MATTxMELLO

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters... if i did the anime/manga would be rated R for shore...

MATTXMELLOXMATTXMELLOXMATTXMELLOX

Matt's POV:

I can't stand life...

It hurts, every second of it! What little good it brings is not worth the pain that is bound to follow. There was never much good in my life anyway.

I watched helplessly as my father killed my mother, my older sister and then himself... I still blame myself for that night, even though I know there was nothing a six year old boy could do to stop his drunken father from destroying everything he knew and loved.

Then came Whammy's. I was shipped there when they found someone with my 'genius' living in the gutter of my old home.

Whammy's was good to me; the high before the low. I was lonely until a catholic, blond, fireball threw himself upon my sad existence and completely changed my life!

Mello and I where best friends; Always with each other no matter the situation or the trouble that followed... Then came Near.

One 'Nate River' would destroy my 'blissfully' existence once again...

How? Easy! He had been at whammy's longer then me and Mello and posed no threat until that faithful day when Near scored higher then the chocoholic on some stupid test! It wouldn't have mattered as much if he didn't do the same thing over and over and over again, week after week, month after month, year after year.

Soon my Mello's only interest was beating Near. While we where still best friends and room mates, I always felt like the third wheel, Ironic because that's the position I settled into: Number 3.

Then L died...

Our hero, dead because some idiot got his hands on a killer note book!

That's when Mello and Near where suppose to start working together, to become a team. Like that would ever happen. Mello hated Near with every inch of his soul which at the time did not know the taste of violence and murder as it dose now.

The chocoholic asked me to follow him, to leave the place I called home at just thirteen to go and avenge the panda detective we all loved so much.

I agreed.

Some of the best times of my life where when we where first out there for ourselves! Poor as we where it was so great being with that deadly blond i had come to love!

Then Mello joined the mafia...

That bastard left me to fend for myself while he climbed their ranks. Left me alone to find drugs, abuse, more drugs, pain, yet more drugs and a nearly deadly overdose. That's when he found me again, when he decided to 'drop by' after god knows how long to see if I would do him a favour and install surveillance systems in his base.

I don't remember much about what happened that day, but I do know the angry blond kicked down my door when I didn't answer then found me unconscious and vomiting my guts out on my bathroom floor; then took me to said base and managed to keep me alive... somehow... Apparently I was in really bad shape.

By then my fireball of a friend was the leader of the mafia!

I had completely forgiven Mello for ditching me when he goes and gets himself blown up!

I honestly thought I would lose my only friend for a long time after. I couldn't take the ex-mafia leader to the hospital for so many reasons it's hard to imagine. So their I was so desperately trying to keep the chocoholic alive on will power and a tiny first aid kit that came with the apartment.

He recovered slowly... Painfully slowly... The whole left side of his face and shoulder where badly burnt and left a huge scar.

Mello never really got over that scar, but i thought it made him seem more... Human?

It's been so long since all of this shit happened that it's hard to remember it all. One thing is clear though, the events of just one hour ago hurt, really hurt.

Mello was so mad at me for messing up some surveillance tapes that he punched me in the chest hard enough to knock the air right out of my lungs then stormed off, making shore to tell me how 'fucking useless' I am and how he 'hated my fucking guts' plenty of times before he left our small apartment...

That, along with all of the stuff I mentioned before is why I am here now. Laying naked in a hot bath with warm, red blood slowly trickling out of my self-inflicted wounds, staining the water a sinister red in its wake.

It's beautiful really, my warm blood river spreading through the water so peacefully.

My vision clouds. Everything is starting to grow dark.

Finally, no more pain. No more loneliness. I won't hold back my best friend any more, my only friend...

My Love...

My Mello...

~

AN: REVIEW AND I WILL KEEP WRITING... I NEED INSPIRATION OR I GET ALL UNMOTIVATED! I AM A PYRO AND IT WOULDN'T BE A GOOD IDEA TO EXPOSE ME TO OPEN FLAMES, BUT FEEL FREE IF YOU LIKE YOUR MARSHMALLOWS EXTRA CRISPY!