The Maslow Supplemental
Summary: What do you need? Different aspects of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs applied to Drakken and Shego's daily lives in no particular order. Add a spoonful of uncomfortable silences, and we're good to go.
"Stupid nano tick," Drakken grouched as they trudged up the hill to their new, hastily rented time share lair, both clad in wet and dirty orange prison suits.
"Tell me about it," Shego muttered, wringing the water out of her limp hair.
"Next time I'm going with a nano bee instead!" He declared. "They can fly, so it could just fly on back to me in case I lost it—"
Shego groaned loudly. "Oh no, do not tell me you're doing the exact same plan again!"
"Not the exact same, Shego— wings, remember?" Drakken protested, wagging his finger.
"Look, Doc, ya gotta go with something new next time," Shego sighed, her patience hanging on by a thin thread. "We need an element of surprise."
Drakken frowned, lost in thought as they paused by the front door. "All right, how about selling dog collars that'll make us able to control their minds?"
"And?" Shego asked half-heartedly as she punched in the access code on the secret control panel next to the door. Leave it to Dr. D to try to come up with another plan right after the first one failed.
"I dunno, we can have them do...you know…nefarious stuff," Drakken said, faltering a bit.
"Like what?" Shego asked as there was a beep and the door slid open.
"Uhm, well, we can have them attack people, sniff out spies—" Drakken continued, waving a hand vaguely as they walked into the lair and the door slammed shut behind them. "—and maybe leave a few little 'gifts' on Dementor's new fancy schmancy Persian rugs—" He added, a pleased, malicious grin starting to spread on his face when Shego interrupted him.
"And then roll over and beg? Maybe fetch your slippers?" She wondered sardonically. "Look, Dr. D, I don't wanna have a bunch of dogs running around the lair, okay? I don't work well with animals," she explained, shuddering a bit as she remembered the time when her older brother had tried to market a Team Go mascot, Arnold the Armadillo. Luckily, Mego whined that it was stealing all the attention away from him, and then it'd turned out not be housebroken, anyway, so she hadn't had to threaten to burn Hego's Superman comics again.
Drakken just gave her a haughty glare. "Well, then it'd be a good learning experience for you, wouldn't it?"
Shego scoffed. "Hah! I can already guess who's gonna have to feed them and clean up after them once you're sick of them!"
"But you were the one who said— the element of surprise! Who wouldn't be surprised if their dog turned out to be controlled by an evil mastermind?" Drakken exclaimed, trying to make her see reason.
"Trust me, Dr. D, it's way too much trouble," Shego held up a hand, shaking her head. "At least the henchmen feed themselves. Just drop it."
Drakken pursed his lips, scowling. "You know, Shego, I'm getting tired of listening to all your insults."
Shego blinked at him for a second before she frowned. "Insults? I'm just being honest."
"No, you're not!" Drakken replied immediately, his voice going up a pitch or two. "You're being snide and patronizing and smug and sarcastic and—well, it's— it's hurtful!"
"Words can hurt, too!" Drakken told her, crossing his arms over his chest.
"And here I thought you were a big bad villain," Shego said flatly. "Silly me."
Drakken's went to his chest, his glare reproachful as he pouted at her. "Anybody can get hurt!"
Was this guy for real? Shego could quite clearly picture herself slapping her forehead and screaming in frustration, but she didn't do it. It was better to just move forward, or she'd go nuts. "Actually, I wasn't being snide or patronizing or smug or sarcastic—" She clarified patiently. "See, if I'd being going for those, I'd have said something more along the lines of 'Sure, Dr. D, sure, that'll work, yeah! It's a really great idea— in Bizarroland!' or something."
"See? Hurtful!" He accused.
Again, Shego could see herself snapping, but didn't. Her impatience only showed in the small sigh she let loose. "Yeah," Shego explained slowly, deliberately, studying his face, "but that's not what I actually said— that was just an example. I was being serious."
Drakken crossed his hands over his chest defiantly. "Oh, and as if you never say things like that!"
She shrugged. "Then stop suggesting stupid stuff."
"Shego!" He chastised her, gasping with offence. "Didn't your parents ever teach you about not hurting with your words?"
She knew super villains were eccentric, but this was just too much. Oh, yeah— it was okay to rob, steal, flood entire cities, blow things up and attempt the homicide of two minors…as long as you didn't hurt with your words?
"If you're gonna be that sensitive, Dr. D, maybe you should ask yourself if you're in the right business," she remarked pointedly. "Villains aren't exactly known for making with the nice."
His eyes widened and he looked shocked for a minute, but then his expression hardened. "Well, you're the least making— uh, making-nicey-est of them all, Shego!"
"…right. I think I'll just go take a shower now," Shego mumbled, trying to filter out Drakken's vexed mutterings as she left the room. Why she'd even bothered having this whole silly discussion with him when she was wet, dirty and her back still ached from having had a four hundred pound high school student take a seat on it, was beyond her.
The next week, when he told her about his plan to steal the world's largest lazer drill in order to drown Milwaukee in magma, however, she started thinking that perhaps he was in the right business after all.
Or at least parts of him were.
He certainly had the evil laughing thing down pat, anyway.
Drakken studied Shego's profile as they sat in front of the fire in his study in the Caribbean lair. She'd pulled her damp hair back in a tight ponytail, and the sweats she was wearing were all black. He didn't often see her in all black.
Even after four showers and after burning the outfits they'd been wearing earlier that day, the faint aroma of cheese still lingered.
And so did Shego's anger, it seemed.
"Are you okay, Shego?" He asked, a bit more gingerly than he'd planned on. He couldn't help it, though. The last time they'd made a jailbreak, it'd been with a much slower and complicated affair, but this time, Shego had, with a snarl and a growl and an unstoppable determination bathed in a green, pulsing glow, busted them out when they were still in the armored car on their way to jail.
He was sure security would be much tighter the next time they were caught. Well, he'd just have to make sure there wasn't a next time, then, didn't he?
"Shego?" He prompted again, when there was no response.
The arms across her chest tightened, and she looked away. "Feh."
"Uhm…anything I can get you? Are you hungry?"
"How about Kim Possible's head on a platter?" She gritted out.
He made a horrified face. "Eww, why would you want— oh. Right," he interrupted himself; then he cleared his throat. "Well, anyway, I was thinking of getting some Chinese take-out—"
"I'm not hungry."
"Aww, it's not so bad, Shego," Drakken said, patting her arm. "We almost had her. You'll beat her next time, and then we could probably arrange some kind of— well, I don't really want to discuss beheadings this close to dinnertime, but—"
She shrugged his hand off of her arm, shooting him a dark look. "Give it a rest, Doc. Don't patronize me. She beat me. Again. This nothing little brat just came in and— she's just a kid, trying to act all cool, and— she ruined my new coat, dammit!"
The girl had already sent them to jail once, and it would've been the second time now if they hadn't escaped. Shego used to send people to jail, and she'd always figured she'd be able to avoid having the same thing happen to her since she knew the hero business— and this cheerleader didn't even have any super powers, for pity's sake! How could she possibly lose against somebody weaker and less experienced?
Gah— it just— it really stung her!
Drakken frowned, not quite getting what the big deal was. It was just a coat. "Well, um…I could…buy you a new coat?"
"It's not the same," Shego hissed. The point would be gone. She'd bought it not just because it had been a great coat, but because Possible had wanted it, and you took every advantage you could when you were a villain. If the brat would be distracted by Shego having something she wanted and couldn't afford, then that was a good thing— but now the coat wasn't a psychological weapon anymore, it was just a reminder of another battle lost. Besides, it was Club Banana— the coat would probably be out of style again next week, anyway, and Possible wouldn't care anymore.
"Hey!" Drakken objected huffily, frustrated that none of his attempts to get through to her were helping. "I don't know why you're so cranky! I was up to my waist in that cheese, too, you know!"
"Yeah, but you were up to your waist starting with your toes— not starting with your head!" Shego spat.
Drakken hesitated; suffocating to death in one hundred per cent Wisconsin Swiss didn't sound like a particularly pleasant fate, no. "Well…um, well, you're okay now, and I'm sure it could've been worse!"
"Uh… it could've been raining?"
Murder flashed in Shego's eyes. "Very funny!"
Drakken threw his hands up, sighing. "Look, I'm just trying to cheer you up!"
"I don't need cheering up," Shego said tightly, glowering at him. Didn't he get that for some people, a pep talk only made things worse?
"Are you sure?" Drakken asked, leaning closer. Why was she blocking? Maybe he needed to remind her of what had happened. "I mean, Kim Possible really humiliated you— after you'd had the upper hand with her the rest of the week, she really turned around and showed you what's what, huh?"
Shego fixated an incredulous stare on him. What did he think he was— did he even hear the devastating, thoughtless words coming out of his own mouth? Couldn't he sense himself digging his own grave deeper and deeper? In what bizarre alternative universe was that considered 'cheering up'?
Shego released a menacing growl. "Not helping, Dr. D,"
Oblivious to her increasing anger, Drakken flapped a dismissive hand. "Well, I can certainly understand that— your pride must really be kaput now, Shego!"
The chair scraped ominously against the floor as Shego stood up, her fists tightening and flaring up.
Apparently, Shego really didn't want any cheering up, and wasn't afraid to hammer the point home.
The next time she lost against Kim Possible, Drakken just left her alone.
Maybe what worked for him didn't work for everybody.
Drakken grumbled to himself as he started on his second root beer. His informant was late.
Wasn't that just like people involved in top secret projects? It was always the same excuses— 'I couldn't get away, I had to work', 'They took me in for questioning', 'My superiors are beginning to suspect something', and his personal favorite: 'I think somebody's following me!'. Bah, nobody had any guts anymore— bunch of paranoid pansies, the lot of them! Didn't they care about the thrills and the money?
Nobody had any respect anymore. It was just like those people at the Cerebellum Ultra Smart Super Genius Thinking Society! They didn't even know a real genius when they saw one! If they were in fact as smart as their brochures said they were, they'd be showing him some proper admiration and not keep rejecting his applications every year!
Despite being on the job, he was just about to grow annoyed enough to consider ordering something stronger than root beer, and possibly some snacks, too, when somebody spoke his name.
When he looked up, it wasn't his informant, though. It was Shego, of all people, and she wasn't alone.
And she was wearing some kind of dress. He'd never seen her in a dress before.
Tilting her head at him, she gave him a look that he thought was rather suspicious. "Dr. D? What are you doing here?"
The young man accompanying her only smiled politely at him. "Big date?"
Shego couldn't quite hide her snort, it seemed. Nnngghh, she thought she was so young and hip and that he was just— it wasn't as if he was a loser just because he didn't have any social plans on a Saturday night! Some people were just too busy for dilly dallying!
"I'm working, Shego!" Drakken scolded her, indignant. "I'm waiting for an informant! I found somebody who might be able to tell me the whereabouts of the you-know-what!"
"You mean the Centurion Project?" She asked in a manner too careless for his liking.
"Shego! Ixnay on the Enturion-cay Roject-pay!" Drakken gasped, scowling at her.
Shego raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, trust me…even if he knew what the heck we were talking about, he wouldn't care."
Drakken gave the man a distrustful look, who just shrugged and smiled, running a casual hand through his bleached hair. Surfer, Drakken thought, eyeing his bronzed tan disapprovingly.
"Who is that, anyway?" He demanded. "Your boyfriend?"
Shego's expression turned dubious. "My 'boyfriend'? What are we, twelve?"
"Well, what would you call him?" Drakken shot back.
"Robert," she said, shrugging.
"Pleased to meet you," Robert said, holding out his hand.
Drakken just glared at it until the man got uncomfortable and pulled it back.
Shego trained a contemplative frown on Drakken. "You know, Dr. D…'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy'."
"What? Who's Jack?" Drakken blinked. "Another one of your not-boyfriends?" He added snidely.
Shego rolled her eyes. "Forget I even said anything. See you Monday."
"Monday," Drakken grunted, giving her a curt nod.
"Did I say something wrong?" He heard Robert ask as they started walking away.
There was a disgusted sigh from Shego. "Don't worry about the Doc— he's always like that. A total grump."
Drakken glowered as he watched Shego saunter off to her date and saw them disappear behind a large potted plant as they sat down at a table at the far end of the restaurant, but he soon became bored with giving them the hairy eyeball since they couldn't even see it anymore.
As he sat and waited, he glanced idly around, stirring his root beer with his straw—
—and realized he was the only person there who was sitting all by himself.
Now he had yet another reason to apply for the Thinking Society, he thought as his informant finally walked up to his table and he got ready to work on a Saturday night.
The singles mixers.
Author's note: Yep, some additional Maslow stuff. It's just because I've felt for over a year that I'd written too little from seasons 1 through 3— which makes sense since it's a romance story and the main focus would then of course be on season 4, but still— so I'd planned to write another small thing.
I'm not gonna try crowbarring this into the main story. I'm just gonna put it as its own little thing on the side— a supplemental. So it's still part of the main story but will have its own place. It'd be too much work and maybe even impossible to squish the new parts in between the season 1 through 3 parts that Maslow already has.
I also won't be naming the Maslow titles 'Blah blah blah, part I' or Blah blah blah, part III' anymore. It's just too much work to figure out in which order they would go, especially considering the very, very vague sense of continuity KP has.
Why am I cranking out all this crap at once, you ask? Well, it's because I'm moving to another city to start my Master's Degree and have no idea when or if I'll have the time or opportunity to write much, so I just wanted to finish this now so I didn't have to worry about it later.
I didn't have a chance to send this to my beta this time. Tear it apart, peeps.
Thanks to CJS for the idea about mind control dog collars.
Drakken trying to cheer up Shego: Back when chapter 11: NINE was published, jla2snoopy left a review saying that they wanted to see Drakken cheering up Shego for once, and I finally got my rear in gear and wrote it. Bueno Nacho had Shego acting some of her cattiest towards Kim, almost Bonnie-esque, and I figured she must've been pretty bitter after going from having the upper hand to almost choking to death in cheese. Of course, she's a cartoon character in a Disney cartoon and was never gonna suffocate, but still, it must've left her in a pretty dark mood. And now we see why Drakken never tries to cheer up Shego anymore. XD
"Uh… it could've been raining?": Lame joke stolen from the film Young Frankenstein by Mel Brooks.
'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy': Stolen from the film The Shining by Stanley Kubrick.
Morality: Post-Tick, Tick, Tick.
Confidence: Post-Bueno Nacho.
Intimacy: Pre-October 31st.
Centurion Project: From October 31st.
Cerebellum Ultra Smart Super Genius Thinking Society and its singles mixers: Mentioned later in Showdown at The Crooked D. Drakken really wanted to join that society, and it was hinted that it was far from the first time he'd applied.