Mello: hey Matty?
Matt: Yeah Mel?
Mello: have you seen that bitch with the red hair that has it in for us lately?
Matt: RJ? No...
RJ: (Slams opens the door and dies on the couch)
Matt: you look like me after that 38hour final fantasy gaming marathon!
RJ: Sorry it took so long guys...
Mello: God, you look like shit... When was the last time you slept?
RJ: Was busy getting my ass dumped, didn't feel like hanging around a love sick puppy and a gun wielding sadist!
Matt: Err... I detect a world of pain coming!
Mello: ... just stay behind me matt...
RJ: (growls loudly)
It's been a week since Mel's rescued me. A week since I discovered the man I loved returned my feelings in bucket loads. A week since Mello last obsessed over the Kira case.
I know all this should make me happy; and I really am much happier then I was before, but I can't shake the feeling of guilt. The more time the short fused gunner spends with me the less he focuses on the goal I know has been so important to me for so long...
I know deep down that no matter how much Mello thinks he loves me his dream of being the best and brightest will always be the only thing that can truly make him happy. To defeat Near is in the Catholics blood, and if he keeps doing what he is doing it will never happen.
My best friend is being slowed down by my own weakness.
I have been thinking about it a lot in the past few days, there has to be something I can do to stop the blond from throwing away what he worked so hard to achieve.
Lounging on the couch with my fiery red hair spilling over my friends leather clad legs, the small TV crackling with light and the voices of some random actors in a show neither Mello nor I where paying any attention to; the box was merely providing background noise for my intense dark thoughts.
Letting out a sad sigh I was hoping would go unnoticed by the ex mafia leader but a deep voice informed me otherwise.
"Matt?" the voice questioned, "Are you okay?"
"Nothing to worry about Mels." I offered, "Just a little tired is all."
There was a long and heavy silence. Mello didn't believe me. I don't blame him; I have never been good lire after all, well not as good as the blond was as a detective. Thankfully however he decided not to push the matter any further and instead left me to my thoughts.
He probably thinks I'm just going through one of the many nicotine withdrawals I have been experiencing since the blond banned me from smoking, claiming it would do my recovery no good. I am shore if he knew what I was really thinking of; he wouldn't have allowed me to go on with my own self torture. Then again not even I know what's going on in that superhuman brain of his sometimes.
It's not that I want to die any more, in fact I have never felt so alive as I do when I am in the strong arms of the scared genius, It's just that I can't bear the thought of slowing him down and destroying what has been so important to the golden haired man for almost the entire time I have known him.
I can't stop thinking about how much better it would be for him if I were not around, wayang up my own selfish wants with the needs of my best and only true friend.
Nothing about the choice I eventually made was easy in the slightest, but I knew it had to be done.
Pushing myself up off the ex mafia leaders lap, planting a soft kiss on his lips and telling him I was going to have a bath before slipping away into the bathroom to catty out my angst plan. The whole time I continued to tell myself that this was for my blue eyed friend and that I couldn't back out.
I bailed myself up in the small bathroom and focused on making the door Mello proof, it would be a shame if he broke down the door he had only just fixed trying to get to me, and it would be even worse if he got to me before I carried out my plans. This would be the only chance I get, if I fail then he will never let me out of his sight again.
After quickly turned on the tap to cover my movements I began fiddling with the back of the median cabinet looking for that secret compartment that held a far deadlier weapon then the broken razor I tore into my flesh with just a week before; a small hand gun, Mello's small hand gun actually. He stashed the shiny silver weapon hear so if anyone broke into the tiny apartment I could run in hear and defend myself even if the place had been searched and striped while we where away.
I slid the weapon out of its hiding place and into my firm grip, before seating myself down, cross-legged on the cold bathroom tiles and pushing the end of the barrel to my head, ice cold mettle that would soon be hot with the power of the gun powder forcing the heavy lump of lead into my defenceless brain. I closed my eyes tightly, thinking only of the blond that my sacrifice would free I get ready to squeeze the trigger and end my life.
'CRASH' a loud noise breaks me from my deep concentration, causing me to open my eyes and look directly into the face of a very pissed blond.
"MATT!" the ex mafia leader growled, "YOU BASTERED, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING"
I held back a smirk when I realised how rigid the bathroom now was. When he fixed the door he made it so with a simple tug on the handle and the right amount of force it would simply brake off its hinges and pop out like a piece of toast. Not only that but I had failed to notice that he installed a security camera in the top of the median cabinet so as soon as i sat down, gun in hand he could see everything on his laptop.
"I don't want to hold you back from defeating Near." I said flatly, never removing the gun from my head or my finger from its trigger, "I do love you Mels, please don't be mad."
This time I didn't take my eyes off Mello's burning blue orbs as I prepared myself mentally for the loud bang and endless darkness I faced when the bullet ripped through my brain. But before I could squeeze the trigger the blond whipped out his gun and shot a thick slug of lead into my left shoulder causing me to drop my weapon and cry out in searing pain.
I grabbed at the painful wound my best friend had just deliberately inflicted with my free hand, cursing and growling at the bartered that shot me before I could shoot myself.
Before I knew what was happening I was being carried to the couch, dripping even more blood on the floor and dying said couch red. I kept my eyes squeezed shut as the wordless ex mafia leader pulled of my once stripy now crimson shirt over my head, laid me down roughly on my back and to my complete horror, begun digging out the bullet that was buried deep in my shoulder.
"S-SHIT M-MELLO!" I screamed in pain, "THE H-HELLYA D-DOING!"
Finally the cold gunner decided to speak up, "It has to come out Matt," He said in a distant voice, "Or would you rather me leave it in there."
It took well over an hour for him to patch me up, but for me it seemed much longer. And once Mello was satisfied I wouldn't drop dead from shock or blood loss he simply forced me to take a small white tablet I assume was some kind of pain killer.
I was pretty angry at the ex mafia leader but I knew he only did it to stop me from killing myself, he clearly didn't see that I was holding him back the way I did.
"Matt?" the blond whispered in my ear as I still lay limp on the lounge room floor, "Why did you do that to me?" his voice was quiet and shaky, "I didn't want to hurt you."
For the first time I sore the whole ordeal through the eyes of the man I loved, I made someone who cared so much for me, do something that must have truly killed him inside.
"Sorry Mells," I rasped, "I just don't wanna hold you back anymore..."
"Matty," The now soft voice was followed by an arm around my shoulder, pulling my body up until I was sitting in the blonds lap; my tired head on his un-scared shoulder, "I should have told you this when I first knew that it's what I truly wanted..." there was a short pause as though the emotionally cripple detective was thinking hard about what he was about to say, "I am giving up on the kira case..." He whispered as though it was nothing.
"WHAT!?" I snapped in confusion, "This is your chance to beat that albino punk once and for all!"
Mello simply shook his head slowly and went on tell me all about the reason why he hated near... Because he was jealous of him yes, but not for the reasons I had thought...
Then came the punch line to his uncharacteristically long explanation, "I have decided that I want nothing more than to live out the rest of my life with you Mail." I was nearly in tears by this point, "I have already told Near that he is on his own, all that's left is to lay low until everything blows over."
I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing; it was way too good to be happening to a scruffy mutt like me. With tearful eyes I nodded in agreement, this would be the first day of my life.
MATT: YOU SHOT ME!MELLO: You nearly shot you!
MATT: I thought you were a pacifist RJ, What's with all the Gun violence!?
RJ: (shrugs) in any case, I will get off your case for awhile!
MELLO: Thank god!