based on a true story
I found myself in the middle of a barren gray landscape, an old abandoned minefield, 9 metres by 9 metres. Calmly, I switched on the mine detector and waited. One beep. One mine. A 12.5% chance of death. I marked a one in the center of my map. Cautiously, I walked one metre north. As the metal detector went crazy, I could see the map change before my eyes. I could sense the mines. I could visualize. I immediately thrust 5 of my marker flags into the ground, places where I knew these wretched explosives lay. I could see the puzzle now. I was making a picture in my head. I walked up to sector A6, and flicked on the mine detector. One beep. over to A7. Two beeps. down to B7. three beeps. My heart was pounding, sweat beading down my forehead. A moment seemed to last an eternity. Taking a marker flag in each hand, I turned east, towards the rising sun, and ran forward, throwing caution to the wind, and flags to each side. two beeps. my gamble had paid off, and as I carefully strafed around the marker flags to C9, I breathed a sigh of relief.
Two beeps. This one had to be right in front of me. As I threw down the marker flag, I ran, and then I leapt. I knew not what awaited me in E7, but I didn't care. I was finally living, living out my dream of being a minesweeper. I sat down and worked out what I could of the map so far. two were left. two mines, but it would only take one misstep to bring my adventure to an end. however, providence struck me with a stroke of genius, and I was able to locate them with the map alone. As I thrust my last flag at F3, I turned around triumphantly, only to catch my pants on something. as I bent down to free my leg, I saw that it was caught on the F4 marker flag.
What a fool am I! in my hubris, in my blind pride and misplaced feeling of safety, I had stepped on a landmine which I had already marked! Nothing could save me now! "Calm down" I thought to myself. "The landmine wont activate as long as you're still standing on it.". What a great choice that left me with. I could choose between certain death and a lifetime of uncertainty, isolated and alone in the middle of this barren gray desert. As I weighed my options, the sun was setting below the horizon behind me, creating a deep sense of dramatic melancholy, the kind that only the greatest authors of history have only dreamed of communicating through the written word.
"Wait, the sun shouldn't be setting yet, it's barely 3:00!" I thought, and as I turned around, I saw something which I shall forget. The sort of thing that makes grown men cry, the kind of thing which gives you goosebumps on your goosebumps. Being far too manly for crying or goosebumps, I peed my pants and screamed. But just as the shriek had left my lips, it was already muffled by the torrent of darkness which splashed down upon me.
The thing of which I speak, as you have no doubt guessed, was a gigantic tidal wave of molasses. Atleast 300 feet and 8 inches tall, and wide enough that each side disappeared into the horizon. as it rushed over me, my thoughts immediately turned to the mine on which I had been standing. however, as molasses is one of the heaviest fluids around, weighing in at 4 pounds per gallon, the mechanism was never tripped. as my lungs filled with high-fructose goodness, I lost conciousness and passed out.
I awoke with a start, a cold trickle of sweat running down my neck. I looked around, and saw my bed, my closet, my nightstand. It had all been a dream. I got dressed and walked downstairs, where my father was waiting for me. "I have a surprise for you today, son!" he chirped excitedly. "what is it?" I replied groggily, still half asleep. "I'm taking you out to the barren gray landscape to see the new minefield today!"
O_O maybe it wasn't a dream after all YOU DECIDE thanks for reading