In the everlasting words of Sam, what goes on, peoples? This is my first future fic (and my last, they just don't feel like iCarly characters when they're older and less mature). I have no idea who Alex is, but for your convenience he is almost never there.
Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.
"Congrats, Carls. I'm really happy for you." This one time, Sam was okay with being a little heartfelt. Alex was a great guy, he had a whole bunch of wonderful characteristics Sam didn't care to describe, and he would make the perfect husband for Carly.
"Thanks, Sam! I can't believe it--just a few more minutes!" It was her wedding morning, and Carly could not have been more nervous. But she was happier than Sam had ever seen her. From the minute the blonde had walked in the room to the present time, Carly had not once stopped smiling.
"Listen, I'm gonna go find my seat. Take a couple deep breaths; everything's gonna go great and you'll be off on your honeymoon in no time."
Carly grabbed Sam's hand before she left. "You're coming, right?"
"On your honeymoon?"
"Yeah! We've done everything together; I can't leave you out of this. You have to be there."
"Carly, it's for you and Alex. To be alone. Without anyone else." Carly looked ready to cry. Too late, Sam realized how emotionally volatile she was today and how bad of an idea it was to smear a bride's makeup ten minutes before the ceremony.
"But Spencer already paid for you...how can you just leave me there with this big, empty room across from mine reminding me that my own best friend didn't want--"
"Okay. I will, alright? See you."
Sam found a seat next to Freddie. The ex-tech producer might as well have been carrying a neon sign that read "I AM TWENTY-THREE YEARS OLD BUT COULD STILL PASS FOR A HIGH SCHOOL NERD." He had a tripod set up with a complicated-looking video camera on it, and was currently explaining the many features to an old lady next to him who clearly did not care.
"Yo, dork. Spare her the torture and just get Carly's entrance. You've got about seven minutes 'til go time."
Freddie turned around and eyed her with interest. It wasn't every day he saw Sam in a dress. But she'd do anything for Carly. "Yeah, yeah, hold on a sec. I'm getting Alex right now; look at how jumpy he is. Do you think he'd be more anxious if he knew I was getting his twitch-fit on camera?"
Sam smirked. "Stop bothering the guy just because you're jealous."
He frowned at her. "Jealous of what?"
"Jealous that it's him up there and not you. Ten years ago that's exactly what you would've wanted."
"That was ten years ago."
The large, wooden doors in the back of the church slowly opened. Spencer tensed, preparing to give his little sister away.
When Carly stepped into the aisle, there was not one single pair of eyes looking anywhere else.
"Wow," whispered Freddie to Sam. "She looks beautiful. You know, maybe I am a little jealous."
The old lady shushed him, but he was too busy enjoying the irritated look on Sam's face to do as she said.
"That was awe-inspring," sniffed Gibby. "I'm not sure what that means, but it was."
"Gibby, weren't you supposed to grow out of your weird phase?" asked Sam. He paid her no attention.
The guests were leaving, along with Carly and Alex, to prepare for the reception. Freddie and Sam moved more slowly than the rest, unable to believe their friend was now a married woman. It made her seem so much older and wiser, for some reason. Hopefully her behavior at the reception would dispel that notion.
"It's so stupid," Sam said finally. "This whole getting married thing."
"What?" Freddie couldn't believe his ears. On one hand, Sam was supposed to be supporting Carly, no matter what her view on marriage was. How could she openly scoff at it when anyone could hear?
On the other hand, this conversation starter sounded vaguely familiar.
"I don't get it. Who decided to make such a big deal out of it? We've been celebrating that Alex and Carly were together for years. They've been living together for two months. We already had a huge engagement party, and a bacholerette party, and an after-bacholerette party, and now this. It's like some money-making conspiracy from the party-planning industry."
Freddie snorted. "Sure. They're just out to rob you. Nevermind that this is the most important moment in your life."
"How would you know?"
"Because it is. Everyone knows that. You get to live with someone you love forever--you'll buy a house, start a family, raise kids, get a dog, I don't know. It's the start of a completely different life."
"You're such a mushy idiot."
He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just because your mom ruined it for you with her plethora of boyfriends doesn't mean it's a bad thing."
The church was a labyrinth. They couldn't figure out what exit was closest to the parking lot, and wandered about aimlessly until they could see cars in the windows of one of the doors. Meanwhile, Freddie had remembered why this conversation seemed like deja vu, and chuckled.
"What?" asked Sam.
"Tell me," she ordered.
"I'm serious, it's not important. I was just remembering..." He shook his head and smiled slyly. "I was thinking...maybe..."
"That we should get married?"
So she remembered, too.
"Don't hurt me."
He couldn't remember what was next, but she improvised.
"Do you think it's all it's cracked up to be? Carly gets excited about everything; you really can't trust her reaction. But I wonder if it's as great as she says."
"Why don't we find out?"
"Do you really want to get married?"
"I really want to pretend to get married." They had arrived in the CCD portion of the building, and there happened to be a box of candy on the registration desk. Freddie dug around in it and pulled out a Ring Pop. "Your engagement ring."
Sam fought back a smile. "Do your thing, Dorkward. But it's just to see what it's like."
"Just to see what it's like."
"And we go right back to hating each other as soon as it's over."
"And we never tell anyone."
The flashbacks were a little painful. Freddie especially remembered at least two weeks of Sam beating him up three times as much as before to prove she had no feelings for him. Unfortunately, he had no way to prove the same. The fact that he had to bottle them up bothered him more than her punches had.
Freddie smiled reassuringly, and then got down on one knee, ripping the Ring Pop out of it's wrappings.
For reasons unknown to her, Sam was waiting in anticipation. She should've been bored to death.
"Samantha Puckett, will you marry me?"
He looked so serious, Sam almost believed he was really proposing. Those words deserved serious respect. Suddenly, she couldn't remember why this had been a joke; it was one of the most important moments in her life, just like he said.
This isn't real.
She was rudely jarred back to reality. Freddie was waiting expectantly. Sam could almost see his mouth get ready to formulate his famous 'Are you okay?' line. "Yes." She held out her hand, and he slipped the Ring Pop onto it.
Freddie could totally tell something was off. Sam was staring at the piece of candy like it was a million bucks. How great would it be if that was a real ring, and this was her real reaction?
That thought needed to go. Sam could never be with him. Ever. But since they were pretending...
He stood and kissed her deeply, letting it linger for a few seconds. Sam's eyes snapped open. This was not supposed to happen. Was it?
It didn't seem like he enjoyed the kiss; it was as if he was mourning her instead of pretending to be engaged to her. He nuzzled her cheek for a second while she stood there, dumbfounded, and then stepped back. Her right hand was still in his.
Why is he doing this? Didn't we already establish that this was a fake? Why does he look like someone flushed his pet fish down the toilet? Why the hell isn't he kissing me again, it was pretty nice...
"I'm glad I'll be spending the rest of my life with you."
It was clear he wanted some sort of response, but Sam was spared the trouble. Carly and the rest of the wedding party had walked in, just as lost as Freddie and Sam, but the brunette forgot about asking for directions the minute she heard those words come out of Freddie's mouth.
"You two are getting married?"