Title: Blowjob on the Balcony: Five Times House and Wilson Had Sex in the Hospital and One Time They Didn't
: hwshipper
: All characters belong to Heel and Toe Films, Shore Z Productions and Bad Hat Harry Productions in association with Universal Media Studios.
: written for daisylily as a thank-you for donating to the hl_bday_drive. Dots across canon, including references to 2.04 TB or not TB, 2.13 Skin Deep, 1.15 Mob Rules, 1.03 Occam's Razor and 5.10 Let Them Eat Cake.
Beta: invaluable help from srsly_yes.

Summary: Five Times House and Wilson Had Sex in the Hospital. And one time they didn't.
Warnings: PWP. Includes H/W/OMC double penetration in section 5, in case you want to skip that (or skip to that).

Blowjob on the Balcony: Five Times House and Wilson Had Sex in the Hospital, and One Time They Didn't

1. Blowjob on the Balcony

House and Wilson leaned over their balcony, watching Dr Sebastian Charles down on the ground below, charming the media hoards.

"Listen, I saved his life," House protested. "That means I get credit for every life he saves from here on out."

"I'll make sure Stockholm knows," Wilson said, turning to go.

"Fucking Dr. Feelgood," House muttered, still with his eyes on the ground. "Hey, Wilson."

Wilson paused and waited.

"I bet you ten bucks," House said in a conversational tone, "that you can't keep a straight face if I blow you now."

"Uh." Wilson was startled. "I will... take your bet." He looked at House, who was leaning on his cane, looking entirely innocent. "Are you serious?"

"Get your wallet out," House said simply, as he slung first one and then the other leg over the dividing wall, joining Wilson on his side. House then leaned back against the main wall and slithered downward until he was sitting on the balcony floor.

Wilson looked down as House stretched out his legs along the floor, and then reached for Wilson's fly. "Hold on--" Wilson began, and then the power of speech left him as House's mouth closed around his dick.

A firm tongue ran from base to tip, and Wilson felt his cock rise to full attention. He gagged slightly on his own saliva, despite the fact that he was the one receiving the blowjob, not giving.

"House-" Wilson started to speak again, and faltered as slightly rough lips sucked gently, then harder.

Suddenly Wilson noticed one of the media crew looking up at him on the balcony, catching his eye. Wilson's instinct was to duck away and hide, but--he couldn't, not while he was anchored with his own dick to House's mouth. Instead he forced his own mouth into some imitation of a smile, and raised a hand a struggled inch, in a token wave.

It must have not been entirely convincing, as the pressman frowned and continued to stare for a few seconds, but was then distracted by a proclamation from Saint Sebastian. Thank fuck for that.

"Gonna come," he said hoarsely, hoping nobody on the ground was looking up and could read lips. House pulled his head back just in time as Wilson spurted over his shoulder.

Wilson stood for a minute gripping the wall for dear life, legs wobbly and mind vacant.

"Cripple on the floor alert," House cut into his recuperation, and Wilson put out a shaky hand. House gripped it and hauled himself up, and Wilson nearly fell over.

"Weakling," House said.

"You just drained all my strength," Wilson protested.

"I hope not, I'm expecting a return favor any minute now," House pronounced loftily. He moved to lean on the balcony, resting his elbows on the brick wall. "Down you go."

2. Mutual masturbation in the MRI

Wilson picked up the microphone and intoned in a low, solemn voice, "House, this is God."

He watched House's face crinkle into amusement on the monitor. "Look, I'm a little busy right now. Not supposed to talk in these things..."

Their banter was interrupted briefly, but soon they were alone again, House shut his eyes and went quiet, and the MRI whirred its way to conclusion.

Job done, Wilson reached forward to turn the screen off, and paused with his hand mid-air as he saw House's face change a little. House's eyelids flickered, then closed, then flickered again. Then House's lips parted ever so slightly, his head tipped first to the left, then to the right. A sound rather like a moan filtered through to the observation room.

Wilson stared in fascination as he spoke into the microphone. "House, you're... having more fun in there than I think you should."

"You bet." House was breathing quickly now.

"There really can't be enough room," Wilson protested weakly, but his hand stole to his own fly. Mmph. House was stuck in the circular hollow tube, masturbating in the MRI, knowing his face was on screen for Wilson to see. The image, from the camera directly over House's face, meant Wilson could see House's reactions a hell of a lot better than he'd ever seen before.

"You with me out there, Jimmy?" House demanded, breathless.

"I'm with you, House." Wilson was mesmerized by House's face in flickering black and white, eyes shut, head tossing from side to side.

House's face suddenly contorted wildly, head rocking madly on shoulders, eyes squeezed tight shut, and lips parted in a moan that reverberated down the microphone and around the observation room. Wilson came with a stifled gasp into his own fist.

"I think I'm stuck to this table," House observed presently, and Wilson laughed.

3. Coming in the Corvette

"My car's been stolen!" House was briefly dismayed, looking around, until his eye fell on the red Corvette which was in the space his car had previously occupied. Whoa! A '65. And mint.

"Or rein-CAR-nated," Wilson said, sounding altogether far too pleased with his joke.

They discussed briefly whether House should keep the car, and what Joey Arnello would do if he didn't.

"He might hurt you. It's definitely possible," Wilson agreed.

"I'm screwed. Gotta keep the car," House said, amused that Wilson hadn't really needed much persuasion.

Wilson ran a loving hand over bright red paintwork. "Not hard to get screwed, with a car like this."

"My little red Corvette running you down?" House opened the door and got inside. Sleek leather and polished fittings greeted him. Wilson was right, this car was a total chick magnet. House could imagine many a happy night cruising the streets of Princeton, attracting jealous stares from guys and admiring looks from their girlfriends.

Wilson was sitting next to him now. "You could say that."

House looked at him sharply. Fucking hell, there was a definite bulge in Wilson's pants around the crotch area. It was daylight and they were in the hospital garage, for fuck's sake. There'd be people around--House turned to look out, first one way and then the other.

Actually, no, there wasn't anybody around at the moment. And House was kinda turned on too--

A hand landed on his fly, and House didn't bat it away. Instead he sat back, shut his eyes, breathed in fresh leather polish, and let Wilson jerk him off.

"My turn?" Wilson muttered, and House reluctantly summoned the strength to reach across the stick shift to the stick beyond.

"Don't you dare fucking come on my dashboard," House warned.

4. Phone Sex in the Pharmacy

It was late in the evening, and Wilson had been sitting so long at his desk he was scarcely able to move when the phone rang. He reached out groggily. "Dr. Wilson speaking."

"Dr. House speaking, thinking of you," came the reply. "Thinking of you with my hand down my pants."

Wilson rubbed his eyes and sat up a little straighter. "Uh...really?"

"Oh yeah. I found the colchicine--yellow pills, just like the patient's cough medicine. Then I was standing looking at all these awesome little colored pills in the little bottles, and I saw some nice blue ones. They called to me, help yourself oh papa, you deserve it after solving the case--"

"House, where are you? You're not still in--"

"The pharmacy." House's voice was touched by bliss. "Like a kid in a candy shop."

"House," Wilson hissed, annoyed now. "Marco will--"

"Marco will never know," House said simply. "It closed hours ago, shutters are down, nobody around. Just me, and my little blue friends keeping me company. And my cell. So, Jimmy... what're you wearing?"

Wilson couldn't help but laugh. He began to say, "House, you know what I'm--" and then changed his mind. Why the hell not. "Well, I'm wearing those pants you like. The ones where you can unzip the fly really easily--"

"And stick my hand inside," House completed, his voice husky. "And feel that hard-on, which really shouldn't be there while you're at work, Dr. Wilson..."

As House spoke, Wilson could feel such a hard-on. He switched the phone to his right hand, reached down with his left, and unzipped the fly.

"I think you've got a hard-on at work too, Dr. House," Wilson replied carefully. "If Marco found you there in his pharmacy, with your dick out..."

"I'd tell him you were there right with me," House responded. "Right here with me, undoing my shirt, playing with my nipples--"

"You playing with my nipples. And rubbing your dick up against mine--"

"Feels rough at first, plenty of friction," House breathed. "Then it gets a bit slippery--much easier--slipping and sliding..."

Wilson's cock in his hand was getting more slippery by the second as he pumped, pre-come oozing down his fist. "Oh yeah--your crotch up against mine, slipping and sliding and rolling back and forth, until--"

"Urrgggrghhh," came a groan down the line, and Wilson relished every strained syllable before bringing himself off with a small cry.

5. Double Penetration at the Donor Party

"Does that guy look familiar to you?" Wilson squinted across the room. House followed the direction of his gaze, and saw a tall handsome man with dark hair and smooth, flawless, tawny skin. He was on his own, plucking olives from a plate on a table nearby, popping them neatly into his mouth one by one.

"Nope." Actually he did, a little, but House couldn't place him and wasn't interested enough to try.

"I've definitely seen him some place before," Wilson declared, and rolled through the partygoers to shake hands in greeting. "Hey. I'm James Wilson. I remember you from somewhere, don't tell me, don't tell me...."

House arrived behind Wilson, now vaguely interested. The man was grinning a little; Wilson was frowning.

"You're not a doctor, you're not a patient. You're not an oncology donor, I'd know that for sure. Do you donate to radiology? Or pediatrics?"

"I'm not a donor. I came with one, I'm a plus one." The man looked amused.

"Then I know you from someplace else." Wilson was still frowning. "Where might I have seen you?"

The man smirked a little and said, "Well, I do a lot of gay porn."

Wilson choked on nothing at all and House nearly burst out laughing on the spot. As Wilson turned pink from his neck upwards, the new knowledge clicked through House's brain. Past videos and DVDs rolled swiftly through his mind, and reached a point of recognition. "Fucking hell. You're Ravioli."

"Ah, you've watched my movies together?" The man turned his gleaming white smile onto House. "That's right. Call me Ravi. Ravioli's my stage name."

"I cannot wait to tell Cuddy she's got an international porn star in her hospital!" House spoke a little too loudly as he looked around the lobby. Wilson shot him an agonized glance.

"You might not want to broadcast it, I've been doing my straight escort thing tonight," Ravi said solemnly, and nodded across the room at a curly-haired woman chatting animatedly to another man.

House dimly recognized her; small in dress size, medium-sized in donations. "You're her escort?"

"She doesn't like going places on her own, likes to have a partner who's not going to hit on her, and who'll go home at the end of the evening like a good boy. She's kind of a regular," Ravi explained. "Except she just got lucky this evening, so I've been instructed to stay clear now. Fine by me, she paid in advance."

"Tell me..." Wilson said slowly, and House realized instantly that Wilson was moving fast from a state of humiliated embarrassment to some kind of turn-on. House was very keen to see what came next. "Ravi, you kind of specialize in something, uh, right?"

"Double penetration," House remembered with fascination.

Ravi smiled. "Specialize? Well, you could say that."

"You, um, fraternize outside work at all?" Wilson asked.

Ravi looked closely at Wilson, who was looking buttoned-up and young in his tux jacket, and House watched Ravi's dark pupils contract a little. "Sometimes. If I like the company."

"Yeah?" Wilson raised a caterpillar eyebrow, and House saw Wilson's eyes melt a little too.

"Enough of the pathetic adoration already," House said sharply. "We've established two out of the three of us are into this dumb fucking idea--"

"House." Wilson looked at House with an imploring glint in his eye.

"You've got a fucking nerve," House went for indignation, but it didn't quite come out right. The combination of Wilson's plea and raw curiosity at the prospect of a whole new sexual experience (and there weren't many things that House hadn't tried, but this was one of them)... House was tempted. And he knew Wilson could see it--

"Three out of three," Wilson said briskly to Ravi.

House opened his mouth to protest, then shut it again. God, how the hell had this dismal donor party led to an agreement to partake in a threesome, and with double penetration for fuck's sake!

"You're on." Ravi looked around the room. "This is a hospital, so full of beds, right? Any empty ones?"

Wilson knew of a spare bed in oncology, of course, in an empty room, the former patient recently departed (or deceased, House wasn't sure which). Wilson assured them that a new patient was not due until the next day.

"Cuddy'll notice we're gone," House pointed out as Wilson closed the door carefully behind them and propped a chair up against the door handle.

"I think we've got about fifteen minutes before she comes looking," Wilson said decisively.

"We're gonna need two condoms," House dredged up another obstacle. He knew Wilson always had one in his wallet (the slut), but House didn't have one. Oddly enough, he hadn't expected to get laid this evening. Let alone in a situation requiring more than one condom.

"No problem," Ravi said, producing a small foil square from an inside pocket and handing it to House.

"Whore," House said, but without heat.

"Prepared for all eventualities. You'd better top from the bottom, as it were," Ravi said to House, a gleam of mischief in his black eyes as he nodded at House's bad leg.

"That's it, patronize the cripple," House snapped, but Ravi was right; House lay back on the pillows. He unzipped his fly and watched Wilson dropping his own pants. Ravi stripped off too, and suddenly there was a lot of naked male flesh inches away from House's face.

However screwed up this whole damn situation was, it was fucking hot, there was no denying. The possibility of being caught, Wilson gorgeously horny, and the prospect of sharing intimacy with this unfamiliar but attractive man... House was rock hard and ready to fuck anything. He snapped on the condom.

And then Ravi was on top of him, facing away, lowering his ass gently down onto House's cock. House grunted and thrust, and damnit if Ravi didn't take him right in, there and then, with no more than one small gasp. No wonder, really; a well plowed furrow, House told himself. He started to feel a little dizzy.

He could barely see a thing except Ravi's broad, beautiful back arching above, but he could hear Wilson breathing quickly, close by. House imagined Wilson turned on by watching. Ravi leaned so far backward that he was practically lying along House's chest; House struggled to keep his cock inside.

And then--then--another cock, slick and nudging alongside his own. House gasped and spluttered as Wilson thrust from the other side of Ravi, their two cocks pressed together inside Ravi's body, fucking hell this was amazing.

After a few seconds thrusting at different times (which must have been quite seriously painful for Ravi), House and Wilson started to move in unison, pushing together, in, out. How the hell Ravi was coping, House had no fucking idea whatsoever. The beautiful smooth back above House shuddered and arched and sweated, and House could see the back of Ravi's head, flung mutely backwards. He could hear Wilson, gasping and spluttering from the other side.

Sheer novelty heightened the intensity and House was ready to come within a few minutes; he knew from Wilson's vain attempts to slow down that Wilson was close, too. Somehow the two of them remained in sync despite the third person between them, and House came with a grunt barely one final agonized thrust ahead of Wilson. Ravi's body shook violently, then relaxed, and House figured he'd come too.

They lay in a dazed heap for a few minutes before Wilson, on top, extricated himself and slid off the bed. "That was awesome, Ravi."

"A pleasure," Ravi said, sounding a little giddy.

Wilson mopped his forehead and moved to pick up his pants. "House, we'd better go. Cuddy'll have missed us by now."

"You go on ahead," House mumbled, figuring it best that he and Wilson didn't walk back in to the party together.

Wilson nodded and hesitated a fraction, clearly deciding that a fond farewell to Ravi was inappropriate, then he left the room, looking admirably normal.

Ravi struggled off the bed. House sat up and asked, "You do this kind of thing often?"

"What, pick up two strangers at a party for a threesome?" Ravi smiled, white teeth gleaming in the semi-darkness. "No. But I liked your friend. I know he thought he knew me when he only recognized me from my films, but...he reminded me of someone too, you know."


"Just a guy, a friend of mine, cute like him, he died a long time ago," Ravi said, and House shuddered a little, as if somebody had walked over his grave.

And One Time They Didn't

"So what's the deal with this desk, anyway?" Wilson wandered up to Cuddy's desk and tapped the surface. "You went to all that trouble to get it for her. There must be some, uh, history here, right? From your Michigan days?"

"Maybe," House said carelessly.

"Happy memories?"

House grinned. "Do you really want to know?"

"Perhaps not," Wilson admitted. He stepped back a little and oof--bumped into House, suddenly right behind him.

"Best left to your imagination," House murmured in his ear. His hands snaked around Wilson's waist and his groin butted against Wilson's ass. Wilson could feel House's cock hardening through two sets of pants.

"Um." Wilson closed his eyes as House started to nibble on the lobe.

"Hey, guys!" Cuddy's voice intruded. "Am I missing something I ought to know?"

Wilson looked up, startled. House stepped away nimbly, ready with a quick reply. "Just checking Wilson's ears. He's got Eustachian tube dysfunction, just trying to get more air in there."

Wilson rolled his eyes and House grinned happily, before they both turned to face Cuddy.

So they'd been interrupted, never mind, Wilson decided. Cuddy's office would just have to wait a bit longer.


A/N: Ravi appears in my OMC fic Chris/Edward; see profile for link.