He just knew
Summary: Peter knew that this was going to be his last time here. He also knew that
it was going to be really short visit here.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, I just like playing with them and their
feelings. Parts of the storyline are not mine either.
Spoilers: for the movie and the book.
Peter knew what he was doing. He knew that he couldn't get attached as he knew that this time, it wouldn't last. So when Caspian tried to come closer to him, he acted childish, yelling and fighting like a little kid. He tried to make as much space as possible between the two of them, even though he didn't want to. For Peter knew. Peter knew that Aslan would not let him stay this time. He knew and even though it hurt to admit, he didn't want to be foolish and hope for a miracle that he quit knew it was not going to happen.
"Please Peter, you are acting like little kids. All he wants to do, is come a bit closer to you. What's wrong with you" Edmund asked frustrated one day. And Peter wanted to tell him why. He actually wanted to scream at him and tell him, that it was not because he didn't like Caspian, quite the opposite, Caspian had grown special in his heart. But he didn't. He couldn't tell him that Aslan was not going to let them stay longer than needed. He didn't want to tell him, that if he let Caspian come to close it will end in heartache. And he couldn't tell him that by being an immature child he was succeeding in keeping his sanity when Aslan threw them back at England. He couldn't tell him that so he acted like an arrogant jerk. "I will act the way I want to act. You are not in position to tell me what to do" He knew the words would hurt his brother but he didn't have a choice. "God Peter, your acting like a child again. Grow up will you?" and then he stormed off living Peter to his own turmoil.
And when the battle ended, he sure as hell didn't want to kiss Caspian like that. It felt good, liberating but he had to stop. So Peter gathered all his shattered strength and pushed the boy of him, turning his face into a hard glare, hissing to Caspian "this never happened, understand?" Caspian could only look fearfully and nod. His eyes full of unshed tears to knowing rejection, from the person that he longed for so long. And when Peter saw those eyes, full of hurt and confusion, he knew that he achieved what he tried to avoid. Hurting Caspian. But that was unavoidable now, so to hide his own hurt, he turned around and stormed into the forest.
And when things got back to normal in Narnia, and Caspian became King, it was Peter's time to go. And it hurt. It hurt a lot more than he would have thought, because he knew this time that he was not coming back. He knew that, this was it. The adventure was over. And what hurt the most, was that he didn't get to know Caspian as he would have liked to. And when he said to Caspian that he would not be back, he could see that the boy was holding back tears. And Peter had to hold back his own, and as Suzan kissed Caspian, Peter could here his heart breaking as well. And when he took the final step and went back to the train station, Peter was sure that his heart was shuttered.