You Wake Up, it's a Bad Dream
"What happened?" Dr. Smith asked rushing in the alarming room followed by 2 nurses and Bobby not far behind.
"H-he woke up, Sam was scared and he was...he wouldn't let go of Dean and then he just passed out and...what's wrong with my son?" John asked running a shaking hand down his face.
"John I need you take Sam and step back," the doc said calmly as he saw John, Bobby and Sam panicking.
Once he was snapped out of his trance John moved to the sobbing little boy on the other bed and clicked the breaks off then wheeled the bed as far away from Dean's as he could. Sam was trying to scramble back over but his injuries were making it difficult.
"No Sam, you can't...come on kiddo, come here," John cooed pulling the kid back and holding him gentle but firm in his arms.
At first Sam fussed, he was angry at John, he was pissed to hell and back at the man, he didn't want him touching him or Dean, but when he realised he needed someone to hold onto, someone to reassure him Dean was gonna be fine, someone to tell him he hadn't just hurt Dean so bad it would kill them both. He gave up the fight and held onto John feeling the mumbles of comfort.
"Dean's gonna be just fine, he is, you both are, it's gonna be okay Sammy, I promise."
Sam was now trying to hide in John's shirt like if he couldn't see what was happening to Dean, it would all go away and just be a bad dream and he hadn't just killed his hero.
"Told you, you're dirty! You killed him! You kill everything you touch! YOU FILTHLY RAT!!"
But for John who was watching helplessly as the doctor worked on his son it was more like his worst nightmare coming to life.
"He's ruptured the vessels in his right arm again and it's putting pressure on his heart to get more blood there, he needs surgery, John I need consent," the doc ordered whilst wheeling Dean's bed from the room.
"Yeah, okay, please just...tell me he's gonna be fine," John pleaded.
"He's gonna be fine," the doc mumbled not very optimistic. John got a flash of pure fear on his face so Bobby walked over and put his hand on the man's shoulder giving him the hope both he and Sam needed.
"He's gonna be fine John, its Dean, he's too stubborn to let some screaming witch bitch keep him down."
"Yeah...he is," John nodded and silently thanking his friend for being there.
Hours later John was wearing a hole in the floor, Bobby was sat with his toes crossed and watching his friend pace and Sam was sat under his covers with Brownie quietly sniffling and wanting Dean back now! 'I killed him...I've killed Dean...I didn't mean to!!! I'm sorry...I didn't mean to kill him...please believe me God...please...?
"John?" Dr. Smith asked walking in the room looking rather exhausted with his theatre cap still on.
"Is my son okay?"
"He's doing just fine, he woke up on the way to surgery and was askingfor Sam and you, wouldn't go to sleep easily," he smirked.
"That's my boy."
"We repaired the damage which was a lot less severe than I first thought, he's in recovery right now if you'd like to go down."
"Yeah...Sammy?" he said shaking the kid to get his attention.
Sam turned and looking to John with miserable pleading eyes but one look at Johns smile was all he needed, Dean would be okay! 'Dean's okay! I didn't kill him...! or is happy he gets to hurt me
The kid let out a strangled sob and John, half laughing half crying pulled Sam in close.
"Told you he was gonna be fine," he breathed.
'He's not hitting me yet?...Deanie...please come back I'm scared and confused and I don't know what to do without you here to tell me...'
John not seeing the reason for Sam's sobs pulled away placing the kid back on the bed and when his head hit the pillow he was fast on giving into the meds and sleep for the first time all day.
'Please don't hurt me...please Deanie if I go to sleep and be a good boy can you come back?'
"He's not coming back you idiot! You just killed him!"
"I'll look after the squirt, you go see Dean, and kick his ass for giving me another grey hair."
Bobby patted John shoulder again, all the harsh words and fighting forgiven and they were back to normal.
"Thanks," and with that John left to follow the doc.
'Please don't hurt me Mr. Bobby...I didn't mean to...'
"Dean? You plan on sleeping all day princess?"
"Yeah, it's me, you doing okay?"
"Guurrdd...stuufff...makes Deano vvuurryy happssyyy..." Dean giggled high on the meds right now.
"Well that's good to hear, I think," John snorted, 'my 17 year old, hard ass son just giggled...wow.'
"He'll be better once he sleeps it off," the nurse snorted looking at Dean's dopey happy face.
"Gguurrdd to know...you're pretty..." he grinned.
"Thank you, I'll remember that when you come round handsome."
"Hehe...thanks...you seen Sammy? He's ccuuttiiee..."
"He's a cutie huh Dean?" John snorted finding a high Dean very hysterical.
"Not like that you big perrvve...he's cute...puppy eyes...you like him better than me right dad, soc of the puppy thing?" Dean asked serious...but not quite as he still had the swimming eyes.
"Dean? Son...I thought we went over this?" John asked totally serious now and the nurse left knowing she had to.
"You suck at trying to reaadd people old man...I was totally faking it...dude...I could be screaming in yeerr face that I hate hunting and shit...and how much it hurts when you ignore me...Dean Winchester, real and human, feelings and all, not the hunter soldier robot you want...I could scream in your face man and you still wouldn't get it...sorrrry...but sorry is just not gonna cut it," Dean said like 'oh no you didn't.'
"Dean? What are you talking about?" 'Dumb questioned! You know what he's talking about!'
Dea thought for a moment..."to be honest...I do not have a clue matey..."
"Dean? Come on kiddo talk to me, Dean don't you dare fall asleep now...Dean?"
John sighed when he heard the snoring.
"Man I have screwed my kid up so bad..."
"I mean how the hell could I not see it 5 years ago?! Or 10 years ago?! How the hell did I let my own son slip through my fingers and turn him into this machine that just gets ignored?! I mean when did it get this bad?!" John yelled at Bobby, the room, and mostly himself as he paced in the corridor.
"Would you lower the volume? You wanna be kicked out?" Bobby hissed as he was forced to listen to his friend rant at himself.
"God...when was the last time I told him that I loved him? Or told him I was proud of him? Or even asked him how his day went?!"
"Dean," Bobby scolded but John was too wound up to listen.
"What if he hadn't found Sam? Or what if Sam hadn't found him? Where would Dean be now? I mean would I still be so ignorant to my son and so up my own ass in this hunt that he...what if Sam wasn't there? Dean could have died...holy crap my son could be dead right now...holy...ooh jeez..." John was gasping for breath as panic settled in its new home.
"John, John breath...in deep okay...remember the boys, you can't make it up to them if you have a heart attack...just cool it...in...out...in....out...." Bobby coached as he helped John sit down.
"I fucked...Dean...up...he's a mess...cos of me...how the hell...can I...make that...better...Bobby?"
"Well figure it out when you stop with the panic attack, you're turning blue here man."
"Sir? Can I squeeze in and help him out?" a nurse asked Bobby.
"He's good...just got a little over whelmed that's all...he's fine thanks."
"Still...it's my job to determine that," she smiled moving Bobby out of the way so she could go check over John. "Sir...can you take a deep breath in for me through your mouth, then out again...in...and out...that's it...your colors coming back, your breathings better...keep going..."
'That's what I was doing you cow!' –
"My...boys..." he gasped when he was almost back to pink.
"Come on, I think the best thing for both of them right now is having each other, you need to take a step back, let Dean look after Sam on his own, and then Sam will be taking care of Dean as well...they just need each other and you can be there to ask how their day is and all that chick flick crap while givin em their space, got it? Sound like a plan?"
"Yeah...I guess...now...I need to get back in there..." John wheezed a few more times but brushed the nurse off and walking to the boys room.
"I tell ya what...I'll go down to the gift shop, buy em some things from you, that's a start right?"
John was about to say thanks, but when he saw both boys, pale, clammy and lonely on separate beds, all the sorrow came flooding back and the room seemed to get smaller.
"I...I'll go, if they wake up, tell em I love em..."
John walked out and down the hall to the stairs so fast Bobby swore he saw John shaped hole in the door.
"Hey Sam," he smiled sympathetically when he saw the boys eyes open and full of tears looking over at Dean, then him, then Dean again.
Bobby really wished he could move Sam closer to Dean like the little kid was longing to, but by Dr. Smith's orders, Dean was to stay in his own bed, get some rest and be free of any more pressure Sam might unwillingly put on him that could cause ruptures again.
"He's okay," he signed then sat down in the chair between the beds for if either boy needed anything. Then an idea popped into his head.
"You know, if when Dean wakes up he sees you're better at this than him then he'll be really proud of ya, so would your dad and me," 'oh crap wrong kid, wrong dad...oh well...Sam seems okay with it.'
The boy sniffled and sat up taking the offered paper and ASL books, 'I'll be good, Mr. Bobby wants me to learn for Dean...maybe I won't get it tonight if I'm good.'
Bobby helped Sam prop himself up with an extra pillow from the side table and made sure the boy was comfy before he went to read for a few hours, he knew from past experiences, once you start on learning a language, you don't want to stop.
He pulled the covers up and laid the books gently to one side where the little was too slam to fit in the bed.
He smiled and Sam took one curious confused look, then turned to the book in front of him an opened it carefully not wanting to mess up any pages, 'that would get me a smack for sure.'
"Grapes...no, Dean hates fruit. Cards?...not really the poet of get well soon....balloons?...that could work, what else?..."
After a lot talking to himself, wandering round with people looking at him funny, and smiles from old dears, John had finally settled on a huge dog balloon for Sam and a huge bag of peanut M & M's for Dean to eat when he was better.
"Oh man I gotta get em this," he grinned to himself when he saw the twisty rail of toy cars, and right there in front of him was a smooth silky black impala, it was a 70 but it was close enough.
John made his way to the check out smiling as he walked and set down the things for the boys.
"Lucky kid," the cashier woman said scanning the gifts.
John looked down ashamed, this only brought back all the birthdays and Christmases he missed, all the times Dean deserved a gift or two, and he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts he thought Dean never asked because Dean didn't want...'what kid doesn't want a toy on his birthday?' he thought to himself like how stupid could he have been to come up with that.
"I'm sure he'll love them."
"They...both my kids are in here," John corrected as he handed his card over.
"I'm sorry...what's wrong with them?" she gasped and couldn't imagine how she would cope of both her sons were in here at the same time.
"One fell down the stairs and...the other...he got attacked, " 'it's close enough t the truth...why am I telling her this?'
"Oh dear...my gosh...well, tell them to get well soon and to enjoy their gifts."
"Thanks," he nodded taking his bag and walking out slowly and miserably, but grateful the woman didn't pry anymore and let him go.
He shook his head getting out of his own self pity once more and ran for the stairs, he had two boys to make better.
"He left to go on a hunt or something? Bored of waiting around for me?" he heard Dean ask as he made his way down the hall to his boys' room.
"Dean no, he just...ah, speak of the devil," Bobby said when he saw a devastated John in the door way.
"Dean...I would never...ever, not ever leave you to go hunt if you're in here...not ever you hear me, not even f Sam wasn't here or if Bobby was here...I would never leave you if you're in hospital, you gotta believe me kiddo, please," John begged rushing to the bed and taking his sons hand in his own.
"You really mean that?" Dean choked with a scratchy voice from the emotions and the tube he had down his throat not a few hours ago.
"I swear on your mother's grave."
"Mom doesn't have a grave," Dean corrected.
"Well...I swear on her memory, and her stone in Kansas."
"Really Dean, I want you to know, I am so proud of you, and I love you," John smiled with tears coming down as he held squeezed his sons shoulder.
"D-dad?..." Dean was totally wierded out, with the chick flick, the tears, the sorrow...everything!
"I mean it Dean, I love you."
"Cristo," Dean mumbled, then just as his father got a flash of hurt over his eyes, he snorted and laughed at his own joke.
"You two are breaking my heart...and Sam's by the looks of it."
They turned to the boy on the bed, the crying boy, the lonely sobbing boy who was watching and felt so much like a third wheel he wanted to run from the room to just feel lonely on his own.
"Dad..." Dean pleaded wanting to get to Sam.
"Dean your doctor said-"
"I don't give a crap what the doc said, Sam needs me," Dean ordered to his father and Bobby.
"Okay, okay just stay put, I'll get Sam."
John tossed the now tear drenched book from Sam's lap to the floor and picked the boy up disconnecting the pulse monitor as he did so, then placed Sam down on Dean's bed where his eldest son was trying to sit up to wrap his arms round the blubbering little boy.
John saw how difficult it was for Dean to pull his bad arm up so he gently took the wrist of the left arm and wrapped it over Sam then tucked both boys in with Sam's blanket from the other bed and watched as they snuggled into each other.
"Hang on," Bobby whispered grabbing Brownie and tucking it next to the smallest kid.
"Get some sleep boys, we'll be here," John promised taking his seat and watching as two sets of breathing evened out.
Sam was sniffling still but you could tell he was a hell of a lot more cheered up now he had Dean to cling onto.
"Night boys," John said patting Dean's shoulder and moving Sam's long bangs from his eyes. "You know what...I think we're gonna be okay," John smiled, Bobby nodded in agreement even though he knew John was talking to the boys he was watching over. 'They would be okay...they have to be.'