title: victims of love
author:
ohwhatsherface
warnings: if you've ever read anything I write, I think you can tell just what my cup of tea is
disclaimer: definitely don't own

notes: this is crack. CRACK.

Enough was enough, Naruto decided.

Strengthening his resolve as much as he could, he knocked on the door to Sakura's apartment. Seconds later, it was opened with an irritated looking Sakura glaring at him from behind. Her right hand was clenched around the doorknob, and when Naruto saw her other one in a fist, he almost flinched at the bad memories it sparked.

"You're late," she said quite loudly, roughly hauling him inside and slamming the door shut. "God, Naruto, don't you know how to read a clock—"

Naruto sniffed pointedly. Once again, he told himself he could do this.

"Sakura-chan," he interrupted. He said nothing after that, instead taking a long pause.

He almost whimpered when her glare darkened.

"Did you just interrupt me?" she hissed, placing her hands on her hips. She narrowed her eyes a fraction, daring him to challenge her further. "First you're late to the date that you insisted upon because you forgot our anniversary and now you interrupt me, you jerk?!"

You can do this man, Naruto chanted to himself. "…yes."

Before he knew it, Sakura's fist connected with the side of his head. Naruto would have cried out had he not been so used to her hostile behaviour. For someone named after a flower and had pink hair, Sakura tended to be quite an aggressive person.

"Naruto—"

"No, Sakura-chan." Naruto sighed sadly and shook his head. "This is it. I can't do this anymore."

"…excuse me?"

"This!" he yelled, arms flailing. "This relationship. You're cruel, Sakura-chan. You make fun of me and call me names and you hit me! THERE ARE HOTLINES FOR THESE KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Naruto, you willingly take beatings for other people in seconds. Are you seriously saying you can't take a few smacks from me every now and then?"

"But they aren't a few!" Sorrowfully, Naruto shook his head. "I can't… Sakura-chan, I can't do this anymore. I need to be strong – I need to be strong for me."

"…are you serious?"

Naruto put his hands on her shoulders with pity in his eyes. Sakura merely raised an eyebrow. "Believe me, Sakura-chan… leaving you hurts me more than it hurts you." He smiled sadly. "But I just can't stay with you. Not anymore. Not when you abuse me the way you do…"

With his final words said, Naruto placed a kiss farewell on her lips and walked out the door.

Conveniently, as Naruto was leaving, Sasuke came. He frowned at Sakura's confused expression. "What's wrong with you?" asked Sasuke.

Sakura snapped out of her thoughts and snorted. "Naruto dumped me."

He barely contained his excitement.

"Apparently I am cruel and abusive," she said wryly.

"…I've been told I'm a masochist."

Sakura considered this for a moment before roughly yanking him inside and cracking out the handcuffs.

FIN

Let's be honest. SaiNaru is OBVIOUSLY the most canon pairing in the manga. :D