I woke up at about five in the morning, which was three hours earlier than I needed to in order not to be late at school. Now when I was little, I got up that early all the time to watch cartoons, but now I wished I could just sleep in. But honestly, I didn't want to stick around in any longer than I had to. It was scary to have to feel that way in my own house, but that was the way it had been ever since Dad had died. He had been killed in a car crash that had knocked Matt into a coma for a week and broke my arm and my left. Aunt Kelsey lived with us now, but she was going to be gone for the next two weeks, leaving me all alone with Matt. And that was probably the worst thing that could happen to me, because my brother happened to hate my guts.
The sad part is, we used to be so close. When we were little, he was my hero and my best friend. But then Mom died and he started pulling away from both me and Dad. At first he always just acted moody and stuff, but then it got worse when he met his boyfriend, Adam Copeland. Adam was a grade A asshole on every level, and he especially had it out for me. Back when they were in junior high, he would mess with me and Matt would just let him do it. But by the time they got to high school, Matt was being just as mean to me as Adam was being. And then, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the crash happened seven months ago, and Matt pretty much flat out blamed me for Daddy's death and told me he hated me. On top of that, Adam was now always giving me these very perverted looks that make me think he's going to rape me or something….and considering that he did it to my friend Evan, I'm actually pretty fucking scared right now.
I rolled out of bed very slowly, wincing as the pain in my ribs flared up horribly. Last night, when I was upstairs doing my homework, Adam snuck into the house and made a huge fucking mess in the kitchen. Then, when Matt came home, the fucking liar told him I did it. That pissed off my dear big brother and he marched upstairs and kicked my ass for what felt like forever. My ribs and back took most of the damage, because I still had three days of school left before the weekend, so he didn't want anyone asking questions. Not that I would tell them the truth if they asked. Only Evan, Shannon and Dave knew about what Matt did, and Evan and Shannon knew that like what happened between Evan and Adam in the band room was not to be discussed, neither was this. Dave, who was a senior (Evan, Shannon and I were freshmen), was not afraid of either Matt or Adam (he was actually bigger than them by a lot), was probably eventually going to spill the beans and just destroy the both of them. But I kept begging him not to do it, because I had to live with Matt, and if Dave did something to them because of me, Matt could get me while I was sleeping. With the way Adam's got him warped, I would not put it past him.
I got dressed and then crept out of my room and into the bathroom as quietly as I could. Every creak and groan the floor made sounded a thousand times louder than it actually was. My heart was beating so hard in my chest I was shocked that it wasn't waking Matt up. When I got into the bathroom, I sighed in relief and quickly brushed my teeth. All I had to do now was grab my bag from the living room and then get the fuck out of the house. My current plan was to hang out by the train tracks near the school until it was time for my first class. I would have to skip gym yet again, but I couldn't help it. My body hurt too much to even think I could begin to participate.
Suddenly the bathroom door opened, scaring me out of my wits. "I thought I heard you up," Adam said with a smirk. He looked tired as hell; he had probably only gotten up to use the bathroom. But I knew that smirk too well and I knew he wanted to play for just a little bit now.
"Leave me alone," I ordered, trying not to let my voice shake. Fuck, why did Aunt Kelsey have to go away? She didn't like Adam and didn't let him in the house if she could help it.
"Why would I do that?" he asked in amusement. His evil eyes traveled down to my stomach. "How are the ribs?"
"None of your business," I snapped. I tried to escape from the room but Adam blocked my way. "Adam knock it off. I don't want to deal with you right now."
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, grabbing me by the arms and looking at me like I was a piece of meat or something. "I never told you that you could leave."
I winced as he squeezed my arms painfully tight. "Adam please, not now."
"Why not? Are you going to go meet up with Randy? Are you going to spread your pretty little legs for Orton again?"
"I've never had sex with Randy," I informed him. Which was the truth. Randy was a senior, like Matt and Adam, and he always thought it was funny to corner me in closets and either fondle me or make me blow him. He had never made me have sex with him though--not yet anyway. Ted (a junior) and Cody (a freshman) were his little bitches for now, although I knew that if the day came that he would get bored with them, Adam was going to have some competition in the raping me department.
"Yeah right," Adam said with a snort. "Matt and I know you're a big slut. The way all those guys look at you--"
"I can't help it that the school is full of sexual deviants that need to learn how to take no for answer!" I interrupted angrily. I was tired of being accused of being a slut. I was a fucking virgin and it hurt to be thought of as a gigantic slut. "And you don't help anything by trying to spread all those lies about me!"
Adam raised his eyebrows. "Oh, so I'm a liar now?"
"You've always been a liar. You lie to Matt just to rile him up and get him to beat me. You--"
"You're the one who makes Matt hit you, not me. Maybe if you hadn't gotten your Daddy killed, Matt--"
I interrupted the fucker by punching him as hard as I could. I couldn't stand to hear him blame me for shit that wasn't my fault any more. I already blamed myself enough for the wreck as it was, so I didn't need his help in that department.
I quickly tried to escape the room, but he grabbed me by the waist and threw me back up against the wall. That jarred my broken ribs so badly that I let out a small scream. He hit me in the gut several times, and I crumpled down to the ground in agony. Fuck, it was hell even trying to breathe now. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? Why did he always have to do this to me?
Adam got down on the floor and grabbed my hair. "You want to know something Jeffey?" He gave my hair a good yank, making me whimper in pain. "I'm very close to convincing Matt in letting me fuck your pretty little brains out. He's not going to resist the idea forever. He'll get over his jealousy issues because he knows you deserve everything I'll give you. So if I were you Jeff, I'd watch myself very carefully. I wouldn't want anything I did to come back to haunt me later." He let go of my hair and then kicked me one more time before leaving the room.
I laid there for God knows how long, clutching my ribs and struggling just to breathe. I cried a few silent tears, but that was nothing new. Crying in pain was a pretty common occurrence for me. I just have to hold on till next August, I tried to tell myself. Then Matt and Adam will go away to college and I'll only have to deal with them during their vacations. I can do that…maybe…fuck, who am I kidding? I can't take eleven more months of this. They're going to kill me before then.
Waking up to go to school was absolute hell. I hated getting up so fucking early to go to a place that I hated more in the world. If it were up to me, then I would just drop out already. I didn't need a high school diploma to do what I wanted to do in life. I already had a job for life because I already owned my dad's porn production company, and porn was always in demand. But I had to go, mainly for Annabelle's sake. My twin sister had wanted so badly to graduate like a normal person, but she sometimes, when her medicine wasn't working right or she wasn't taking it, she couldn't even go into a classroom because of her people phobia would kick in and she would have to go hide in a bathroom because she would have such bad anxiety attacks. That was the reason the school had to make sure Mark, Glenn or myself were in every single one of her classes. We were the only thing that kept her going sometimes.
"James?" Annabelle said sleepily. She was already up and holding Cooper. Nearly a year and a half ago, she and Mark had a very drunken one night stand. Nine months after that, Cooper had been born. He was now eight months old, and I was basically his daddy in every single way other than biologically. Mark was just not ready to be a dad (in fact, he was absolutely terrible with kids) and I actually loved Cooper like my own, so it was only natural for me to step in and be the adult for once. "Can you take Cooper downstairs and feed him? I really need to get in the shower."
"Yeah, okay," I said. I rolled out of bed and walked over to her. Even though we were fraternal twins (we had to be since we were the opposite sex), we looked more alike than other fraternal twins I knew. We both had very dark brown hair (although hers was long and curly and mine was short in length but messy all over---brushes were not my friend), we were both unnaturally tall, and we both had really, really dark eyes. They were almost black, which actually matched my soul very well, so it was all good.
"Da!" Cooper said happily as I took him into my arms. His hair was lighter like Mark's, although he had Annabelle's eyes. "Da!"
"Yeah, Daddy's here," I said with a grin. I gave Annabelle as innocent of a kiss on the lips as I could before leaving the room. I knew my affection bothered her sometimes, mainly because of a few indiscretions between us that would confirm all the rumors about us being more than a little bit incestuous. But I didn't give a damn what anyone thought of us and I sure as hell didn't care about what society thought was taboo. After the shit we had been put through by our own parents, nothing we did should ever come to a shock to anyone. We were fucked from birth; she was doomed to be a depressed, anxious and angst filled bitch and I was already a loony toon with a bloodlust that had already claimed more than a few lives.
See, the thing of it was, I wasn't born with a conscience. I had never cared about the consequences of my actions. Instead of that, I was born with an unnatural desire to cause pain and death. I used to try to just take it out on animals when I was younger (Adam Copeland still hated me because he thought I killed his dog---and he was right) but I soon realized that I actually liked animals. It was people who I couldn't fucking stand, and it was people who I wanted to kill. So I did just that, usually picking off hookers or homeless people or runaways---the usual suspects of people who wouldn't be missed. Although there were a few people at school I wouldn't mind getting my hands on…
Cooper, who had been babbling happily in his baby talk the whole way to the kitchen, suddenly began to whimper and whine. It didn't take me long to figure out why. Caroline, my fucking cunt of a mother, was in there. She almost looked like Annabelle, except her face was all bony and her skin looked like it was made of ice. She was wearing her moth eaten purple robe, and she was already holding a drink in her hand. She was a raging alcoholic, and she was the source of my biggest frustration and hatred. I wanted to kill her so badly that I could barely stand it, but everyone knew I hated her, so suspicion would fall on me if she disappeared without warning. That was why Mark and Glenn were spreading rumors about her having a boyfriend who lived a few towns away--we wanted people to believe she would run off with him instead of having them rightly believed that I killed her.
"You need to keep the boy quieter during the night," she told me as I put Cooper into his high chair. "I could hear him in the middle of the night."
"Bullshit," I snapped. I went to the cupboard and got out some applesauce. "I saw you take three Valium after dinner. You didn't hear a fucking thing all night." I opened the container, grabbed a small spoon and began feeding Cooper. My hands were shaking because I could feel her eyes glaring at me. Cooper kept putting up a fuss, his little baby eyes staring anxiously at my mother. He could sense she was pure evil, and it scared him. Poor little guy; I was becoming more and more convinced that killing her would be a mercy on him.
The sound of the front door opening caught all of our attention. Just a few minutes later, Mark and Glenn came into the room. Mark, my sometimes lover and my best friend for life, looked like he was in not such a pleasant mood this morning. Glenn, his half brother who was only a year younger than we were, looked like he would rather not be around my mother. That made him part of the club that consisted of every single person who had ever met her.
"What the fuck are you two doing in my house?" Caroline asked in her screeching and irritating voice. She hated Mark and Glenn just as much as she hated me and Annabelle. "I told you two to stay the fuck out!"
"Yeah, well tough luck bitch," Mark replied. He looked at me. "Where's Annabelle? We need to get going if we're going to drop Cooper off at Tammy's house before going to school."
"I'm here," Annabelle said as she ran in. She looked better than she had in the past two months, so maybe her depression and anxiety were finally dying down for awhile. "We can go now."
"I told you not to give them a key to this house!" Caroline screamed at me, ignoring the conversation that was going on on the side. "I do not want them in here!"
"Well I don't care what you want you fucking bitch!" I yelled back. I gave Cooper one last bite of food before closing the jar of applesauce. I was just going to tell Tammy to finish feeding him because he wasn't going to eat around Caroline anymore. She was scaring him too much. "So why don't you just quit fucking yelling and go drown in your booze already?"
She slammed her drink down on the counter and grabbed the pot full of hot coffee. Before I even knew what she was doing, she smashed it against my face, burning the fuck out of me and Cooper when some of the liquid got on his arm. He immediately began screaming, which made Annabelle scream, and my yells of pain triggered Mark to punch Caroline in the face and then Caroline bailed, leaving Glenn to try to calm us all down.
"Don't touch me!" I snarled at Glenn. I was absolutely seething with rage. The side of my forehead was bleeding and the entire left side of my face burned. I went over to the sink (where Annabelle was now running cool water over Cooper's arm) and I tried to rinse myself off. "Fucking cunt little bitch! Fuck mother fucker god damn whore I'll fucking kill her!" I launched myself from the sink and over to the table, which I flipped over. Then I picked up a chair and launched it through the glass sliding doors. The crash of that startled Sparky, my pit bull, and it made Cooper cry more.
"James stop it!" Annabelle pleaded. She was crying, partly because Cooper was screaming and partly because she was scared of me when I lost my temper. "Please, just stop."
I plopped down on the floor, shaking with too much anger to do much else. Sparky came out from the living room and licked my face, trying to comfort me in his doggy way. "The bitch is going to get it," I vowed. "I'm going to kill her. I'm going to gut her like a damn catfish and I will enjoy every single second of it."
"Yeah, I bet you will," Mark said. "But that's going to wait, because I'm not letting you land yourself in trouble by doing this rashly. You're going to fucking follow my lead on this shit, because then you won't get caught."
I glared at him. I hated it when he was bossy like this.
"Don't give me that look!" he snapped. "I'm trying to keep your ass out of jail here. I know how irrational you get when it comes to Caroline. If I left if up to you, you would kill her and leave her for the whole town to find." He turned back to Glenn. "Get me the burn ointment from bathroom. We need to do some basic first aid here before we go."
I sighed and closed my eyes. This was going to be a long ass day. I could feel that already. If I don't kill the first person who looks at me funny, it'll be a miracle.