Hey guys, I hope you liked the last chapter and I'm not sure if people read my random drabble at the beginning of the chapters but I enjoy writing it so I shall continue lol. I've been very slow but we had house trauma at uni, everything broke but all is good now and then I had a family emergency so this is a little later than intended (sorry). Reviews do inspire me and I love to hear what you think so if you get a minute, even if it's just a hi please submit one :) Thanks to those of you who do review and thank you all for reading. Enjoy...

Chapter 7 I can't help myself anymore


When I arrived home that night I was on a high, I had managed to have a conversation with Edward without him running off or staring at me like I was something he stepped in. There is something about the Cullen's that I am sure I am missing but I can't put my finger on it, everyone else in the school seems to avoid them like the plague but I can't. Edward is just so perfect, so intriguing and I just want to know him and believe me I am not the type of girl who falls for guys easily.

Gosh if Renee knew I was flustered over talking to a boy she would have a heart attack or something, I can just see her face now smiling with surprise and glee waiting to give me 'the talk' and some boy advice. I felt a tear escape from my eye and brushed it aside quickly so Charlie wouldn't notice, he was already worried enough without seeing me cry.

"Dad I think I'm just gonna take a shower and then head up to bed and do some homework." I said sweetly.

"It's kinda early Bella are you feeling okay?" He asked, damn it he was on to me I just had to play it cool.

"I know but I'm really tired and by the time I've had a shower and done some homework it will be late enough to sleep." I replied in my best casual voice hoping it would be enough to fool him.

There was a quiet pause before Charlie spoke his reply.

"Alright sweetie night... and Bells if you ever need to talk about anything I'll listen, I mean I know I've never been good at that stuff but I'm your dad and I... well you know." He said awkwardly.

"Sure dad I know, night."

It didn't take me long to finish in the shower and before long I was sitting on my bed in my pyjamas staring at the ceiling. Nights were always the worst because I couldn't keep myself busy, I hadn't said anything to Charlie but I was having trouble sleeping. Every time I closed my eyes I just saw the headlights blaring in front of my eyes, I could hear the screeching of the tires as Phil tried to swerve and the bloodcurdling scream of my mother as she realised that we were doomed.

Tears streamed down my face and no matter how hard I tried they wouldn't stop, I kissed the photograph of my mother that was on my desk and lay back down on my bed hoping that soon I would become so exhausted from crying that I would fall into a dreamless sleep but of course that never happened. I always dreamed.


I could see Bella moving about in her room, I had no idea why I had come to her house at night, I shouldn't be here but I just couldn't help myself. I was having an internal debate with myself and the part telling me to leave was winning until I heard something that pulled on my heart strings.

She was crying, my Bella was crying and I couldn't do a thing about it, she didn't even know me well enough to want me to either but that didn't stop the wanting. This was dangerous.

I listened for almost 2 hours until the sounds stopped and I was pretty sure she had fallen asleep and that is when I slipped inside her room. I have no idea what made me do it, it was definitely a bad idea since her scent filled every ounce of the room causing my throat to burn but she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I sat myself in the rocking chair in the corner of the room and just watched her sleeping and took comfort in the steady beat of her heart and the pace of her breathing.

I was content just sitting there when I was startled by her voice, she kept repeating the name Renee in despair and then, just I was about to leave she muttered my name. It was then that I realised I was in way deeper then I had ever intended and so I stalked out of the window and into the night.

1 week later......


It was my second week in Forks and I was beginning to slip into a comfortable routine. The people here were definitely a lot friendlier than in Phoenix, which I was glad of, I really don't think I could have managed school if everyone there hated me. Edward had gone 20 paces backward since our conversation last week and on Wednesday he completely disappeared, he hadn't been in school since and when I asked Alice she just said he was sick. I was instantly worried and I didn't know if it was because I genuinely cared about Edward's health or because I had a feeling that something suspicious was going on. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I realised the time and dashed to my room to grab everything I needed for school.

Alice arrived outside my house at the usual time beeping her horn just once to signal that she was here. The car was empty just like the first day she had taken me to school and I sighed, Edward was still not in school. I mentally kicked myself for feeling so disappointed as I climbed into the shotgun position.

"Morning Alice." I said as cheerily as I could manage for a Monday morning.

"Good morning Bella." She replied with a huge smile as she revved the engine and started in the direction of the one and only Forks high.

"Alice I forgot to tell you, Jessica phoned me yesterday and she wants me to eat lunch with her today, I didn't have the heart to tell her no so I'll eat with you guys for the rest of the week." I said shyly but I was pleased with myself that the first thing I had said wasn't about Edward.

"Oh that's okay Bella I'll see you after class and we can go shopping after school on Wednesday." She said matter of factly.

"Erm Alice I don't... I don't really do shopping and my dad needs me home to cook for him." I said sheepishly.

"Nonsense Bella, we are going shopping so you will let Charlie know by Wednesday morning." Alice chirped happily.

I rolled my eyes in defeat and sat quietly for the rest of the journey with a pout on my lips pondering how to ask about Edward and just before we arrived into the parking lot of Forks high I managed to conjure up some guts.

"Alice how is Edward doing?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Oh well you can ask him yourself, he is back in school today." She replied with her usual smile and a gleam in her eye.

We arrived in the parking lot with plenty of time to spare, Alice parked in her usual spot next to Edward's silver Volvo. As soon as we had gotten out of the car she was at Jasper's side, I had no idea why he couldn't just ride to school with us I would happily sit in the back seat but apparently it wasn't necessary. Whilst the Cullens conversed I just stood like a lemon leaning against Alice's yellow Porsche feeling quite the spare part. I was all set to just walk to the library or something when Edward drifted to my side baring a smile.

"Hello Bella." He said in his musical voice and I almost melted.

"Oh..um hi, are you feeling better?" I asked stupidly.

"Yes very much so, I'm sorry that I left on such bad terms but I had a bug of some kind, nasty sore throat." He said and I could have sworn I saw Rosalie give him brief daggers, really what the hell was her problem?

"Well I'm glad you feel better, I was beginning to think that you were avoiding me." I said quickly and wanted to kick myself after.

He stared at me with an expression that I could not quite read. His eyebrows were scrunched in frustration and his eyes were clouded with sadness, I couldn't tell if he was upset with me or himself and that had me confused.

"Bella I didn't mean to give you that impression it's just I think that it would be better if we weren't friends." He said solemnly.

"You should have said that earlier, besides you can hardly avoid me completely, we have class together and I am friends with your sister, in fact we are going shopping on Wednesday." I said feeling triumphant at the confidence in my voice but that was quickly shattered when Edward started to laugh.

"Oh Bella you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, if I were you I'd make up an excuse to get out of that trip." He said as the bell rang signalling for the start of the day.

I scowled at him but secretly knew he was right, all I had to do was get Charlie to say I couldn't go and then I was safe for a few days. Once I broke out of my thoughts I realised that the parking lot was now empty except for me and Edward, who had waited.

"Come on Bella or we are going to be late." He said smugly but I followed him into the building anyway like a lost sheep.

All day I was thinking of ways I could get out of this shopping trip with Alice and by lunchtime I was a nervous wreck and glad to be sitting with Jessica, that way I wouldn't have to look Alice in the eye.

"So Bella, we saw you talking to Edward earlier." Jessica said nosily.

I just shrugged my shoulders, it isn't a crime to talk to the Cullens and it was none of her business.

"So what did you talk about?" She pushed, why in the hell did she care?

"Just school stuff and Alice, that's all." I replied trying as best I could to put her off the subject, any normal person would have got the hint by now and given up. I was starting to think that shopping with Alice could be better than this.

"Well it looked like more than that, he never talks to any of the other girls in school except for Rosalie and Alice." She said again, her voice showing signs of jealousy.

I just shrugged my shoulders pretending to be indifferent to the whole situation but my stomach was doing somersaults. Not only was Edward Cullen talking to me, but he was talking to me over any of the other girls in the school.

Jessica got fed up after that and I couldn't tell if she was just bored of my evasive answers, thought I was extremely dumb or was pissed off that Edward liked me better. Whatever it was I was glad not to have to hear her voice any longer so I took the moment of peace to glance at the Cullen's table, and much to my surprise my gaze was met by a very amused looking Edward. What the hell did he find so funny and why was he looking at me?

The lunch bell rang shortly after so I quickly collected my things and headed to class giving Jessica no time to say anything more than a goodbye. When I reached the familiar biology classroom Edward was already sitting at our desk waiting patiently for Mr Banner to arrive. How he got there so early I had no idea, I was sure he left the cafeteria after me.

"Have you thought of a way to get out of your shopping trip yet Bella?" He asked amused.

"No but I'm sure it won't be that bad." I replied.

He just raised one eyebrow in mock disbelief and smiled quietly.

"You could come to dinner with me." He said out of nowhere and I was taken aback by his statement.

"I thought you said we shouldn't be friends." I replied bitterly.

"I did but I'm tired of trying to stay away from you Bella."

"Okay then I will go to dinner with you but you can tell Alice."


So sorry it has taken over a month to do this, life kind of got in the way and I lost my muse but I saw New Moon on the 20th and it was amazing!! So I was inspired to finally finish this chapter. Sorry for any mistakes and I hope to post another soon xx