A/N: We're obviously incredible.
It was a slow summer day.
"Come on, Felix!"
Well, for the most part.
Kaitlyn walked into the house, already preparing for the worst. Whenever she heard Jay struggling with the cat from the front yard, she always tried to picture the worst case scenario, so whatever Jay was doing seemed less severe.
She flipped through the mail and kicked her shoes off, heading into the kitchen to get Jay's salad ready for lunch. But the splashes and cursing she heard from the backyard made her stop, hand on the fridge handle.
"Felix, just do it! It's not that hard! I learned!"
Kait covered her eyes and started for the pool. She pictured the cat floating on an inner tube, one of Jay's outrageous ideas backfiring as he wouldn't be able to get the cat back onto the ground.
But she stepped outside and opened her eyes.
Jay was in the shallow end, completely soaked, hair sticking up every which way, and Felix was whipping around in his arms, his little paws barely sticking out past the floaties Jay had put on his front legs.
Jay yelped and tossed Felix into the air. Felix took this opportunity to get the hell out of there, and he did, shaking his way out of the floaties before zooming into the house.
Jay looked up at her with disgust, with hurt. "How could you do that? He was just starting to learn the kitty paddle!"
"Doggy paddle, Jay."
"Don't you talk about dogs in this house, Kaitlyn."
Kaitlyn rolled her eyes and crouched down. "Cats hate water, Jay. As an avid cat lover, I would expect you to know that."
"Felix is different."
Kait frowned, touching the long, red scratch on his shoulder. There was another just under his neck, a tiny reddening mark below his left eye.
He blinked at her. "Felix tried to punch me."
"He tried to punch you."
"Yeah. He's got a great right hook." Jay pulled himself out of the water and grabbed the towel hanging from one of the deck chairs. He scrubbed it over his head vigorously. "Where'd you go?"
"The store, then Mack's."
Jay paused, hands on the ends of the towel. He tugged it down, around his neck, hair sticking straight up. "Without me?"
Kait laughed and roughed up the short, blond strands. "Yeah, it was only for a couple of minutes. You hungry?"
Jay nodded. "Salad?"
"With Three Cheese Balsamic," Kait finished, going inside. Felix was up on the counter top, licking his wet paws.
Jay came in, face lighting up. "Felix! Hey, buddy! What's going on?"
Felix hopped off and ran into the dining room.
"Oh, you crazy cat!" Jay went to go after him, but Kait grabbed his arm. He frowned at her. "What? He wants me to chase him!"
"Maybe you should eat something. Before you pass out from all the excitement."
He nodded, going to sit at the kitchen table. He waited patiently as Kait started fixing his salad for him, making sure to put extra dressing on his helping. He glanced down and shifted the mail pile with his fingers, flipping through a few envelopes.
Purina Fancy Feast Co.
"Hey, Kait, what's this?" he asked, picking it up. It was addressed to him.
"What's what?" She didn't look over.
He twisted it around, broke the seal. It was a packet of some sort, creased neatly. He took it out and unfolded it.
Dear Mr. Reso,
As an avid candidate for our Fancy Feast special offers, you have been selected to star in our newest commercial for Fancy Feast After Dinner Mints. As a busy and famous WWE Superstar like yourself, we would love to have you promote your job as well as your experience with Fancy Feast. Taping will be this Wednesday at the studio. The directions to the studio are in the information provided.
We hope to see you very soon!
Fredrick Fancy, CEO of Fancy Feast
Jay was already screaming, knocking over his chair, jumping up and down. "I can't believe it! I can't believe it!"
"Jay, what's the matter?" Kait demanded, practically dropping his plate. She put it on the table and followed him as he exploded out of the room.
He was in the bedroom, the closets open, dresser drawers pulled out.
"Jay, what's going on?" she asked worriedly.
He did a fancy Irish jig over to her, kicking his legs around, hands on his hips. He picked her up and spun her. "I'm going to be filmed for a commercial!"
"Really, babe!?" Kait kissed him hard, dropping to her feet. She beamed at him. "For what? ECW?"
He shook his head excitedly.
He shook his head again, snapping the paper in front of her face.
Kait's mouth fell. "Really?"
He nodded and did another dance, jigging back into the closet.
Shirts and pants came flying at her.
"Uh, Jay?" She ducked, snatching one of his shoes out of mid-air. She went into the closet, found him on his hands and knees, digging through a pile on the floor. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, shouldn't you talk to Vince?"
"Talk to Vince? I'm plugging his company on a well-known commercial! He'll pat me on the back!" He held something up, frowned at it, tossed it over his shoulder.
It hit Kait in the stomach.
"What are you looking for?" she asked tiredly.
"Something to—SUCCESS!" He pulled the white shirt out and stood up, holding it out to the light. "It's not see-through, is it? I want to be modest."
"Oh, Jay!" Kait smiled at him, almost embarrassed. "You're not going to wear that, are you?"
"Of course I am! Why wouldn't I?"
Kait shook her head. "I... no reason."
"It's perfect. I'm so excited!"
"I need to get lit."
"Jay, your commercial's gonna be on!"
"I don't want to watch it," he grumbled, through the door of his movie room.
"Oh, come on, Jay, it's exciting!"
"Just tape it! I'm watching Scarface."
"You can't pause it for two seconds?"
"I don't wanna watch it, Kaitlyn!"
Kait frowned. "Fine. I'll tape it."
She went back into the other room when he didn't say anything.
Adam looked up at her. "Well? Where's the guest of honor?"
"He doesn't want to come out." Kait sat on the couch next to him, digging into the bowl of popcorn on his lap.
Mack looked at her from Adam's other side. "Why not?"
Kait glanced back at the closed doorway, leaning over Adam's lap. "Can you keep a secret?"
Mack nodded, moving closer.
"All right, lesbian action!" Chris yelled from the floor. He whirled around, waving his hand expectantly. "Come on! Kiss!"
Mack threw a handful of popcorn at him, turning back to Kait. "What's up?"
Kait bit back a laugh. "He, uh... had a little mishap happen on set. And the directors loved it, so they kept it in the commercial."
"We didn't miss it, did we!?" Becky came running in, breathless. Cody stumbled and ran into her back, grabbing her arms before she tumbled forward.
"No, you didn't miss it."
"Thank God! Cody decided to drive like a grandpa today—"
"I was going sixty, Becky!"
Becky sat down next to Mack. "Anyway, when's it supposed to be on?"
"The next commercial break."
Becky glanced at Cody as he swung his feet over the back of the couch, falling behind her so she was sitting between his legs.
"Do we have to watch So You Think You Can Dance?"
"It's on during the commercial, Cody! We'll miss it if we change the channel."
"He's just denying his inner gay," Adam put in.
Mack laughed. "Inner?"
Cody punched her arm.
"Hey!" Adam pointed at him. "Don't hit her."
Mack gaped at Cody, rubbing her bicep. "Only gay guys hit girls!"
"Only straight guys can hit butch girls."
"You should've hit Jericho, then."
"How did I get into this?"
"Guys!" Kait turned up the volume. "It's on!"
Everyone turned their heads as the television went black. The picture came on, a cat waiting patiently by its empty food bowl. It meowed loudly.
A pair of beat up converse came into view.
"Jay!" Kait yelled. "Your feet!"
"I don't care!" he yelled back.
Bent knees. Jay's hands, pouring mealy chunks into the cat's bowl from a Fancy Feast can. The cat rubbed its face against Jay's hand in approval and began eating.
"That's a good boy, what a good boy!" he cooed.
The screen panned out, a smiling Jay as he straightened.
"Oh, my God!" Becky screamed.
"What's his shirt say?" Cody asked, squinting.
"I heart cats," Kait answer tiredly.
"Hi, I'm Jay Reso. Famously known as Christian, I'm a professional wrestler for the WWE. As a famous Superstar such as myself, and a proud owner of four cats—"
"—I can't have my cats walking around with bad breath. That's why I give them Fancy Feast After Dinner Mints." He held up the box, looked at it, smiled at the camera. "Fancy Feast After Dinner Mints are mint-flavored treats that your cat will love and your guests will appreciate. So instead of bending down to pet a cat and being greeted with nasty breath, your guests will be overwhelmed by the gentle smell of mint."
Jay turned around and bent down, shaking a treat out. He looked at the camera again. "My cat loves them." He held his palm out, tiny mint in the middle. "So go to your nearest grocery store and pick up Fancy Feast After Dinner Mints right meow. Your cat will thank you la—OW!"
Jay snapped his hand back when the cat bit it. He threw off his balance, waving his arms around, treats going everywhere. He fell into the food bowl, knocked over the water dish, cracked his head against the wall.
The cat hopped up onto his knee and snatched the box with his teeth, booking away.
Jay smiled nonchalantly and lifted his hands. "See what I mean?"
Everyone stared at the screen blankly as it went to another commercial.
And then Cody broke the silence when he exploded with laughter, hitting his forehead against Becky's back.
The bowl of popcorn fell to the floor as Adam kicked his legs, covering his face, sobby laughter coming out of his mouth.
"Are you... Why didn't Jay want to watch that?" Mack asked, tears coming from her eyes.
Jericho was on his back, hands on his stomach, laughing obnoxiously.
The movie room door opened, and Jay came out, face sad, a white bandage around his head.
Everyone laughed a little harder.
He crossed his arms. "So. I assume you watched it?"
"Jay, Jay..." Mack tried to calm down. "It was... It was so good. The best, even."
"Oh, fuck off."
Mack stood up, taking Adam with her. "I think I'll go pick up some right meow!"
"I'll join you!" Chris stood up. "My cats love them!"
"Wait for us!" Becky yelled, stumbling toward the door, trying not to laugh.
Cody stood up, biting his lip. "It was... very meowerful, Jay."
"Get the hell out of my house, Cody."
And soon all the laughter was gone, and the house was left in silence.
Jay kicked the popcorn bowl. "I should've never done it."
"Jay, did you even hear them?" Kait moved closer. "They were making fun of your lame lines, not the fact that you fell."
He looked up, pouting slightly. "They were?"
"Yes! They didn't say a damn word about you falling!"
Jay shrugged, stuffed his hands in his pockets.
Kait sighed and moved closer, putting her palms to his chest. "Jay, what will make you feel better?"
He grumbled incoherently.
"What if I... let you turn the dining room into a dance studio? Like you always wanted?"
His face shot up, brightened. He gaped excitedly. "Are you serious?"
He spun her around. "Yes! I can teach you how to dance! I can teach everyone how to dance!"
"And maybe, you know..." Kait winked, walking her fingers up Jay's chest. "I'll be willing to dance for you."
His eyes darkened. He grinned. "Really?"
He pursed his lips. "Me-yow."
A/N: THIS WILL OBVIOUSLY SEGWAY INTO ANOTHER STORY. COPYRIGHT TO FANCY FEAST AND ALL THAT JAZZ. REVIEW!