An explanation on why Emmet is so dumb...

I don't own twilight

Jasper's pov

All the Cullens but me and Emmet were off either hunting or making out with their human girlfriend or shopping or visiting people in the hospital for 'activites' or not-so-working at the hospital.

I was sitting at the computer trying to beat the computer at a game of chess. This computer was better than me! I mean it's so mean! It's worse than Alice or Edward when i play them against chess!

So anyway. Emmet was trying to blodd slushes. So he decided to freeze a large square of blood and decided to smash it to bits with his strength. For Emmet to come this far in a plan as in, he's never actually got passed actually working out how do make it, he never got passed even thinking about it in the first place!

So to check out how he was going, i walked into the kitchen only to notice Emmet had his head in the freezer.

"What are you going man?" I asked,

"I'm waiting for the blood to freeze! It's taking forever so i decided to blow my cold breath on it." He said with his head still in the freezer.

I pulled him out, "Emmet, it's not going to freeze with the door wide open!"

"Oh." He said talking of his cheif hat. he didn't tie it up properly so it looked more like a hat a woman would wear back in the 1900's. It was so funny.

'Now Emmet why don't you watch TV or something?" I said leading him into the TV room.

3 hours later

I was trying to beat this computer at a game of chess again. This computer was sooooooo mean! I just wanted to throw it in where it will never be found again, like emmet's brain for example.

I couldn't help but notice the micro-wave being turned on. I ran into the room to find Emmet putting the block of blood into the micro-wave and setting it to 30mins.

I started laughing again. Emmet had his hat on again! It was so funny!

Just then It blew up. There was fire everywhere! And we had to put it out! I ran to the tap and started throwing classes of water at it. Eventually i put it out put Esme was not going to like this one bit.

"Dude!"Emmet said, "Were Vampires! Fire can't hurt us!"

"Dude!" I said, "Fires and turn us to ash!"

"Oh." Emmet said and walked out of the kitchen to the TV room. I started laughing because he still had his chief hat on like a maid's cap. I was never going to tell him how to wear that in a million years!

I went back to the computer and started to research Emmet's life. WOW! There's a town named after him! And he was the mayor! And he was actually really smart too. He liked to hunt so i guess that's why he almost got mauled by that bear.

If Emmet was so smart before he was a Vampire then maybe Carlisle removed his brain and put into a jar! HA! I wish Edward was around to hear that.

Just then Alice came back and picked up the computer i was at and took it away. She came back then and sat on my lap,

"Sweetie if you just wanted this you didn't need to take away my rival at chess." I said, pulling her closer.

"But i saw a vision of you asking me later to go hide it so it could never be seen again."

The next day Emmet tried to make the blood slushy again but when he tried to freeze it it caught fire. I know! It caught fire! Then he tried it again and guess what! It blew up! So he

tried it again- I don't know where he's getting all this blood from?- and it disappeared. So then he tried it again and it was melted on the counter. He forgot he already took it out so it


So anyway, i decided to help Esme redecorated Carlisle office. She wanted me and Emmet to move his bookcases. We moved back his bookcase and before our eyes was a long stone hallway. It looked very vampire-ish. We headed down the hallway to find out where it lead.

Emmet kept whining about how he wanted to go back. He then stopped complaining when i told him that if he didn't shut up Santa wouldn't bring him any presents at Christmas.

HA! He still believed in Santa! He also believed that a little pixie chose when people had sex. He suspected it was Alice. So every time he wanted sex of Rosalie asked Alice to grant his wish!

We came by these long winding stairs that seemed to go on forever. Why did Carlisle have this again? So anyway. We decided to run down to the end. We came to the end of the hallway to find a large laboratory. And at the down at the large table full of books was Carlisle himself.

He looked up, "It's not what you think!" he said.

"Oh stop with your lies Carlisle! What is really going here becasue i don't know!?" Emmet asked,

"Okay, ever since the day i meet Emmet I was very curious about him. he was very weird for a human. it was foolish of him to go out and nearly get killed by a bear. So i decided to take out his brain and examin it. It was so tiny! I've been looking at it for years and i still haven't worked out how he could be so smart and yet dumb at the same time. So i took out his brain and now it is sitting on the bottom of the shevels over there." He pointed over to the shelves on the wall.

Emmet rushed over and grabbed the jar and started poking at it.

"I could put it back if you wanted?" Carlisle asked.

"No way! I want to be able to look at my brain!" Emmet said. "Come on Emmet jr! Rosalie! Rosalie! We have a son!" He started to run back up to the house.

"I wonder how Rosalie will take to the news about being a mother to a brain?" I said to Carlisle.

"You wanna bet?" He said.

That was sooooo funny! I hoped you liked it! Please review and let me know if i you liked it!