Hi everyone! I'm so very sorry for not updating for a while, but unfortunately, real life is sometimes too time-consuming to write much and my exams are coming up…
Anyway, here's an Edward-chapter (yay for Edward!) about his "rebellious" period when he was away from Carlisle and Esme.
Edward: But they never came
The rich, delicious taste I lived for these days trickled down my throat, extinguishing the fire as it went. The soft thump as the cold, bloodless body fell on the ground didn't make me cringe in regret anymore. I didn't have much feelings except for the insatiable thirst, and the hate of course, when I had to read another monster's thoughts. Because that's all my preys were, monsters. Robbers, rapists, serial-killers, … I'd had them all. But sometimes I slipped, like now. Sometimes the thirst was so bad that I killed an innocent human.
At first, there had been remorse. This was partly because I could hear every single thought my prey had during its last terrifying moments, and partly because of the "education" Carlisle had given me. And sometimes, even now, after all these years, I still wondered what he would think of me if he would see me like this, a monster, controlled by the urge to satisfy his lethal needs. Sometimes I wondered what would happen if I would go back to Carlisle and Esme. Would they allow me to talk to them? Would they forgive me? And, the most important question, if I went back, would I be able to live according to Carlisle's lifestyle?
No, was the answer my body gave me instantly. Even now, when I'd just fed, my body yearned for human blood again. Especially the kind of human blood I liked, the kind that attracted me more than the others. Every human smells and tastes a bit different, but some taste sweeter than others, more like flowers…
I had to stop this, my throat was in flames once again and I couldn't feed again till tomorrow, that was my rule – one per night.
I shoved the thirst to the back of my mind – something I'd always been pretty good at – and focused on Carlisle and Esme again. I missed them very, very much, more than I wanted to admit to myself. I missed Carlisle's wisdom, his composure and the feeling to have a father-figure again. Esme reminded me of my mother once in a while, and I knew she loved me as if I were her own son… Well, ten years ago she did. Now she probably loathed me, just like the way I loathed myself these days. With every drop of blood that caressed my tongue, every bit of self-respect I had washed away a little more, until there would be nothing left anymore. I should really stop this, before I would become a real monster; one that didn't even care anymore whether he took one human's life away or twenty lives, whether he destroyed one family or a hundred.
Right now, I did still care. At least a little bit. Not when I was drinking the blood, no, then the luscious taste was all I could think about, like a junkie getting his shot – he'll maybe feel bad about it later, but not when he's feeling the craved rush again, not then. Yes, guilt takes over as soon as the last drop is consumed. That is, up until the craving becomes too much again and he just has to have another shot. Just like me. That was what I'd become, an addict, not able to live without the object of my addiction. There was one little thing that made me even worse: junkies mostly didn't kill people to get their drugs. I did.
I sighed and looked down at my last victim. The wide-open, staring eyes seemed to manage to eye me accusingly and I couldn't help but remember the thoughts she'd had just before I took her life away. She was thinking about her little boy she'd just dropped off at his grandmother's house because she was going on a date with her husband… Not only had I taken a life away, but also a wife, a lover and a mother.
I held her hand as I sobbed above her body, trying in vain to force some tears from my dry eyes to mark this woman's grave.
Naturally, they never came.
I'm sorry, I know this isn't very long, but I had to cut some parts out because I thought it would get boring otherwise… Please let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions (scenes from the books you'd like to see written from someone else's perspective), please let me know!
Remark (16/12/2009): Lots of people asked me why Edward killed this innocent woman. It was explained a bit in the beginning, sometimes his thirst just takes over, but there's another reason in my mind. In my mind, he returns to Carlisle and Esme because he killed this woman, because he knows he's becoming a real monster now.
I hope this is an answer to your questions and that this explains the story in my head a little more.