All of Billy's respect for the Evil League of Evil departed when he got their second letter.
Murder. Ha. How obvious was that? It had no elegance, required no thinking. It was moronic.
No, he decided. He would outdo the League.
It took him just a few weeks to gather what he needed. When that was done, he mailed it all in, turned on the news, and sat back to watch his evil plan unfold.
"The Hammer is my Penis": Sex for Rescuing Scandal Exposed
New sources and a controversial tape reveal that Captain Hammer, beloved LA hero, engaged in a sex-for-rescuing scam that has shocked the public. Sources allege that Hammer "coerced and/or pressured women he had rescued for sex, claiming that he deserved it because of his 'heroic' actions." The tape sent in to various media organizations contains a recording of Hammer "bragging about his soon-to-be sexual conquest to an unknown interlocutor, further solidifying the case against him." In the tape, from which the name of the woman in question has been deliberately removed, Hammer is quoted as saying "The Hammer is my penis," alongside several other crude implications.
Horrible speaks: Hammer "violent man, disturbed"
"I've always been concerned about his mental state," says Dr. Horrible, in an exclusive interview. "He's always been a punch-first, ask-questions-later kind of guy, and that's normal for heroes, but Hammer takes that to a new level." Horrible alleges that Hammer's public assaults on his person have frequently resulted in hospital stays. He also claims that he has "been beaten unconscious, while the mindless public watched. Some plebian fools took pictures. I know I'm a villain, but I have standards, and I never endanger the lives of the despicable morons I do battle with. Hammer isn't nearly as cautious. I honestly believe that if he had the opportunity, he would kill me or anyone he thought looked villain-like."
Police Covered for Hammer's Illegal Actions, says Source
In a revelation that has shaken the city foundations all the way up to the mayor's office, a new source has revealed that Captain Hammer's history of assault and public property damage was not only covered up, but condoned by both the LAPD and the LA Mayor. The police chief has spoken out, claiming that "We believe we thoroughly investigated every complaint made against Captain Hammer" but that they "will conduct an internal review to ensure that no wrong-doing has been perpetuated by our actions or inactions." The mayor, meanwhile, has publically disowned Hammer, saying "I was deceived. I was deceived by this man, and I take full responsibility for that. I honestly believed that he was working for the good of the city, and now that the truth has been made clear, I am both shocked and horrified."
Captain Hammer, Corporate Tool?
New and startling evidence reveals that Captain Hammer, long thought to be a volunteer hero doing his best to fight for justice, took corporate kickbacks in exchange for promoting their public interests. Most scandalous were his dealings with Wonderflonium Co., which employed him as "what amounts to […] a highly paid bodyguard," says corporate analyst Frank Weekly, "which would be perfectly legal, but he didn't pay taxes on any of it. But I think most scandalous is that he blatantly lied to the public about it – he was there, in front of everyone, saying he was their hero, when he was actually a paid and hired peon."
Hammer Comic Book Banned from School Libraries
Captain Hammer's now-controversial comic book, Be Like Me, which explains Hammer's methods for locating villains, has now been banned from LA public school libraries. Says Mrs. Smith, head of the Parent's Commission for Objectionable Literature, "The comic is blatantly violent. It encourages the most heinous kind of attacks on our future scientists and doctors, portrays bullying as a laudable act, and is completely inappropriate for consumption by students." In striking contrast, Dr. Horrible's Social Change through Evil has now become a required textbook in several local political science programs, and response to it thus far has been remarkably positive. Says book reviewer George Antonio, "The book is obviously written by a very intelligent man, and offers a startling contrast to the majority of literature present today. Its principles are sound, and I find myself half-hoping that political science students will apply them – all of them. I think each of us can learn a little something from Evil."
It took a week for the acceptance letter from the League to come. The singing cowboys sounded, he felt, faintly apologetic.