WELL. I had an AIM conversation the other day about how 4kids was going to deal with Hidan's cussing and violence. And since Lyserg from Shaman King was magically un-British in the 4kids version, and Ren the CHINESE shaman was British instead, I thought they might make him British.
Joey freaked out and the crack conversation followed.
SO that's my inspiration! So, this is how 4kids owned Hidan. Enjoy...?
How 4kids Screwed the Akatsuki
"Got any sixes, un?"
"Tobi does not have any sixes, Deidara-senpai."
"Tobi for the last time, it's 'yes' or 'no.' Don't extend the answers. You're almost as bad as the lobsters were at poker…"
"You mean the ones we ate yesterday, un?"
"Why must you be so cruel!"
And with that, Kisame proceeded to fling himself down on top of the coffee table where they were currently playing 'Go Fish.' Needless to say, cards went flying, tears were shed for lost 'brethren,' and the game had inevitably come to a close.
"I'm glad that's over with, un," and with a sigh of exasperation, Deidara set his own cards down on the table next to a sobbing shark-boy.
"Tobi feels for you, Kisame-kun," said Tobi consolingly, patting Kisame on the back repeatedly. "Deidara-senpai is just moody because he did not get enough 'beauty sleep' last night. Or so he told Tobi."
"Tobi, you said you wouldn't tell anyone, un!" exclaimed Deidara, pointing accusingly at his idiotic companion.
"Tobi is sorry!"
"Screw your apologies! This means WAR, un!" bellowed the girly bomber, bringing out clay birds from his cloak. God knows where he got them from.
"Now, now Deidara-kun. Try to be rational," said Itachi from his spot on the couch, who, up until now, had watched in bemused silence at the unfolding events.
"Screw being rational!"
"You're starting to sound like Hidan, Deidara-kun."
"Wait a minute," Kisame sat up suddenly from his piteous position on the table, earning a bone-crushing hug from Tobi, which he chose to ignore. "Where is Hidan? He usually likes playing 'Go Fish' with us… You know, before he storms out screaming about how it's a conspiracy."
The others all looked thoughtful, when they heard the shattering of glass from a room upstairs.
And having nothing better to do, they all went to check it out.
But not before Tobi said, "do you think my stuffed animals decided to have a tea party?"
Silence ensued, and a clay bird somehow managed to find its way into Tobi's cloak.
And after an explosion, the three remaining Akatsuki members continued to the staircase.
Tobi didn't join them.
A swift walk up the stairs led the three companions to a rather soft voice traveling down the hallway. Following the voice down the eerie dimly lit hallway, Deidara began to voice his concerns.
In a rather unmanly way.
"What if it's a ghost, un?"
"Deidara, there are no such things as ghosts," sighed Kisame.
"If there were, I would have already gathered an army of them to help me take control of the cotton candy factory, which has banned me from their premises ever since that day."
"We've heard the story, Itachi. I don't need another nightmare tonight about you and your weird ass cotton candy fetish."
"You guys aren't helping, un!"
They had reached the source of the voice, which was coming from Hidan's room.
Deidara, being the manly man he was, hid behind Kisame.
"This is weird, un. He isn't screaming or cursing. Is he hurt, un?"
Wordlessly, Itachi reached for the doorknob.
In a weird spastic gesture, Deidara grabbed Itachi's wrist and glared icily at him.
"We have to listen first! We can't just charge in knowing something's aloof, un!" whispered Deidara harshly.
Itachi raised an eyebrow, but nodded anyway. Kisame just shook his head and put an ear to the door. His two companions following suit.
From Hidan's room, a voice very unlike that of the Hidan they knew, was speaking the most horrifying words the three could imagine.
"Right-o, chaps! Are you up for a spot of tea before we go at it?"
A terribly accurate British accent had replaced Hidan's usual callous demeanor. A look of panic flitted across Deidara's features, a look of bewilderment upon Kisame's, and two raised eyebrows indicated that Itachi was slightly interested.
On the other side of the door, the voice spoke again.
"Would you excuse us, miss? If you would please accompany us to have that demon inside of you removed, I would be greatly appreciative." There was shuffling, someone clearing their throat, and a faint 'clack' of china on china. "What's the dilly, old chaps?"
Meanwhile, outside, Deidara had gone into a fit in between gagging and giggling. No one could have ever discerned which.
Kisame had gone from bewilderment to pure and utter amusement- and had long since stuffed a hand in his mouth to stifle the laughter. Even Itachi had a smile on his face.
And then, the icing to the cake. Where everyone simultaneously pushed in closer to the wooden barrier separating them and the comic genius.
"What the deuce is going on here, Kakuzu?"
And with that, the three Akatsuki members burst through the door, Kisame and Deidara rolling on the ground of Hidan's room in hysterical fits of uncontrollable laughter, while Itachi chuckled heavily behind a pale hand.
And there was the object of their current mirth, in all his fury, with a red face and glaring his deadliest at the three on his floor.
In one hand was a script, in the other was a cup of tea, and sitting around a tea platter at his feet were none other than Tobi's stuffed animals.
Without warning, Hidan cracked.
It was said to be the second 'shot heard around the world' thing for the people living near the Akatsuki.
Only, instead of a shot, they heard 'FUCK 4KIDS, WHY DON'T THEY JUST FUCKING CUT ME OUT OF THE ENTIRE SHOW!? STOP LAUGHING YOU COCKSUCKERS!'
And this had signaled the largest bloodshed that Hidan's room at the Akatsuki hide-out had ever seen. At the end of it all, Deidara managed to say something. Miraculously.
"Tea party, un?"
And out of nowhere, Tobi popped up in his scorched Powerpuff Girls boxers, and bellowed "TOBI KNEW IT ALL ALONG!"
And then Hidan's room was blown to smithereens.
Problem: Cursing and violence
4kids Solution: …Make him British?
CRACKCRACKCRACK. This is my first crackfic EVAR. Not very good, ehhhh?
I've been reading a lot of crack fics lately, and decided to try my hand at one.
Fail? Probably. Amusing? Probably not.
I have an idea on this series. This really short series about how Akatsuki gets screwed by 4kids. Random inspiration from AIM FTW.
And Itachi? Cotton candy fetish? That'll PROBABLY be included in another chapter. Look forward to it?
SO BYE. I'm nearly done 3 of the first chapters for my SasuNaru stories! Expect random other crackfics, too.