Just a goofy little idea. This would take place probably right after "Chuck vs The Suburbs."


Chuck vs the Emoticon

nrdhrdr01: sarah

swalker218: Chuck? Is that you?

nrdhrdr01: hey wht r u up 2

swalker218: Oh, you know, the usual. Filing reports, updating security protocols, using complete words and punctuation.

nrdhrdr01: funny

swalker218: Seriously, Chuck, is it that difficult to put a period at the end of your sentences?

nrdhrdr01: nvr figured u 4 a grammar junkie

swalker218: Just a pet peeve of mine.

nrdhrdr01: one more thing i know about u then

swalker218: And yet he continues to commit the offenses.

nrdhrdr01: Fine. Happy?

swalker218: Ecstatic. So, what's up?

nrdhrdr01: Nothing. Just bored. Is Casey down there in Castle with you?

swalker218: He's on his way. Chuck, where are you?

nrdhrdr01: At the Buymore.

swalker218: Using the PC at the Nerd Herd station? Is that on a secure line?

nrdhrdr01: Please. It's me.

swalker218: :)

nrdhrdr01: Sarah Walker! Using an emoticon! I'm shocked over here!

swalker218: Don't get used to it.

nrdhrdr01: Oops, hang on a sec--

swalker218: Okay.

nrdhrdr01 signed off at 5:37:58 PM

nrdhrdr01 signed on at 5:48:29 PM

nrdhrdr01: Still there?

swalker218: Yes. Everything okay?

nrdhrdr01: Just out of curiosity - if I were to, say, throttle the next irate customer who insisted the slowness of his laptop was my fault and not the 189 gigabytes of furry porn on his hard drive, would your powerful government connections be able to get me a "not guilty" verdict?

swalker218: I could pull some strings.

nrdhrdr01: Good to know.

swalker218: Having one of those days?

nrdhrdr01: However can you tell?

swalker218: Well, you're normally not the throttling type.

nrdhrdr01: This is true. I'm usually more of the "smile and nod until they go away" type.

swalker218: :)

nrdhrdr01: Another one! This is epic!

swalker218: What can I say; you bring out the worst in me.

swalker218: Oh, be careful when you leave today. There are baby coyotes in the parking lot.

nrdhrdr01: Is that code?

nrdhrdr01: The penguins swim at dawn.

swalker218: The fire department caught one this morning.

nrdhrdr01: A penguin?

swalker218: No, a coyote.

nrdhrdr01: Did he have a big box with "Acme" stenciled on the side?

swalker218: ?

nrdhrdr01: That's from… you know what, never mind. What did they do with him?

swalker218: They gave him milk and put him in a cage right behind the Double O.

nrdhrdr01: Are they gonna let him go? Or do you get to keep him?

swalker218: I don't want any pets, especially a coyote. Animal control is going to take him out to the wild and release him later today.

nrdhrdr01: Why? You could train him, start a circus.

swalker218: In my hotel room?

nrdhrdr01: Teach him to ride a little unicycle, act out the Gettysburg address with a hedgehog audience…

swalker218: You're not even listening anymore, are you?

nrdhrdr01: (It's easier to just play along, Walker.) Training them to juggle will be a problem, but fortune rewards the patient.

swalker218: Will you help me?

nrdhrdr01: (Attagirl.) About time you asked.

nrdhrdr01: Trained more hedgehogs in my day than you could shake a stick at, young lady.

swalker218: Let's do it. I'll give my 2-week notice.

nrdhrdr01: I just did 30 seconds ago.

swalker218: I had a gerbil when I was five, so I have some experience.

nrdhrdr01: Outstanding, you're practically an expert.

swalker218: We'll need a name for the act.

nrdhrdr01: How about… Sarah's Coyote Circus, with special guest stars the Hedgehog Five.

swalker218: You can't give me all the credit. It'll have to be named Chuck & Sarah's Coyote Circus, with special guest stars the Hedgehog Five.

nrdhrdr01: Why does my name go first? It's your Coyote.

nrdhrdr01: I can see it now, little hedgehogs dressed as clowns, holding tiny seltzer bottles...

swalker218: You're not right in the head, you know that?

nrdhrdr01: Come on! We'll make millions!

swalker218: (sigh)

nrdhrdr01: I bet when you woke up this morning you thought you weren't going to be talking about hedgehogs. Well, that's where you're wrong, girlie.

swalker218: :) Actually, I had a dream that I was going to be talking about hedgehogs with you.

nrdhrdr01: Really? Was I dressed like Napoleon?

swalker218: You had the same dream?

nrdhrdr01: It's uncanny.

swalker218: So, what's bothering you?

nrdhrdr01: ?

swalker218: Come on, Chuck. I've known you long enough to know that when you start rambling about Hedgehog Circuses, there's something bothering you.

nrdhrdr01: Coyote circus. The Hedgehogs are guest stars only.

swalker218: Chuck…

nrdhrdr01: Okay. Okay.

nrdhrdr01: Just been thinking…

nrdhrdr01: It gets to be too much sometimes, you know?

nrdhrdr01: The secrets, the lies…

nrdhrdr01: Going out and doing… what we do… at night, not being able to tell anyone about it…

swalker218: And then you sit there at the BuyMore all day and have furry porn connoisseurs abuse you.

nrdhrdr01: That's about the gist of it, yeah.

nrdhrdr01: And kudos for knowing how to spell "connoisseurs."

swalker218: Just one of my many talents.

nrdhrdr01: Anyway. That's it. Just kind of fed up is all. Nothing you can do about it, but thanks for listening.

swalker218: Well, maybe there is something I can do about it.

nrdhrdr01: Is that so? And what' might that be?

swalker218: Seems to me you deserve the night off.

nrdhrdr01: I'd love the night off. But I have to stay late tonight just to work through the mountain of desktops that have piled up in the Cage.

swalker218: Don't worry about that. I can have a couple of CIA techs take care of those.

nrdhrdr01: Really?

swalker218: Hey, if I can keep you out of jail for throttling a deviant laptop user, I can certainly get some of your busy work to disappear.

nrdhrdr01: You're aces, Sarah Walker. And don't think it went unnoticed that you believe it'll take two CIA technicians to do the day job of one Chuck Bartowski.

swalker218: I'd get three, but that would raise too many eyebrows.

nrdhrdr01: Wow. You really know how to talk to me, lady.

swalker218: Another of my many tal7yru756

nrdhrdr01: What's "tal7yru756"? :) Another code word?

nrdhrdr01: Sarah?

nrdhrdr01: Hello? You still there?

nrdhrdr01: Sarah, I just called Casey, no answer. Are you all right?

swalker218: Who is this?

nrdhrdr01: What? Who is this?

swalker218: What is the access code for the CIA's operative database?

nrdhrdr01: WHO IS THIS?

swalker218: This is the man who followed Major Casey into your little hideaway, and now has him at gunpoint.

nrdhrdr01: What about Sarah?

swalker218: When she wakes up, she'll have a nasty bruise.

nrdhrdr01: But they're both alive?

swalker218: For now. If you don't give me the code, that will most certainly change.

swalker218: And for the record, your Mr. Casey is currently assuring me that you are, and I quote, "A blabbering moron who couldn't be trusted with a CIA access code if he were the last idiot on earth."

nrdhrdr01: Well, at least I don't have to ask you to prove that's really him.

swalker218: Quite. Should I listen to him? Are you a moron who has not been entrusted with the access code?

nrdhrdr01: No, I have it. And tell Mr. Casey that the world would have been much better off if Carter had gotten re-elected in 1980.

swalker218: He's making something of a disturbing noise.

nrdhrdr01: That'd be his "Trickle-Down Economics" growl.

swalker218: You're wasting my time. The code. Now.

nrdhrdr01: How do I know you won't hurt them?

swalker218: You don't. You'll have to take my word for it.

nrdhrdr01: So, you have a gun on Casey right now?

swalker218: Yes.

nrdhrdr01: You're pretty good at typing with one hand.

swalker218: I don't know what that has to do with anything.

nrdhrdr01: It'll occur to you.

swalker218: The code, immediately. Or John Casey dies, then the girl.

nrdhrdr01: Fine. Fine. But it's an encrypted algorithm, not an alphanumeric code.

swalker218: I don't understand.

nrdhrdr01: I didn't think you would. What I'm saying is that I'll have to send you a file. The file will provide you with access to the information you want.

swalker218: Then do it.

nrdhrdr01 sent you a file named "slepupld_flv"

nrdhrdr01: Okay. It's done.

swalker218: I don't see the database.

nrdhrdr01: Did you get the file?

swalker218: I don't know. It said something about a file some lines up.

nrdhrdr01: Well, you should see a window asking if you want to accept the file.

swalker218: No. I don't see any window.

nrdhrdr01: Okay, no problem, it's probably just sitting under the active window. Minimize the chat window and you'll see it.

swalker218: How do I do that?

nrdhrdr01: Minimize the window?

swalker218: Yes.

nrdhrdr01: Don't you use a computer?

swalker218: Well, yes, a Macintosh.

nrdhrdr01: Ah. A Mac person.

swalker218: What's that supposed to mean?

nrdhrdr01: Nothing, nothing. My ten year-old cousin has one, they're very shiny. Okay, do you see a small box at the bottom of the screen, flashing yellow?

swalker218: Yes.

nrdhrdr01: Click on that box, then click "accept file."

swalker218: Okay, done.

nrdhrdr01: Now, this is the important part. You should see another box asking if you want to open or save the file.

swalker218: Yes. I see it.

nrdhrdr01: Click on the "open" button.

nrdhrdr01: And it's been nice knowing you.

swalker218: Bartowski?

nrdhrdr01: Casey? Is that you? Are you okay?

swalker218: Fine.

nrdhrdr01: What about Sarah?

swalker218: She's coming around now.

nrdhrdr01: Did it work?

swalker218: Something sure did. What did you do to this guy?

nrdhrdr01: Modified version of Fulcrum's upload. Their file worked off a series of images designed to wipe a mind completely clean, bringing about a coma or even death. I went through the images one by one a few days ago, and removed the most complex, re-saving it as my own version. The result should be that our guy is just unconscious for a couple hours. Does that make sense?

swalker218: I don't know, I fell asleep after "a series of images."

nrdhrdr01: You're a riot. Put Sarah on, will you?

swalker218: Chuck?

nrdhrdr01: Sarah? Are you okay?

swalker218: I'm fine. Nice work.

nrdhrdr01: Just one of my many tal7yru756. :)

swalker218: ?

nrdhrdr01: Nothing. You'll get it when you read back over the conversation.

swalker218: Well, thanks. I owe you one.

nrdhrdr01: Do I still get my night off?

swalker218: I think you've definitely earned it today.

nrdhrdr01: Great. And what about you?

swalker218: What about me?

nrdhrdr01: Is Casey there?

swalker218: He's locking the Fulcrum agent up.

nrdhrdr01: Can he see the conversation?

swalker218: No.

nrdhrdr01: Seems to me I suddenly have a night open.

swalker218: That's true.

nrdhrdr01: I wonder what I'm going to do with myself.

swalker218: The mind reels.

nrdhrdr01: I think I can scrape up enough of my overtime pay to afford a restaurant nice enough to justify some sort of slinky dress.

swalker218: Make sure your purse matches your shoes.

nrdhrdr01: Casey?

swalker218: No, still me.

nrdhrdr01: Getting funny in your old age, Walker.

swalker218: :)

nrdhrdr01: The slinky dress is for you. What do you say?

nrdhrdr01: Hello?

nrdhrdr01: Sarah?

swalker218: Pick me up at seven.

nrdhrdr01 signed off at 6:05:02

swalker218 signed off at 6:05:06

fluffybunnystarchildhippie signed on at 6:11:43

fluffybunnystarchildhippie: Bartowski? You there?

fluffybunnystarchildhippie: Where's Walker?

fluffybunnystarchildhippie: What is this? Did you change my account name?

fluffybunnystarchildhippie: No one tells me anything.

fluffybunnystarchildhippie signed off at 6:13:21