Whoo, chapter three! Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, I really appreciate it. (This fic never had a plan, or a plot, or even an idea, or anything when I started it...so I'm surprised I've made it this far. XD)
Chapter 4 is already partly written, and it should be yummy. :) As always, hope you enjoy!
The next day in the morning at home and in class, neither twin spoke about the previous day's conversation. Neither of them seemed to want to talk about it. Kaoru was especially quiet because he was thinking over and over about looking at Hikaru asleep and finally realizing he was in—
In love. I get it now, but—
They were in the host club now, putting on their act for the ladies. An act—that was all it was, but Kaoru wished it was more than that. If only for his own selfish reasons, he wished for just one day that the whole thing would become more than just that. Hikaru was holding him close now, murmuring, "Kaoru, I'll never let you go!"
"Hikaru…" Continuing the act, Kaoru buried his face into Hikaru's chest, squeezing his eyes shut. It wasn't hard to manufacture tears under these circumstances. They came naturally today, and added a nice touch to the performance.
Kaoru gripped his brother tighter. I love you.
He didn't have a problem saying it in his head. He was coming to terms with the fact that he really did find himself in love with his twin. Not the brotherly kind of love—he felt it in his veins, in his pulse, in the way his breath caught as Hikaru held him closely—and he was starting to become okay with it. As long as Hikaru didn't know, nothing would change. Everything would continue as usual—their act, their games, their time spent at the host club. Kaoru smiled into the folds of Hikaru's shirt. As long as they were in the host club, there would still be moments like this, and that was enough. He would never have to tell Hikaru.
I love you.
It still felt nice, saying it in his head.
Hikaru, I love you.
The twins pulled apart, smiling together at the giggling, squealing girls sitting at their table.
It's okay that things stay like this, but…
Kaoru seized the front of Hikaru's shirt, staring up at his brother with teary eyes. "Hikaru…?"
The girls, recovered from their squealing fits, leaned closer, eyes wide.
Hikaru's eyes widened slightly too. "Kaoru?" This wasn't in the script.
"You keep talking to Haruhi all the time, and…" Kaoru dipped his head, blushing a little as he continued in a soft voice, "Hikaru…do you prefer spending time with Haruhi…over spending time with me?"
He already knew how Hikaru would react—he would continue their act, improvise, and then later approach Kaoru and ask him about it. Or perhaps Hikaru had already figured it out—he was more perceptive than Kaoru sometimes gave him credit for…
Hikaru clasped Kaoru's face between his hands, staring down at his brother through half-lidded eyes.
"Oh, Kaoru… You know I would never choose Haruhi over you." Hikaru wrapped his arms around Kaoru, whispering in his ear, "I'm all yours…"
The girls erupted into cries of joy, and Kaoru's heart jumped at these words. Usually he knew exactly what his brother was thinking, but now it was like a wall had come between them. Kaoru had shut himself away from Hikaru.
"So don't worry, kay?" Hikaru planted a soft kiss on Kaoru's forehead, grinning as he pulled away.
"Hikaru, what…?" Kaoru stared at his twin in shock and confusion. Kissing wasn't something they did—even an innocent kiss on the forehead. It wasn't a part of their act. They were always left hanging, lips inches apart, never touching—but Kaoru found himself longing to kiss Hikaru now, on the mouth—and they were so close…
"Cheer up," Hikaru murmured to him. Then he turned away and started talking to one of the girls sitting at their table.
Kaoru was left to think things over—but he couldn't. His thoughts wouldn't set themselves straight. His forehead felt like it was burning where Hikaru had kissed him. He knew he couldn't hold out for long without breaking and telling Hikaru everything. He couldn't hide things from his twin, and he couldn't keep lying and saying everything was okay. Hikaru knew whenever Kaoru told a lie. He knew something was wrong with Kaoru.
They shared everything. Even secrets. Eventually, Kaoru's resolve would break. Eventually, he would tell Hikaru, confess his sick unrequited love just to get the guilt off his shoulders—then his brother would shun him, call him disgusting, look down on him, request his own room and sleep in his own bed, and break apart from Kaoru and the sick love that plagued him. Hikaru would hate him and pull away from him, but at least Kaoru would get it off his chest.
He decided he was going to tell Hikaru. He would wait as long as he could, collecting every precious moment spent with his twin, and when his resolve finally, completely cracked, he would tell Hikaru everything. Kaoru cast a sideways glance at his twin, promising himself—and silently promising Hikaru. Not now, but later. Besides, if he waited to tell Hikaru, maybe he would get lucky. Maybe in a month or two his feelings would disappear and he and Hikaru would have a good laugh about it.
Kaoru doubted that. Still, he wouldn't tell Hikaru yet. His confession would come much, much later.
He lasted a week.