On the Warehouse 13 website, there's a place where you can check out all the cool artifacts that are stored in the Warehouse. One of the first items I found as I clicked on the map-pins was (drumroll, please) the Tardis. Now, that got my wheels turning. How did the Tardis get taken to the Warehouse, and why is it there? I still don't know about that, but what I doknow is how the Doctor gets it back. I've set the story in the Season 3 timeline- somewhere during Doctor #10 and Martha's travels- simply because they're my favorite pair, and I don't write Donna and Rose very well! ;)
Enjoy, and please remember the little Review button at the bottom of the page- seeing a new review always makes my day!
"You got anything else before we wrap it up for the day, Artie?" Pete Lattimer asked, standing up and running a hand through his hair. His partner, Myka Bering, also stood, gathering up the files she needed to finish before turning in the paperwork for their most recent recovery mission.
"Not that I can think of. You two can head to Leena's for the night, I guess." Artie turned back to a folder in front of him. "You too, Claudia. And don't touch that- I've got the black queen boxed in, and don't want you trying to get her majesty free, thank you."
The redhead groaned in mock agony and replaced the black bishop on the chessboard. "You're no fun at all, you know."
"I know. Now shoo." He waved her towards the door of the Warehouse, where Myka was already standing; her coat draped over one arm, several files in the other. "Good night, kids," he joked.
Pete snatched a peanut-butter cookie from the table by the door on his way out. "Night, Artie." The door closed behind the three with a resounding clunk, followed by the sound of receding footsteps. Finally, the only sound in the Warehouse was the hum of computers and the occasional crackle of fluorescent lights flickering.
Artie breathed a sigh of relief. Not that he didn't love playing the brilliant organizer of missions for the Secret Service's two best agents, and not that he didn't enjoy discovering new- or not so new-artifacts, but there were times that he just wanted silence. Peace. Time for thinking, for coming up with a new idea or two. Time just for Artie and his Chessboard, or Rubik's Cube, or Gordian Knot, or whatever he was in the mood for that day. Tonight, it was time for Artie and his Cookies.
Munching slowly, he ran through the nightly routine, checking all the sensors and shutting down certain lights for the night- not all of them, mind you. There was an artifact over in Section 15, row C, that had a tendency to walk off when the lights were all out. It had been a challenge catching that one, if he remembered. Something about a power outage in Manhattan a few years back. He'd have to go through the files to get the full details.
He spun around in his chair, pulling up the file on the computer to satisfy his own curiosity. He was so fully engrossed in the report that he jumped when he was tapped on the shoulder.
A British accent- northern, but he couldn't exactly place it- spoke up as he whirled around to face the intruder. ""Scuse me, but I believe you have something that's mine."
"Wha-? Who? How?" Artie spat out, standing up quickly. He looked the stranger up and down- a rather skinny guy, prominent nose, spiky brown hair, mid-thirties or so, in a blue pinstriped suit, grey shirt, and… sneakers? "Who are you? How did you get in here? How did you get past the security systems? What are you doing here?"
"Oh, hello." The stranger gave him a cheesy grin and waved. "Well, I'm the Doctor, I got in through that door there," he indicated the doorway Pete, Myka and Claudia had exited through merely ten minutes ago. "Your security systems posed a teeny bit of a challenge, but the sonic screwdriver made it easier. I've already told you why I'm here, if I remember correctly- which I do, I might add. I'm here," his face became serious as he stared down at Artie, "because you have something that belongs to me." He paused. "And I intent to get it back."
After that threateningly toned statement, he brightened up and began walking around the room, exclaiming at random things like a kid at a candy store. "Ooh! Would you look at this- haven't seen one of these since 1857! Rather rare in the 21st century, wonder if it… oops, guess it still works. Nasty, that. Oh, wouldn't touch this one if I were offered the entire Alpha Centauri Galaxy. Not a good idea to have it here, don't you think? Naw, you humans don't think about the galactic consequences, at least, not yet you don't. More of here-and-now thinkers, 'specially you Americans. Not that I've got anything against Americans, don't get me wrong. Nice chaps, Americans, for the most part. I mean, you've built this whole huge, amazingly brilliant Warehouse, in the middle of nowhere, hiding all the wondrous artifacts that people just aren't ready to see! What'd I say? Brilliant! Now this, here, oh yes, you are a beauty…"
Artie watched this 'Doctor' in a mixed sense of apprehension and amusement. Just who was the Doctor, anyway, and what in the Warehouse was his? After a few minutes of listening to the man rant and gush about everything from a pencil holder to his keyboard, Artie interrupted him. "I'm sorry to stop your fun, Doctor, but you said you were here for something?"
The Doctor turned around and looked at Artie, his eyes widening at the sight of the sight of the weapon in his hand. "Ooh! Is that a Tesla Gun? Very nice. Designed by Nikola Tesla between 1900 and 1937. Nasty little device- stuns the victim and causes memory loss. Hope you know what you're doing, there. In fact, as a precaution…" Before Artie could blink, the Doctor had a little pen-sized device in his hand and was activating it, causing the blue light on the end to glow, accompanied by a strange buzzing sound. "Just making sure no one gets hurt, you understand," he said, in way of apology.
Artie attempted to fire the Tesla Gun, but nothing happened. "What did you...?"
"I neutralized it. Don't worry, I'll fix it before I go."
Just then, a young woman burst into the room. "Doctor, what's taking you so… oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?"
"Oh, nothing much, Martha, just finishing up with Artie here before we get the Tardis back."
"Well, don't let me spoil your fun," she said.
Artie was taken aback. "Wait, you know my name?"
Martha looked over at the Doctor, repeating, "You know his name?"
The Doctor grinned and launched into an explanation rapid-fire. "Arthur 'Artie' Nielsen is a long-time Secret Service Agent who is in charge of Warehouse 13. Enthusiastic about his work and made a bit 'eccentric' by his long tenure in the isolated warehouse, Artie is happiest when he's in the pursuit of objects that 'threaten to ruin the world's day.' While no one person can be said to fullyunderstand all the mysteries residing in the warehouse, Artie comes the closest, and has mastered the used of artifacts like Philo Farnsworth's communications device and Thomas Edison's electric car. He also bakes a mean cookie." He grabbed one from the plate on the table and munched on it, as if to verify his statement. "You don't mind if I…?" he asked.
Martha grinned and asked, "Where did you hear all that?"
"Fifty-first century internet database. Whole pages dedicated to this place."
Artie stared at the intruder in incredulity. "Who did you say you were, again?"
"I'm the Doctor," he said around a mouthful of cookie, and laid a hand on the woman's shoulder. "This is Martha Jones, the almost-doctor. Still in med school. She'll make a brilliant doctor, don't you think?"
"Doctor," Martha muttered, "the Tardis…" she waved her hand toward the giant windows, through which could be seen the massive inside of the Warehouse.
"Oh. Right. Tardis." He placed the half-eaten cookie in his pocket and whipped out a pair of glasses from the other, putting them on with a flourish. He stepped over to the map on the wall, peering intently at it. "Artie, where would you put a big, blue police box?"
"Now wait just a minute." Artie stepped between the Doctor and the map. "What makes you think you can just barge in here, take an artifact, and walk right out? Who gave you the right? You know you're trespassing on Government property. I have the right to arrest you right this instant."
"You're absolutely right, Artie Nielson. You do have that right, but you won't, because the Tardis, you see, is mine, and I can't just have it left here. Now, I don't know how your government got a hold of it, but I need it back." He returned to looking at the map. "Oh, and Igive me the right. Nine-hundred-year-old time-travelling alien. I have the right to have my ship back, thank you very much. While we're thanking people, thanks for keeping it safe while you've had it. Nice, that." He went back to muttering to himself. "If I were a Tardis, where would I be stored…?"
Artie turned to Martha. "Are you an alien, too, then?" he asked, sarcastically. "Because my superiors will want to know why I let a couple of aliens just waltz right in here, take an artifact, and waltz right out again with it."
"Oh, no," she said. "I'm just as human as you. He's the only alien around here. I'm his current… travelling companion… as it were." She frowned. "Artie- you mind if I call you Artie?- we reallyneed to get the Tardis back. It's a matter of life-and-death… the entire universe is at risk, really, if we don't get it."
"Bit over-dramatic there, weren't you?" Artie laughed. "'Entire Universe' indeed."
Martha's face showed no humor. "I'm completely serious, Artie. The Doctor, he… he saves people. Not just humans. Entire worlds, entire galaxies, on a regular basis. He's the best man ever. The Tardis is his ship. I know it looks like just a normal police box, but it's really-"
"It's bigger on the inside than on the outside, I know. I've seen it." Artie frowned, turning to the window. "I knew it was alien when I first saw it. There's no tech on earth that can expand space like that- not yet, anyway."
"Wait, you got it open without the key?" Martha stared incredulously at him.
"Took awhile, but yeah."
"You better not have taken any of my stuff, mister. I've got my spare coat in there, and I don't want anything happening to it, thank you very much. Real fancy leather, that jacket. Spent a pretty penny on it. If you've touched it…"
"Don't worry, I didn't even go inside. Gave me the creeps, something bigger on the inside like that."
"Aw, you get used to that after awhile. It's the new worlds, every time you open the doors, that do it to me. Can you imagine? Every day, a new sky. It's amazing! I don't think I'll ever get tired of it."
"FOUND IT!" the Doctor shouted, startling Artie. Martha grinned and ran over to the map, where the Doctor had his finger on a specific spot. "Section 28, row I. Let's go, Martha! Allons-y!" he grinned and headed to the doorway that led to the Warehouse storeroom.
Artie ran to block his way. "I can't let you down there, you know."
"Oh, come on now, Arthur, weren't you even listening to a word that Martha here was saying? Worlds in danger. Galaxies. Really, the whole Universe, if you want to get down to the bones of it. I'm sorry, but we're going to take the Tardis with or without your permission."
"Why should I believe you?" Artie asked.
"Ah, see, Martha, he's doubting us. Can you believe that?"
"Answer the man's question, Doctor. He might just let us through if you answered the question…" Martha rolled her eyes.
"Oh, right. Fine. Well, you see, there was a bit of a … malfunction … with the gravitational stabilizer. We landed near Chicago, if I remember right, to take a break while I fixed it. After a while, we decided to take a break and go sight-seeing a bit. Always fun, sightseeing. Anyway… When we came back- no Tardis. I thought to myself, 'Who would take an innocent-looking police box? And if they took it, where would they take it to?' Of course, I quickly surmised it would be the American Government, with your history of taking so-called 'artifacts' and locking them away, and, seeing as it's the 21st century, the only logical place you'd take it would be Warehouse 13. So we took a little stroll… more like a cross-country hike, really… and ended up here."
"Four days of hitch-hiking later," Martha added, shooting a glare at the Doctor. "Why you hadto leave the psychic paper in the Tardis is beyond me..."
"Anyway, we really, reallyneed to get back to the Tardis and be on our way."
Artie frowned. "How do you know about the Warehouse?"
"Oh, it's common knowledge in the 51st century, and it's recorded in all Earth history books written after the year 3159, if you know where to look. Actually, Warehouse 13 becomes one of the most famous warehouses of them all. Your agent, whasername, Myka, she and her partner… Lattimer, was it? … they're two of the most proficient agents ever recorded, eventually. Is the girl with you yet? Claudia? Yes? Good. Yeh, you'll be brilliant." He grinned at the expression on Artie's face. "Oh, don't worry, old pal, you'll become famous, too." He winked. "Time-travelling alien, remember?"
Artie later wondered what exactly prompted him to step aside and let them through, and what convinced him to give them a ride in the electric car to the 'Tardis'. Later, he mused over the fact that he simply let them walk up to the big blue police box and unlock the door. He later remembered standing in the doorway, glancing inside at the impossibly large space contained within the four blue walls in just as much wonder as the first time. Muchlater, he wondered what he'd tell Mrs. Frederick about how the Tardis had disappeared.
At this moment, however, he simply smiled as the Doctor rushed around the main console of the alien ship, stroking it like a favorite, lost toy, and talking to it like a dear friend. At this moment, he simply thanked the Doctor as his 'sonic screwdriver' fixed the Tesla Gun. Right now, he stepped back as a loud sound, somewhere between a whirr and a groan, filled the Warehouse. Right now, Artie waved as the door shut behind Martha, the almost-doctor.
The sound of the Tardis filled his ears, and, at this moment, he stared in amazement as it faded in and out of existence. In just a few seconds, it was gone. He shook his head in wonder. He'd never stop being amazed at what happened in Warehouse 13. Turning back to Edison's electric car, he started it up.
He looked back as the sound of the Tardis grew louder once again, and it rematerialized in its original spot. The door opened, and the shaggy-haired, grinning face of the Doctor poked out.
"Almost forgot," he said. "Thanks for the cookie."