a/n: they say all good things come to an end…I just hope there is more good to come around and that you are all standing alongside me.
Three and a half years later.
Barging through the door I kicked it closed behind me letting out yet another aggravated roar into the room.
It was just so damn frustrating sometimes.
I sighed and bowed my head before I looked back up to the two amused but startled set of eyes.
Alice and Jasper.
"Still not getting anywhere?" She asked gently.
I shook my head looking back at them, under there bed covers. I hadn't even knocked. Luckily they were both dressed in there pyjamas and I hadn't walked in on them at it.
I pushed forward off the door and bounced forward onto the mattress between the two love birds.
We still had the same living arrangement as we did when we had moved in. Alice with Jasper and me with Edward.
It was graduation tomorrow and he refused point blank to try on the suit Esme had tailor made for him.
It was beautiful, a dark navy with almost invisible light blue pinstripe. He would look so handsome in it, if only he would try the bloody thing on.
He didn't want to go to the ceremony tomorrow. He wanted to skip out on it like he had done on his high school one. He couldn't see that it wasn't just a high school year that was graduating, but a larger college one, who had no idea who he was or his condition. He was so self-conscious about it and I could understand it but I didn't want him to miss out on it and regret it later in life.
He had already missed so much of his life in the years he had stayed hidden. He needed to come out from the shadows and shine like he truly deserved too.
"No, he says he's still not going." I told her with a sigh.
"Do you want me to speak to him again?" Jasper offered. It couldn't hurt but I knew Jasper would get no where like last time. Edward was being more than stubborn on this one.
"Let him live with it." Alice told me. "You have tried for two weeks now."
I had. It had been two weeks of this black cloud following us around and I was beginning to sorely miss my Edward.
We had got through darker times and for even longer periods but I still longed for him to come to me. It was me who constantly chased him the past two weeks, taking any touch from him I could get.
I really wanted to cry. I could feel myself holding onto the edge with my fingernails. All I wanted was for us to have this day together, to enjoy it.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled out. I wouldn't shed a tear to them. They had seen it happen before from frustration but I didn't want them to feel guilty at them being able to enjoy the day.
I would hold my head up straight and do this for me. I had worked hard for four years to get here and I wasn't letting Edward ruin it for me.
"Don't be." Alice's slim little fingers combed through the ends of my hair, soothing me.
A few months after it all came out Alice and I finally got back to where we had been, she was my best friend again along with Rosalie and I depended on the two of them implicitly. It was the two of them that would drag me back up on to my feet when I fell down alongside Edward. They knew he needed me and I needed to be strong, so they were there for me when I had no one else to lean on.
Edward had got better but he still constantly suffered and sometimes I would forget the road I needed to pull him along on and would want to wonder off alone but the need, the feeling, it would last momentarily and I knew I could never part from him. I would die without him, even in his darkest days, the days when it seemed we would never see sunlight again, even the days when it seemed like it never ended.
I couldn't ever leave him.
I wouldn't ever want too.
"I-I should get to bed." I nodded to the two of them and climbed off there bed before telling them good night and making my way back to my room.
Walking into the room Edward stood with his back to me, dressed in the suit. My heart burst with joy and the hope that this would mean he would be there tomorrow.
He turned to face me, his face still wearing the scowl he had worn the past two weeks.
"You look beautiful." I told him and I could hear the croak in my voice. He did, he looked breath taking and the suit fitted him perfectly.
"I was just trying it on." He shrugged. "I need a new one anyway." He told me flatly and a felt a little air leave me.
"So you're not going tomorrow? You don't want to go up and accept your certificate, the certificate you worked so hard for what you need for med school, for the job you're dying to do. To save lives. You want to save lives but you won't do this tiny thing for your self."
I was pushing his buttons and I didn't know what his reaction would be but after two weeks I was giving up on treading carefully.
"I've done what I wanted for myself. I still graduate even if I don't go to the ceremony." He told me as he messed about with the jacket, looking in the mirror, avoiding his own eyes in his reflection.
"But your mum bought you this as a present to wear under your gown. She wants you to stand up there and take the certificate; they will all want to see you." I pushed some more.
"Bella is this about what you want or what I want?" He asked a little impatiently.
"I don't want you to miss out on this like your high school graduation. I don't want you to regret this." I told him honestly.
He was still silent at my words, distracted by the buttons.
I sighed deeply. "Ok, Edward. I want to see you there too. I want to see you graduate and stop being scared of everything around you. No one will say anything. No one knows about your condition."
"I'm not scared." he told me firmly.
I raised an eyebrow at him, suspiciously. "Then why wont you do it, why don't you just go to the ceremony?" I challenged him.
"Because, like you said, it would be for myself and I don't feel the need to go though some ridiculous show of how great everyone is."
I moved up to him, pulling his face to mine and away from the jacket he wouldn't stop playing about with. "Well do it for me. I'm asking you do show me how great you are, show me how good you have done and get up on that ridiculous stage tomorrow and accept that ridiculous piece of paper for ridiculous little old me.
"Your not ridiculous Bella." He told me with a small hint of anger lacing his voice.
"Yes I am, I want to do it, I want to go through the ridiculous show so I must be too."
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. I could see him toppling over that edge any moment but I wouldn't stop. I had to keep trying.
I knew he would come to regret it like he regretted his High school graduation, when he told me I could see the sadness in his eyes at the fact he didn't have the strength to do it. He had strength now; he had us all standing behind him, encouraging him.
"Bella…" he sighed.
"Edward. Do it for me. Please. I'll beg if I have to." I knew it was the words to take effect. He hated the word beg and everything it stood for, especially coming from me.
He turned away form me, harshly pulling the suit off.
"Edward, careful, you will ruin it." I told him as I rushed to help him out of it.
"It doesn't matter, I don't need it."
He was ignoring my words.
This was a first. God he was being so damn stubborn. I wanted to scream again.
"Edward, I'm not joking. I'll get down on my knees if I have too." I was being deadly serious. I wanted this. This one small thing and I knew somewhere deep inside of him, past his anxiety, he wanted this too.
"Bella…"He grunted, his tone harsh.
At his reaction I began to crouch down in front of him but as soon as he seen what I was up to he yanked me straight back up onto my feet.
"Stop it. I don't want to go."
"Well go for me." I argued back. "If you loved me…" I couldn't help the smirk on my face. I was being evil and I knew fine well I was. He had played this card before so for once in my life I was playing it too.
"You're a piece of work you know that." he spat.
"Yes." I told him frankly.
"Why? Why is it so damn important that I go too? I'll watch you." he told me and I knew he would but I wanted him up there with me, for him to feel no disappointment in himself that he didn't manage it even though he deserved it.
"I want to watch you. Why is that so wrong? I want to cheer you on and get to see you have your moment too."
He pulled at his hair, aggravated and I reached for his hands, fighting for him to let go of it. It would be such a cute mess below his mortarboard.
I knocked the thought out my head and had to be serious for a moment.
"I'll ask you once more, think about it." I let a silent moment pass first. "Edward will you go up and collect your certificate tomorrow at the ceremony?"
"No." he told me flatly.
"Ahhhh, why not." I practically stomped my foot at him. "Please, for me?" I asked again.
"You said you wouldn't ask again." He reminded me.
"That's because I thought you would do this one thing for me. It's not hard. You only need to walk up, take it and say thank you." I crossed my arms and turned my head away from him.
"Bella, you know I love you but why is this so important to you?" he asked me.
I uncross my arms and looked up at him before I pulled on his hand pulling him onto the mattress with me.
I cup his cheek in my hand and let my thumb brush the apple.
"I know this means something to you too, that you want to do it. Don't be scared of the crowd, please, you will be glad once you do it." I promised him.
His eyes dipped to his lap and back to me. "I just don't want to have them looking at me, there minds thinking that I look too white or-or. I don't know I just don't want them to have there attention on me."
"They won't see you, you know it will only be your family that will be looking at you and cheering you on. Everyone else will just be waiting for whoever they went to see go up."
He thought about it for a moment. "Can I think about it? Sleep on it." He asked.
"Of course you can but really no one will be thinking like that. We're adults and this is our last step before we break into the real world and have to grow up."
He nodded and pulled me into him. I was so thankful it was him needing to touch me. I was longing for his hands to take me into him.
I rested my head against his chest, drained from the past two weeks and there was still nothing decided for sure.
"I think we should get to bed, love." He told me as he reached down kissing my head.
I nodded into him and he stood up, removing the suit trousers.
I climbed into bed and Edward climbed in shortly after me, pulling me into him. He had kept me at a distance for most of the two weeks so I was happy to have him as close to me as humanly possible.
He played with the ends of my hair, twirling it around his fingers.
"You know I love you?" he asked in a whisper in the dark.
"I know, I love you too."
"I'm not doing this to be horrible to you, I'm just scared." I knew it was a lie when he denied it earlier. Getting up on that stage was his only real concern; he didn't really worry about his exams. He knew he was smart enough; he had worried somewhat about them but nothing like this.
"I know." I grasped on tighter to him. "But if you do it you will be happy you did and also the fact that you deserve to go up there."
He sighed a small sigh and placed a firm kiss on my forehead.
"I'll be right there." I promised.
"But not by my side." He added.
"No, but Alice will. I'll be in my seat jumping up and down making an idiot of myself." I laughed lightly because I knew I would be.
It was a massive goal for him and for him to manage it, would make both our days.
"Will you love me less if I can't do it?" he asked carefully.
I sat up reaching for the light to scold him to his face, the bright light blinding both of us.
"Edward Cullen, do you really think so little of me, that I could ever love you less for anything, anything at all?"
"Eh…um…" he looked scared at what to say next.
"I just don't want to disappoint you."
"You won't, but you have to try, telling me a straight no is you not trying. You need to say you will at least get in that seat and try to make your way up to the stage. Try. It's all I'm asking."
He reached up to my lips, placing a small kiss on my mouth. "I'll try." He told me firmly and I jumped forward on top of him attacking him with kisses.
It was all I wanted, for him to at least try.
Checking myself in the mirror I looked at my reflection wearing the simple dark blue dress.
It was fitted with slim spaghetti straps but Alice toned down the accessories telling me it would be perfect for the ceremony and for going out after it.
I had planned on black trousers and a nice top but Esme bought it as a gift. She liked it, Alice liked it, Rosalie like it, Edward liked it. I lost, hands down.
Alice chirped away in my ear to Rose as she curled away my hair, she said it was needed for the party afterwards.
I shook my head and let her dress me like her Barbie once again, though honestly I was use to it now.
Edward walked in with his suit on, his perfectly ironed shirt below it now too. He fought with the tie in-between his fingers and I reached out for him, inviting him towards me so I could help him
"You look gorgeous." I told him as I smiled up. He was dressed. It was looking promising.
"You too, love." He reached down and kissed my lips gently before scrunching up his face with the sticky gloss on my lips. He wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand.
"I know. It's her fault." I apologised as I signalled to Rose and reached for his hand trying to stop the gloopy substance from transferring onto his suit.
"It makes your lips look kissable." She told us flatly.
"Her lips are much more kissable without that crap on them." He told her as he wiped at my lips gently with his thumbs and me trying to keep my little happy dance in my head at my hero defending me and getting rid of the 'crap' as he called it.
Rose huffed. "I'm just going to have to put it back on."
"No your not." He told her firmly.
She looked a little crestfallen but she would live, it was only the gloss he disposed off.
I began again on Edwards tie after I checked there was no gloss on my hands and knotted it to perfection for him.
Oh god I could have pinned him against the wall if it wasn't for the two old maids behind me.
Who was I kidding; if I did, they would pull out the popcorn and watch. It wasn't surprising Edward seemed…seemed so…entertaining. The things he must have heard between these two growing up. God know what it had done to his sweet virginal mind before I came across them.
I was really only glad that he seemed a little lighter today. I knew it wasn't a promise to be there but it made me feel better that he was going to try and that it didn't seem to pull him down quite as much today. I would have expected him to be worse than he had been for the two weeks, not better. But I wasn't complaining.
Edward gently flicked a curl over my shoulder and ran his finger below the strap of the dress. "You know the things I could do to you right now?" He husked at me. Sometimes he seemed so confident. Even in front of the others.
"Could we watch?" I heard Rose ask with a laugh.
God I had spent too much time with this lot, I knew exactly what would come out from there mouths and when.
"Sure, you can hold the video camera." Edward fired back without missing a beat and Rose bursting into a fit of laughter at his comeback.
I was still amazed at how he had changed. I knew he was a serious person but I also knew he had a sense of humour in there too, the others could finally see it for themselves.
Looking down at my watch I seen it was time we headed. We didn't want to be late. "Guys we should really get going." I looked up towards Edward to gage his reaction.
He nodded a little hesitantly but he was still agreeing.
Sitting in my seat I looked out over to Edward and Alice. I struggled to see them both. I wouldn't never have found them if it wasn't for Edward continuing to pull at his copper hair in frustration, it shone in the sun before Alice forced his cap back on.
I wished I could have been sitting along side them both but it wasn't only me who sat alone. Jasper sat a few rows behind me alone too. He had been a great friend to both me and especially Edward. The two had bonded and along with Emmett the three of them were just as inseparable as me, Alice and Rosalie. It was good that Edward had them to fall back on to as well as being able to mess about with. Edward with the other two was just one of the guys. He felt normal and he was happy.
I saw my dad shuffle in his seat a little taken aback as Emmett continuously yapped away to him. He would be well entertained though. Em and Charlie got along great with there constant talk of all things sport.
Rose and Emmett still lived across the hall and both were settling into new jobs after there own graduation only last year. They were both just as in love but now they were also engaged. Emmett popped the question the night of there graduation after being together for almost ten years.
A wedding had yet to be planned though, Rose, just happy to have the ring and the promise of a life time together. They truly deserved it. They had came over some hurdles of there own in life.
Rene sat on Charlie's other side next to Phil, happily looking around and waving over to me. She loved Edward and the other two boys, there charm winning her over hook, line and sinker. I hadn't seen much of her over the years but she was happy and I knew I had her to go to if I needed to. She had understood about the whole Jake/Edward situation. She told me sometime the heart just stops being in love. My dad and her were high school sweethearts and I suppose she could understand the change of heart better than anyone.
Rose was on Emmett's other side next to Esme and Carlisle. They both treated me like a daughter. My bond with Esme was strong and I relied on her more than I wanted to. She was always there to help me though the difficult times with Edward and of course any difficult times I had of my own. She was like a second mother, especially with Rene being so far away in Florida.
She and Carlisle were only ever supportive of me and Edward's relationship. They knew I needed him as much as he needed me and that our slightly unhealthy dependency was something that no one could fix. We were happy and so were they.
I couldn't help but think of Jake at this time. He was no longer part of my life at all. It was sad but it was how he wanted it. Jake would sometimes still visit Charlie when he was sure I wasn't going to be around or Edward for that matter.
I heard he got engaged to a girl on the reservation. He never moved away either, he told Charlie that maybe he was only really following me to Seattle, that he was happy to stay where he was born and raised. He had his own business too, his own garage.
I was happy for him, even if I never got to tell him. I still missed him sometimes but I couldn't regret the choices I had made. I got Edward and he was the one for me.
Edward and my dad got along. Nothing spectacular but nothing tragic either. Charlie understood we loved one another and he stood by our choices and our mistakes. He knew Edward would go to great lengths to protect me and it made him happy knowing I was still safe despite being so far away from him.
Charlie never truly understood Edwards's condition but he also never lived with it. He would see Edward one time and he would be happy and the next visit he would be on the knife's edge again. Charlie did question if this was really how I wanted to spend the rest of my life and I answered, with my hand on my heart, that yes, Edward was how I wanted to spend my life and any high or low that he had to offer.
Billy was another matter. The two finally became friends again after more than a year of silence and it was only because Jake had intervened.
Billy and Charlie's relationship was never the same again but there had been the odd fishing trip and game watched on the flat screen. I knew it was a devastating blow for my dad but he assured me that backing me, supporting me, would never be something that could be stopped by any other human. If Billy had an issue with that then he wasn't the man, or the father he thought he was.
I felt some relief with Charlie at his growing 'friendship' with Sue. After Harry passed away and I left they were both alone and they grew closer. She wasn't here today, not that I didn't invite her; she thought it was best for the two of us to spend the time together alone. It just made me hope that Charlie wasn't as alone in the world.
Looking up at the sky I seen the sun shine across the Seattle city line and felt so small entering the now larger real world.
I looked over at Edward, now standing along side Alice in the line for his graduating certificate. He was still here. I couldn't help the smile on my face. He looked over and he smiled back. He looked nervous but his stomach was empty after he threw up before we left the house so I knew the front row was safe.
Hearing Alice's name being called first, I stood to my feet and hollered, cheering her on. She danced across the stage like the fairy she is and her smile wide as she skipped off the end.
The small step he took, the one that meant everything to me and the one that I knew meant everything to him, he managed.
I jumped up screaming his name, making my voice horse with the need to show how proud of him I was.
He reached for his certificate and at it his face broke into its wide smile that lit up his face. He was proud of himself.
I felt small tears on my cheeks but I couldn't care, the joy I felt, all his family backing him up just like I said they would.
He stood on the stage, the sun shining down on him, making him shine to everyone like he shone down on me.
He had pulled himself out from the shadows and rose up above it all, past all of our expectations.
I loved him and I knew I would for all of eternity.
He was what made my life liveable.
He was what fed me of the love I needed.
He was my air that filled my lungs and coursed though my veins.
He was my warmth when i was cold.
He was my sun.
We had suffered so many lows to get here but we were one anothers high, and that's what made it all so worth while.
Being with the one you love…
Under exceptional circumstances that we all have to face…
Pushing one another on…
Being the hand that helps lift them up when they come crashing down…
It would all be so worthless without that person…
Without that love…
That constant source of forgiveness, adoration, respect, loyalty, delight, affection and intimacy…
It would all be nothing…
That's why we're here…
To treasure every element they give to us and us to them…
To that one person you know…
Your world just couldn't exist.
a/n: ok I could spend forever thanking the people who have helped me thought this. Trust me, all of you reading are at the top of the list. But for a change I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet. I would like to thank Christina for giving me a hand through it and understanding my reasons for then later turning them down. She is a star and I luv her to bits!! Huggles my little hunni!
Now, I hope you are all ready for the sequel? I am looking forward to it and I hope you all give me the same amazing love and support that you have given me on this. You have all been fantastic and I never expected this kind of support.
So please…I beg…for one last time (or maybe, the first), review and let me know what you though and if the ending was good enough for ya'all!!
I'll catch you all on Chapter 1 of Baby Blues very soon.
Love to all of you,