A/N: I am on a roll here. I just had the urge to write this so, um, here it is. Oh, and promise me you'll listen to My Name Is Lincoln (look it up on YouTube) right before the end. Okay?
I know you probably hate me. In your shoes, I'd hate me too. But don't crumple this letter up and throw it away. Not yet, anyways. I want to explain.
They told me you were dead. All of you.
You know that I would never—never—willing leave you, any of you. All I remember of that night was a sharp pain, and numbness spreading all over my body. I tried to scream, I tried to fight, but I couldn't. I think they drugged all of you, but they only took me.
The next thing I remember was waking up in a white room, strapped to a hospital bed. I screamed and I fought but they just watched me coldly until I my voice wouldn't work anymore.
Then they said "They're all dead."
And I felt like I'd been dropped over the edge of a cliff. Then run over. By a sixteen wheeler. It was not...something I want to experience ever again.
I couldn't wrap my head around the idea. I don't know how long I was frozen, but it was a long time—a day? Two?
I think a little part of me died.
Actually, I know a little part of me died.
But it was like all the fight had gone out of me. All the life. I was just a shell. Without the flock, who was I? What was I?
I don't need to go into everything that followed. I think you know. It wasn't as bad as when we were little. I think it was because I cooperated. But I didn't feel the needles, really. Or the pain. I didn't feel much of anything. The other pain was much, much greater than anything they could do to me.
I was broken.
I'm not really sure what they did to me. I haven't got any new powers. It might have been worth it if they had. But all I have is a lot of scars that make me look like a drug addict. I'm okay, though. If you were wondering.
But one day, I had one clear thought. And it came to me in your voice.
Why are you here? There are better ways to die.
And I thought you were right.
So I escaped. I won't go into specifics. I will say that I gave them a pretty big slice from the giant pie of hell. Tell Iggy and Gazzy that the rudimentary bomb-making they taught me came in handy.
The bottom line was that I was on the streets of Boston having just destroyed the Association, (which I'm figuring is a branch of the Institute)and wearing a thin hospital gown.
Oh, yeah. It was February, too.
I stole. I had to. Some clothes. Mostly I scavenged. The streets of Boston weren't exactly welcoming, but with my...talents at surviving, I...survived.
For a while, anyways.
I was still kind of dead. I was surviving for something to do, but there was nothing for me to wake up to in the morning.
Until a little nagging voice said in the back of my head Wouldn't you know if they were dead?
Because I think I would. Maybe I'm delusional, but I have this feeling that I would know if you were really gone from the world.
Anyway, it was enough to give me a glimpse of hope. Enough to get me onto a computer.
And guess what I found? Your blog. You were, it seemed, not dead and pretty pissed at me. It looked like I'd ditched you, so I can't say I blamed you.
But that was like being electrocuted. You were all alive.
I must have looked really determined or really desperate when I left the library, because a young woman stopped me on the street and invited me in.
Jenna just told me she'd been where I was. I somehow doubted that, but I was desperate, so I took her up on her offer, figuring I could always run later.
So I was showered and newly clothed, and fed, and warm, and Jenna turned out to be a computer technician. So I showed her a blog post. While that Itex laptop was untraceable, my mom's computer isn't.
So for once things seemed to be going my way.
I was sleeping when I heard Jenna talking to someone one the phone. Curious girl that I am, I picked up the other line in the bedroom. And who do I hear?
What where they talking about?
Specifically, where I was, and about 'arrangements'. Which was enough to get me out of there.
So I am on my own again, only this time I have a place.
Go ahead and give my love to Mom and Ella, and to the flock. Tell them everything I've told you up till now.
Fang, I just want to tell you that I love you, because I never had the guts to do it in person. And so I'm doing it now, scrawling it by the light of the moon, in a tree.
Real romantic. Ugh.
But, really, I mean it. I don't know why I kept running away. Because I had no idea what was going on? How I was supposed to feel?
But I want it straight: I love you. I love the way your eyes light up, even if you're barely smiling and the way your hair falls around your face, and the way that you look at me and I know exactly what you're thinking.
So I just wanted that out there.
Please. I miss you guys more than anything that you could imagine. You have no idea what it felt like when I thought you were gone and the rush of hope when you weren't. I can't even begin to describe it. It was like half of me was gone and then suddenly it was back.
I would never leave you. Ever, Fang, EVER. And that goes for all of you.
So I know you hate me because you think I left, and I won't come back if it makes things difficult or anything.
But, please...don't let me lose you again.
By the time you read this, I'll be closer than you think. Just leave a note for me somewhere, I'll find it somehow.
A/N I have no idea where that came from, but I kinda wanted to post it. So. There you have it. Something completely different from what I've written before. Hope you enjoyed? I dunno, I'm reading it again now and it's kinda...weird.
But My Name Is Lincoln is cool. So cool.
Still, I do believe the next thing I'm writing will be humorous. That was pure dead depressing.
And I haven't forgotten Before It's Too Late, I swear.