually been working on this story for a year now and I am still not quite done yet. I can never seem to write a story in order so I write what is in my brain then I try to fill in the holes. However, I am hoping that by starting to post I can force myself to work faster to finish. That being said I want you to know that this story will be posting once a week. I need to buy myself time somehow. I hope you like this story and I hope I can finish it on time for you all and the other four I have in the works as well. I would also like to say thank you to anyone who recently read and/or reviewed Broken Strings. That was the first contest I have ever entered and I am glad that people liked it as much as they did. So if you have actually made it this far in my large AN I thank you. I am sorry and I will not do this again. Well, not in this story anyway. I have others this may happen in later. And to the authors aforementioned, I thank you and love you immensely.
Important Author's Note:
Please let me start by saying that I hate writing these things. I really do not see myself as articulate as some of the truly loved authors. But I believe that you need to give credit where it is due. The few people that I have had pre-read this story for me have said that I was able to do Edward some real justice. But I need to say that the only reason I could do it at all is because I have read the stories of some incredibly talented writers. If it wasn't for the awesome stories by Alphie, whose 'The Lion and The Lamb' was the very first fanfic I ever read. ashel-13 and HaydenMCullen, whose stories together and apart make me wish things that should never be thought. BlueSea14, whose 'Sunrise' I say is the most wonderful Edward POV of Twilight EVER (I think I even like it better than Midnight Sun). MidnightWalkinking, whose 'Her Blood Sings' has made me cry every time I read it. MotherofaBella, whose 'Beginning of Forever' I reread everyday for a month, when I first found it I love it so much. My-Bella, whose awesome with both the vampire and human Edward aspects - I printed out LLC and OLM so that I can reread them whenever the mood strikes whether I have a computer handy or not. Ranma15771, whose 'Escaping Sol' has given me such an array of emotions that I can't wait for the next update. stupid shiny volvo driver, whose BW and DDOT I also have printed out and on my book shelf.
Okay, so the point is that I am not as good as these wonderful ladies, and gentleman. But I strive to be as I read more of their wonderful work. If you have not read any of these stories, or worse yet, if you have never read anything by these awesome writers, you really need to. They tend to be tear jerkers though. As some of the best stories are. FYI: I wrote my list in alphabetical order so I wouldn't have to think of an order in which I actually like the stories as that would take a very long time. Also, there are tons of other stories I have read and am just now finding. I am sorry and please do not hate me if you are not on this list. These are the people that I have mostly been reading for the last three years that I have been reading fanfics.
I know that if it wasn't for PrPurpleDragon and EstherMarie I would never get this out. I love you both and I know that I am very self deprecating so I thank you for pushing me to get this out and not letting the self sabotage set in. Just so everyone is aware I have actually been working on this story for a year now and I am still not quite done yet. I can never seem to write a story in order so I write what is in my brain then I try to fill in the holes. However, I am hoping that by starting to post I can force myself to work faster to finish. That being said I want you to know that this story will be posting once a week. I need to buy myself time somehow. I hope you like this story and I hope I can finish it on time for you all and the other four I have in the works as well.
I would also like to say thank you to anyone who recently read and/or reviewed Broken Strings. That was the first contest I have ever entered and I am glad that people liked it as much as they did.
So if you have actually made it this far in my large AN I thank you. I am sorry and I will not do this again. Well, not in this story anyway. I have others this may happen in later. And to the authors aforementioned, I thank you and love you immensely.
~ Without further ado ~
Disclaimer: Owned by Stephenie Meyer. Played with by Jexena
Peter Pan And Wendy
As I lay here watching over the sleeping form of my beautiful Bella I find myself lost in thought. Last night we got into yet another argument over her mortality. I was well aware that her vote - a mere month ago - meant that she would be one of us, no matter what. However, I still could not help but try to come up with ways to have her postpone the inevitable.
It often amused me that every time we had this argument she could always come up with a different reason for me to give in. Meanwhile I was still using the same tired excuse. I guess 'If it's not broke, don't fix it' wasn't the best thought for this idea. Last night's argument did not disappoint. I had to wonder if she was able to come up with these comebacks on the spot, or if she had a secret list somewhere that she was slowly going through.
It was almost as if my specific word phrasing helped her to decide which one she was going to use at the time. I guess, in the long run, neither of our arguments were really changing. She wanted to change as soon as possible. I wanted her to wait just a few years. I had tried to tell her time and time again that her physical age made no difference to me. I even tried to point out that, technically Esme is three years older than Carlisle; nothing I ever said worked though.
God, I loved this woman though. I gave her a slight squeeze as she snuggled closer to me. I kissed her forehead lightly, before going back to my musings.
It seemed that last night was a bad time to bring up wanting her to experience all that the world had to offer her. Bella's ever quick mind had quite a few things to say about that.
"Edward that is one of the lamest excuses, ever and I really don't know why you keep trying to use it. First off, there isn't a single thing I can do now that I cannot do after. And before you even attempt to say anything about being out in the sunlight; we have spent sunny days at the meadow. And don't you even try anything about us being alone then. Because you should really know by now that, as much as I love your family, that is how I prefer our time spent. ALONE!"
I was beginning to see by her retort that I might have been playing a broken record here. She knew exactly what I was going to say before it even reached my tongue from my brain. God, I love this woman. She looked me in the eyes fiercely as she continued, and once again, I was completely blown away by her words.
"Edward, I never said anything before because I really thought that you would realize. However, being that you keep using that argument, I am led to believe one of two things. That either A) You give me less credit than you say you do, or B) You honestly don't understand what you are saying."
"What are you talking about?" Neither option really made any sense to me. Then again, no one ever thought the same way that Bella did. I needed her to explain what she meant by this. Because I knew exactly what I was saying and I would never discredit her intelligence. She was one of the most brilliant people I knew. The most brilliant human, that was for sure.
"You keep saying that you want me to experience a human life before I become a vampire." I nodded mutely, still not seeing where she was going with this thought. "What does it really matter though, especially if I am just going to lose all of those memories anyway?"
I was speechless for a full minute. Why did she always have to be so observant? She was right though I never really gave that side of the matter any thought. Have I mentioned that I really love this quick minded woman? Nevertheless, maybe she hadn't realized that she would have me and the family to remind her of anything she did forget. Should I mention this, or would that not be good enough for her?
I let my quick mind take over to come up with something to rebut her idea. I couldn't let her know how right she was at the moment. It would only give her fuel for her argument. There had to be a way to get me out of this. For the first time in all the time I had known Bella I was glad to hear Charlie's thoughts of checking up on Bella before heading to bed himself.
I jumped from the bed, laying her beneath the covers before heading out the window. This had happened quite a bit lately. I guess with the end of the school year coming Charlie was finally noticing that he would be losing his daughter one way or another. "Good night Bells, sweet dreams," Charlie said as he stuck his head into her room seeing - what he assumed was - Bella's sleeping form. He never seemed to know how to express his emotions for her to her face. However, his eyes were just as expressive as hers were. You could see the love in them when he was around her or even talking about her. He was really going to miss her when she 'went to college'.
Charlie walked down the hall to his room. I listened as he reminded himself about the loss of good home cooked meals that he was going to have to suffer through again soon. I was just about to reenter Bella's window when Charlie's thoughts stopped me dead.
He had thought about me a lot lately, knowing that Bella and I were becoming even more serious, he wondered how far I was pushing the relationship. I couldn't really fault him for his thoughts. In his mind, I was just another seventeen year old male. It was natural in this day and age for that to mean danger for Bella's virtue. I would never tell Bella of those thoughts though. They would upset her and, knowing her, she would twist them into meaning - Charlie not trusting her. That was not the case nor would it ever be.
However, Charlie was entitled to his distrust in me. I had hurt his daughter once already and I hated myself every day for that fact. However, I couldn't help but to wish that my actions - since I had come back - would show Charlie the truth behind my reason for leaving in the first place. Maybe, even to earn back some of that good grace he had once shown towards me.
This fact only furthered my stilled movement. I was completely floored by his thoughts and wondered where they had come from. How long had he been thinking like this?
'I am going to have to say goodbye to her soon. I don't have the luxury to try and change her mind. It is painfully obvious that it is not possible anyway. Yes, Edward made a huge mistake by leaving. However, he did come back. It is time to admit to myself that the only reason that I hate the boy is because I am jealous.'
'I cannot believe that I am jealous of my own daughter. The more that I tell myself that he might leave again, the more it becomes obvious that he is more like me than Renee. He knows his worth compared to hers. He knows that he is honored to be by her side for as long as she would have him.'
'And now, after his time in L.A., he also knows that he would die without her. I am sure that, like myself, he would even live out the rest of his lonely existence alone, rather than taint her memory by trying to fall in love again, should something happen to her. Yet, that choice never felt as lonely as it does right at this moment; now that I am losing my baby girl for the second time.'
'I honestly wouldn't be surprised if when they came home for winter break they aren't engaged. I really need to be less hard on the boy though. …'
"Edward, where are you?" I heard Bella's panicked voice pull me from Charlie's thoughts.
I shot in the window and to her side on the bed. Bella looked concerned, and slightly hurt. I ran my fingers the length of her jaw line then cupped her cheeks in my hands. "What's the matter, Love?"
She looked down at the bed as she answered me. "I thought you had taken the opportunity to go home. I thought that I had upset you and you had decided not to stay the night." There were tears in her eyes now. I hated it when she cried, even more so when it was because of my actions.
"Bella, my Bella, I am so sorry that I took so long to come back in. I was about to when I got sidetracked by Charlie's thoughts." I had no way of knowing what her quick mind fed her that that meant, but it obviously wasn't good for Bella was immediately livid.
"What is he thinking now? Is he still trying to come up with ways to break us apart? It isn't going to work.! I love you and only you! That is never going to change." Her face was bright red with her anger and her angry tears were blurring her beautiful melted chocolate eyes.
I cut her off with a kiss. Her rage was making her tone and pitch higher with each sentence. The kiss worked and she was calmer when I pulled back from her, only being able to because the whole thing threw her off momentarily. She had a smile on her face now though, and a glazed over look in her eyes. I loved that look.
"I can assure you that it is nothing like anything you are thinking. He actually is talking himself into letting up on us. He can't lie to himself anymore. He knows that we are in love and that he is incapable of tearing us apart. I almost wonder if I should tell you the part that actually had me rooted in place." I said the last part softly, more to myself then Bella, but she heard it anyway.
"Is it bad?" She asked biting her bottom lip.
"No," I said trying to get her to let her lip go. "That is what took me so off guard. It seems that he is a tad bit jealous of us."
"What?!" Bella asked in complete confusion.
"He is jealous of the fact that I came back when Renee never did, which is where most of his resentment towards me lies. Not to say that he isn't mad with how I left you in the first place - but, with us going to college soon he has decided that he can't keep this up in fear that you will use college as an excuse to never come back to him."
I was thrown for another loop when Bella started to cry again. I had once again not been thinking of both sides of the statement before I said it. As that is exactly what we were using college for. I wrapped my arms around her and laid her back on the bed.
"Please, Bella, calm down. You need to go to sleep now. We have school in the morning." She tried to protest but all the crying she had done in the last half hour had made her drowsy. I hadn't even been humming her lullaby for a full minute when she was already deeply asleep.
I was actually quite lucky to get her to sleep then. I was sure that had I not been able to she would have started back in on her change even with the knowledge of taking herself away from Charlie fresh on her mind.
Therefore, I lay there, holding my sleeping angel, when my phone vibrated in my pocket just three hours later. I knew that no matter how much I wanted to I could not ignore it.
"Has something happened?" I asked who ever was on the other end of the line quietly.
"Edward," I heard Carlisle's voice say. "You know that we would never call you away from Bella if there was no need."
"I realize that Carlisle. So why are you calling me?" I hated it more than most things when they stalled.
"Alice has seen that it is going to be a sunny day today. I am sorry, but you must leave before Bella wakes for the day. Alice has tried to see if you can get away with leaving after … but the results weren't good. So please make sure that you are home before the sun rises." There was an almost pleading tone to his voice.
It was really quite amazing as I thought of just one more thing Bella and I had in common. It was true that as a vampire I couldn't go out in public unless it was a cloudy day. However, I still longed for those sunny days. Now, though, I only want it to be overcast so that I can be out in the world with my beautiful love on my arm. I wanted to show her off to the world, yet, I also wanted to keep her under lock and key so no one could ogle my love or try to take her from me. I came back to the here and now when I realized I still held the phone to my ear.
"I will leave Bella a note and make sure to be home within the hour then." I told Carlisle in defeat. I hated not getting to watch Bella awaken to the new day. She was quite the sight to behold. But I knew that I could not risk it. So I stayed watching her sleep for the next Fifty-Five minutes. Then I pulled a piece of paper out of the notebook on her desk and wrote her a quick note. I placed it on the desk and went back to say goodbye to my own personal sleeping beauty. I moved some hair from her face and kissed her forehead lightly before leaving. I had to do it fast if I was going to do it at all.
When I got home I was not surprised to see an apologetic Alice sitting on the porch waiting for me.
'I know that you hate to leave her in the middle of the night.' She thought to me. 'But the only way for you to be able to stay is if you hadn't left at all. That seemed like a great possibility for the two of you ... until I saw Charlie getting home early today.'
"It is fine Alice. Bella should be fine, I left her a note. Hopefully she will be by after school today."
"Like you don't know that she will always take you up on that invitation." Alice laughed as we walked into the house together.
When we got inside the house, I noticed that no one was in the living room. I took a moment to locate my family members throughout the house. I found them each in their respective rooms. I turned to tell Alice that she was welcome to go back to Jasper, only to find her already starting up the stairs.
'See you in the morning Edward.' Alice thought with a sly smile.
I cringed at the thought of what that meant and ran to my room to listen to some music. I was in for another long sunny day where my only companion was thoughts of my lovely Bella. Once in my room I loaded my multi-disk player with CD's and lay on my newly acquired bed. It had been a welcome back gift from Emmett and Alice. They seemed to think it funny. As the soft jazz music filled my room, and head, I worked to drown out my families thoughts with thoughts of Bella and Charlie.
They were really quite a pair. It really amazed me sometimes how completely alike yet completely opposite they could be. I knew very little about Renee, and the one time I had met her she was too worried about Bella's health to give me any further insight. However, I am willing to bet; that it is Bella's perfect balance of both of her parents that makes her able to live so peacefully with both of them.
The thought of Renee made me think of our ever-constant argument, and more specifically last nights. Bella was right once again. How is she always right when I have lived three times as long as she has? Something has to be wrong here. And how is it that she can always see even the tiniest detail that I accidentally overlook? I realize that she is exceptionally observant but this is just ridiculous. I wonder if she is secretly getting help from Alice.
No, this is all Bella she just has the uncanny ability to always think of the unthinkable. I once again ran through the argument. I could think of many comebacks, now that I had time to think and reflect. It is so amazing that Bella is the only one in my entire existence that can do this to me. Still, I had to find a way to postpone the inevitable. Maybe … just maybe … but no, there was really no getting over this. She will be changed in just over a month and I had to come to terms with it.
If I were truly honest with myself, I would admit that I am actually looking forward to a new and improved vampire Bella; and not only for the reasons that Emmett says that an unbreakable Bella will do me good. Yet I could not really deny that side of me much longer either. I was torn between what we are capable of now and how it would all change then.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I never even heard Bella's rumbling truck as it arrived. Or Bella's thudding heart as she entered the house in a flurry. I definitely heard her as she called me down though.
What was she doing here when she should be at school? I called quietly to Alice to see if she had seen her coming. "Alice?"
'She never decided to come before school. I have no idea why she's here.' Alice thought back to me.
Suddenly fearing for Bella I ran down to her as quickly as I could. I had to make sure she was here in one piece.
I could not believe that he did it again. He once again started on the same thing that he was not worth my change. He was not worth giving up Charlie and Renee, not to mention Jacob. Though, neither of us was really willing to mention that name. It was now or never though. I wanted this and I would find a way to make it happen.
I knew that he was not very happy when I threatened to have Alice do it, she wasn't even thrilled with that one. Nevertheless, I really wanted this. There was no way I was going to shrivel up and die while he lived, forever seventeen and beautiful. That was not something I was willing to do - after the pain we were forced to go through when he left - how could he even suggest this yet again? But I was truly beside myself when he had the audacity to bring up human experiences. I had to set him straight about this stupid argument. There was no way that he could keep bringing that up. I was sure that once I got this through to him he would retire that argument. One down, who knows how many to go.
I was angry, very angry, but I was still surprised when I woke up to find myself alone in my bed. That was until I noticed what had woken me up. I looked at my alarm clock and noticed that I actually still had thirty minutes to sleep. The warmth of the unexpected sun was what had woken me. It was a complete contrast to the arctic body that I was so often wrapped around.
I blinked a couple times to make sure I was actually seeing what I thought I was. I then got up to get my toiletries and go for my morning routine. There was definitely no way I was going to get back to sleep, not that it would be worth it even if I were able to. When I got out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around myself and went back to my room to get dressed. I then noticed a note on my desk.
Bella my Love,
I know that you have a tendency to think the worst so I am telling you now, my not being with you when you awoke had nothing to do with last night. I am cursing this day and the fact that the sun had to come out on a day when we have so many important things to talk about. I am sorry that I will not be in school today. However, you can always come over after school, if you so choose. I will be at your house come twilight if you cannot come to see me.
I love you, Always and Forever
I was momentarily saddened by his note. I knew his thoughts on the matters we were discussing last night. I knew that it was not out of a lack of love for me that he wished me to stay human. Quite the contrary actually. He saw it as the murder of my soul. I saw it as the release of my soul. I had to find a way to get this through to him.
I put the note down on my dresser and got dressed. I then grabbed a pop tart and ran out the door to take my truck to school. I jumped into my faithful truck and started the engine. I had to giggle to myself as I jumped when the engine turned. It had been so long since I had driven the beast that I had forgotten just how loud it actually was.
For a split second, it actually made me think of Edward - which made me laugh even harder. To think my old rusty truck could make me think of the love of my life was quite comical to me. However, I had a brief flash of thought about how my memory never did Edward justice either. How every time I saw him was like the first time all over again.
When I was able to calm my laughter, I put the truck in gear and headed to my long and lonely day at school. I was halfway there, coming to a lovely fork in the road - imagine that a fork in Forks - when I had another quick thought. The right would take me to school and another long dreadful day without Edward and with Mike. The left would take me to that beautiful mansion hidden in the forest. Without really thinking, I let the truck decide.
I took a chance I would never let the Cullens know about.
I took my hands off the steering wheel for a full five seconds to see which way I would be going. Imagine my surprise when the truck started to veer to the left, I was not going to tempt fate anymore I went with it.
As I pulled up to the driveway of my second home, in Forks anyway, I slowed to a crawl. There was really no way that I could sneak up on the Cullens. If anything Edward would know immediately that it was me because there were no thoughts to accompany the truck driving down the road past their house - or so I thought. I took the winding drive slowly and parked just shy of the garage.
I was quite put off by the fact that no one was waiting for me on the porch like normal. For a moment, I thought myself an idiot. They usually went hunting on sunny days. Edward saw it as the only viable way to pass eight hours without me, or so he had told me. I only wish that school could do the same for me. Then I remembered that Edward's note had asked me to come over after school. He would not have done that if he were going to go out hunting. Not to mention the fact that he had gone with Alice and Jasper just this past weekend. He would not need to go again so soon, it was only Friday.
So, I summoned all of my courage and marched up to the door. I had a split second of indecision when I could not decide if I actually wanted to knock or not. I decided to just walk in. I did so, slamming the door behind me a little more then I meant to. But I am sure it got the attention of my vampire family. I stood in the entry way and called Edward to me.
"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, get down here, now." I stated in a firm voice.
Edward was in front of me before I could blink. His face held a worried and confused expression. "Bella," He asked worried about my sudden appearance I'm sure. "Has something happened? Are you alright?"
"Yes Edward, I am fine. I am just highly irritated. I feel that we need to settle this, once and for all. I cannot stand this limbo we are stuck in any longer. I love you too much. I cannot do this any longer. And to tell the truth I really do not want to."
If I thought he was confused before he was down right dumbfounded now. I took a step closer to him and grabbed his hand. I walked him to the living room and sat us down on the love seat. I tuned so that I was facing him and took a firm hold on both of his hands. I took a deep breath to begin again I could see that the confusion in his eyes had only gotten worse.
"Edward, I love you like no woman has loved a man. No, … I don't think that is quite right. I love you … like Rosalie loves Emmett."
He went to speak but I silenced him by putting one of my hands over his mouth. "I think I need to get this all out before I lose my nerve. I promise that I will listen to everything that you have to say after I get this out."
He nodded to let me know that he would do as I asked and I dropped my hand. He took hold of it and looked me right in the eyes.
"Could we at least take this to my room?" He asked before I got a chance to silence him again.
"Why?" I asked. "It isn't like everyone can't hear us and won't be listening no matter where we are. We might as well stay right where we are." Edward looked defeated but nodded again and sat back to get comfortable and listen to what I needed to get out.
I took yet another deep breath and began again. "Think about it Edward. All it took was one look and she knew there was no way she could be without him. She did the completely unthinkable and found the strength inside of herself to be able to save him and keep him with her forever. I am not saying this because I think you love me any less. I am just pointing out the similarities. I can see the truth in your love by the fact that you are willing to stand by my side as I wither and die."
"But I cannot see how I would be showing my love by allowing you to do that. No matter how selfish you thought yourself, I would be a million no a billion times worse if I were to allow you to go through that pain. I would be deserving of Rosalie's wrath had I accepted that course of action. However, I would never let that become the case. You keep saying that I am your life now. Well the same goes for me, you are my life now. Yet, that has nothing to do with the love that I will always carry for my human family and friends. No matter how long the memories last. It just means I will miss them when I have to say goodbye.
I paused here. I knew that with his vampire mind I didn't really need to. But I wanted this all to sink in. There was no way to get around this. I was going to become a vampire whether he did it or Carlisle did. Though I still hoped that even if he wasn't one hundred percent sure of it all, he would still be the one to turn me. Carlisle had had that burden placed on his shoulders enough times already. I knew that he would be only too happy to do it for me. He wanted me to become an official part of the family just as much as the rest of them did. But nothing would change the true bond we would have should Edward do this for me.
"Bella," Edward said softly "You really have no idea what you are saying. I know that you think you do, but there is just so much to this life that you seem to enjoy overlooking."
Edward looked through me again with those pain filled eyes. I willed myself to not cry and overreact. I couldn't let my insecurities get the best of me. This had nothing to do with him not wanting me around forever. It was about his insecurities about me eventually changing my mind and him not being good enough for me.
"What is it you think I haven't taken into account, Edward?" I asked in a fuller voice than I thought I could pose at the current moment. "Because I can assure you that I know more than you think I do."
"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked trying to suppress his rage.
"Just that I am very observant; and that you are not the only vampire I know or speak to."
Edward's head immediately snapped towards Alice who was sitting at the bottom of the stairs with Jasper.
"What are you looking at me for?" Alice asked throwing her hands in the air her eyes wide. "I am not the only one she spends her time with either."
"She is right Edward." His head came to face me again. "I have known your family for a little over a year now. I have spent time alone with each one of them. Well, except for Jasper and Rosalie." I said a little sadly.
I immediately felt calm again. I looked to Jasper with a smile that he happily returned then I looked back to Edward. He had his eyes closed and was pinching the bridge of his nose. I put my hand on his cheek and his eyes snapped open again they had that lost hopeless look that I always hated seeing.
"Edward, please believe me when I say that I am not saying these things to make you feel bad or guilty in any way. I just refuse to be the Wendy to your Peter Pan."
We heard Emmett's booming laughter from up stairs and Edward's eyes became slits for a second, before he calmed back down and looked back at me. I am pretty sure that Emmett was providing Edward with pictures of himself in the traditional Peter Pan outfit. That would be just like Emmett to not be able to keep a single conversation serious.
"What exactly is that supposed to mean, Bella?" he asked quietly
"You do know the story of Peter Pan, don't you?" I asked skeptically. He shook his head yes but still looked at a complete loss. "Then you shouldn't even have to ask that question." I stated "I refuse to turn around and go back home like a good little girl while you continue to be a child for eternity. I refuse to disregard my love for you to do what is practical. I will be a child for eternity with you because this is where I want to be so this is where I belong."
Edward looked thoughtful for a moment then I spoke again, almost carefully. "Edward, I know that this is a topic that you, A) feel that I am unqualified to discuss, and B) hate to discuss, but it is now or never. I want you to be the one to do it. I just don't want you to feel trapped into doing it. I hope you know that I really do understand why you don't want to do it. I just feel that as much as you think this is the destruction of my soul I feel it will be a solidifying aspect of our bond. But I would never want you to feel that I forced you into something that you really didn't want to do. You have always been so generous towards my feelings and thoughts. I would never want you to think that I didn't care for yours just as much."
"Bella," Edward said almost reverently as his hands came up to cup my face. "I never meant for you to feel like that. You know how I feel about you. You also know how I feel about this situation. I love you more than I know what to do with. You make me feel more human than I ever thought was possible. I refuse to be the cause for your forfeit into an afterlife in Heaven."
"Edward, when will you get it through that thick vampire skull of yours? I want nothing to do with any life or afterlife that doesn't include you."
We stared into each other's eyes for an immeasurable amount of time. I knew that his quick vampire mind was working overtime to try to come up with a way out of this conversation yet again. I was actually quite blown away when Edward next opened his mouth. Though my attention was actually torn in two as Alice started to clap and bounce around while Jasper tried to hold her in place.
Edward looked to Alice quickly then back to me. "Okay" was all he said.
I had stopped breathing. I had no control over the functions of my body. My mind was reeling and I was almost positive that I had just heard him give in. "Did…did you just agree with me?" I asked in barely a whisper. It was so low that I wasn't even sure if those in the house on the upper floors heard me.
"Yes" He said just loud enough for me to hear.
Before anyone could do anything I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck. I peppered his face with kisses as he just sat there with his arms securely around my waist and that lovely crooked smile on his face. I was so happy in that moment that I didn't care about anything else. I am sure it was hard for Jasper to deal with my steely determination turning to such complete joy so quickly. But, like I said, I didn't care about anything in that moment.