A/N: This little bit of fun is a result of Dubber's recent Justice League story featuring Batman: He Was Being Watched. I have received permission from same to cut Wally loose on it. YOU SHOULD READ THAT STORY FIRST AS THIS IS MORE A CONTINUATION OF IT AND I HAD NO DESIRE TO SPOIL ANOTHER WRITERS WORK! HOWEVER...SPOILER PROVIDED AT BOTTOM A/N.
It Seemed A Good Resin At The Time
The slim red head stuffed the last of what he'd dubbed the Mortal Death By Double Deluxe Ultra-Extra-Industrial-Strength Chocolate Fudge Brownies into his mouth until he looked like a chipmunk storing food for the winter. Not that the deletable sugar-laden goodies were going to last that long or even into the next few second ticks of the Felix The Cat clock hanging over his kitchen wall. He just wanted to savor the extremeness for as long as willpower would hold before his stomach demanded he swallow or rising sugary-saliva levels threatened to burst the ivory dam of his teeth faster than his metabolism could fix them.
Now, normally Wally was not so foolish as to eat food from a package mysteriously dropped off at his Central City apartment door. Not even one that smelled heavily of chocolate fumes leaking from the shipping box seams. No, he'd taken precautions and diligently studied it for booby traps. Even if the sender was not aware that one Wallace Rudolph West was also known as The Scarlet Speedster...well, The Fastest Man Alive wasn't exactly slow. No, sir, Mrs. West's only son wasn't an idiot no matter what the glares of his team mates tended to imply:
He'd read the accompanying address note on the package first before eating one of the treats: "To Master Wallace West. It's perfectly safe."
Okay, he'd also checked for signs of gorilla hairs, imminent combustion, mirrored cellophane wrap, incongruous fillings made of metal shards or other poisonous ingredients like super freeze agents. You never knew when either one of his Rogues was feeling playful or a Justice League prank victim had been thrown over the edge and down the cliff into insane revenge mode. Happily, although the offering was sinfully good, it wasn't murderously sinfully good so he'd indulged in a bit of sugar overload by promptly downing the contents of the box into his capacious gob.
When his stomach would no longer be denied it's share of the unexpected bounty and demanded his tongue release its hostages, Wally swallowed the cache. A moment latter his fingers had been licked clean, hands washed, empty package tossed in the trash receptacle, and blue-jean encased rear deposited on his couch. He studied the high-classed envelope that had come with the box and broke the elaborate gold seal, wondering belatedly if it contained a death threat at the same time his stomach let out a contented burp.
Eh...too late now.
Dear Master Wallace,
I understand that this method of obtaining your services is most irregular and that my request does not fall into your usual line of work. However, I find myself in need of your unique talents and hope you will indulge me as I have indulged your sweet tooth.
By now I imagine you have finished the initial payment. Outside the Wayne Manor estate you will find a second parcel of similar size behind the lion statue to the left of the back door. It is my fondest wish that the contents of this second package disappear from the face of the Earth as the first undoubtedly already has. To be plain in the matter, I wish never to lay eyes on it again and it is imperative that I have no ties to its disappearance. I am sure you agree a man of your abilities can fulfill my wish better than a Fedex pick-up call?
A second payment of like manner will be yours tomorrow should you accept this assignment. I hope you understand the consequences should another find this payment before you accept it?
An Anonymous Client
P.S. This message will self destruct in three seconds.
Wally hurriedly tossed the note away before the embedded layer of perspiration-activated acid compound could react with his skin as well as the paper. The missive went up in a bit of flame and smoke.
So...a well-mannered man of questionable morals with access to Wayne stationery and illegal compounds both chemical and culinary was looking to obtain his services? The sender sounded desperate. Desperate and talented enough to risk manslaughter charges should that second payment of fudge go uncollected and fall into the hands of an unwitting mortal whose metabolism was not designed to withstand such intense levels of sucrose.
No doubt about it...by not acting immediately some unfortunate's life could be in jeopardy.
This looked like a job for...(his finger hit the tiny switch on his ring)...The Flash!
A second later, another plain box was sitting on Wally's coffee table, bits of tissue paper strewn around it, the liberated contents being shaken by a spandexed hand. There was no noise indicating a hidden gemstone within.
Well, it appeared this mystery wasn't of the caliber of The Maltese Falcon, Wally thought with a bit of disappointment. Still, lives were at stake and he had accepted the job.
Now, where off the face of the Earth would be the best place to take it?
The Flash's grin matched that of the resin creature in his hand.
"Watchtower....beam me up, J'onn."
The diners paused as a now familiar scream echoed once again through the intercom:
"Dear Goddess---it's him again---Mr. Mxyzptilk! Flash!"
-swoosh- "Don't worry, Supes, I'll handle that nuisance for you! (sounds of tornado winds) There...I sent him packing back where he came from."
"Thanks, Flash. Can't understand it...that evil little gnome never used to come to torment me on a regular daily basis. I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you coming so fast to deal with him."
"Think nothing of it, Supes. But, you know, I sure do appreciate your taking me out the last few nights. Inter-dimensional travel really burns up the calories and you know how Batz goes on about the League food bills."
"Sure, Flash, sure. How about at Trixie's All-You-Can-Eat Dining say around five-ish?"
"I'll personally make sure they don't kick you out again."
"You're on, Big Blue. Don't forget to call me anytime you need me for pest control."
J'onn frowned over his salad as the intercom went off. "I do not understand it. That is the seventh time this intruder has infiltrated The Watchtower and appeared before Superman. Yet each time I have not sensed a malicious presence." He sighed a bit morosely. "Perhaps I am losing my powers of telepathy?"
"Maybe you haven't because Flash has been booting him back out too fast?" Wonder Woman consoled. "Even Superman admits Mr. Mxyzptilk doesn't even get a chance to utter a word before Flash comes to carry him away again."
"That is a possibility," The Martian agreed as he eyes glowed. He smiled, looking in better spirits. "I am able to sense Superman's fright and Flash's self congratulations well enough."
The Green Lantern snorted. "Even my ring can detect Wally's latest burst of smugness. Its glow is approaching the power level of a nova's."
"At least our selection of foodstuff has improved since The Most Insufferable Man Alive hasn't needed to raid the pantry every hour for the past week what with Superman wining and dining him so much," Shayera chuckled as she ate her steak.
The diners all agreed on that point.
Bruce looked over the last two week's worth of food purchases. He'd have to ask Alfred to lay off buying so much sugar and chocolate....an army could not consume that much without going into toxic shock. Perhaps the bill was merely a typo? He'd have to ask.
a/n: Don't look at me that way. I do like Superman and--yeah--that was mean of me. I just happen to like Flash a lot more. :P
EDIT: It's almost 8/7 and I guess some didn't read Drubber's story or bother to read it first. Much as it was not my intention to provide a spoiler for someone else's work....(spoiler for Drubber's story:)
the item Alfred was so keen to get rid of and that Wally so delighted in was a garden gnome statuette Bruce purchased for Alfred. Since Superman's villain looks kind of like a garden gnome, I ..er...WALLY....went with it.