A/N: iAm absolutely dying :] because, well, Kesley has an ibuprofen addiction, children, and therefore, ibu doesn't work for me anymore. And that's the problem with getting pissed off and playing soccer for four hours straight and coming home to... you guess it, just ibuprofen. God, I need an iCarly, and I might as well work on my chappie, as opposed to one-shots.

She poured the beer down the sink, shaking the whole time. She threw away the emergency pack of cigarettes she'd stolen from Sam, back before she quit. She hid all the sharp things.

And she walked back to her bedroom, walked into his room, laid on his pillow, and fell asleep next to Sam. She was content, there was nothing left in the house for her or Sam to hurt herself on and she was proud she'd resisted. Mostly.

The word music started meaning a lot more to her since Spencer's death. Yeah, you see how much she's changed in the last three months? She can think his name and the word death in the same sentence, because she's actually sort of accepted it. Well, she hasn't accepted it exactly, but she knows that Spencer hasn't come back, and that he probably won't, because science has taught her that 99.9% of the population doesn't escape from their box that gets put in the ground.

It does suck, most immensely, and she's very, very confused.

Sam and she have actually moved on a little bit, but they still sleep on his bed every night.

So maybe they haven't moved on that much at all. Who's asking?

She hates how she gets so defensive, and how... well, how much she misses him, and she hates that she didn't spend nearly enough time with him when he was here, but how the hell was she supposed to know he'd DIE? It wasn't in the plan for either of them, he didn't even have a will, although he should've, the amount of stuff he blew up. Or set on fire. Or smashed. You get the picture.

She really did not like God. She didn't like Him when he took away her mom and dad. She didn't like Him when he took away her grand-poppa. She didn't like Him when he took away her Spencer. Simple enough equation.

Except this time, she was starting to wonder if she believed in him. A merciful God... would he really do this? Take away the love of Sam's life, her last living relative, Freddie's confidant, just.. because? What was the damn reason in this???

Oh, but she'd started out talking about the music, hadn't she?

She alternated between music so loud and bass-filled she couldn't think, or the slow sad stuff she could cry to. Mostly the head-banging stuff though, it was easier to not think, to not cry, to not let herself act on any of the random crazy thoughts she had daily.

Because there were a lot of thoughts that she should never, never act on. Because Sam couldn't take it, right? She couldn't possibly take losing her fiancé and best friend in the same couple of months.

Freddie couldn't either. She'd started showering and putting on makeup and doing her hair again. Freddie was happy, she was dealing and everyone was getting to the point of kinda okay-ness.

She was pretending to watch a movie and laying on Freddie's shoulder, only... she wasn't sure what the movie was, and Freddie was whispering to her. And she needed a distraction, so she let him kiss her.

It was really, really nice feeling, it was sensual and then she was just.... getting lost in it, and his hands were kinda rubbing her back in the awesome-est way possible...

When she woke up the next morning, she was shocked and torn. She looked over at a sleeping Freddie, realized her first time having sex had been on Spencer's bed, of all places, and Sam hadn't come back that night.

Oh, shit.

God, the distraction had made her feel so good though. She'd missed Freddie so much and he'd been begging her for forever, and he'd played the song Heaven Sent by Hinder for her, and he KNEW she loved and couldn't resist that song... and why was she making excuses? Spencer wasn't here to lecture her on sex before marriage, Sam had already done it with Spencer when she's turned 18, and.... well, her own ideals had all kinda crashed and burned, so who gave a shit?

She felt so bad-ass. She almost laughed at herself, for the first time in three weeks. It was a great feeling.

"Hey, you're smiling." Freddie gave her one of his famous simple little smirks and sat up, pulling her closer to him and kissing her. She grinned against his mouth, put her arms around his neck and just enjoyed the moment.

"What the hell are you two doing making out on his bed???" Anddd, cue Samantha Puckett, back right on time as always.

Oh, they were so screwed.

"Seriously, if you two had sex on the same bed we did, I'm gonna be pissed."

"Wait, we were sleeping in your guys' sex bed? Gross, way not to tell me!" Carly made a face.

"Carly, point being?"

"Sorry, Sam." She looked glum.

The fight went out of Sam, which kinda depressed Carly, she'd looked like the old Sam for a couple of seconds and it was reassuring to know the old Sam was still in there. "Did you kids at least use a condom?"

They all laughed, happy to be alive and well and... happy.

"Yes," Freddie answered semi-reluctantly.

"Good. Because babies having babies is not right." Sam smiled.

"Yes, Puckett, we all heard your stupid rap. You put the stupid thing on the show." Freddie rolled his eyes.

"It was not stupid, it was fantastic, if I do say so myself."

"You would be."

"Doing what?" Sam tilted her head, egging him on.

"Saying so yourself."

"God, you two are weird." Carly pulled herself out of Freddie's arms and into the bathroom, letting the two continue their bickering, something they'd just never grown out of, no matter how much they'd grown up.

"Carly?" Sam called to her from the living room couch.

"Yes, Sam?" Carly stuck her head out from the bathroom door.

"Can we make ham?" Apparently, Sam's ham addiction was back, which immediately made everyone smile.

"Freddie, can you make us ham? I'm still getting ready and I don't know if I can be trusted in the kitchen anyways."

Freddie made a huge show of pretending to be put out, but he agreed sighingly, smiling to himself all the while. Things were finally getting back to normal, and no-one was more happy to see that than Freddie Benson. So he grinned while listening to the shower run and 'Girly Cow' blaring, then moved himself to the kitchen and started making the ham.

A/N: I feel the banter may have gotten a little OOC, and maybe the ending in general wasn't quite in charrie, but I tried real hard, and I LOVE the whole "OMG sex bed" part. That was definitely inspired by my brother, and I loved hanging out with him last weekend. (He lives in a different state, it takes like 8 hours to get there) and I enjoyed myself immensely over the last week. Enjoy yourselves, and dont' forget to use a condom, children! and don't get addicted to ibuprofen! this is the outcome!!