A/N: Edited March 3/2010
Again, to those readers who have already read C&P, the edits are not plot changing. They are just meant to fix up those beginners mistakes I made.
And to new readers who aren't sure what I'm talking about, C&P is a complete fic. However, I felt that my first fic had major flaws in grammar and what not, so with the help of Project Team Beta, the entire fic will be redone with them. Again, plot changes will NOT occur. Only minor problems. Keep in mind that chapters will be up with short gaps between them since I'm only waiting on them back from the beta's, and then will do the changes.
Lots of love to Project Team Beta!
I don't own Twilight, that's all Stephenie Meyer. What I do own though? Tickets to go see 30 Seconds to Mars in Toronto! Still wish I could've got those Muse tickets though... stupid midterms.
Eighteen years ago, Charlie and Renee Swan were holding their beautiful bundle of joy, as they had always called me, and were ecstatic to be experiencing very little thing I would throw at them.
Funny. If only they knew the messes I'd be throwing their way.
Personally, I couldn't have been happier to turn eighteen. Legality was so close I could taste it. With legality came the opportunity to do whatever the hell I wanted whenever I wanted. Not like I wasn't doing that now, but it sounded better this way. Ah, who was I kidding, I couldn't care less what people thought of me.
I had finally graduated a couple months back from good ol' Forks High and I couldn't have been happier to get it over with. I wondered how the parentals would take it when I would tell them that even though I had gotten straight A's in all of my classes with no effort whatsoever and was accepted into every university I'd applied to, I wasn't going to college. Instead, I was planning on moving in with Jake.
Jacob Black. Oh, how that boy was wrapped all around my little finger and it had only been less than a month since we were together. You'd think a 22 year old guy would know when a girl was playing him as hard as I was, but he had no idea at all. He made that perfectly clear the night before.
"Bella, you look so fucking hot tonight. You are smokin', baby."
Jake couldn't even look in my eyes as he praised me. He may have glanced glangl glddat my face once or twice, but as for the rest of the time, he was just leering at my body. Hell, I didn't blame him. My parents almost had their own bodily failure when they saw me walking out of the house and climb into his 1965 Ford Mustang which was basically his baby. Not to mention the fact that my denim jeans were so tight they looked painted on, and my blue halter top fit snugly against my chest and curves. Yeah, definitely looked good.
"I know, right? Fuck, why are we still sitting in my drive way? It's 8 o'clock and I'm still sober." I cocked my eyebrow at him and gave him my signature smile. If I wanted my way, I'd get it.
"Sorry, baby. Let's get you started then, shall we?" he asked as he pulled out a bottle of vodka from the back seat. I bit my lip to stifle my laughter at how perfect he was to be the poster boy for pussy whipped.
According to Jake, he had a surprise for me. When the moron tried to actually attempt to blindfold me, I gave him an "are-you-fucking-kidding-me?" look, throwing that ridiculous idea out of his head.
After about ten minutes of driving and constant drinking, he stopped the car. We both got out and I realized that we were on a cliff that kind of overlooked Forks. I mean, you could climb up a tree and overlook Forks, but you get the idea. This is so pointless, I thought.
"Jake, what are we even doing here? This is such a waste of time." I was seriously starting to get pissed off. The vodka in my system was no help either.
He didn't even give me an answer. As I was about to completely rip him a new one for being such an idiot, he cut me off with his mouth.
Sure, why not?
He kissed me roughly, grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me towards him. My hands went to his lower back, my fingernails digging into his skin. I heard him growl, so I guessed that sort of turned him on. I realized he wasn't going to bother going slowly as he tilted my head to the side and his warm tongue bombarded my mouth. We were so close together that another vital part of his body grabbed my attention. I stiffened a bit when I felt how hard he was, his dick pressing against my stomach. I wasn't as experienced as the other whores in Forks thought I was, and I didn't care for the rumours they spread about me, but I wasn't ready for sex just yet.
Sadly, he pulled away.
"Bella, you have no idea what you do to me." He said huskily, slowly running his large hands down my back and settling them on my ass. "I love you so much, baby. You're my everything."
No word of a lie, I was stunned. I knew people thought about saying 'I love you' to that one person in their life that they'd want to be with forever, or some sort of Hollywood crap along those lines. Here was the thing though: I didn't love Jacob Black – at all. I mean, he was delicious. The steroids helped him out in the physical area – his abs could make any girl melt. Hell, even a guy would melt. I wasn't necessarily attracted to anything other than his body and I definitely enjoyed the fact that he would do anything I'd ask him to. But that was about it. For me, anyways.
So, when I say I was stunned, I was fucking stunned. I wouldn't say I love you back to him if I didn't mean it. Yeah, I was a complete bitch, but no one deserved that. Not even 'roid boy Jacob Black.
I didn't know what to do, so I did what I knew would shut him up. I kissed him, and that was that. He didn't mention his stupid love shit again.
I literally shuddered when I thought about the previous night again.
"Mom! Dad! I'm heading out with Jake! Don't know when I'll be home, so don't wait up!" I yelled quickly as I walked out of our dull house. It was cozy, don't get me wrong, but I was so sick and tired of this place that I pretty much associated anything with Forks with negative adjectives.
"Bella! Where are you going?" My mom was trying to catch up with me before I got out of the house. Great. I had hoped to just holler and leave. Clearly, the start of my night wasn't turning out as well as I'd planned.
Funny how right I was.
"Mom, I already told you. What are you, deaf?" I sighed, annoyed already. "I'm going out with Jake, he's waiting for me outside. Do you want something?" Though I was smart enough not to say it out loud, the woman was seriously getting on my nerves.
"Isabella Swan, she is not deaf. Birthday or not, you do not talk to your mother like that." Uh-oh, I thought. The chief is not happy. Then again, I deserved it.
"Sorry, sorry. Definitely my bad. I'm just a little on edge, you know?" I rambled. You would be too, if you had a love sick boyfriend.
"That's okay, sweetheart." My mom said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "But listen, your father and I had cake and presents here for you. Are you sure you can't just stay for a bit and then leave after?"
The look in my mom's eyes was killing me. Yeah, I may have had nothing but disgust for this fucking place, but I loved my parents. They were the only people who believed in me no matter what I wanted to do. I guess it was one of those unconditional love things that you hear about. Lucky me, 'cause it didn't help with my guilt at that time.
"Mom, he's waiting for me though. Can't we just do this tomorrow?" I begged.
"But, tomorrow's not your birthday. It won't be the same." She said, her face falling slightly. "But I guess if you really have to go…" My mom trailed off but I knew what she was thinking. I was such a bad daughter. My parents may never say it out loud, but I knew they thought it.
Are you fucking stupid? Grow the fuck up. They would never.
There goes my conscience. Right, as always. Fuck, I hated it but I had to fix this.
"Okay, okay fine. How about this mom? Dad? We'll compromise?" I smiled as I waited on their answer.
My mom's face lit up. I knew she'd be up for it – my compromises always worked out. She looked up to my dad who didn't look that happy, but I did sense that a small bit of him was willing.
Come on Charlie, you know you want to. I was still grinning as I waited on him.
He sighed. "Okay, Bella. Let's hear it."
My smile widened and didn't loosen up as I explained my compromise to them. "Okay, so here it is. I go out with Jake now, but I will be back early for cake and presents. Say, 11? That way, we're still doing it on my birthday." Where do these amazing ideas come from? Bella, you are a fucking genius.
My parents thought it over. Okay, so more like Renee was down, but Charlie took a bit longer to make his decision.
After what seemed like an eternity, Dad finally spoke up. "Okay, Bella. But you have to be back by 11. You promised, and your mom and I would be very upset if you didn't keep your word. Do you promise?"
I groaned. Man, I loved my parents, but this guilt thing they put me through was killing me! "Yes, yes. Of course I promise. I always keep my word on the compromises, you guys both know that."
My mom smiled, and outstretched her arms. I walked into her hug, and wasn't surprised when Dad joined in too. What did surprise me though, was the sudden sense of wholeness I felt. I didn't even realize I was basically beaming. Weird. Must be some getting older kind of thing.
"Have fun tonight, baby. Go on, he's waiting for you. Oh and by the way, I know." I looked up at my mom before she winked at me and immediately knew what she was talking about. She knew what had happened with me and Jake the night before. Well, probably not all of what happened – the nitty, gritty details weren't necessary for her to know – but she definitely knew about the whole him loving me issue. Of course, knowing my mom, she also knew I didn't love him.
"What?" I asked, playing dumb.
"You know what, Isabella Swan. Motherly senses." She smiled and tapped her finger against her temple twice.
"Mom, I know you pass it off as motherly senses, but I'm really hoping it's not some sort of paranoid telepathy. This is a little unhealthy." I joked, the sound of her laughter filling my ears. I gave them both a quick hug as I walked, or actually ran, out the door. My parents both yelled out their 'I love you's as I made my way outside.
"Love you too! See you at 11!" I yelled back as I got into his ride. Jake looked impressed, yet again, leaning in for a kiss and I met him halfway. Yeah, I didn't love him, but I was a sucker for that mouth and tongue of his.
After a few minutes of a hot and heavy make out session, I pulled away and sat back in the chair.
"Happy birthday, baby. I got you something special, but we'll save that for later on tonight. As for now, let's get the party started, shall we?" He turned and grabbed a bottle of vodka from the backseat, handing it to me with some weird look in his eyes.
Huh, must be some love thing, I thought. Ugh.
"Perfect. Just get me home by 11 though, the parentals have some sort of b-day thing for me," I said, taking a large swig of vodka and wincing as it went down. I wasn't going to go into further detail for him – I never did anyways. He didn't need to know every fucking detail, and he understood that.
The house was already packed when we got there and kids were scattered across the lawn as well. I didn't even know whose party it was to be honest – some random broad from Forks High, apparently. Then again, I couldn't care less. It's not every day there's a house party in the lackluster town of Forks. Yet another reason why I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there.
The party was pretty decent, for a Forks party. Then again, I wouldn't have really known considering Jake kept plying me with more alcohol. I was completely fucked up and didn't even notice my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out and groaned at the sight on my screen.
Six missed calls from Home.
Fuck! What time is it?
I checked my phone again. 11:30 pm. Fuck.
I ran upstairs to find somewhere quiet to call my parents. Well, it was more stumbling up the stairs than running. After looking into about three rooms, and realizing they were all occupied with horny as fuck teenagers, I finally found an empty one and called my parents. Get ready for a guilt trip in 3… 2…
"Bella? Where are you?" My mom asked frantically. "Baby, it's 11:30, you should've been home already!" Great, my mom was upset. So much for my compromise.
"Sorry Mom," I apologized, trying my best not to sound like a slurring drunk. "I'm at a party and I didn't know what time it was or that you called. I'll go find Jake so he can drive me home."
I opened the window to see if I could find Jake and noticed him outside smoking with a bunch of other randoms.
"Jake!" I hollered, getting his attention. "What the fuck? It's 11:30 and I told you we had to leave by 11!" I completely forgot about the fact that I was still on the phone with my mom who wouldn't be all too pleased with my sailor of a mouth. Hell, I was drunk, I didn't even think about it.
"Well, Bella, tell mother dearest to fuck off. It's too late, I'm not driving you home." Well, clearly Jake had been drinking as much as I had been, since he wouldn't speak to me like that in his right mind. I was infuriated. Seriously, I felt like I was having roid rage. How fucking ironic.
"What the fuck did you just say?!" I screamed, now putting on a full out show for the random Forks kids out there. "Jacob Black, you fucking disgusting, worthless piece of shit, how dare you? Do you not know who the fuck you're talking to?!"
Yup, definitely roid rage.
"Whatever, baby. Once you get your surprise tonight, you won't be saying any of that. I mean, fuck, you'll be screaming, but you'll be screaming my name." He laughed, as the guys around him gave him props.
You have got to be joking.
I heard my mom yelling on the phone and I remembered that she was still on the line, so I decided to not yell back at him and pop a blood vessel. Or ten.
"Isabella Swan, are you listening to me?" She yelled angrily which caught me entirely off guard since it was a clear first. "Your father and I are coming to get you right now. He just got the call from the station and he knows you're at Lauren Mallory's house. Stay put baby girl, we're coming to get you."
My mom hung up before I could answer and I looked outside to find that stupid fucking prick, but he was already gone. I closed the window, and the next thing I knew, I was crying. What the fuck was wrong with me? I'd cried a lot, don't get me wrong, but I didn't know what I was crying about. I didn't know if I was crying about breaking my promise to my parents, or because Jake wouldn't drive me home, or because I was so fucking livid at what he had said to me. He thought I was going to have sex with him?
Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.
I went downstairs to try and find someone who could drive me home. I wasn't going to wait for my parents; I didn't want them to see me like this. I saw a girl leaning on one of the counters holding a bottle of clear liquid in her hand. I was sure it was filled with vodka or something, but I prayed that maybe God loved me even a little bit for it to just be water.
Please don't be drunk. Please don't be drunk.
"Hey! Are you drunk?" Way to be blunt, Bella.
"Uh, hey." She said nervously. "No, I don't drink and wouldn't start tonight anyways. I'm the designated driver, apparently." She was eying me curiously and I guessed she could tell I had been crying. God, I must look like such a prissy girl.
"Sweet, do you mind driving me home?"
Okay, so now the eying was getting worse. She was curious about the crying, and I guess maybe she was wondering if I was a little mentally fucked up. I didn't blame her, I would think the same.
After a bit of an awkward silence, I realized that maybe I came off a bit strong.
Uh, ya think?
Fuck you conscience.
"Sorry, let's do this again, shall we?" I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose and taking in a deep breath and explaining everything quickly. "I'm Bella, we went to school together or I think we did. I need to get home because my so called boyfriend is a fucking idiot, and my parents are coming to get me, and I don't want them to see me like this because I'm a fucking wreck right now so you'd be the most amazing fucking person in my life if you could drive me home like, now." A little less strong? I thought so.
She just stared at me in silence – I think her jaw even dropped a little. What the fuck was wrong with this girl?
"Uh, that's okay." She finally answered. "I'm Jessica. Yeah, let's go, I'll drive you home." Thank God she started talking before I went apeshit on her too.
We got into her car, and I silently thanked God that she wasn't a fucking slow driver. I needed to get home fast. I was trying to call both of my parents' cell phones as we were driving, but no answer.
They probably left them at home trying to get to me quickly. Fuck, guilt trip.
As we were just about to turn the corner to my house, the flashing lights of cop cars a few blocks ahead caught my attention. Normally, I wouldn't give a fuck about seeing the newest accident or crime in Forks – I could always read about it the next day in the paper. But this was different. For some reason, I felt pulled to it. I can't really explain why, I just was.
"Jessica, can we go see what happened up there?" I asked, not even looking at her. My eyes were fixed on the scene in the distance.
"I thought you had to get home? Your parents, or whatever?" I heard the annoyance in her voice, and ignored it.
"Yeah, I know. But I want to check this out."
I realized she had agreed when she slowly drove up the street. "Oh my God, what the hell happened? It looks like all the cops in Forks are here." She continued to ramble on and on, but I honestly couldn't even hear her. My heart was beating so hard and fast in my chest, it was the only thing that I could hear. She stopped a safe distance away, because the road had been blocked and the next thing I knew, I was out of the car and slowly walking towards the scene. I didn't know if it was the alcohol or not, but I needed to be there.
As I got closer, I noticed what had happened. There was a car accident. I saw both cars more clearly as I slowly decreased the distance between myself and the wreckage. My heart stopped as I recognized the first car.
His mustang was completely demolished. There were pieces of it scattered all over the road. All of his hard work on the car, completely worthless. I couldn't believe he actually got in and drove after having so much to drink. A part of me was hoping he was still alive so I could rip him apart for being such a fucking moron.
That part of me slowly faded as I saw the other car. Believe it or not, it was even worse off than Jake's car. But that wasn't the worst part. It was a police cruiser.
I started running, shoving away anyone that was in my way. The next thing I knew, I was being held back by an officer, but not before I took everything in.
Jake was sitting in the back of an ambulance, being treated for cuts. His eyes were locked on a point in front of him, and even from where I was it looked as if his eyes were dead. It took everything for me to let my eyes follow his gaze. I finally gave in, and it seemed as if my life was being slowed down in front of me.
My eyes settled on what Jake had been staring at.
Body bags. Two of them.
There were a few officers surrounding them, their faces grim. One bag had been zipped shut, and an officer was zipping another one. I watched as the zipper slowly closed, but not before I saw the single most terrifying and heartbreaking sight of my life.
My mother's face.