This is the long overdue fulfillment of a promise I made to Course Jester. He requested an Ellie/Morgan exchange, and by god he shall have it. This one's for you, CJ.

You absolutely don't have to read "Ellie vs. the Hair Gel" to get this, but I'd a little extra happy if you did. Wouldn't it make you happy to make me that happy?

I obsessed a little bit with the timeline here, but finally figured the hell with it and just wrote the thing. So, if you pick up some factual errors, email them to me 12 years ago. I'll write myself a note and leave it where I'll find it yesterday. By tomorrow, they'll be fixed.

Finally, thanks to daydreamer2578 for letting me bounce ideas off of her noggin. She says it hardly hurts at all. I personally think she's just being nice.

Ellie vs More Hair


thegriminator: Ellie! Are you there?

elliebean79: Who is this? How did you do that?

thegriminator: Huh? It's Morgan, Ellie. How did I do what?

elliebean79: Morgan? How are you typing on my computer?

thegriminator: Didn't Chuck show you how to do that when he set it up for you?

elliebean79: He showed me a bunch of things, but the only thing I remember is the on switch.

thegriminator: LOL, well it's a part of AOL. It's called Instant Messenger. You can type with people over the world wide web.

elliebean79: What's LOL? Libya Online?

thegriminator: Are… are you serious? It stands for Laugh Out Loud. You really are a newbie, aren't you?

elliebean79: Morgan, please speak English.

thegriminator: Sorry. Anyway, there's a whole language for talking over an instant message. I'd be happy to teach it to you.

elliebean79: I don't think that'll be necessary, Morgan. I don't see this catching on. I mean, I can talk faster than I can type, why not just call me on the phone?

thegriminator: Oh! I can do that! What's your number at school?

elliebean79: You know what? This is just fine. We can talk this way.

thegriminator: Oh. Okay. How's college?

elliebean79: It's great, actually. I've met some really nice people, I'm rushing a sorority, and there are tons of cute boys.

thegriminator: Cute… Ellie, you're not cheating on me down there, are you?

elliebean79: Absolutely not, Morgan. You know why?

thegriminator: Because our love is pure and true?

elliebean79: Because it's not cheating when there's NO RELATIONSHIP TO CHEAT ON.

thegriminator: Hey, you know how to scream over instant message! See? You're catching on!

elliebean79: How do you roll your eyes?

thegriminator: Huh. That's interesting. I wonder if there's some sort of system for conveying facial expressions over an instant message. It would open up a whole new range of communication possibilities…

elliebean79: OR, you could actually be in the same room as someone else and let them SEE your face.

thegriminator: I can do that, too! Which dorm are you in? What's your room number? It's only six hours to Stanford, right?

elliebean79: Morgan, you don't have a driver's license.

thegriminator: I'll get one! Is that what's been keeping us apart? I'll get my learner's permit tomorrow!

elliebean79: Morgan, many more things are keeping us apart than a State of California learner's permit.

thegriminator: Like what? Ellie, you know I'd do anything for you! Why can't we be together?

elliebean79: Morgan, I'm interested in men with ambition, like the ones down here. Men with a drive to succeed. Men who are capable of growing a beard.

thegriminator: I can grow a beard! I'll grow a beard tomorrow!

elliebean79: You can't grow a beard in one day.

thegriminator: I'll start!

elliebean79: I'll believe that when I see it.

thegriminator: If I grow a beard, will you go out with me?

elliebean79: Oh, my god…

thegriminator: You know, you can just type "OMG." Saves time.

elliebean79: Morgan, I'm hanging up now.

thegriminator: Signing off.

elliebean79: What?

thegriminator: You're signing off. Over instant message, the term is "signing off."

elliebean79: Enough, Morgan. No more instant message lessons, no more declarations of undying devotion, no more attaching yourself like a parasite to my computer and pestering me! I'm down here trying to learn something useful, not keep some perpetual child entertained!

thegriminator signed off at 4:35:58 PM

elliebean79: Morgan?

elliebean79: Hello?

elliebean79: Okay. Good.

elliebean79: Good. Yes. Good.

elliebean79: I guess I can stop typing now.


chucksolo82: Ellie?

elliebean79: Chuck! Why didn't you tell me about this instant messenger thing?

chucksolo82: What? I did! It's on page 36 of the manual I wrote for you!

elliebean79: Oh… yes… the manual. I definitely read that.

chucksolo82: I can read the sarcasm from here, sis.

elliebean79: LOL!

chucksolo82: Hey! You did read the manual! Chapter 12, Fun IM Abbreviations.

elliebean79: Yes. Once again, the manual. That is where I learned LOL.

chucksolo82: Listen, I just saw Morgan a few minutes ago. Anything you want to tell me?

elliebean79: Oh, Chuck…

elliebean79: I'm sorry, but he suddenly popped up on my computer, and he was talking this weird language, and there was shouting, and beards, and I just lost my temper.

chucksolo82: Beards?

elliebean79: Chuck, can I ask you something?

chucksolo82: Sure.

elliebean79: Morgan's a nice guy. And I know he's your best friend. But he's been chasing after me since we were little kids, and I've never given him a single indication that I'm the least bit interested.

elliebean79: Why does he still - after all these years - keep trying, when deep down he has to know that he's always going to be my dorky little brother's dorky little friend?

elliebean79: No offense.

chucksolo82: None taken.

chucksolo82: Before I answer that, I need to tell you something. But you have to promise me that you'll never, ever tell Morgan.

elliebean79: Okay.

chucksolo82: I mean it. NEVER.

elliebean79: Okay, I promise. No need to shout.

chucksolo82: Ha! Chapter 15, "Capitalization as Inflection."

elliebean79: Chuck…

chucksolo82: Sorry. Okay. Here goes…

chucksolo82: Remember Tom Cooper?

elliebean79: Ugh. Yes. What a creep.

chucksolo82: Yeah, well, what you might not realize is that Morgan and I know why you think he's a creep.

elliebean79: What do you mean?

chucksolo82: Back when we were in grade school, Morgan and I snuck into the junior high homecoming dance the first year you went. The plan was to put rubber spiders in the punch bowl.

elliebean79: Wait… someone did put rubber spiders in the punch bowl.

chucksolo82: Well, yeah, I didn't say we were unsuccessful. Anyway, we were hiding behind one of the big curtains when Tom Cooper called you that name.

elliebean79: You heard him call me Smelly Buttowski?

chucksolo82: Yep. I was mad, but Morgan was furious. It was all I could do to keep him from running out and tackling Cooper right there and then. We planted the spiders, and snuck out, and Morgan was still mad about it.

elliebean79: Wow. I had no idea.

chucksolo82: There's more. Do you remember what happened the very next day?

elliebean79: No…

chucksolo82: That was the first day Morgan proclaimed his undying love for you, remember? At lunchtime? In front of the whole school?

elliebean79: Oh my god, I remember! He got up on the table, and he started singing… what was the song…

chucksolo82: "Sexual Healing." Marvin Gaye.

elliebean79: Oh… how inappropriate…

chucksolo82: Well, in his defense, he was eleven. I don't think he grasped the true nature of the song.

elliebean79: Chuck, that was terrible! The whole school was laughing at me! And the other girls teased me about being his "girlfriend" for years!

chucksolo82: See, you're remembering that wrong.

elliebean79: What do you mean?

chucksolo82: The whole school was laughing at him, Ellie. He knew that would happen, and he didn't care. And as for the teasing...

chucksolo82: Did anyone ever call you the name Tom Cooper gave you? Ever again?

elliebean79: Oh…

chucksolo82: Yeah.

elliebean79: Oh, no…

chucksolo82: Yeah.

chucksolo82: That's why he does it, Elle. Even though it annoys you, and you think it's creepy, he knows that deep down inside, it's still got to feel good to have someone that crazy about you. And I'm sure he does it at some really inappropriate times, but then again, he also does it when he thinks you may need some cheering up.

chucksolo82: Like when someone calls you a name…

chucksolo82: Or you come home from the dentist with braces…

elliebean79: …or I'm away from home at a new school.

chucksolo82: Interesting when you think about it.

elliebean79: Oh, Chuck… I'm a terrible person.

chucksolo82: No, you're not.

chucksolo82: Well, maybe a little…

elliebean79: Chuck!

chucksolo82: Kidding.

elliebean79: Why didn't you tell me this a long time ago?

chucksolo82: Morgan made me promise. And you CAN'T tell him. Understand?

elliebean79: But, how do I fix this if I can't tell him I know?

chucksolo82: You'll figure something out. And remember, Morgan's tougher than he looks. And he's going to get tougher-looking, he says he's going to grow a beard.

elliebean79: Oh… um… that's interesting…

chucksolo82: Yeah, I don't know why he'd do that. His jaw was chiseled by Michelangelo himself.

elliebean79: It worries me when you talk like that.

chucksolo82: Hey, I'm secure in my manhood enough to admit when my little buddy is a hunk.

elliebean79: Okay, I'm signing off now.

chucksolo82: Yeah, I should go. I've got to buy a CD by The Verve, play Quake II, catch a late showing of "Men in Black," and watch an episode of the X-Files that I recorded on VHS. Because it's 1997.

elliebean79: That was a strange thing to say.

chucksolo82: It was. I felt compelled to say it, though.

elliebean79: Love you.

chucksolo82: Love you, too, sis.


elliebean79: Morgan?

elliebean79: Hello?

elliebean79: I can't tell if you're there or not. I had to read three chapters just to figure out how to open this box.

thegriminator: Chat window.

elliebean79: Morgan!

thegriminator: It's called a chat window. Unless you're going to get mad at me for giving you another lesson.

elliebean79: No, no, that's great! A chat window. I'm going to have to remember that.

thegriminator: What do you want, Ellie?

elliebean79: Oh, um… I wanted to tell you that I was thinking about something you said.

thegriminator: What?

elliebean79: Ready?

thegriminator: Ready for what?

elliebean79: :)

thegriminator: What's that?

elliebean79: Look at it sideways.

thegriminator: Huh. It's a face…

elliebean79: It's a smiley face. I'm smiling at you.

thegriminator: You're smiling at me…

elliebean79: Yes, Morgan. I don't want to give you the wrong idea or anything, but I do want to apologize for being mean earlier. The truth is that I'm down here, at a new school, and I haven't made many friends yet, and I was feeling a little sad, and I took it out on you. Can you forgive me?

thegriminator: You smiled at me…

elliebean79: OMG.

thegriminator: Elle Belle! You're getting it!

elliebean79: Morgan! No nicknames!

thegriminator: Sorry, sorry. Rule number 4.

elliebean79: Honestly, Morgan. Thank you for getting in touch with me. And I want you to know that you can IM me anytime.

thegriminator: I will! I'll do it every day! Every hour! What's your class schedule?

elliebean79: Maybe we can limit it to once a week.

thegriminator: Yes. That's the right idea. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'll be so absent, you'll be madly in love with me.

elliebean79: Hard to argue with that logic.

thegriminator: So, how's school going?

elliebean79: Okay. I think I've got my majors narrowed down to either Pre-Law or Pre-Med. It's a tough choice between those two, though.

thegriminator: Are you kidding me? You've got to go Pre-Law! Haven't you seen Ally McBeal? Lawyer chicks are majorly hot!

elliebean79: Okay, that makes the decision much easier.

thegriminator: Glad to help.

elliebean79: Well, I have to go study. Oh, before I go, I have to ask you something. Who sings that song that goes, "Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, let's make love tonight?"

thegriminator: Um… that's… Marvin Gaye.

elliebean79: Marvin Gaye. I've got to get that CD.

thegriminator: It's… um… a good one.

elliebean79: Good night, Morgan.

thegriminator: Night, Ellie.

elliebean signed off at 8:36:58 PM

thegriminator signed off at 8:37:01 PM


chucksolo82 entered the chat room "Awkward Teen Angst" at 11:43:18 PM

jennyb81 entered the chat room "Awkward Teen Angst" at 11:43:40 PM

jennyb81: Hello?

chucksolo82: Hey, Jenny.

jennyb81: Did I miss anything?

chucksolo82: I think we're the only ones here. Everyone else must be watching Dawson's Creek.

jennyb81: That doesn't come out until next year.

chucksolo82: Yeah, I know, but the joke fit too well.

jennyb81: Well, should we start talking about how our moms abandoned us and our fathers are distant towards us?

chucksolo82: I dunno. That's getting kind of old.

jennyb81: Okay, wanna cyber instead?

chucksolo82: Great! I'll put on my robe and wizard hat.

jennyb81 signed off at 11:45:09 PM

chucksolo82: Hello? Jenny?

chucksolo82: I've got to work on my timing.

chucksolo82 signed off at 11:46:38 PM

Yeah. Broke the fourth wall a little more than usual on this one, but it's all in good fun.