It was another "Take-care-of-Bella-while-we're-gone" day.

Edward, Alice, and Rosalie were on a hunting trip, leaving Emmett, Jasper, and Bella alone for twenty-four hours. These days were one of Emmett's favorite because it left him alone to annoy Bella with his jokes, uninterrupted. Jasper usually hovered somewhere in the background, trying not to smile.

Emmett smiled and marched over to the living room, where he spotted Jasper and Bella sitting together in front of the television. Emmett had just sat down next to Bella when suddenly they stood up, heading for the staircase.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Emmett asked in a depressed tone.

"Away from you." Bella replied happily without turning back.

Emmett shrugged, deciding he'd bother her later.

-

He was on his way to his own room, when he paused next to Jasper and Alice's room. The door was ajar.

"Jasper, it's hard!" A girl cried in frustration. Emmett froze on the spot. To his surprise, the voice belonged to Bella.

Not Alice.

Jasper laughed, sounding like he was in high spirits. "Relax, I'm going easy on you."

"No you're not! You're just moving that thing in and out like that!" Bella snarled angrily.

"But that's how it usually goes..." Jasper murmured.

"But I can't move!"

"Oh, just come-"

Emmett was feeling faint. Even if he indeed was a vampire.

"Shut up, let me think, damn it!" Bella snarled, cutting him off. Emmett pursed his lips. Since when did anyone have to think about anything while... mating?

He could hear the soft squeak of bed springs as someone light (probably Bella) repositioned herself.

Jasper sighed. "Let's just get this over with, Bella. You know who's stronger when it comes to this kind of thing."

"Wait, wait, don't do that! You went too fast!"

"I could go faster if you want."

"But I can't think that way!" Bella snapped back in frustration.

"You're only making this harder..."

"But it's so big." Bella said simply, sighing in defeat.

Jasper laughed softly. "They're all the same size, Bella."

Emmett did a double-take. That wasn't true. In fact, Emmett was pretty sure his was pretty-

"I'm not spreading these two apart, by the way." She added.

"Bella," Jasper groaned. "You have to spread 'em sometime."

"No. Not unless I find a way to go about this some easier way."

"What, you'd rather do this with Emmett?" Jasper asked his voice rough. Emmett's mouth fell open.

"No, no, of course not! He'd be mean to me..."

"Exactly. Would you rather do this with Edward?"

"Well, I usually would. But... He's just too easy on me. He never goes all-out." Bella muttered.

"So there you go. I go as hard as I want it. But this-" Jasper paused, sounding like he was gesturing to something. "This is second nature to me.

As wrong as this whole situation was, Emmett had to try very hard to hold back a snort. It was a second nature to everyone.

Bella sighed. "But that thing's so big."

"Bella, it's just as big as yours..."

WHAT?

BELLA'S A GUY?

Emmett burst into the room. There Jasper and Bella sat. Bella sat at the end of the bed, and Jasper was sitting on a chair, a square table between them.

A table that held-

"You're playing chess?" Emmett shouted. Jasper and Bella were staring at him in surprise. They were comparing the size of their two knights.

With a quick glance, Emmett noticed that her king was guarded by two pawns. Jasper inclined his head, still curious.

"Yes. What did you think we were doing? Oh..." Jasper's voice faded as both Bella and Jasper thought about their past conversation. Bella blushed.

"Emmett, you're such an idiot."