Kiss me
Kill me
Your kiss is torture
But killing me would be too easy


Tamaki had come through for once and I didn't know if it were a good think or not.

The blond stood in my office beside Kyouya. Even he was superior to me now. He had potential, he was free, "Hey," he said nervously, "Sorry I'm late. Traffic was horrid," he smiled.

Silence made the atmosphere heavy.

I haven't been in contact with the normal human society for such a long time, I think I had lost my ability to start a conversation, "Haruhi's fine."

Tamaki shifted uncomfortably and smiled, "I see..." he waited, we all did, "Can I, ugh, sit?" He gestured to the barely used couches.

"Yes, yes why of course..." I practically thrust both my Seniors into the love seat, "So..." I sat myself down on the seat across from them.

Tamaki handed me a file, I knew what it was, it was Kaoru's medical record.

The blond man didn't let go of the file, "You... should try and lighten up your guards," he smiled, "They gave me quite a hard time. It was as if he was trying to caution me, but then changed his mind so he tried to lighten me up with a bad joke.

"I'll try to," I couldn't smile, "I really will," I directed my gaze towards the ever glaring Kyouya and gulped.

He nodded and I flipped opened the file.

And I cried. Kaoru really was going to die.

He had lung cancer and it had already spread to his heart and liver by the time he was sent to the hospital. Somebody had dragged him in because he was half dying from an overdose of weed. He did weed because he wanted to get away from me... I was the worst older brother in the world. I was the worst lover.

My phone rang.


"Hello?" my brother's whining voice said.

I chuckled and I pretty much heard Hikaru freeze immediately.

"Kaoru?" he whispered, "Is that you? Where are you? Go see a doctor! Kaoru!" The panic in his voice was evident, "Kaoru!"

"Shut the fucking hell up and listen to me," I wanted to pound my forever clueless brother down into hell, "Bring half a million and meet me in the... the park where we used to hang out. Remember the time you fell from the tree?" All of the sudden, I wanted to recite all good times we had together as children, all the times we had gotten hurt... when we were together... Instead I hung up.

Because I'd rather be dragged down to hell than fly into the never ending heavens.

I'd rather disappear with the darkness than shine brightly in light.

Because I am unloved.

I touched my coat pocket. A slight bulge could be seen if you looked closely. It was my one and only possession that was still under my command... a gun.

I choked. I really didn't know what I wanted. If I wanted revenge... then there should be an aim. So I and be relieved after I succeeded. But... I have none. My rage is purely pointless. What I want? I don't know. My life was going to end. Even if I kill Hikaru... there is no merit. I will feel no more superior than I am now.

So why?

Do I hate Hikaru enough to pull him down to hell with me so I could love him again? Do I really want that?

I slid down the wall of the telephone booth. Tears welled up in my eyes. I didn't care if the bottom of the booth was caked with litter and dried dirt. I was tired…

"Hikaru... Oh Hikaru..." My heart suddenly felt as if a hand was squeezing it, "I'm sorry Hikaru... If... I don't try to kill you... I have no point to live anymore. Forgive me..."

My lungs felt like they closed up. My body hurt. For a moment I was paralyzed with discomfort. Hikaru... help me...

I didn't know how much time had passed while I was hurting, but when I opened my eyes it was dark and more importantly, three figures stood staring at me.

"Hey Kaoru... what's up?" the blond said quietly, "Long time no see eh?"

The dark haired man stood with a pitying look on his face, but remained silent.

But they were not the ones that frightened me, it was the last guy... he... was crying. Shedding tears like me. The one I hated despite the fact that he was the love of my life.


My heart went out to Hikaru and Kaoru. They were hurting too much. It really was my fault. My fault that they meet once again.

When Kyouya switched the phone to speakerphone, I had recognized a slight rumble in the background before Kaoru hung up... it was the sound of construction. When I said that traffic was horrid, I wasn't lying. Construction was the reason it was slow. Construction is the reason we found Kaoru.

He looked horrible. His hair was still soft looking, but it didn't have the natural healthy sheen to it that the Hitachiins were known for. His eyes were sunken and dull, like he was half dead. He was dozens of pounds underweight and the way he clutched his chest. He really was going to pass away.

He seriously looked like he was in shock, staring at us, his large eyes way too big for his thin face.

"Kao…" Hikaru said as he exhaled, "Kaoru…" I looked from the shocked Kaoru to the frowning Kyouya and lastly the face of Hikaru.

I pulled open the door and stepped aside. If Kaoru wanted to come out he would. If he didn't… it was my place to force him. Normally, I would've pulled him out without hesitation… but like everyone says, I've grown up.

Kaoru didn't move. His black sweater was too ample for him and his jeans were worn and ripped. A slight sweat stench filled my nostrils.

Kaoru didn't move, still, his gaze never strayed from his brother.

Kyouya grunted as if he wanted this tension to dissolve.

Without warning, Hikaru dove into the telephone booth, "Oh Kaoru! I'm so sorry!"

He hung onto Kaoru's waist as if the weaker boy would fly away if he didn't.

I smiled. Maybe Kaoru would see how much Hikaru cared for him. Everything was just a misunderstanding. It's going to be okay.

I nudged Kyouya and grinned, "Let's go!" The Hitachiin twins would appreciate time alone. I pulled the stoic man away.

Let's just hope they… save themselves…


Tamaki lugged me away from the two reuniting brothers. I really didn't want to leave. I wanted to make sure they were okay. I guess high school traditions don't fade. Even after years of misfortune. I was still their 'mother'.

"Tamaki," I gasped, "Let's not leave." I tried to pull my arm away from the blond, "I'm worried."

Tamaki laughed, "Mommy, our children are grown ups now. We'll have to let go," He crushed his palm against the crosswalk button and turned to face me.

I could see he was frightened, yet hopeful at the same time.

"Tamaki…" I frowned myself, something wasn't adding up, "What are you doing?"

I twisted around to get a clear view of the telephone booth. What I saw made me freeze.



Kaoru was holding a gun… and Hikaru was the target.

"I'm sorry," Tamaki cried, "Hikaru made me promise him that I have to leave them be, no matter the circumstances," he smiled sadly, "I believe I have the responsibility keep my promise… S-sorry."

He brought the side of his hand to my neck, and I fell to the ground.

Darkness was threatening to cover my senses.

Even though we were yards away I heard Kaoru cock the gun.

Don't… Kaoru… Don't…

Tamaki gasped, lifted me off the ground and carried me across the street, bridle style.

A gunshot sounded and there was a loud thud, it sounded horribly like a body hitting the ground.

A wailing howl invaded the night and another shrill shot boomed.

With this, I gave up trying to struggle from Tamaki's arms. It was all too late.

I wish we were kids again.

Guys... I just found out weed doesn't kill, or rather, it doesn't cause cancer -_- Really really sorry I didn't get my facts straight. Dumb humanities! For my sake, can you guys pretend that it does?

Um… and this story is almost done =) review?

Vote on my profile if you guys want me to update this story ^^