I don't believe Mario's last name is Mario : All in one!
Thank you for choosing to read this. These are all 5 parts, the lost ending and the first joke about Mario's surname in "Even Mario isn't perfect." All combined into one fanfic to make the jokes more enjoyable! As well as all the jokes being together in one some extra lines have been added to add more humor. Special thank you to DrRockz for giving me the idea of the lost ending and Walkazo for the update.
Mario and Luigi are the "Mario Brothers" and people get the idea that must mean their last name is Mario. Hence Mario's name is Mario Mario. I can't believe people really choose to believe that without putting any thought into it whatsoever. O.K what parents would ever name their kid Mario Mario? Mario would be made fun of for life and beaten up a ton in school. I can just imagine a ton of very bad shit that would happen if Mario was really named that. Let me give the examples.
Scene : A bank
Mario : I'd like to open a bank account,please.
Receptionist: Full name please?
Mario: Mario Mario.
Receptionist (Thinking) : WTF? (Speaking) No jokes please, sir
Mario: I'm serious! That's my name!
Receptionist: Security, throw this troublemaker out!
(Scene) Grocery store. Cut to Mario as a teenager, he is underage and taking out alcohol
Mario (Thinking) Heh heh, with this fake ID , I'll be sure to get this beer!
Receptionist: Oh nice try Mario Mario if that is your name, I can tell this is a fake and an idiot made it. He used your first name twice.
Mario: But my name really is Mario Mario!
Receptionist: Put the alcohol back and leave before I call the police!
(Scene) Job Interview. Mario applying for job at hardware store.
Job interviewer : Well, hello there Mr. Mario...Mario? Is that really your name!
Job Interviewer (thinking) : Who names their kid Mario Mario? His parents are lunatics. And if his parents are lunatics, that must mean their son is a lunatic too. He's not right for a job at this store.
Mario (Thinking too): I know that look on his face, he hates me, oh well maybe I'll start my own plumbing business get my brother Luigi and call it Mario Brothers Plumbing!
Also it must me confusing as hell.
Scene :Princess Peach's castle
Princess Peach: Mario!
Mario: Yes, princess Peach?
Peach: Not you, I was calling Luigi by his last name.
Mario (walking away sulking) Goddamnit! That's the third time this week this has happened! That's it I'm changing my name!
I could go on and on. Next time you choose to believe something kids, put some thought into it. So why are Mario and Luigi called the Mario Brothers or the Marios for short? My guess is that it's a team name because Mario is the most famous one out of the brothers but what do I know?
Just remember this is only a joke. Don't take me seriously.
Mario Mario? Hmmmm…..I wonder what Mario's parents were like?
In a hospital. A woman is giving birth.
Doctor: Congratulations, Mrs Mario! It's a boy! Despite all that crack you smoke. He's a healthy boy!
Mrs Mario: Aw he's so cute! I wonder what I'll name him.
Mr Mario (Entering room) I'm here! Where's the baby?
Mrs Mario: Right here. Hello dear, you're wearing your shirt backwards and your underwear over your trousers again.
Mr Mario: And I see you haven't found a way to stop your drooling habit. Honestly people think we're such idiots, I wish we could prove we do have brain cells. We may both take drugs but we've still got brains!
Mrs Mario: What do you wanna name him?
A thought balloon goes over Mr and Mrs Mario's heads. They are both clueless.
Mrs Mario: Oh I know a name for him. How about Mario?
Mr Mario: That's our last name dear.
Mrs Mario: Aww...let's give him the name anyway. This thinking is killing me.
Scene Mario in school
Teacher: I'd like to take role call please. Andrew Henderson?
Teacher: Susie Todd?
Teacher: Mario Mario?
At this point some students turn and give Mario a strange look.
Mario: Here! (Thinking) Every frickin morning they stare at me, I get how I have a weird name, Get over it! (Sigh) I bet I get bullied again at recess.
The teacher continues
Teacher: Luigi Mario? Is Luigi Mario here today? (More students turn to stare at Mario and then Luigi. Mario groans.)
Scene A Hotel room
Mario: I'd like a hotel room for the night please.
Receptionist: Full name please?
Mario: Mario Mario.
Receptionist: Sir, seriously what's your full name?
Mario: I am serious! It's Mario Mario. I'm really tired, do you really think I'd be joking?
Receptionist: Until you take this seriously, you can just leave.
Scene A neighborhood.
Mario is driving a car, he then hears police sirens and is pulled over by a police officer. Mario rows down his window and waits for the police officer to come to his window.
Mario: What seems to be the problem officer?
Police Officer: You were going 15 miles over the speed limit!
Mario: Oh I'm sorry officer.
Police Officer: I'm booking you and you're getting a fine! What's your full name?
Mario: Mario Mario.
Police Officer: Sir, don't fool around with me, you are talking to someone from the police.
Mario: No really. Mario Mario!
Police officer: Right! That's it!
The police officer takes out his club and beats Mario silly.
Mario: Ow! Ow! Ooouch!
Scene A Supermarket
Mario and Luigi are going into a store to buy some groceries. When they do, they are greeted a surprise by some staff and the store manager
Manager (To Mario) : Congratulations! You're our one million customer! We would like to award you this cheque for one million gold coins!
Manager: We just need to write your name on the check. What's your full name?
Luigi (Gulping): Uh...put it under Luigi Mario.
Manager: Sorry sir, but you're the one million and one customer. The cheque goes to this guy here! (Points to Mario) Now what's your full name?
Mario: Mario Mario.
Manager: Very funny sir. Really what's your name.
Mario: Mario Mario!
Manager: Right! If you're just gonna fool around with me! Then no cheque! (Rips it up and walks away angrily.) Everybody get back to work!
The Mario Brothers just stand there looking shocked.
Mario: Luigi, I think I'll hang myself this afternoon.
Luigi: Count me in too, bro.
A prisoner jailed for numerous murders with a knife has escaped, and as for his next victims, what terrible luck that they were plumbers with incredibly stupid names. Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.
Mario and Luigi are calling the emergency services hotline. In the mushroom kingdom the number to call emergency services is 1000. They are in their bedroom with the door locked.
Luigi: The murderer is breaking into our house! Quick Mario! Dial 1000!
Mario:You don't need to tell me twice! I'm dialing!
Phone Operator : Hello you've reached 1000 emergencies!
Mario: There's a man in our house trying to kill us! Our address is 24 Melmont Road, Mushroom Kingdom.
Phone Operator: Who's speaking?
Mario: My name is Mario Mario.
Phone Operator: Who?
Mario: Mario Mario.
Phone Operator (Sighing) : Another prank caller. (Hangs up)
Mario: Oh, you gotta be shitting me! Damn my stupid, lazy uncreative parents!
Luigi: Good thing we're video game characters, having more than one life, huh?
Scene : A hardware store.
Mario and Luigi are at checkout paying for a new hammer. Mario is holding a cheque book.
Mario (thinking) : God! I can't believe I had to drag my parents all the way to the bank, just so they could say they really gave me the name of Mario Mario and show them proof on my birth certificate! It's like me getting my driver's license all over again.
Woman at Checkout: That's 55 gold coins.
Mario: Do you take cheques?
Woman at checkout: We sure do.
Mario writes a cheque and hands it to the woman.
Woman at checkout: Sir, you've written your first name twice. I can't accept this.
Mario: But my name is...and...oh son of a bitch, I'm not even gonna bother!
Mario storms out the store without his hammer angry.
Woman at checkout: What's his problem? He just made a simple mistake.
Luigi: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
Ever remember back to the days of Donkey Kong? The very first Mario game? It turns out that the girl you rescued wasn't princess Peach, but Pauline. Ever wondered why they broke up?
Scene 3 Mario's apartment New York City Brooklyn. The year is 1981.
Pauline : Mario, I can't believe you rescued me from that horrible ape! The way you jumped over those barrels!
Mario: Hey just call me "Jumpman."
Pauline: By the way, speaking of names, of all the time we've been dating you've never told me what your last name is.
Mario: My last name? Same as my first, making my name Mario Mario.
Pauline: Mario Mario! Who were your parents! A bunch of lazy, weird drugged stoners!
Mario: Good guess. Have you met them?
Pauline: I don't believe this. How can you live with that name?
Mario: It ain't easy believe me. I was bullied a lot in school. Good thing I knew self-defense back then.
Pauline: Er...Mario I gotta go. I got work tomorrow. (Thinking) What a weirdo! Chances are he's just as weird and stupid as his parents.
But Pauline never called, making Mario super depressed and hence begun his shroom addiction and making him like his parents, and began his many trips to "the Mushroom Kingdom." Hence the game "Super Mario Brothers" And there you go folks, that's the reason Mario takes drugs. The depression which is given to him by his name , along with it being a family tradition, let's say.
Scene The Mario Brothers home.
Mario is sitting on a couch watching the T.V. He is watching a quiz show.
Host (On television): For this chance to win 20 games for the Wii. Just answer this question. What year did the first Sonic game appear? Calls only cost 1 gold coin. Just dial the following number on the screen.
Mario: Hmmm...Just one coin? I think I'll give it a shot.
(He dials the number)
The host on the T.V hears the number and answers.
Mario: The answer is 1991!
Host: Congratulations! What's your name!
Mario: Mario Mario.
Host: Er...I think we've got some problem on your phone. You said Mario twice.
Mario: That's my name! Mario Mario!
Host: Sir, call back when you get your phone fixed.
(Hangs up) Mario is shocked.
Mario: DAMNIT! DAMNIT! DAMNIT! WHAT'S THE POINT OF EVEN HAVING A FUCKING PHONE IF EVERYBODY I GIVE MY NAME TO HANGS UP ON ME!
Scene : Mario brothers home (again)
Luigi: Mario. I'm expecting an important package today, and I need to go meet Daisy at the mall. Will you get the door if it rings?
Mario: Sure, bro!
Luigi: I need you to do this. The car is broken and it's a long distance to the post office. It's about over an hour's walk.
Mario: What are brothers for?
At this Luigi leaves. Some time later the doorbell rings. Mario answers it.
Mailman: Hello I have a package for a Luigi Mario?
Mario: Oh he's out.
Mailman: Oh well he needs to sign this.
Mario: I'll do it.
Mario signs it and hands it to the mailman.
Mailman: Sir, you've accidentally written your last name twice.
Mario: My name is Mario Mario.
Mailman: Right, if you're gonna put fake names. Maybe Luigi Mario should come and get this package himself.
The mailman takes the package and walks off. Mario closes the door.
Mario: Arrrggghhhhhh! Luigi's gonna kill me!
Scene : A golf course.
Mario and Luigi have played through a game of golf in a golfing competition. They have finished the game and are waiting for the manager on top of a stage to announce the winner.
Luigi (To Mario) : I'm telling you, bro. I've won, I've always been better than you at golf!
Mario: As if! I totally creamed you!
Manager: And the winner is Mario! Can….
(At this Mario screams with joy)
Mario: Yes! YES! (Seeing as Mario shouts so loud, the manager doesn't get to finish what he's saying)
Mario runs on the stage in front of the tons of people watching him, takes the trophy, and then takes the mike.
Mario: Thank you so much! But you should know better than you can't beat ol' Mario at golf!
Manager: You're not Luigi Mario!
Manager: I mentioned the last name first. If you let me finish. I would have said the winner is Mario. Luigi Mario.
Mario (smile drops) : Oh no.
The audience starts laughing loudly at Mario. Mario grows extremely embarrassed, drops the trophy and mike and runs off. Luigi walks on the stage and takes the trophy.
Luigi: Thank you everybody. This year's golfing competition was great. See you next year.
Later Mario and Luigi are driving home in their car. Mario is covering his bright red face with his hat, enormously embarrassed and crying slightly.
Luigi (Thinking to himself): Tch...seeing as I have a name which makes more sense. Makes me wonder why it's me who's the shy one in the games and he isn't the cowardly wimp. Well at least Nintendo had more common sense when it came to Wario and Waluigi. According to the Mario Party games, least they gave them the name of the Wicked Bros and not the Wario bros.
(And yes that fact about Wario and Waluigi is true, if you want proof just play Mario Party 5 and put Wario and Waluigi into a team, they're called the Wicked Brothers not the Wario brothers. Heh...Wario Wicked and Waluigi Wicked. Nice.)
After being sick of the torture given to him by his name. Mario finally decides to change his name. Special thanks to DrRockz for this last idea and to Walkazo for the idea of the new ending. Be sure to check their fanfics out and subscribe to them if you enjoy their work!
Scene . Mario in a courtroom. Mario is dressed in a business suit and is not wearing his trademark cap with the M on it. He is talking to a judge.
Judge: So why do you want to change your name? And I have to say, is there a reason you only put your first name, on the form?
Mario: I want to change my name, because it gives me nothing but TORTURE! I was bullied a ton in school, people stare at me strangely whether my name is read out or they burst out laughing, I can't order items off Ebay or Amazon, because people think I've screwed up my mail details. I can't sign checks! I can't apply for a driving license or a bank account! The police have beaten me up over my name! I can't win prizes in magazines or on television when I give them my name and address details. I can't apply for jobs which is why I'm just a lowly plumber. I think my girlfriend has actually broken up with me over my name. I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON WHY MY NAME FUCKING SUCKS!
Judge: Whoa! Relax...young man. You're in a courtroom. Your name can't be that bad. What is it?
Mario: It's Mario Mario.
Judge: Right. You really expect me to believe that? (Some people in the court start laughing.)
Mario: See? Look at what it's doing right now!
Judge: Young man, it's not right to pull pranks on a judge.
Mario: Right. That's it, I was hoping not to do this.
Mario pulls out a fire flower and becomes Fire Mario. Mario's blue business suit turns white, and his black tie becomes red. He then throws a fireball at two of the men laughing at him, killing them instantly. The courtroom comes out their laughter and gasps at this sudden behavior.
Mario (In an angry and evil voice): Let me change my name now, or I'll fireball your ass to hell. Along with everybody in this court room!
Judge (Gulping): Very well, Mario Mario. What would you like your name changed to?
Mario: Let's change only the last name. How about Mario Vinichi?
Judge: Very good. I now declare your name Mario Vinichi. (Slams hammer down.)
Mario: YES! YYYEEESSSSS! (Mario starts laughing insanely, loving his bad luck is finally over)
While Mario is cheering. He doesn't notice that the judge is quietly telling a police officer to bring in back up. After Mario cheers for about 30 seconds, he leaves the court room only to find 10 police officers pointing guns at him.
Police Officer: Mario Vinichi a.k.a Mario Mario! You're under arrest for murder and for threatening a judge! Hands up!
Mario, without hesitation, quickly throws his hands up.
Last scene : Mario is in jail. Luigi (still named Luigi Mario) has come to visit him.
Luigi: Nice going, Mr Vinichi. There is just some things you don't do to a judge.
Mario: Oh shut up. You could comfort me seeing as I've to get the electric chair.
Scene Mario is in the electric chair with the switch about to be activated. Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Toad and Yoshi look at Mario with saddened faces.
Prison Guard : Any last words?
Mario (giving a small smile) : Well, at least my tombstone's not gonna read Mario Mario.
(So there you go folks, now you know why Mario and Luigi are never called by their full names in the games. Still believe their last name is Mario?)
THE END! THANKS FOR READING!
And once again special thank you to DrRockz for this last idea and to Walkazo for the new update to the last line!