Bella laid down on her bed, breathing deeply as she listened to music. When she felt herself getting into one of her moods as she called them, she would write. After she finished writing, the pain in her chest still raw, she would lay down and listen to music until she fell asleep. The pain in her chest could only be described as a gaping hole, which did nothing but allow air to pass through her heart. Of course, that was not what was happening, but that was exactly what it felt like.
She learned how to embrace this feeling, and chose to write as an outlet. She wrote her best whenever she got into these moods.
Her music was a way to calm her heart down, by reveling in the melodies of her favorite artists; Ingrid Michaelson would be first on her list. She loved to sing, but would not even think about moving her lips during these moments; her body would be too overcome to the music to do anything but listen.
Her life wasn't lived like this at all moments, though to her it felt like it. She still had friends, her best friend being Alice whom she had known since middle school. She was just more kept to herself than most of her classmates. That was alright by her though; she found more comfort in a book than she did in confiding to others.
She didn't know how she got to be the way she was. She didn't try to change it though; not because after 17 years you would think she couldn't change who she was going to be. Moreover, she didn't mind being the way she was. It was her life, and that was how she wanted to live it.
Her self confidence was low, but she didn't like letting people know that. She was nice when the time called for it, and shied away from any confrontation. Live and let live, as the saying goes.
The first day of school blessed Forks with no rain, not that there was sunshine either. Bella put on a pair of jeans, a blue tank top, and a little jacket to keep her warm. Her hair was up in a ponytail, because she couldn't bring herself to care how it looked. Her makeup was nothing more than brown eyeliner; black would have looked too guady with her pale skin.
She was glad to notice that morning that her schedule had been more agreeable than she would have thought. She had Trigonometry with Alice fourth period; giving her the opportunity to walk with her to lunch after class was over.
"You know Bella, those jeans make your legs look really long. That was a good choice on your part." She said as they sat down at their usual table. They had always sat at this table; everyday for the past three years.
"These are the jeans you bought me for Christmas, remember?" Bella replied, almost certain that Alice knew that.
"Yes, that's right. Well, your welcome." She said. Both girls laughed before beginning to eat.
"I'm guessing you didn't see the new kid, did you?" Alice asked her, after a few minutes silence.
She replied, "No, what's special about him? Besides the fact that we never get new kids?"
"He is gorgeous. He seems like he would be your type, you know?"
"How could you know that. You probably haven't even spoken to him."
"That doesn't matter. He is over there reading. He chose to read instead of eat. He sounds like your soul mate." She directed Bella's attention to a boy sitting across the room from them.
It was like she had never seen a man before.
His hair was bronze, though when the light hit it, it showed hints of red. It was disarrayed ontop of his head, making him look beautiful. His nose was, in fact, in a book; she was disappointed that she couldn't see the title of it from her seat. He was wearing a simple grey hoodie and jeans, which fit him perfectly. His body wasn't lanky, but he wasn't exactly a body builder. After another minute of shamelessly oggling him, she sighed, turning her attention to Alice.
"I'll never bet against you. That is my soul mate."
Of course, she didn't really believe that he was her soul mate. Was it possible to be bonded with someone so intensely if you hadn't even talked to them yet? She supposed not, but decided that maybe she would introduce herself to him by the end of the day.
"Go get 'em tiger! He's sitting all alone. Maybe you can go talk to him, see if he's interested in a little book loving later on?" She winked, causing Bella to blush.
"Why am I friends with you?" She muttered, picking her tray up and emptying it in the garbage can. There were only ten minutes left of lunch, and she chose to 'grow a set', taking deliberate steps toward the bronze haired God that graced Forks High.
"Hello." She said simply, taking a seat in front of him.
He looked up from his book in shock, as if he had never heard that word before.
I just said hi, I'm sure he knows what that means… He reads, obviously he knows that when someone says hi he should say hi back. Maybe I got pizza sauce on my face. I should have never done this.
Her cheeks turned red as he stared at her for a few moments, before replying.
She exhaled, raking her brains for something else to say.
"You're new here." She said. She felt like an idiot for saying that. Of course he was knew.
"Well, seeing as this is my first day here, and I have never gone to this school before, it's safe to say I'm new. Was there something you wanted?" He asked, rather impatient.
She didn't like his attitude. It didn't suit him well. His face was gorgeous, his eyes a marvolus green, but his tone of voice with her was less than acceptable.
"I wanted to introduce myself. I figured it would be nice for you to know someone here." She said, her tone laced with hidden anger.
"In order for you to introduce yourself, you need to tell me your name. That's how it goes."
She stared at him in disbelief.
"No. I said I wanted to introduce myself. I guess that was just a phase, the feelings gone now. Enjoy your book."
She got up and left, barely managing not to huff. She walked quickly to her locker, not even bothering to stop and see Alice.
Her friend, Emmett was at his locker a few feet away from her.
"Bells!" He said, as if he hadn't seen her last week at Alice's pool party.
"Hi Emmett." She said shortly, flinging open her locker door.
"Someone's in a bad mood. What's wrong?" He asked her, shutting his locker and walking over to her.
"I just hate people that can't accept common civility." She said.
"I'm always nice to you. I accept your kindness." He grinned, trying to make her feel better. It was typical Emmett, but she still couldn't stop the smile that graced her lips.
"I know. It's not you I'm talking about. It's that new kid! I tried to be nice to him and he was just being such a smart alec."
"Don't worry about him. That's my cousin, Edward." Emmett said, following her as she started walking down the hall.
"You're related to him? That doesn't even seem possible. You're too nice to share blood with the likes of him." Bella scoffed as they walked into English Literature together.
"He's not that bad, really. Sometimes he just has his moments you know? Don't be offended, he had a few choice words for me today when I laughed at his hair on our way to the bus."
"Of course you would make a joke at him. You never know who when someone will take your jokes the wrong way. But I still put up with you, for some reason." She laughed, taking a seat next to him.
"You put up with me because you want people to know you're friends with the sexiest man in Forks."
"Now you don't want to go around telling lies, cousin, would you?" Edward said smoothly, sitting down in front of Emmett.
"My mother told me not to lie, so I don't. There's a reason why Rosie loves me. Its all in here." He said, motioning to his chest.
"She never did tell me her name. Rose, that's a pretty name." Edward said, looking towards Bella.
"My name is not Rosalie. Or any shortened verison of that." She replied, keeping her eyes in her now opened notebook.
"You never did tell me your name."
"If I wanted you to know my name, I'd tell you."
Emmett laughed, putting his hand up to high five Bella.
"You go!" He exclaimed.
Edward looked like he was going to say something, but the bell had rung, effectively ending conversation.
That had been the extent of interesting events that had happened to Bella, all of which she relayed to Alice during their manditory gym class.
"I'm proud that you're starting to stick up for yourself. You know, though, that a man loves a chase. He's probably pining over you as we speak." Alice said, passing her the soccer ball.
"I would love nothing more than to never see his face again." Bella said, but couldn't help but smile at how well she had handled herself.
"I still think you should get to know him though. I mean, maybe there's just something bothering him and you caught him at a bad time?"
Bella considered this for a moment, but shook her head.
"No, I don't think that's the case. He seems too condesending for my liking."
"So you're sworn off of him now just because he slipped up a little? I'm not saying you have to marry him and have many sexy babies with him." Bella rolled her eys at this statement and blushed. "I'm just saying you should give him another chance if he approaches you this time."
"Alright. If he tries to make nice with me, I'll agree."
Unfortunately, that didn't happen.
forgetting that she had ever tried to talk to him. She wanted to laugh at how frustrating it was to be near him, and yet not able to get him to speak to her.
She noticed that they shared the same book choices, and was dying to get his opinions on them. Not a word would be uttered towards her, not from him. Some days she stared at him, unabashed, but he didn't so much as glance at her. She didn't want to cave, knowing that that was exactly what he wanted her to do.
At the end of the second week of school, another week endured in silent torture from Edward, Bella finally gave in.
She ran to his silver Volvo, stopping him before he got in the driver's seat.
"Bella. My name is Bella." She said, slightly out of breath.
His gorgeous face lit up in the most perfect, imperfect grin.
"Bella. Beautiful." He said, gettting into the car. She moved aside as he drove away, her heart racing.
He called me beautiful.
She never remembered having another man that was not related to her call her beautiful. The most she had ever heard was that she looked nice. But nice isn't even on the same scale as beautiful.
Her smile was constant the whole drive home.
She hummed as she stirred the pasta for dinner, her body radiant with joy.
Beautiful. Bella. Beautiful.
"You're in a cheerful mood today." Her father noticed as he sat down at the kitchen table.
She pulled a plate out of the pantry, poured pasta on it, and set it down in front of him.
"How was work?" She asked, ignoring his observation. She handed him a fork before getting her own plate ready.
"It was work." He replied.
She knew that for the rest of the meal it would be pointless to try to make conversation; she was still too wrapped up in today's event, and her father wasn't much of a talker.
She excused herself to go shower and do her homework.
The rest of her nightly routine was less boring than any other day.
The weekend brought a bonfire at Emmett's house, to kick off the start of their senior year. He invited around twenty kids from their school, making Bella a little at ease. She wasn't very good at socializing, and even twenty kids seemed like a lot to her.
The only reason she went was because it was Emmett, she couldn't say no to him. She also couldn't say no to Alice, who insisted that it was their senior year and they couldn't miss out on the little things like this.
"I'm going to pick you up in an hour, okay? Be ready!" Alice said when she had called Bella, knowing that an hour would be plenty of time for her.
After a quick shower, she put on a pair of capris, and a nice, plain yellow t-shirt. It clung nicely to her torso, without suffocating her. She decided to wear her hair down, since it had curled nicely without her having to curl it herself. She didn't make a big deal about getting dressed up, but today she felt the need to look good because she would be hanging around people that weren't just Emmett, Alice, and Alice's boyfriend Jasper.
True to her word, Alice was outside Bella's house an hour after she called, honking the horn loudly.
"Bye dad." She said to Charlie who was sitting in the living room.
"Have fun." He replied. He didn't warn her about staying away from drinking, or anything of that sort because he knew the McCarthy's, and trusted them.
"Shut up!" Bella said as she walked out of the door, because Alice had still not stopped honking her horn. "I thought you believed in being fashionably late!"
"I do, but not when it cuts into my Jasper time." She told her, starting the car the minute Bella shut the door.
They chatted during the ride, only pausing in their conversation to sing a song that was on the radio. They reached Emmett's house in record time, much to Alice's pleasure.
"Thanks for coming!" Emmett said, jogging out to them.
"Like we would miss this!" Alice said, hugging him before she went to his back yard in search of her boyfriend.
"I'm glad you're here, Edward wouldn't stop pestering me about you. 'When's Bella coming?'. He's like a broken record. Idiot." Emmett said, guiding her to the back yard.
She blushed, unable to comment.
"Don't tell him I said that. I don't want to have him try to beat me up; it's a pathetic try." He laughed, before going into host mode. "The drinks are on the deck, non-alcoholic of course, my mom wants to say hi to you upstairs, and pizza will be ready in a half hour."
"Thanks Emmett. When you see Rosalie, tell her I want to catch up with her, okay?"
Rosalie was a freshman in college, and could only make visits on the weekends. Bella missed talking to her, and was eager to find out how college was from her perspective.
"Will do." He said, patting her on the back before walking away.
She looked around the party, and saw people talking in little groups. She wasn't sure what to do with herself. She knew most of the people there, but it would be a lie to say that she was good friends with them all. She decided, as lame as it was, to go say hello to Emmett's mother as a way to get out of socializing with the others.
She entered the kitchen through the sliding door on the deck, to be greeted with the sight of Emmett's mom cutting up fruit.
"Mrs. McCarthy." Bella said, letting her know she was in the room.
"Oh Bella! It's so good to see you. You look lovely!" She said, wiping her hands on a towel before hugging Bella.
"Thank you. Is there anything I could help you with?"
"Don't worry about any of this." She waved her hand, rolling her eyes like it was no issue. "Go and enjoy the party! I just wanted to say hello."
"It's not problem to me, really, I'd love to help." She offered, trying again to get out of the awkward situation she was in.
"I insist. Go have a good time. If you really want an out, you can always go to our library upstairs." Mrs. McCarthy said, winking at Bella. After ten years, she knew her better than her own father did.
"Thank you." She breathed, running up the stairs to the library. It was larger than your average bedroom, with bookcases surrounding the walls.
She ran her fingers along the spines of the books, trying to find one that she could calm herself down with for now.
She didn't notice that one of the two leather chairs in the room was occupied until she turned around and caught a sight that made her head go fuzy.
Edward was sitting casually in the chair, a book held near his face as he drank in the words like they were the meaning of life.
She didn't know if she should exit the room quietly, or say hello to him. He decided for her after a few minutes when he set the book down.
"You should be out enjoying the party. What are you doing here, Bella?" He said, his voice curious.
"I like to read." She blurted out. She took a breath before trying again. "I read all the time."
He smiled at her, before patting the chair next to him.
"This is the perfect place to read. Join me, please." He said, smiling wider when she sat next to him.
"What are you reading?" She asked.
He looked at the cover of the book, before stating that it was a Nicholas Sparks book that was suggested to him by his aunt.
"I love him. He writes very touching novels." Bella said in response. "I didn't peg you for a Sparks kind of reader."
"Neither did I." He said. "But this book wasn't too bad. I don't think I'd want to read another one. I prefer the classics much more."
"What authors?" She couldn't stop herself from asking. She was amazed that they might just read the same books.
"I did like a few of Jane Austen's book. My favorite book though would be Wuthering Heights. Of course, you couldn't go wrong with opening a book of Shakespeare's sonnets."
Her heart raced when he made his last comment. It had been her dream to have Shakespeare recited to her.
"You're too perfect." She said, blushing when she realized this was said out loud.
"I'm glad you think so. Did I tell you how lovely your hair looks this way?" He asked her. His hand swept a lock back behind her ear, and he smiled at the way her breath caught in her throat.
"Thank you." She said, turning her head away from him.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" He asked her, setting his book down.
She knew that she couldn't say no to him. When she agreed, they walked together down to the kitchen to tell Emmett's mother they would be back in a few minutes.
"Take your time." She winked at them, making Bella giggle uncomfortably.
He led her down to the street, and they walked along the road together.
"I want to apologize for my behavior that first day of school. I was out of line Bella, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take my emotions out on you."
She accepted his apology, and couldn't help but inquire about what was wrong.
He ran his hand through his hair before trying to anwser her.
"I'm sorry I can't tell you. It's, complicated. I'm not sure I can be friends with you, and at the same time I'm not sure I can stay away."
The look he gave her was pleading, trying to get her to understand.
"We can be friends." She told him, but it sounded more a question to her.
"I'm not a good friend, Bella."
"Don't you think that's my decision to make? I want to be friends with you."
He stopped walking, and turned to look at her.
"You don't know what your saying."
She was furious, partially at him, and partially at herself. She was throwing herself at him, and she felt stupid for being this way.
"Fine then. Let's go back and forget you ever talked to me." She said, turning around and walking back towards the house.
"I'm sorry." He said, grabbing her arm. "I'm sorry."
"Please, just leave me alone." She was frustrated, which made her eyes start to water a bit.
His face twisted up in pain, and he put his hand on her cheek to try and console her.
"I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just trying not to hurt you."
"It's too late for that." She said, walking away.
That's when she knew that it would be stupid to spare another thought about Edward.
But Lord help her if she were going to try to stay away from him.
hey guys, I'm back.
I want to write an Indie fic, so here it is!
Review and tell me what you think :)
I'm trying to make these chapters longer than my other stories.
Hope you liked it!