A/N: I was bored, so I wrote this drabbley thing, may do a couple of others if the fancy takes me. Also my bleeding "t" key on my computer is buggered and "l" is almost as bad, so forgive any missing ts or ls.

Rule No. 1: Never Insult Your... Replicator

Captain Janeway, shrugging off her Starfleet jacket and removing her combadge, walked over o the replicator. "Hello, old friend." She greeted it, Come on, I'm being nice to you, just do what I say, nice Reppy. "Coffee: black."

She crossed her fingers tightly. "C'mon, you little..." the replicator produced a stream of coffee into her favourite steel mug. Cautiously, she removed he beverage from the slot, raising it to her lips. Less than a second later she spat it back into the mug. "Once. Once I insult you. And now..." she gestured aggressively at the mug in her hands. "You burn the meat, the veg is overripe, you destroy my coffee."

She walked deliberately to the other end of the room, before turning and running at the machine, "Coffeeblack." She said as she crashed into the button. A dark liquid sprayed up her front. "Give me strength." She massaged the replicator's 'shoulders', "C'mon, I like you, you like me. You will make me a simple cup of decent black coffee. You will." Suddenly food of all shapes, sizes, and consistencies vomited in a stream from the machine. "No, oh... Captain to Engineering, my replicator is going through its pon farr again."

B'Elanna in engineering groaned, "Captain, I have my hands full at the moment. You did ask me to realign the trans-warp manifolds and it's going to take a few hour..."

"This is an emergency."

"Okay, I'll send someone up. Torres out." The Captain looked as he final dribble of food left the machine and she was declared out of replicator rations. She sat down, a smile playing on her initially irritated face, covered in a substance that closely resembled puke and tapped her com again. "... Tom, that poker game you wanted... are we still on for it?"

Explanation for Emily, Hayley and Alice: Janeway drinks coffee. Her replicator has been known to be temperamental. Tom has a habit of trading and gambling replicator rations with other crewmembers.