Author's Note: This is something fairly random I thought of while listening to this very inspirational song. I hope you like it, and even if you don't, please review and tell me that! Also, this shows a bit of a more... "emotional" side to Chuck. Which I've tried to keep masculine, but, I am a girl. Special thanks to Yokaputo for one of the most fantastic betas and Kayla (Kayla101blue) for helping me out on random lines and concepts and laughing at my "Bunny" moment. And then, recently, Kroblues making me laugh at a leftover typo!
Disclaimer: I do not own Chuck or the song 18th Floor Balcony by Blue October, of which are the lyrics in here. And I took out one of the chorus' but this song is wordy, so in order for me to actually wrap this up, it had to be taken out. Nothing major, though.
Last, important details: Chucks POV, a set time after the Season 2 finale, and basically ignore anything you know about what the third season will hold. Oh, and reviews are just as good as show renewal notices! (Hint, hint).
18th Floor Balcony
Life. It's a funny thing. One moment things seem as if they are never going to slow down and the next they're peaceful, slow, the waters calm and smooth. One moment your sister is being threatened to death on her wedding day, and a best friend of yours dies, but the next? The next day all of your wishes are coming true.
That's where I am, just five months after everything was rushed and crazy. I'm on that sailboat reveling in the slight breeze and peacefully floating in the calm waters.
Sure, there are still a few big waves that come and disrupt my peaceful sailing, but they are nothing I cannot handle.
Not even a month after my sister was married I was accepted for a high paying position at Sony, working in the video game department. While it wasn't the exact job I was looking for, it worked for the time. Somehow it managed to work out with my "other life's" schedule, something as smooth as peanut butter being spread across a warm piece of toast.
Sarah and Casey were still there to protect me, as always, but Sarah was there as something more. In the beginning, neither of us knew quite what that something was, but we knew it was there.
I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but one night, I found myself with the lovely Sarah Walker in her hotel room, somewhere that I didn't normally go unless necessary.
I hadn't ever officially asked her out or anything, but what we had didn't call for that. Neither of us needed a high school action like that to know that we had something.
We had had this undefined relationship of sorts for three months when we wound up at her hotel. There could never be a replica of that night, as none had ever been like it, nor could one ever top it.
I close my eyes and I smile
Knowing that everything is alright
To the core
So close that door
Is this happening?
That was the night that our relationship really transitioned. It wasn't something that I physically saw; it was more something that I felt later that night as she lay in my arms, our bodies entangled underneath the sheets.
It was an amazing feeling. I didn't hold any fear that she would leave; I didn't have to. I didn't have to be afraid of saying something, or skirt around her, treating her as a quaint and fragile porcelain doll.
The room is dark, quiet. We both lay in the silence, both awake. I rubbed small, light circles on her bare back, as if I trying to soothe her, but having no reason to.
I felt as if she had joined me on my boat, lying on the deck and absorbing the sun.
In those moments, as we lay quietly together, I wanted to give her the world. Sure, she could probably kick everyone's ass and get it herself, but I wanted to be the one who gave it to her.
I could only hope that she felt everything that I was feeling: the peace, the resolution, as unspeakable as it is. I felt as if it hovered in the room, like air, and that we both couldn't help but breathe it in.
I took a deep breath, taking in those feelings as well as the smell of her shampoo, the smell of Sarah. She smelled of lavender and something else warm and soothing that I couldn't place.
I knew in that very moment that everything would work out. There would be larger, rougher waves but we would get there.
I smiled and closed my eyes. After a few moments, I opened them, looking around. I bit my tongue. I pressed my lips together firmly. Every single action proved that this was happening, that I actually felt like Sarah wasn't going to run away anymore.
My breath is on your hair
That you opened the blinds and let the city in
God, you held my hand
And we stand
Just taking in everything
I buried my nose into her hair, kissing her head as she woke up.
We woke up in the same, close position as the night before, the peace and comfort staying along with Sarah who had only gotten up to open one of the blinds, the sun being filtered through a sheer, white cloth instead of closed off from the room at all.
I never wanted to have to move, wholly content where I was. And if I knew that we both could safely get away from work for the day, I would. But, we couldn't, and had to go to work later this morning.
Personally, I wouldn't have moved until fifteen minutes before we had to be at work, but Sarah suggested showers and clothes and, while I initially tried to decline the offer, she added coffee so I couldn't help but agree.
I let her shower first and made the coffee myself. I watched a smile play on her lips as she walked out of the bathroom, her hair damp and tousled, as her nose was met with the aroma of coffee.
The little things, such as the fact that coffee can make her smile like that in the mornings... everything, I love about her. I just hope she knows that.
When I stepped out of my shower and walked out of the bathroom, I spotted her on the balcony, the wind whipping her hair and making the sheer curtains flow.
Quietly, I joined her, standing close enough to her to feel the heat radiating off her body. Her mug was to her lips, but she wasn't drinking it. Instead, it looked as if she was thinking about something deeply. I knew she wasn't much of a morning person, the amount of broken alarm clocks and serious threats to my life or manhood was evidence of that. I took it as she was zoning out, the coffee not having its effect quite yet.
I cherish every moment with Sarah Walker, but I've begun to cherish the silent ones more than all the rest.
And I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony.
We're both flying away
Embracing confidence, I wrapped her hand in mine and her cheek found my chest, resting itself there as if it belonged, watching the sunrise. And it did.
I felt her lips slightly part as she yawned, closing my eyes myself.
The wind continued to blow around us, giving the air a slight chill despite the heat from the orange, rising sun.
My eyes closed, I let myself think. I wanted every morning to be just like this, with Sarah by my side, on a balcony or something of the sort, watching the sunrise. All that I cared about was that we were together.
It was hard to believe, even then with her there, that our life could ever be peaceful. A government agent and a government's... something. With all the trouble we attract, and create, nothing will ever be simple. There would be less time for moments like these, basking in each other's presence. It would be a challenge, but it was one I would never give up on.
Sarah, in general, was a challenge. She had started out as a challenge, at least after we passed the false pretenses of when I first met her, and would continue to be a challenge until she was ready to give in.
I wanted to know everything about her; all about her past including all the small things like what she was afraid of, or if she would take the deal on Deal or No Deal when she still had a large sum of money on the board. I wanted to feel like I knew everything about her, nothing hidden or unknown.
Last night I felt like I could ask her about all that stuff. This morning, I feel the same, but a part of me doesn't want to mess anything up. I didn't want to ruin the moment we were sharing together, to bring an unnecessary tenseness. I wanted the tranquility and comfort to last up until the very last minute when I knew we had to go back to our lives.
But until then, I didn't want to leave this. Our haven.
So we talked about mom's and dad's
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from
Our hearts were on display
For all to see
I can't believe this is happening to me.
Sarah had different plans.
She had seemed mentally distant, somewhat out of it from being tired or woken so early, but instead, she was contemplative.
I would be lying if I said that I wasn't surprised when she started talking. I'd be lying if I denied that a thought or two had passed my mind about her being magical and holding the power to read my mind
And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy about it.
"I have a sister." It was a simple statement, and I waited for her to continue, not pushing her as I so eagerly wanted to. Her shoulders rose and fell as she sighed, softly. She continued to watch the windows of the buildings light up as the sun hit them, and I rested my nose in her hair, my full attention on her. "She's two years younger than me, and a pain in the ass," she said as she lightly laughed.
Every laugh of Sarah Walker's is musical, or at least to my ears.
"Really," I breathed.
"Yeah," she answered. "The stories I told Ellie and Awesome and Morgan and you about her were all true. I'm a firm believer in sunscreen."
I smiled, and she moved. She reached away to set down her mug, and I took her back into my arms. Her arms wrapped around my neck and I placed my own hands on her waist. Slowly, we stepped in a small circle, like dancing.
She continued. "My mom and dad divorced when I was seven and she was five. I went with my dad, and she went with Mom. I wasn't ever that close to my mom, always closer with my father." She took a small breath. "You know my dad; it was hard for my mom to live with him, doing what he was doing. And she hated it that he'd involve us."
I silently nodded, waiting for her to go on.
"I saw her during the summer, when school was out. My dad and I were always moving around and what not, but when we were younger, our parents would make sure that we got our time together." She took another pause, this one longer. She lifted her head and looked at me. "She and my mom died in a car crash when I was eleven. My dad... Well, he got in deeper and deeper in his work. I don't think I ever even saw him cry. My baby sister, his own daughter, died." She looked back away, back out at the surroundings. "I remember crying myself to sleep for days. Sure, we had been separated, but that didn't mean anything to me. When my dad took me out on another one of his jobs and I almost blew it because I saw someone who looked like her, he made me promise that I wouldn't cry anymore, and that I would focus on my work."
I knitted my eyebrows together. "That's horrible, Sarah." I knew that nobody really liked hearing it, but I said it anyways. "I'm sorry."
She gave me a sad smile, the only smile I don't like seeing on her face. "It's okay." She nodded her head. "It really is."
But it wasn't, and she knew that I could tell, too. She rested her head on my shoulder, and I heard her muted sniffle. I knew she was trying to hold all her emotions in, but I wanted her to let them out, to free herself.
Instead, she looked back up at me. I could see her eyes beginning to turn red, but couldn't do anything about it, no matter how much I wanted to.
"You know, I've never told anyone that. Not since it happened. No kids at school, no teacher or adult. Definitely no other spy, even Bryce."
It felt as if he had joined us at the slight mention of his name. Even though months have passed, Bryce's death is still an unspoken, something we don't talk about.
But we did, and she was the one who did the talking.
"I've never cared for anyone as much as I have you, Chuck. I mean, I never had much of an opportunity to growing up, but even Bryce didn't stand anywhere near what we have, how I feel for you."
Again, she settled back into my chest, almost as if I was to protect her, make her feel safe, loved.
I looked around at the building surrounding us, their orange color striking. I thought of all of the people in those buildings, especially the ones closest to us. At any moment, one of them could look out the window and see us, in each other's arms.
Sarah had opened up about her past, we were together, and her heart was open. It was another moment where I had to test its truth.
And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
That's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me...
I felt the wind grow intense, as did the atmosphere.
Sarah had finally admitted all I could ever wish to hear, but I was speechless, frozen in my place.
She let me into her life, let me know what I had spent hours wondering. She let me into a little piece of her past that let me know what made her who she is, the beautiful, strong woman she is today. Even why she is so focused in her line of work.
And then she told me her feelings... towards me.
The increasing wind blew her hair into my face, and I took in the stronger smell of lavender. The second warm smell I could now place as lilies, a smell I had grown accustomed to having Ellie in the house with me. That mixed with the aroma of our hazelnut coffee and I was lost, in a smell-induced dream of sorts.
Everything was so perfect, I felt as if I could fall asleep right then, standing up.
"Chuck." Her whisper brought me back to where we were, the breeze on the balcony, and the serious look on her face.
I kept my gaze on her, but my mind went back to Ellie and Devon's wedding reception, when Sarah up and left in the middle of our dance, my dad telling me not to go. And what I said to him.
"Dad," I said, looking him in the eye. "I love her."
It was true then, and it's true now. And she deserves to know it, to hear it every day for as long as she'd let me say it.
"Sarah." We locked eyes. Just like that night, I said it, same declarative tone and all. "I love you."
We continued looking at each other, but she didn't say anything. When the silence finally became too much, I spoke up, hurriedly, to get all my words out before she left or something. "Look, it's okay, you don't have to say it back or feel the same way or anything, I just wanted you to know--"
She cut me off, placing her lips on mine. I recovered from the shock quickly, gently moving my own lips with hers.
She broke the kiss, much to my dismay, and smiled, one her hands now rubbing the back of my neck, the other pressed up against my chest.
I blinked, and continued right back where I left off. "I just wanted you to know how I feel and--"
Again she cut me off with a kiss, this time more chaste and resulting in her leaving immediately after.
I pressed my lips together and leaned on the railing. I was confused, to say the least. She opened up and then walked away, dismissing me?
But then she came back, and held out her hand for me to take. I entwined my fingers with hers, and felt her give my hand a slight squeeze. She pulled me back inside, and quietly announced that it was time for work, whether it was what we wanted to do or not.
We drove to work together. She drove, as she insisted, but I felt a feeling of slight normalcy and knew that if she were to be mine, it'd be forever.
And I'll try to sleep
To keep you in my dreams
'til I can bring you home with me
I'll try to sleep
And when I do I'll keep you in my... dreams
That night we had to part ways. I didn't want to, and she made it seem it was a mutual feeling, but I had promised Morgan we would have a boys-night only.
Yeah, it'd interrupt my much loved peace and serenity, and I wouldn't be able to go back to Sarah, but she insisted I didn't cancel on him again.
Like me, Morgan wasn't at the Buy More anymore either. He hadn't moved away to pursue a new career as was his original plan, instead deciding to stay with Anna. He managed to land a job at Sony as well. I felt like a lot of us ended up landing jobs at Sony, Sarah as my secretary and Casey a janitor.
No need to even mention that Casey hates his job. Some days I can even hear him mutter about wishing we were back at the Buy More.
Morgan and I hung out at my new, Ellie and Awesome free apartment, playing Call of Duty and Rockband until two thirty am when he decided to "head home early" so that he could see Anna and ravish her, which really I didn't want to hear about.
And so I was left in my empty apartment with the polite mess Morgan made and total silence.
It was a different quiet than when I was with Sarah. That one was comforting, comfortable, peaceful. This one was loud, grating, uncomfortable, lonely.
I lay back in my bed with my arms at my side.
It was late and I should have been tired, but she was stuck in my mind. Everything that had happened between us within the last 24 hours or so was playing on a loop.
I wondered what she was doing right then. Sleeping, I assumed. Was she lonely, too? Did she feel everything I had earlier?
The questions drove me insane making it impossible to fall asleep.
I've never wished for a teleportation device more than in this moment. If I had one, I'd simply teleport myself to wherever she was. Anything, as long as I could see her again.
I wanted to hear her sigh, feel her yawn, smell her warm scent.
Closing my eyes, I tried thinking of other things.
I was sad and pathetic.
I fought what kept me awake to let me sleep, and dream wonderful things.
I knew it from the start
My arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
No, we're not going to sleep
I wasn't getting anywhere. Even forty-five minutes later, I was still just lying on my bed, engrossed in the world of Sarah Walker.
I don't remember what exactly I was thinking about when I heard a soft, tentative knock on my door. Immediately, my body shot up, wanting to get there quick in case it was Sarah.
And if it was Morgan, I was going to ring his neck.
It was as if when I stood up, my body suddenly felt numb, and I sleepily made my way to the door. I didn't even look out the peep-hole before I opened the door.
And I wasn't disappointed. I opened the door to find a sweat-pant clad Sarah, her hair a mess, but at the same time totally perfect.
"I couldn't sleep," she softly stated.
"Come in," I welcomed as she walked under my arm, and I quietly shut the door behind her. She stayed put in the doorway, and I wrapped her in my arms from behind her.
Her body loosened as she relaxed into me, and I into her.
"Mmm," I sighed in content.
Somehow, we made our way back to my bed. Finally settled with blankets and pillows, we lay facing each other, neither of us saying anything, or feeling compelled to.
I stretched out my arms to her. Her head found her crook in my neck, and my hands played with the ends of her hair. I heard her quaint sigh, and smiled.
We couldn't sleep before, and somehow neither of us could fall asleep then either. Despite the comfort of this better silence, I couldn't fall asleep.
I was met with the same feeling of never wanting to move, feeling like I was flying on the water with the wind pushing my sailboat along nicely.
And as long as Sarah was flying with me, I knew that everything would fall into place from there.
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony... we're both...