TITLE: Break Me Down 100/ 100
AUTHOR: crazyevildru
LENGTH: 108,443 (318 pages!)
DISCLAIMER: I sadly do not own the characters, Shout and Winnie Holzman do!
SUMMARY: The mystery behind Jordan Catalano- answering the question of why he did what he did on the show and beyond. I tried to explore Jordan more and bring him some depth. This is told in his POV- italics are his voice overs.
Cross posted: mscl, msclfanfic,

-Break Me Down-
Ch. 100 of 100

Jordan Catalano knows it's late when he crawls up the tree to her window. Despite being mid-August, it's cool and the rain falling doesn't help him feel warm. The distant thunder and rain pelting his face makes him shiver and almost fall but he manages to keep his grip on the branches that have become quite familiar.

He's scaled the tree numerous times now in order to see her, in order to watch her fall asleep or tell her how their gigs went and tonight is no different. Well, tonight is a bit different he knows or he hopes.

He taps on the window gently as he peeks inside to see if she's still awake but her room is completely dark, except when a bolt of lightening flashes. The few glances he's able to catch of her reveal that she's already in bed and he wonders if she fell asleep waiting for him.

He raps on the window a bit louder but it doesn't seem to get her attention.

Maybe she didn't think I'd come tonight because of the rain? But she should know by now I'll always come for her, to her. She's my everything.

I know she's really worried about next year with me not being at school with her but I can't imagine my life without her. I can't imagine not seeing her red hair so if I have to wake up early to pick her up and take her to school, I will. If I have to sneak into her room every night to see her, I will. Whatever it takes for us to be together, as long as she'll have me.

He knocks on the window a bit louder and she still doesn't stir, the sound of the storm covering his meager attempts at her attention.

He decides to try and see if he can get the window open from the outside and when the next flash of lightening illuminates the night, he sees that there's a pencil sticking out from under the window. He smiles softly because he knows she left it to keep the window open for him.

He sneaks his fingers under it carefully and slides it up enough so he can climb inside. He no longer trips on her things because her entire room was rearranged so the window area would remain free of obstacles that would keep him from her.

He toes off his sneakers and pulls his flannel shirt off and leaves the soggy things on the floor before approaching the bed.

"Angela?" he asks softly and sits on the bed next to her sleeping form. The flashes of light make her almost glow for a few brief seconds.

She really does look angelic, doesn't she?

"Ang?" he whispers as he pushes a piece of her hair off her forehead and shivers as the cold continues to cover his skin.

"Mmm," she whimpers as she starts to stir.

"Angela," he repeats and kisses her forehead gently.

"Jordan?" she mumbles.

"Yeah," he nods. "It's pretty late. The rain slowed us down but I'm back."

He feels her hand reach out and touch his face, slide down his neck to his bare arm.

"You're wet," she whispers.

"Yeah, well it's been raining since we left Phili," he explains before shivering. He had been fine until he had to park a block away and then run to her house.

"You're shivering. Get under the covers with me."

"I'm soaked to the bone. I just wanted to tell you I'm home and-"

And SAY it you fucking coward. SAY it.

But the words fail him yet again.


"And I missed you and I'll call you tomorrow and-"

"Jordan, you've been gone four days, please. I missed you and you're freezing. Just for a little bit, until you warm up."

She gets up then and turns on the lamp next to her bed. It's not very bright but he can see her and he can watch her hand as she reaches up to run her fingers through his wet hair.

"Take off your jeans and tank top. I'll run them down and put them in the dryer."

"They're just going to get wet when I leave."

"So?" she says. "You can stay for an hour and tell me about your trip and then you'll be warm when you leave."

He can see he's not going to win so he follows her instructions and watches as she picks up his wet flannel shirt off the floor as well.

"Now get under the covers. I'll be right back."

She kisses his forehead and sneaks out and he sighs a little and inhales deeply the scent that invades his thoughts: warm vanilla.

He missed the scent since his trip but the band couldn't pass up the chance to play in Philadelphia. Since her birthday party nearly two months ago, they've all agreed to stick together and put the band first for at least two years.

He strips his boxers off as well because he doesn't want them making her sheets wet, even if his body does. Then he crawls underneath her blankets where he can feel her body heat still in the blankets and the scent of vanilla is so strong, it's intoxicating.

She opens the door and quietly shuts it behind her.

"Should be about an hour. Is that warmer? I brought you up some milk and a few cookies. Mom hasn't gone shopping really so it's all we had."

"I'm fine, really. C'mere," he says and takes her hand and pulls her onto the bed next to him. She shuts the light off and he feels her crawl under the covers with him.

Shit. I didn't think she'd do that. I mean I am naked under here, not that she hasn't seen me, but her under the covers with a naked me is not really the best way to keep me from assaulting her with her parents down the hall.

"So it was really-"

His statement is cut off by her desperate and hungry tongue in his mouth and her equally hungry hands sliding across his bare stomach.

"Ang," he whispers between her assaults on his mouth.

"I missed you, Jordan," she says and he feels her tongue moving along his jaw over his three day stubble and then over his Adam's apple to his collarbone.

Her hands are just as greedy, eagerly stroking him to hardness, not that it required that much effort on her part since just the mere thought of what could happen is enough to drive him wild.

"I missed you too," he replies. "So you can come over tomorrow and"

He can't speak again because she's sliding down under the covers and he feels her hair trailing behind her oh so wet mouth. She's leaving a trail of lollipop flavored saliva down his torso and then he feels her mouth ON him, licking along the veins of his hardness as if she's done this before. His brain shuts off. There's no more blood there to even get oxygen to it.

He just feels. He feels her mouth, her tongue exploring his warming flesh, kissing his inner thighs and lower abdomen, licking around the base of his erection as if it's the most natural of things for her when he knows it's not because she's never done it before.

God, I fucking love her. Why can't I say it to her? Why can't I just say I love you, Angela.

And why did she stop?

"What?" she asks, her entire body completely still. "What did you-"

"Huh?" he asks, hoping to get his brain to process her question.

"Did you just- you just-" He feels her crawl back up so she's draped over him and her eyes are so close to his now that he can see them. "You just said you love me."

Fuck! I DID?

I mean I DID! Yes. I shit. I did.

"Yes," he says cautiously, scared that she won't say it back. "I did. I- I do, Ang. Have for a while but yes."

He sees a warmth spread over her entire face and a light take over her eyes before she's kissing him, her body rocking against his and he can feel her wetness seeping onto him from where they're rubbing against each other, teasing each other.

"I love you too, Jordan," she whispers.

The words sound almost musical to him and then his mouth is on hers again and the fact that they're sliding against each other is secondary to the intimacy of their mouths. His manhood sliding between her legs, against her heat, is not nearly as intense as the love their mouths make.

They're pressed against each other as his tongue is sliding against her, licking her saliva off it, tasting her on the roof of her mouth and running along her teeth and lips. Her mouth does the same; sucks on his lips and tastes his tongue, seeks to touch every slimy part of his mouth and somewhere along the way, he's settled above her, in between her legs and he wants nothing more than to be inside her.

"Ang," he gasps, trying to stop from just pushing inside her, trying to regain any kind of function in his brain that would stop him from sinking home and feeling her insides around him. "Ang," he gasps again, begging her to stop him somehow.

"What?" she asks, her fingers lightly sliding down his back over his ass, driving him even more insane with need for her body, for her touch, for the feel of her encasing him completely.

"Ang" is the only thing he's able to say, to plead.

"Be in me," she whispers and he feels her fingers in his hair, urging his mouth to hers again. "Please, Jordan, I need you."

"Ang" is the only thing he can force out of his mouth. He doesn't have anything on him and he doesn't know where to get-

"It's okay," she replies quietly into his ear. "I've been on the pill for a couple months."

And that's all his brain processes as he pushes inside her and they both swallow each other's moans as they lock their mouths together. Their mouths fused is the only thing that has a chance of stopping them from waking the neighborhood.

He knows it's only been five days without her writhing beneath him, without her sweating beneath him, without her tongue sliding eagerly against his, without her body yielding to him, but it's been five days.

Too many days. Five too many days.

He wishes they were older and he could just take her now, away from her family, back to his apartment, to their apartment. But he knows that can't happen so he'll pretend. He opens his eyes as they kiss, which he's never done, so he can pretend this is their house and their future because he knows already that it's his Angela.

He's surprised when her eyes flutter open as well and he keeps moving his hips, pumping into her willing body, feeling her soft and velvet around him. He sees nothing but completely lust and love and joy in her eyes and hopes she sees it back in his.

When their bodies have found stillness again and their ragged breaths find peace, he can't help but laugh softly into her neck as her hands move gently over his back.

"What?" she whispers as she relaxes her legs from around his waist.

"Guess you weren't joking after all," he says quietly in her ear.

"Oh shut up," she laughs and hits him playfully as he moves off her to settle beside her in her bed, down the hall from where her parents are asleep.

He hopes she knows how much she has forever changed his life and even if their lives move on and part from this moment, from each other, she'll always be the best part of him.

She'll always be the one who broke him down and made him whole again.


I would like to thank all of you who sent me continuous feedback:
methosdeb, hot4J, mirror_kiss, Lady Jane's Muse, shaid, jnc420, luvjordan, Tereza8472, Red81, mariondavis, malyale, leobrat, betharina, thatsaid, naroo_13, sweetest_asylum, nola_nola, debbiejallen, Jessie, GoodniteGirl23, orchid1, StefForPresident, queencordy44

You all have no idea how much all your kind words encouraged me and made me happy! I'm so pleased there was an audience for this fic! I doubt I'll be doing anymore MSCL fic- but I will be doing some 30 Seconds to Mars fic if anyone reads that, let me know!