He always wanted more...
Summary: Shawn asks himself why it's so hard to act normal around Juliet now that he has a girlfriend. Very slight fourth season premiere spoilers.
A/N: I'm so happy that Psych is back. :D
Shawn asks himself why it's so damn hard to act normal around Juliet, now that he's in a committed relationship.
Shawn doesn't flirt with Jules anymore. He has to consciously hold himself back from it, and it's like his tongue ties up to keep all those old sentiments from rushing out. He used to be so good with words – he used to throw out invitations to dinner and movies and all sorts of random date ideas, and even though he never truly expected her to accept, he still had hope that one day, she would take him up on the offer. And there would be magic.
He misses hope.
He likes Abigail. Really likes her.
He can even see himself loving her.
She is beautiful.
She is smart.
She is strong, funny, caring, down to earth, totally and completely sane, a very good kisser...
They have fun together, he can talk to her, he can just sit in comfortable silence with her – she's everything he could want.
And yet nothing feels right.
Shawn is trying to make everything seem normal again, but it isn't working so far. He can still remember her, the other her, struggling with words and feelings and kissing his cheek. And God, he keeps going back to that moment, and every time, he remembers the tears in her eyes, and the feel of her lips on his skin, and the sincerity and...
It's not right to remember these things now, so he pushes them away and remembers Abigail instead. Abigail's kiss and smile and beautiful eyes. He really does like her a lot (she does funny things to his stomach and heart), and she likes him back, and this would be so perfect if...
He wonders if it would be different if Juliet hadn't told him how she felt. If he was still blissfully ignorant about just how close he came to having her...
Shawn doesn't want to think about it. He's devoted to his relationship with Abigail, because he likes her so much, and he's not willing to give her up for such uncertainty. He just wants things to go back to how they used to be.
He doesn't get why everything feels so different.
They had never been anything more than friends, and they're still friends now. In theory, it's exactly the same.
So why isn't it the same in reality?
He knows why, even if he won't admit it to himself. Even if he can't let himself think about it.
Shawn and Juliet had only ever been friends, sure, but there was always the possibility of more.
He had always wanted more.
He had always wanted more smiles and laughter and alone time with her. He had always wanted to date and kiss and be with her. He wanted to meet her family and see where she got her smile and sense of humor from. He wanted more everything.
And now, he's in this place where he isn't allowed to want more, because he has more with someone else, and it's the same but so, so different. And secretly he thinks that maybe a little part of him has died, or at least gone missing, because he doesn't feel like himself anymore.
But Shawn pushes the thought away, because he has to, and he focuses on giving Abigail his everything, his heart.
(If only the other girl would give it back.)
A/N: Reviews are awesome.