Total Drama Chris

Chapter 1: Day 1: Part 1: Like Kicking a Dog

Disclaimer: Total Drama Island is not mine. The characters are not mine.

Inspiration: Heck, even idea for such a story is largely inspired by The Kobold Necromancer. Seriously… I'd recommend reading his stories Total Drama Comeback and Total Drama Battlegrounds. The first of those is even complete, so you don't have to wait for updates and such!

Warning: The winner from the first season, or at least the winner from the Canadian and US versions, is mentioned, so if you have not seen the end of the first season, and don't want to be spoiled… well, just read at your own risk.

Pairings: The standard lot of Duncan and Courtney, Gwen and Trent, Geoff and Bridgette, Owen and Izzy, and Lindsay and Tyler. There may also be other pairings, but I wouldn't want to ruin any surprises, so those will be kept under wraps for now. Also no promises that the five canon pairings above will necessarily be in tact by the end of the story either, so a fair heads-up on that front.

Note: This takes place about a year after the original Total Drama Island. Total Drama Drama Drama Drama Island and Total Drama Action never occurred.


Chris was standing on the Dock of Shame, making loud gestures as he started speaking. "Last season, on Total Drama Island, we had chills. We had spills. A lot of spills. In fact, the spills were my favorite part! We had eleven boys and eleven girls, competing for a chance to win $100,000! Some fell in love. Some grew to hate one another."

Chris pulled out a headshot of Bridgette. "Some were loved by all." Chris, looking dejected, threw the picture into the lake, as he whipped one out of Heather. "Some were despised by everyone. Personally, those contestants made for better TV. But in the end, Owen won the $100,000, and as promised, he threw a big yacht party and invited everyone."

Chris scowled. "Except for yours truly." Chris threw his hands up in the air and started pacing on the dock. "Sore winner. But this time, the twenty-two contestants are back. Sure, we had some people sign up for the show, but test audiences seemed to want more of the same twenty-two who were here last season, so, thanks to some fine print in the contracts they signed last year, they're coming back again for another season, for a chance to win $1 million, on Total! Drama! Chris!"


Chris was still standing on the Dock of Shame, looking toward the camera. "Welcome back to Total Drama Chris, the sequel that's so awesome, I named it after, well, me!" Chris laughed to himself. "And here comes the first boat with our first camper, Lindsay!"

Lindsay stepped off the boat onto the dock, and looked around. "Did everyone get voted off already? Does this mean I win?"

Chris looked annoyed. "No, you didn't win, at least not yet. You're the first one to arrive."

"Bummer." Lindsay looked confused and irritated. "Kyle, you didn't invite Heather back this season, did you?"

"It's Chris. And I'm sorry to say, but we did," Chris said with a mean smirk on his face.

"Well, I'm going to show her that she can't boss me around this time! Right after I find someone who can tell her off."

"Well, Lindsay, maybe this person can. Here's boat number two, with our second camper to arrive, Gwen!"

Gwen got off her boat and onto the dock, looking pissed. "I hate the fine print," she grumbled.

Lindsay looked a bit confused. "I don't think Gail likes me, Kyle."

Chris was looking more annoyed. "It's Chris."

Gwen looked confused an annoyed. "I probably don't want to know."

Chris pointed out to the lake. "But you probably do want to know who's on boat number three, and if Internet polls are worth anything, our fan favorite from last season, everyone's favorite bad boy, Duncan!"

Duncan arrived on the dock, and he and Gwen high-fived, greeting each other. "Gwen, nice to see ya'!"

"Back at you," Gwen said, giving Duncan a small punch in the arm.

Chris was watching and loving it. "I'm sure Courtney would have loved to have seen that, but for now, we'll have to settle for that girl who is clumsy as Lindsay is stupid, Bridgette!"

"Hey!" Lindsay shouted. Neither Gwen nor Duncan looked too excited over Bridgette's arrival, though.

"Hey guys," Bridgette greeted as she stepped onto the dock, though being mostly ignored.

"Hey Brooke!" Lindsay shouted, waving at Bridgette. Bridgette just smiled, seeming not to worry about Lindsay getting her name wrong.

Chris pointed back out to the lake. "Next to arrive looks like Courtney. Yeah, we tried to avoid having her return for… "personal" reasons, but apparently her lawyer out-fine printed us, and she's back." Chris shuddered.

"Duncan!" Courtney shouted, running over to give Duncan a tight hug.

"Princess!" Duncan shouted back, hugging Courtney back, with the other contestants watching happily… at least until Courtney realized she was being watched, then backed down from Duncan.

"Don't touch me," Courtney whined, pushing herself away from Duncan.

Bridgette giggled. "It's OK, Courtney. Everyone already knows that you like Duncan." Courtney turned really red.

Chris pointed back out to the lake. "Don't look back now, 'cause here's Tyler!"

Lindsay waved, and Tyler waved back, except he wasn't paying close enough attention to where he stepped, and he tripped as he stepped onto the dock, falling into Duncan.

"Watch it, bud." Duncan glared at Tyler, who was looking worried.

Lindsay watched, and was confused. "Can you guys remind me which of you is Tyler? I lost track when you two crashed." Tyler looked saddened as Duncan rolled his eyes.

"This one's mine!" Courtney yanked Duncan from under Tyler, comforting him. "You can have that… leftover," she said with a disgusted look on her face.

"Aww, thank you, Candace. You're so smart."

Courtney slapped her face. "It's Courtney."

Lindsay looked confused. "What did I call you?"

"Candace. My name is Courtney."

After a few seconds, Lindsay looked like she finally understood. "Oh… sorry, Courtney."

Duncan sneered. "It's not really worth trying, Princess. She's too stupid to possibly remember five minutes from now."

"I wish you would learn my name," Courtney said, but then noticed that Lindsay started crying, and walked over to Lindsay. "Are you OK? Did you hurt yourself?"

"David called me stupid!"

Courtney rolled her eyes, then started patting her on the back. "Don't worry about that ogre. He can be a jerk sometimes."

"Thanks Kacie," Lindsay said, smiling at Courtney. "But who's Ogre?"

"I'm sorry, that's Duncan." Lindsay was looking more confused than ever.

"So wait… is his name Duncan or Ogre? I'd like to get it right."

"It's Duncan, but… you know, you shouldn't worry too much about it." Courtney walked back over to Duncan, not looking very happy. "Duncan, we really don't need to be making enemies here. That's not the way to win this game!"

"Chill, Princess," Duncan smirked. Courtney just rolled her eyes.

Chris was looking annoyed. "You know, we have a show to do here? May we continue, please?"

"Why does it matter," Gwen started. "Don't you edit the shows before going to air, anyway?"

"Yes we do," Chris said. "But the less we have to edit, the less money it costs us, so I would rather make this scene as seamless as we can. So now, here comes our next boat, carrying Harold!"

Courtney started snarling at the mere mention of his name. Duncan looked pissed as well. When Harold stepped onto the dock, walking toward Chris, Duncan tripped him.

"Idiot!"

"Serves you right," Courtney said, smiling. "You don't really deserve to be here."

Gwen and Bridgette looked nervous about the confrontation. Bridgette backed closer to Gwen, but Gwen looked annoyed by this, and walked away from Bridgette.

"Christy, I thought you didn't want to make enemies here," Lindsay innocently asked.

"Oh, shut up!" Courtney shouted to Lindsay. Lindsay started sobbing again. "Crap." Courtney left Harold for a moment to go over to Lindsay. "I'm sorry about that, Lindsay. I was just… urgh! That guy has made my life so miserable, I couldn't even tell you."

Heather, Lindsay thought to herself, though not mentioning it out loud. "I hate those people."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "I hope you're not turning Lindsay against Harold too, now."

Chris was looking more annoyed. "Can we please put a hold on this happy reunion? Our ninth contestant is arriving, Trent!"

"Eighth!" Courtney spat out.

Trent stepped onto the dock, looking worried, but when he saw Gwen, who looked elated, he cheered up and went over to see her.

"I've missed you so much!" Trent said as he started holding Gwen in his arms.

"I've missed you too!" Gwen had a big smile across her face.

"And don't blink or you'll miss them, but here come our next two contestants, Katie and Sadie!"

Katie and Sadie were squeeing the whole boat ride, and the boat captain, looking very stressed out, threw them onto the dock, where the duo continued squeeing.

Lindsay looked at them, then sat down, looking down at her knees. Courtney and Gwen were holding their ears, hoping Katie and Sadie would soon get this out of their systems.

"So, oh my God, this place looks just like it did last year, Sadie," Katie hyperactively told Sadie.

"Oh, I know, it's so cute," Sadie started. "Except Chris. Chris is back again this year."

"Oh, I know! I really wish we had a new host this year." Chris was clearly getting more agitated.

"And Courtney's back. She was mean to me last year."

"I know! I used to think Courtney was nice, but just bossy, but then you told me how she kicked you off the island for no reason, and then, ooh, I was even angrier at her than you were, and she so doesn't deserve to be here, and she-"

"She threw apples at my head!" Courtney shouted in Katie's face.

Katie rolled her eyes. "She apologized."

"Yeah, I apologized," Sadie added in.

"And do you need to be so loud, Courtney? Hello, volume control!"

"Yeah, volume control."

"Yeah, volume control," Gwen said sarcastically to the duo.

"See Sadie? Gwen gets us." Gwen just rolled her eyes.

"Can we move on?" Chris asked, still frustrated. "Next to arrive is Geoff!"

"Geoff!" Bridgette shouted. As Geoff made his way onto the dock, Bridgette glomped him.

"Nice to see ya', babe!" Geoff said, as he and Bridgette started sucking face. And everyone except for Katie, Sadie, and Duncan looked disgusted.

Duncan looked to Courtney, shifting his eyebrow. "Giving you any ideas?"

Courtney responded with a kick. "Pig."

"Aww, they're so sweet," Katie started. "I wish I had a boy I could make out with. Then my life would be even more perfect!"

"Yeah, and then I could have a boy to make out with, and we can make out with our boys together!" The two girls squeed some more.

Gwen raised an eyebrow toward Katie and Sadie. "That is disturbing."

"Yes it is," Chris started, "but enough complaining, because here comes our big winner from last year, Owen!"

Owen stepped onto the dock, then ran over to Chris. "I'm so excited to be back again! So excited that I can win again! This is gonna' be awesome!"

Chris was finally smiling. "Owen, my man! Good to have you back!"

"Orson!" Lindsay ran up to Owen, hugging him. All of the other contestants were welcoming him back as well.

Chris pointed back to the lake. "Moving right along, it's everyone's favorite wild and crazy guy, Noah!"

"I am not!" Noah shouted back. As he stepped onto the dock, most of the contestants ignored him. Except…

"Eeeiii! Noah! You're back!" Katie was jumping up and down, using Noah's shoulders as a springboard for her hands, startling him.

"Yeah," Sadie started. "I remember how much fun we had last year hanging out at the Playa' de Losers."

"I know! It's so exciting to see you again!" The two girls started squeeing some more, as Noah looked like he wanted to kill himself.

"Can we get back on task here, people," Chris said, feeling more frustrated again. "Our next contestant: DJ!"

DJ waved to everyone as he stepped onto the dock, getting lots of welcomes.

"Why are you doing this anyway," Noah asked Chris.

"Doing what?"

"Introducing us again. Everyone already knows who we are. They watched us last season. Same twenty-two contestants and all?"

Chris angrily shoved Noah off the dock, with Duncan cheering behind him. "Anyway, our next contestant, Eva!"

Eva was scowling as she arrived. She did not say anything, and no one dared say a word to her, particularly Bridgette, who Eva just so happened to plant herself beside.

"Thank you for shutting up," Chris said to the campers, though still annoyed. "Next up is Ezekiel!"

Right as Ezekiel nervously stepped foot onto the dock, Eva rushed up and punched him into the water.

"Still think girls are weak?" she asked, sneering.

"I think he's drowning," Bridgette said, walking over to the side of the dock, looking worried. "I'd better get him out."

But there was no need, for Ezekiel was already being rescued, as Izzy brought him onto the dock decked out in scuba attire.

"Hi guys! It's like sooo great to be back here again!"

"Um… Izzy," Chris said, scratching his head. "Where's the boat that was taking you here?"

"Oh, it sunk."

"What?"

"Yeah, it sunk. Oh, I should start from the beginning. I was on the boat, and it looked like the captain was having so much fun, so I went up to ask the captain if I could steer the boat for a while, but he said no, so I pretended I was hurt right outside the room so he would come and help me, then I threw him aside and locked the door so I could steer the boat for a while, but it turned out to be harder than it looked, uh-huh. So I accidentally crashed it, it started sinking, and took a scuba suit onboard to swim here. Oh, and don't worry, I left the captain on another boat, so he's safe."

"Wait," Courtney started. "If you were able to get the captain on another boat, why didn't you just take that boat here?"

Izzy had a thoughtful look on her face before answering. "There was an evil presence on the boat." Courtney shrugged.

"No one cares," Chris said. "People just want to see more of me, but let's continue anyway: up next is Beth!"

Beth stepped onto the dock, but something was different. Except no one really noticed except…

"Betty!" Lindsay shouted. "You got your braces off!"

"I know!" Beth exclaimed. "Isn't that great?"

Lindsay and Beth started squeeing, which led to Katie and Sadie squeeing again when they noticed.

"I don't want to be on their team," Noah stated, looking annoyed.

"No one else does, either," Chris stated. "Someone's gotta' be, though. But for now, let's have something more pleasant to enjoy: Justin."

Justin arrived with his shirt off. All of the girls, except for Bridgette, who was still busy making out with Geoff, were looking lovesick in his direction. Owen was too, for that matter. Duncan, Trent, Tyler, and Harold were looking quite annoyed with their girlfriends. Justin winked and pointed; most of the girls fainted, except for Courtney and Gwen.

"Guess we should be glad our girls have some bit of willpower?" Trent asked Duncan. Duncan just shrugged.

"Good news, Gwen," Chris stated. "Here comes Cody!"

"He's nice," Gwen stated. Trent looked worried by this.

"Hey, ladies," Cody said, stepping onto the dock. "The Codemeister's back, and if memory serves me, some of you are still single." Cody saw Trent looking nervous. "I'm not after Gwen anymore. You can relax." Trent tried, but was still nervously looking over at Cody.

Chris pointed back out to the lake. "Here comes everyone's favorite loudmouth, Leshawna!"

"What'd you say?" Leshawna angrily asked as she stepped onto the dock, headed for Chris.

"I said welcome back, please enjoy your stay, and such."

Leshawna was still looking angry with Chris, but she was more bothered by someone breathing down her neck: Harold.

"What're you doin', white boy?" Leshawna didn't seem too pleased, and even less so when Harold leapt into her arms.

"I'm back for your pleasure, Leshawna." Harold was quite happy, until Leshawna dropped him. "What was that for?"

"Look, Harold. I know what happened that night, but… well, I don't know what I was doing. I was just caught up in the moment."

"What are you saying?" Harold asked, worried about the answer.

"I'm just sayin' that we're not going out anymore. That's all. It's time to move on."

"Oh." Harold looked down, but then beamed right back. "Can we be friends, at least?"

"Sure thing," Leshawna said warmly. Harold seemed happy as ever.

"I'll win you back!"

Lindsay, meanwhile, had been desperately trying to keep track of how many contestants have arrived, and how many are left, though it hadn't hit her by the time the last contestant arrived.

"And I'm sorry, guys," Chris started, "but all of your fun and games are over, for our final contestant is now arriving: the horrible Heather. Feel free to boo and hiss. It makes for good TV!"

Most of the contestants were booing and hissing lightly. Gwen, Leshawna, and Beth were notably getting more into it than everyone else. Lindsay seemed oblivious to who was arriving, and was confused over what all the booing was about.

Heather, with a full head of beautiful long hair once more, stepped onto the dock, and just as with Ezekiel, Eva punched her right into the water. Gwen, Leshawna, and Beth were loudly cheering "Eva! Eva! Eva!" though once again, Heather was rescued by Izzy, who was already in the water.

"When did she sneak back in the water, anyway?" Chris asked, with his hand on his chin.

"Guys," Izzy started, "I know it's Heather, and she's all evil incarnate and stuff, but can't we settle for non-lethal forms of pranking her?"

"No," stated Gwen, surprisingly dark.

"Um… I think we can settle for that," Beth said, shrugging.

Heather had come to, and was about to say something, but with Eva staring her down, she backed down.

"Welcome back, everyone, to Total Drama Chris!"

"You're kidding, right?" Gwen asked. "Total Drama Chris?" Gwen started laughing.

"Total Drama Chris?" Lindsay asked, confused. "What does that mean? Who's Chris?" Lindsay looks at Cody. "Are you Chris? Does this mean you're the star this season? Why should the rest of us even bother playing if we know you're going to win?"

"I'm Chris!" Chris shouted, getting in Lindsay's face. "This season has been named after me! Chris Maclaine! Since, after all, I'm the star, and I'm the reason people tune in week after week. To watch me!"

"Actually," Duncan started, "I'm pretty sure I was the most popular contestant last season. We have Internet access and all. We can see what they're saying about the show."

"Shut up!" Chris whined. "It's photo time! I want a good shot of you all for promotional material. So I would like for all of you to stand at the edge of the dock-"

"Oh, no!" Courtney started. "We're not falling for that again. Not this year."

Lindsay cocked her head. "Fall for what?"

"We were too heavy, and the dock collapsed. Especially me." Owen giggled.

"OK, fine," Chris said, annoyed. "How about we take the picture at the old bonfire site?"

"Fine with me," Courtney said. Everyone else agreed, and walked over to the bonfire site, and gathered around, mostly standing with friends. Except for Lindsay, who was off to the side, rubbing her boot against the ground.

"Can you get in closer, Lindsay?" Chris said, annoyed. Lindsay moved closer to everyone else, but right as Chris was about to snap, she stepped aside when she saw a shiny penny on the ground… right as Chris opened a trap door sending everyone but Lindsay into a water pit below.

"Gotcha'!" Chris laughed at himself. "I knew I couldn't get you guys with the dock again, so I had that trap door installed. Worked like a charm." Chris was annoyed, however, when he noticed Lindsay, dry on land. "Lindsay, you moved!"

"Sorry, Chip." Chris wanted desperately for her to plunge down with the other contestants, and went to push her… except she saw another shiny penny and quickly moved out of the way just in time for Chris to fall into the pit himself. She looked down the pit when she heard the splash. "Are you OK down there?"


Confession Outhouse

Lindsay: I don't know why Chris was yelling at me. It was almost like he was upset that I didn't fall into the water.

Chris: My hair! Look what she did to my hair!


The twenty-one contestants were eventually pulled out of the water pit with Lindsay's help, though Lindsay pushed Heather back into the pit. And Gwen later pushed Chris back into the pit. Then Eva pushed him back into the pit. Then Duncan, Courtney, Trent… a lot of people had fun taking turns pushing Chris back into the pit. Eventually, even Chef Hatchet came down to see what was taking everyone so long for lunch, only to push Chris into the pit himself.


Confession Outhouse

Chef: I want my paycheck.

Heather: I really wanted to hurt Lindsay… but… (Heather starts crying)


Eventually, Chris was let back up for good. "How kind of you not to push me back in an eleventh time. Seriously, that was lame. Even if it was funny the first time-which it wasn't-when you keep repeating a joke, it gets lame."

Cody piped up. "Unless you keep repeating it until it becomes funny again."

"Shush," Chris snarled. "I suppose now I should divide you up into teams. If I call your name, please stand to my left."

"Eva."

"Noah."

"Justin."

"DJ."

"Beth."

"Duncan."

"Katie and Sadie."

"Geoff."

"Bridgette."

"And Gwen. Would you eleven please step over to my left. From hereon out, you will be known as the Killer Chrises!"

"Killer Chrises?" Gwen asked, raising an eyebrow? "And you forgot Trent."

"And me!" Courtney screamed! "You forgot me!"

"I did," Chris said, feigning surprise. "Whoops. Must've made a mistake."

"You're going to pay for this, Chris! I'm going to call my lawyer!"

"Can you call for me too, Courtney?" Gwen asked.

"Me too!" Lindsay said, bubbling. "I want to sue too!"

"Tyler's on our team, though," Courtney said. "You should be happy."

"Oh." Lindsay looked dejected. "I wanted to play the suing game with you and Gretchen, though."

"Urgh," Chris complained. "You guys aren't supposed to know who's on the other team until I announce it!"

"I didn't know who would be on our team!" Lindsay cheered.

"Anyone with half a brain could've figured it out," Courtney said. Then she felt a pang of guilt and looked to Lindsay. "Um, I'm sure you could have too if you had a little more time to figure it out." Heather and Duncan were both trying to figure out what Courtney was doing.

Chris, quite annoyed, continued. "And may I have the following eleven people to my right:"

"Ezekiel."

"Cody."

"Leshawna."

"Heather."

"Harold."

"Owen."

"Izzy."

"Trent."

Courtney interrupted, with her arms crossed. "Tyler, Lindsay, and me. You really don't have to drag this out, Chris. We know who's left"

"Actually," Chris said, sounding very annoyed, "it was Lindsay, Tyler, then you. Order matters! Anyway, you all are the Screaming Pansies."

"Wow," Lindsay said, looking amazed. "Tyler's on my team! Yeah!"

"I… already told you that," Courtney stated, trying not to get upset.

"You must be, like, psychotic, since you knew he would be on our team!"

Izzy bumped her way into the conversation, quite literally crashing into Lindsay. "Hey, I'm psychotic too!"

Lindsay was deep in thought for a moment, when she came to a conclusion. "You two must have known each other if you're both psychotic!"

"Yeah," Courtney said. "We met last year."

"See Heather? I am smart!"

"Yeah," Izzy said. "Tell Heather who's boss! Who's the boss? You the boss!"

Heather was listening, and looking angry. "Guys-"

"Go away, Heather," Lindsay proudly shouted. "We don't need you."

Courtney interrupted. "Actually, I don't personally have anything against-"

Lindsay was staring at Courtney as cute and innocent as she could.

"Well," Courtney started, "she's on our team, so we really should try to get along… we can wait, though."


Confession Outhouse

Courtney: What could I do? Picking on Lindsay is like kicking a dog: sure, it's easy, but you just feel awful seeing it happen. Besides, with my great leadership skills, I'm sure I can rally my entire team into working together.


Chris led the campers to the cabins. "You remember your sleeping quarters, right? They're pretty much the same. Chris girls there, Chris boys there, Pansy girls there, Pansy boys there. I don't really need to explain it further."

"I don't get it," Lindsay said, looking confused.

"I'll explain it," Courtney said.


Confession Outhouse

Courtney: I hope I'm not taking on more than I can handle here. (Courtney puts her palm into her face, shaking her head.)


In the cafeteria, Chef Hatchet was serving lunch. Or at least what he called lunch. It looked more like a grey Nerf ball, though probably less edible.

"Excuse me, but may I have some food, please?" Noah asked Chef.

"I already gave you some. Move it." Chef snarled.

"I mean food food. Like the kind you can actually eat."

Chef threw the food in his face. "Maybe you like wearing it more than eating it."

"Actually, yes. I do." Noah shot Chef a glare.

Which was a bad move. Chef jumped over the counter and force-fed Noah the alleged food, eventually leading to Noah vomiting on Chef. Noah eventually found the strength to slink off, while Harold, next in line, received a helping of Noah's vomit, strained from Chef's shirt.

"Vomit? You're giving me vomit?"

"Got a problem?" Chef had pulled Harold up to his face, breathing heavily.

Back at the Screaming Pansies' table, Courtney was paying attention to Harold's current predicament, and glowing about it at the table.

"That'll teach him a lesson," Courtney muttered to herself.

"What lesson?" Lindsay asked. "Is he in school?"

Heather tried to break into the conversation. "Actually, Courtney meant-"

"We weren't talking to you!" Lindsay yelled, startling the whole cafeteria. Heather backed away, letting Lindsay and Courtney be.

"Harold cheated to get me kicked off last season," Courtney said to Lindsay. "I can't believe he someone would stoop down to such a level. I deserve justice!"

"Oh, that," Lindsay said. "Well, you were kind of mean to him."

"Uh, Lindsay," Tyler started, "I think we'd better go now."

"But why?" Lindsay asked, completely oblivious to Courtney's twitching and seething rage, about to explode.

"Mean to him? Mean to him? Duncan, maybe, but me? I was nothing but as sweet as could possibly be! I never did anything to him! Never! But yet he, because of his stupid feud with Duncan, decided to get me involved, and punished me for no reason! I was an innocent bystander, merely guilty by association, and he decided to take out his anger on me, because he was too big a coward to stand up to Duncan directly!" Courtney was still fuming, and hadn't even noticed Lindsay had run off crying.


Confession Outhouse

Courtney: Yeah, I went a little far there. Lindsay really didn't deserve that.

Lindsay: And I thought Kacie was being so nice to me… I don't even know what I did wrong! I just said Harold had reason not to like her… it's almost like she was obli… obli… like she wasn't aware.

Duncan: (pauses) I love that woman.


At the Killer Chrises' table, Bridgette took a seat next to Gwen. "Say, Gwen, it's nice to…"

Gwen looked irritated and moved to another seat, leaving Bridgette confused and worried. And even more worried when Eva sat beside her.

"Bridgette," Eva said, in her usual scary tone.

"Please don't kill me," Bridgette pleaded, but that did not seem to be Eva's intent.

"I made a mistake." Eva looked down. "I accused you saying that I needed anger management classes. You didn't say it, though."

"Thank you, I think." Bridgette just stared and blinked.

"I saw the reruns on TV. It was Courtney. Courtney is the one who deserved my wrath!" Eva pounded her fist on the table, scaring Bridgette. "And frankly, after that outburst, I think I'd be doing everyone a favor."

"But Courtney's my friend," Bridgette said. Not that it mattered. Eva had her sights set on Courtney's downfall.

"No one messes with my girl." Duncan piped up, slamming his hands on the table.

"Oh, this is rich." Eva laughed. "You're tough, but you really think you can take me on?"

"No… maybe. I don't know. But Courtney ripped a freakin' lamp post out of the ground last year! You really think we couldn't take you on together?"

"Well," Eva said, starting to look a bit nervous.

"Come on, right here, right now," Duncan taunted.

"it's OK," Eva grumbled. "Courtney can live." I can't directly attack Courtney. I'll lose that fight. I need to be a bit sneakier. More like… Heather.

Chris entered the cafeteria. "Campers, it's time for your first challenge! Please meet up at the 1000-foot cliff in twenty minutes."

"You're kidding," Duncan said, smiling. "Wasn't this the first challenge last year? Have you run out of ideas already? Man, you suck!"

"Oh, do I?"


Confession Outhouse

Duncan: I really need to learn when to shut up.


Chris and the campers were at the top of the cliff. Chris held out a long bungee cord.

"Campers, I'm sure you all remember the first challenge from last season. You had to dive into that water below. One of you, of course, was saved because another one of you said the stupidest sexist comment I'd ever heard." Courtney had a disgusted look on her face, as did Ezekiel, who was hiding his face with his tuque. "I mean, the comments were spot on, I might add, but still, really bad timing since a lot of people believe in political correctness, and all." All of the girls were fuming. Courtney, Bridgette, Eva, and Leshawna all had to be restrained.

Izzy was nowhere to be found, though. At least, not until she came from the sky and kicked him in the gut, knocking the air out of him. "No thanks necessary," Izzy said, "unless you want to. Izzy doesn't mind being showered with praise."

"That! Was! Awesome!" Owen shouted! "Gotta' love her!" Owen went up to throw Izzy into the air, though he missed her on the way down. "Izzy! Are you OK?"

"Whoa, that was a good head rush! Hope I'm OK… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8... What comes after 8? I can't remember! Oh no, my poor brain… oh wait, it's 9. I'm OK."

Trent, smiling, elbowed Gwen. "You know, nine's my lucky number." Gwen smiled back.

Chris eventually got back up. "OK, as I was going to say, you guys are going to-"

"You guys?" Bridgette asked, looking angry.

"Fine. You guys and girls are going to strap yourself into the bungee harness, and collect the black balls below. The balls have numbers on them, face down. Those are worth points. The team that can bring the most points back up here wins."

"Pfft." Duncan sneered. "That all?"

"No. No it's not." Chris started to cackle, before regaining composure. "See those black balls down there? A few of them are not balls at all, but bombs."

"Black ball-shaped bombs?" Gwen asked. "What is this, a cartoon?"

"Oh, come on, where's your gaming spirit?" Chris asked. "What fun is a challenge if there's no risk of grave bodily harm?"

"I prefer those," Beth said.

"But I don't. And I'm the host, so what I say goes. Who will reign supreme? Me! Duh. But which team will score the most points? Which team will be up for elimination in the most dramatic campfire ceremony yet!"

"It's the first one," Noah said, rolling his eyes. "Of course it'll be the most dramatic, since it'll be the only one so far."

"Shut up," Chris whined. "Someone will be going home tonight on Total Drama Chris!"


Constructive criticism is very welcome. Or not, if you don't want to.